Who Else Has Over - generous Parents?

[amaysngrace]

Right, so u propose they they didn't help their mentally ill child at the time?

 

Have you ever tried to to work full time to support yourself while you were anorexic?

 

How, may I ask, am I doing anything other than what any hard working normal adult is doing?

 

Please explain how I am doing the wrong thing in your eyes?

 

I am betting myself. It's a little ridiculous that people expect me to better myself on my own dime, rejecting help from parents.

 

I said take their help because it's not going to matter at this point.

 

And to answer your question about working while having an eating disorder, I did. At one point I worked two part time jobs and went to school while raising a toddler.

 

But I got help for my eating disorder that was paid for with healthcare benefits that I worked to earn...for me and my child.

 

And I was a whole lot younger than you.

 

As far as what a normal person would do differently I would have to agree with Glinda that the best use of your parents' money would be to go get some proper psychiatric help for yourself.

 

IME eating disorders are not a cause to be cured, they are a symptom of a much bigger problem.

 

Also I don't think that it benefits you to use yours as an excuse the way that you so frequently do. Having anorexia isn't the end of the world unless you die and even then the world won't end.

[Leigh 87]

I said take their help because it's not going to matter at this point.

 

And to answer your question about working while having an eating disorder, I did. At one point I worked two part time jobs and went to school while raising a toddler.

 

But I got help for my eating disorder that was paid for with healthcare benefits that I worked to earn...for me and my child.

 

And I was a whole lot younger than you.

 

As far as what a normal person would do differently I would have to agree with Glinda that the best use of your parents' money would be to go get some proper psychiatric help for yourself.

 

IME eating disorders are not a cause to be cured, they are a symptom of a much bigger problem.

 

Also I don't think that it benefits you to use yours as an excuse the way that you so frequently do. Having anorexia isn't the end of the world unless you die and even then the world won't end.

 

 

 

Well you're an idiot if you think that I was wrong to accept help when I was anorexic.

 

Not everyone opts to go it alone if they have better ways to achieve things like tertiary education.

 

Anorexia is not seen as an excuse by most normal people for not working.

 

My lips turned blue and I was too sickly to work a lot of the time. You are the one who has mental problems if you think anorexia is some lazy persons excuse for not working.

 

Good riddens.

[amaysngrace]

Well you're an idiot if you think that I was wrong to accept help when I was anorexic.

 

Not everyone opts to go it alone if they have better ways to achieve things like tertiary education.

 

Anorexia is not seen as an excuse by most normal people for not working.

 

My lips turned blue and I was too sickly to work a lot of the time. You are the one who has mental problems if you think anorexia is some lazy persons excuse for not working.

 

Good riddens.

 

How on earth did you get all this from what I said?

 

My answer to you was thoughtful.

 

I'm sorry if you don't want to hear what I had to say but then why did you ask me questions in the first place?

[Leigh 87]

Would someone like to outline how an anorexic who is bed ridden is supposed to get out of bed? And then work two jobs and raise a child?

 

 

What part of " I wasn't able to work " do people not understand?

 

Now I am a healthy weight, I simply accept help for therapy and next year I am accepting help towards accommodation.

 

What is wrong with all that?

 

 

 

How on earth can anyone associate a college entrance score that worked out to be better than 92 % of all other aussie students, point to a lazy person? Of and I was in bed doing those exams. Anorexic. I couldn't get up or walk but I insisted I do years 11 and 12 via correspondence.

 

 

 

I think you guys are lunatics for having such a strong aversion to me living rent free. The is something wrong with people with have such an inherent issue with parents helping their kids out.

 

 

I am not sitting around scratching my bum all day..i either work look for work, or study online courses until I wait for semester one to start.

[MidwestUSA]

Studying full time in a very demanding degree (ask any podiatry students doing a condensed 3 year degree if they have a life) along with 30 Plus hours work needed to support oneself through uni, is not ideal for a formally mentally ill patient. If they relapse even just once, they cease to be able to work 30 hours and study full time.

 

 

And therefore, if you wanted to rethink this in the coming months, you should. You don't handle controversy or challenges well here. How that's going to work out for you in school? Or worse yet, with irritable patients and demanding employers? Not to mention state rules and regulatory proceedings?

 

Honestly Leigh, I'd like to see you get out and get some practical experience in the patient care field, even if it's volunteering, before committing to this. I'm coming from a place of dealing with it myself, day after day.

 

You won't be able to simply put your advisors and superiors on ignore. Now is a good time to practice patience and seeing the viewpoints of others, as well as conciseness. People may very well take your defensiveness as excuses, once they've heard it enough times.

[MuddyFootprints]

I splurge for Christmas and birthdays, too.

 

Leigh, it is perfectly ok to have the financial support of your parents to get through school. It doesn't sound as though it is creating a hardship for them.

 

I know you are struggling with some internal conflict about it, which is understandable. It is part of growing up.

[Leigh 87]

And therefore, if you wanted to rethink this in the coming months, you should. You don't handle controversy or challenges well here. How that's going to work out for you in school? Or worse yet, with irritable patients and demanding employers? Not to mention state rules and regulatory proceedings?

 

Honestly Leigh, I'd like to see you get out and get some practical experience in the patient care field, even if it's volunteering, before committing to this. I'm coming from a place of dealing with it myself, day after day.

 

You won't be able to simply put your advisors and superiors on ignore. Now is a good time to practice patience and seeing the viewpoints of others, as well as conciseness. People may very well take your defensiveness as excuses, once they've heard it enough times.

 

 

I am responding to unreasonable and disgusting accusations of me leaching and mooching when I was anorexic.

 

I have worked in retail. I have hear it all in terms of difficult costumers. I have only ever been this defensive when people are stupid enough to accuse me of mooching and taking the easy way out via accepting help from parents when I am actually bettering myself and simply trying to catch up for time I lost.

 

 

 

If people are this disgraceful, I have no problem telling poeple how stupid and misguided they are.

 

Only a heartless bastard would take any issue to parents helping put mature aged adults who genuinely need a leg up and are actively betting themselves in the process.

 

 

 

 

 

I will be fantastic in the medical field.thank for your concern but I am responding to extremely stupid and disgusting accusations here.

 

 

 

I couldn't care less about grumpy clients or crappy bosses. I only care when I am paid bellow minimum wage and also have a crappy boss.

 

 

As long as I am paid the 50k award national wage for podiatry then I couldn't care less how crappy the staff or patients are. I will be thrilled at simply having a job that took skill and intelligence to get.

 

 

 

 

Taking.more time.of is the last thing I need. I need a decent career asap.

[todreaminblue]

Speak for yourself philisoraptor. I can personally say that working full time would not be ideal for me during my imminent full time studies.

 

Can you please explain why part time work of 20 hours per week PLUS 40 hours worth of study, is LESS IDEAL than 40 plus hours work PLUS 40 hours of study?

 

Virtually no one thinks a 40 - 50 hour working week WITH additional 40 hours of study, is IDEAL. And I have met a diverse range of professionals from all walks of life.

 

You would be very hard pressed to find many employers that LOOK for students that worked full time; part time yes that is essential, but full time? Come on now. They likely wouldn't urge their OWN children to do "50 hours of work per week whilst they fit in a demanding engineering degree".

 

I believe volunteering and working minimally throughout your degree is enough to get good references and earn a few thousand in savings each year.

 

It is Ludacris to think that it is IDEAL for ALL students to have to work FULL TIME just to pay the bills, with no savings, whilst studying full time.

 

 

 

I would simply opt to study PART TIME if I was FORCED to work full time during my studies.

 

when i was in class i learned not a lot...because i wasnt ever really there ..i would study the two nights before the test with the notes i had and i would get a's i also volunteered with the local ses the local radio station i rowed every morning i played softball on the weekends and spent time with my family, i looked after my little sister after school helped her with homework,made her afternoon tea, did the chores i needed to do then cooked dinner for my family..i woudl do charity whenever they came around, i would march for nuclear disarmament , get signatures for wwaf, and help the less fortunate in the community, door knocking for donations or sought sponsors for bikeathons readathons whatever ......then i got a casual job at a supermarket that burnt me out...i was a kid....did it for years.when it was time for bed ...i was done, if i could....... keep my eyes open i read......you can do anything if you put your mind to it...what i didnt have was a social life other than when i was out in the community helping or part of a sports team.....but like philosoraptor said ...i had a time table......i prioritized......and it worked ....but i had to watch the fact i take on everything i never said no......

 

 

you coudl work part time and study and achieve good grades if your direction is set and managed with a firm schedule and time table....deb

Edited August 11, 2014 by todreaminblue

[ASG]

Would someone like to outline how an anorexic who is bed ridden is supposed to get out of bed? And then work two jobs and raise a child?

 

 

What part of " I wasn't able to work " do people not understand?

 

Now I am a healthy weight, I simply accept help for therapy and next year I am accepting help towards accommodation.

 

What is wrong with all that?

 

 

 

How on earth can anyone associate a college entrance score that worked out to be better than 92 % of all other aussie students, point to a lazy person? Of and I was in bed doing those exams. Anorexic. I couldn't get up or walk but I insisted I do years 11 and 12 via correspondence.

 

 

 

I think you guys are lunatics for having such a strong aversion to me living rent free. The is something wrong with people with have such an inherent issue with parents helping their kids out.

 

 

I am not sitting around scratching my bum all day..i either work look for work, or study online courses until I wait for semester one to start.

 

 

No one has an aversion to you living rent free!

 

Hell, my brother is gonna be 31 soon and he ONLY just moved out of my mom's house, where he lived, rent free, with a house keeper keeping coming every day to make his bed and do laundry and my mom cooking every day! He's been in full time employment for about 5 years!!

 

Even now, even though I have moved out of my mom's house almost 9 years ago, my mom has paid my rent, here in London, when I couldn't. In the 6 years I've lived here, she might have paid for about a year's worth of living expenses of mine, when I couldn't make ends meet.

 

I'm all for parents helping out, if they're able.

 

You keeping going on about your anorexia. And sure, it is a serious problem. But how long were you bedridden?

 

Both my step sisters suffer/have suffered from eating disorders. The oldest one is/was bulimic, along with severe depression and several attempts to kill herself. She worked throughout, got married and seems to have calmed down when she got pregnant with her first child (though she is still very mentally unstable, but refuses to admit to having a problem and won't get help)

 

The youngest one is anorexic. Has been for quite a few years. She doesn't work much, admittedly, but that's mostly because she is lazy and doesn't want to work... though I do doubt she would have the strenght to endure a full time job out of the house, since she seems to faint every time she walks 3 steps. Again, she won't admit to her problem and won't get help.

 

So yes, I do appreciate that you can be too weak to work. But you've been a healthy weight for a few years now, right? WHat was stopping you then? And if you studied while in hospital, why not do the same for a degree?

 

These are honest questions.

[MidwestUSA]

You sure read a lot into what other people post. It's time to take a good, hard look at yourself. I serious think you should take any one of your threads to your therapist, an unbiased party, and let her decide who is overreacting. You seem to enjoy playing the victim; it's time to move on, if indeed you are recovered, because you set yourself back every time you go on one of your rants.

 

As for my concern, you're welcome but I'm done. Good luck working with 'crappy' people and reporting to 'crappy' bosses every day. No sense in you taking advice from someone who's working and living it now, after all. Go and be fantastic.

[Leigh 87]

Oh and I volunteer in aged care and I see the crap that goes on..i enjoy it and see the bad bits as merely work and for the most part I enjoy most minute of the day.

 

I start getting paid for it soon upon finishing the course.

 

 

Yeah. Going into studying something worthwhile and accepting accommodation is what many hard working students of a mature age would do.. They would rather a partner help them out during full time study opposed to having got slog it out and work full time to.support full course loads......

Edited August 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Leigh 87]

No one has an aversion to you living rent free!

 

Hell, my brother is gonna be 31 soon and he ONLY just moved out of my mom's house, where he lived, rent free, with a house keeper keeping coming every day to make his bed and do laundry and my mom cooking every day! He's been in full time employment for about 5 years!!

 

Even now, even though I have moved out of my mom's house almost 9 years ago, my mom has paid my rent, here in London, when I couldn't. In the 6 years I've lived here, she might have paid for about a year's worth of living expenses of mine, when I couldn't make ends meet.

 

I'm all for parents helping out, if they're able.

 

You keeping going on about your anorexia. And sure, it is a serious problem. But how long were you bedridden?

 

Both my step sisters suffer/have suffered from eating disorders. The oldest one is/was bulimic, along with severe depression and several attempts to kill herself. She worked throughout, got married and seems to have calmed down when she got pregnant with her first child (though she is still very mentally unstable, but refuses to admit to having a problem and won't get help)

 

The youngest one is anorexic. Has been for quite a few years. She doesn't work much, admittedly, but that's mostly because she is lazy and doesn't want to work... though I do doubt she would have the strenght to endure a full time job out of the house, since she seems to faint every time she walks 3 steps. Again, she won't admit to her problem and won't get help.

 

So yes, I do appreciate that you can be too weak to work. But you've been a healthy weight for a few years now, right? WHat was stopping you then? And if you studied while in hospital, why not do the same for a degree?

 

These are honest questions.

 

 

 

 

I was pretty mentally unbalanced and not very confident after not working.

 

I.tried drugs for a year and was in a toxic relationship whilst I tried to figure out what u truly wanted to do with my life.

 

I've tried many things in the attempt to figure out what career u would be best suited to.

 

It is a resounding yes for a medical allied health degree.

 

It just took me a while to.figure out what I truly wanted to do post illness. I was adamant that I'd try everything until I was very sure.

[Leigh 87]

You sure read a lot into what other people post. It's time to take a good, hard look at yourself. I serious think you should take any one of your threads to your therapist, an unbiased party, and let her decide who is overreacting. You seem to enjoy playing the victim; it's time to move on, if indeed you are recovered, because you set yourself back every time you go on one of your rants.

 

As for my concern, you're welcome but I'm done. Good luck working with 'crappy' people and reporting to 'crappy' bosses every day. No sense in you taking advice from someone who's working and living it now, after all. Go and be fantastic.

 

 

 

 

Look I have tried everything in an attempt to figure out what I feel most strongly about in terms of work and study.

 

I know without ancient medical or allied health are the best options. Nothing else to discover. I started my self discovery in 2011 and I have reached a stage where I definately know what is best for me degree and career wise.

 

It's either podiatry or diagnostic radiography. I can also get into veterinary medicine but the campus is way too far away. But it's a prestigious degree that u would have enjoyed.

 

Studying a degree asap is what's best for me, not working dead end jobs which I hate.

[MuddyFootprints]

You are emotionally charged right now. I know you reflect on the advice and perspective offered, otherwise most of us wouldn't bother.

 

Take some time to breathe.

[Leigh 87]

You sure read a lot into what other people post. It's time to take a good, hard look at yourself. I serious think you should take any one of your threads to your therapist, an unbiased party, and let her decide who is overreacting. You seem to enjoy playing the victim; it's time to move on, if indeed you are recovered, because you set yourself back every time you go on one of your rants.

 

As for my concern, you're welcome but I'm done. Good luck working with 'crappy' people and reporting to 'crappy' bosses every day. No sense in you taking advice from someone who's working and living it now, after all. Go and be fantastic.

 

 

 

 

Look I have tried everything in an attempt to figure out what I feel most strongly about in terms of work and study.

 

I know without ancient medical or allied health are the best options. Nothing else to discover. I started my self discovery in 2011 and I have reached a stage where I definately know what is best for me degree and career wise.

 

It's either podiatry or diagnostic radiography. I can also get into veterinary medicine but the campus is way too far away. But it's a prestigious degree that I would have enjoyed.

 

Studying a degree asap is what's best for me, not working dead end jobs which I hate.

[todreaminblue]

Oh and I volunteer in aged care and I see the crap that goes on..i enjoy it and see the bad bits as merely work and for the most part I enjoy most minute of the day.

 

I start getting paid for it soon upon finishing the course.

 

 

Yeah. Going into studying something worthwhile and accepting accommodation is what many hard working students of a mature age would do.. They would rather a partner help them out during full time study opposed to having got slog it out and work full time to.support full course loads......

 

 

 

Leigh, you can do anything you set your mind too, anyone can if they are motivated, i dont feel people have been mean to you on here,mayeb a bit sarcastic and i hope you dotn take my posts the wrong way.... i am glad you have good friends, if your mum wants to pay your rent and you feel it makes it easier on you then live your life how you wish to live it and do your best at whatever you do....one thing i have always loved though is freedom and not being paid for or feeling that i am not contributing.....

 

the hard slog as you put is worth in my experience the end result.....the results of my hard slog make the hard slog so worthwhile, a real achievement at the end of the day when i have worked hard and been diligent in everything i do i get a real sense of achievement and purpose to my life.....

 

leigh arent you a bit young to use anti ageing eye cream......do you worry a lot.....deb.

Edited August 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Haydn]

Leigh,

 

Everyone has something dark in their past. Everyone has fallen down at some point. Sometimes more than once. Nobody is attacking you here. The feeling is more one of `Lets help Leigh` I am quite certain that an eating disorder is no picnic. (Sorry). But you should not let it define you now when you seem to be on the verge of throwing yourself into full time study. The world can still be your oyster and you have supportive parents which many of us did not have in terms of money. Take the support and study study study. You will come across people you don`t like in the workplace but you cannot quit just because they piss you off. That`s the reality. Dig in and work hard.

[ASG]

I was pretty mentally unbalanced and not very confident after not working.

 

I.tried drugs for a year and was in a toxic relationship whilst I tried to figure out what u truly wanted to do with my life.

 

I've tried many things in the attempt to figure out what career u would be best suited to.

 

It is a resounding yes for a medical allied health degree.

 

It just took me a while to.figure out what I truly wanted to do post illness. I was adamant that I'd try everything until I was very sure.

 

Right... But that "figuring it out" cannot be "blamed" on the anorexia.

 

Lots of people go through phases like that. And you yourself would call those people bums. Like you did, just in this thread, about your friend who lives with his parents in his late 20's, with no real aim in life.

 

Because you mention that you were hospitalised at age 19. That was 9 years ago. Even allowing for a few years of recovery, what prevented you from doing a degree, any degree, at age, say, 23?

 

That is how many your parents providing you with everything might not have been helpful. Maybe your parents should have pushed you a bit harder a few years ago. That is the only area where I think maybe they didn't act in your best interest (though I'm sure they had the best intentions).

 

When did you start volunteering in aged care facilities?

 

 

Also, you need to stop name calling when you don't agree with what people say.

[Leigh 87]

You are emotionally charged right now. I know you reflect on the advice and perspective offered, otherwise most of us wouldn't bother.

 

Take some time to breathe.

 

Well I don't appreciate people having a go at my mum and I. She buys me a few too many extra gifts that I figuring out how to politely turn down.

 

Living at home was never up for discusion. Then idiots started to claim that I should be studying full time whilst working full time and even alluded to me mooching and leaching. Extremely rude and uncalled for.

[MidwestUSA]

Well I don't appreciate people having a go at my mum and I. She buys me a few too many extra gifts that I figuring out how to politely turn down.

 

Living at home was never up for discusion. Then idiots started to claim that I should be studying full time whilst working full time and even alluded to me mooching and leaching. Extremely rude and uncalled for.

 

SOME people here stated that they worked and went to school. NO ONE said you should be doing it too. 'Idiots'?

[todreaminblue]

Well I don't appreciate people having a go at my mum and I. She buys me a few too many extra gifts that I figuring out how to politely turn down.

 

Living at home was never up for discusion. Then idiots started to claim that I should be studying full time whilst working full time and even alluded to me mooching and leaching. Extremely rude and uncalled for.

 

its rude to call people idiots leigh.....just because with what they write you dont agree.......

[Leigh 87]

Right... But that "figuring it out" cannot be "blamed" on the anorexia.

 

Lots of people go through phases like that. And you yourself would call those people bums. Like you did, just in this thread, about your friend who lives with his parents in his late 20's, with no real aim in life.

 

Because you mention that you were hospitalised at age 19. That was 9 years ago. Even allowing for a few years of recovery, what prevented you from doing a degree, any degree, at age, say, 23?

 

That is how many your parents providing you with everything might not have been helpful. Maybe your parents should have pushed you a bit harder a few years ago. That is the only area where I think maybe they didn't act in your best interest (though I'm sure they had the best intentions).

 

When did you start volunteering in aged care facilities?

 

 

Also, you need to stop name calling when you don't agree with what people say.

 

I am not a bum.

 

I was anorexic on and off. For a solid chunk until age 22 and then i was very mentally detached and delusional. I couldn't communicate with people or exist socially. I had to have lessons and be taught again by a professional.

 

 

 

I am far from a bum like wtf I am studying an easy course, volunteering every week, working one day a week.. While I am killing time between now and college.

 

 

How is that being a bum?

 

 

 

And I was pretty mentally unable after my eating disorder. I wasn't sitting around with no aspirations. I have never ceases to have direction. I have simply been too ill or messed up to figure out how to do what is needed at times.

 

 

 

 

I am far from a bum.

 

 

 

 

Last time I checked, bums did not get good academic results high distinctons in literally every high school subject and then eventually want to study podiatry or a similar degree.

 

I really isn't see the part where I was a bum doing anything wrong.

[Leigh 87]

its rude to call people idiots leigh.....just because with what they write you dont agree.......

 

Well only a terrible parent would kick their kids put when they had no hope.of getting any job.

 

Which is what people are suggestion my parents should of done so I could apparently learn the tough way.

 

 

Apparently people are not well versed on mental illness and the after care involved.. Not everyone is strong.enough to pay their own rent and all their own bills and also think to doing full time study.. It is too much for me to take on. I would rather graduate before being kicked out and forced to pay rent.

 

 

I don't see how providing me with accommodation has lead to any harm.

[ASG]

I am not a bum.

 

I was anorexic on and off. For a solid chunk until age 22 and then i was very mentally detached and delusional. I couldn't communicate with people or exist socially. I had to have lessons and be taught again by a professional.

 

 

 

I am far from a bum like wtf I am studying an easy course, volunteering every week, working one day a week.. While I am killing time between now and college.

 

 

How is that being a bum?

 

 

 

And I was pretty mentally unable after my eating disorder. I wasn't sitting around with no aspirations. I have never ceases to have direction. I have simply been too ill or messed up to figure out how to do what is needed at times.

 

 

 

 

I am far from a bum.

 

 

 

 

Last time I checked, bums did not get good academic results high distinctons in literally every high school subject and then eventually want to study podiatry or a similar degree.

I really isn't see the part where I was a bum doing anything wrong.

 

 

 

Re: the bolded? Yes they do. One of my best friends is a complete bum. He was top of the country when he graduated high school. Don't think he ever studied a day in his life for it.

Then he went to Uni, and some more work was required. He ended up stuck in the 1st year for... 3, maybe 4 years? Literally bumming! He wouldn't even go to class anymore or even pretend to try and do the degree he was enrolled in.

 

Then he changed degrees and succeeded in that particular field. He had a job even before he graduated. I think he worked full time for about 8 months, total. He then quit the job, because he felt working 9-5 in an office just wasn't for him.

 

He now works from home, doing translations, because it gives him the highest amount of free time possible, while paying well.

 

 

And I'm sorry if this offends you, but you HAVE been bumming for the past 3 years. You said it yourself that your self discovery journey started in 2011, but it's only recently that I see you talking about a degree. And even then, you talked about it extensively and then ended up deferring AND now cancelling said degree!

 

I think you have a poor ability to focus and to see things through. You should bring that up in therapy. One day you're passionate about X, the next day, it's Z, and I have serious doubts you'll see anything through at this point. I hope you prove me wrong.

 

And you didn't answer my question. When did you start volunteering in aged care???

[Els]

 

You should have a savings account of your own by now. She shouldn't have to push you to open one or open one for you. Why don't you go open one on your own?

 

 

Yes, this, I missed this part. Time to take a trip to the bank tomorrow, Leigh...