Who Else Has Over - generous Parents?

[ASG]

Well only a terrible parent would kick their kids put when they had no hope.of getting any job.

 

Which is what people are suggestion my parents should of done so I could apparently learn the tough way.

 

 

Apparently people are not well versed on mental illness and the after care involved.. Not everyone is strong.enough to pay their own rent and all their own bills and also think to doing full time study.. It is too much for me to take on. I would rather graduate before being kicked out and forced to pay rent.

 

 

I don't see how providing me with accommodation has lead to any harm.

 

 

It still doesn't make it right to call them names. And for someone who is always going on and on about how nice you are... you do seem to have a really nasty streak anytime someone says something you don't agree with...

Edited August 11, 2014 by ASG

[todreaminblue]

Well only a terrible parent would kick their kids put when they had no hope.of getting any job.

 

Which is what people are suggestion my parents should of done so I could apparently learn the tough way.

 

 

Apparently people are not well versed on mental illness and the after care involved.. Not everyone is strong.enough to pay their own rent and all their own bills and also think to doing full time study.. It is too much for me to take on. I would rather graduate before being kicked out and forced to pay rent.

 

 

I don't see how providing me with accommodation has lead to any harm.

 

leigh seriously .....why did you ask people on here then if you feel fine with it...something in you doesnt feel right about taking money...which is probably your conscience.....

 

 

a lot of people havent had it easy leigh, in fact most of the people who come here havent had it easy , we all have bad days we are human...idiots would not take the time to type out a response to you...if there was going to be an idiot on board it would be me having to use ellipses...if people actually read my heiroglyphics that my posts are before ellipses, i think people would finally understand me and my ellipses...i really cant tell sometimes what i have typed......sometimes i have to try and guess what the word was before or the sentence and its value in the post..... i typed it because i have no idea reading it.........complicated but anyway.. people dont see that or know that so they assume i am strange..just like people dont know your life really or have then the knowledge to understand who and how you are...dont be judgmental on others when you are asking others not to judge you..........mental illness is not easy to understand.......especially for people who live with it.....

but your anorexia is now behind you, you are better ......what you do now is on you for you and about you, you can listen to advice you dont have to take it...its your life..deb

Edited August 11, 2014 by todreaminblue

[ufo8mycat]

My parents were not overly generous but I don't ever recall wanting for anything,

 

My brother got a job at 15 and had his own car at 16 and I wanted that too. So I became a checkout chick at 15 working about 10 hours a week - thursday nights and saturdays. I remember my dad sitting down with me and we did the maths for how much I would have to save from my pay each week to be able to afford a car in 6, 9 and 12 months and what sort of car I could buy.

 

I am from Adelaide and went to University in Sydney and my parents helped out out where they could but I went back to working as a check out chick as soon as I could. I didn't ever think not to. I was important to them that I learn independence and that money was finite so you had to prioritise.

 

They were VERY generous with their time and advice though. Only ever a phone call a way when I didn't know how to cook chicken. Or that time I washed all my work shirts in the communal washing machine and turned them all grey. I had to post them home for mum to fix and she sent them back to me washed and ironed. I paid for my own undergrad degree and living out of home, working and getting my degree is something I am still very proud of so many years later.

 

My mum did help me out financially with my law masters as it was upfront fees and I didn't have the up front cash. I studied two subjects a semester (so part time) and worked full time. This was the best way to do it as I could apply so much of my work to my study. Time was short but I was also in my mid 20s and totally invincible!

 

In my experience, those that don't work regular weekly hours are at a disadvantage when it comes to employment. Grades are not everything and balancing part time work (and not a day a month or fortnight) and full time study shows that you can manage your time, meet deadline and balance conflicting priorities. My MIL didn't believe in working while studying an my husband found it a real disadvantage to only have an academic record when getting a job. He had no work history where I had years of part time work with one or two employers.

 

And GREAT references!

 

Leigh, I too had a major set back in 20's. I had a really bad accident that was not my fault and ended up with a closed brain injury, busted cervical spine and year later severe chronic pain. Even after the acute period I couldn't really work. I had a job - a good job at a senior level and I didn't find out until years later that I was basically baby sat by my staff and directors for six months. I was very, very, VERY lucky to have not been sacked. But I had a good work history up until then.

 

TBH, giving up work and relying on my parents never really entered my mind. Well, stopping work obviously did as I was calling in sick two days a week. I think if I had left the workforce - the fact that I have had the same headache for the past five years means that I probably would have found getting back into work very, very difficult. So for me, sticking it out sort of worked but I had the support of my colleagues so didn't really think to ask ma and pa to move back home and support me. But that as just how it panned out for me.

 

My mum still sends me shampoo though. As a student she did used to send me the nice stuff I wouldn't buy myself. Care packages of moisturiser, hair products, cleaning products. Even when I was on a six figure salary she would send me nice shampoo wrapped in clippings from the local news paper she though I might find interesting.

[Leigh 87]

Re: the bolded? Yes they do. One of my best friends is a complete bum. He was top of the country when he graduated high school. Don't think he ever studied a day in his life for it.

Then he went to Uni, and some more work was required. He ended up stuck in the 1st year for... 3, maybe 4 years? Literally bumming! He wouldn't even go to class anymore or even pretend to try and do the degree he was enrolled in.

 

Then he changed degrees and succeeded in that particular field. He had a job even before he graduated. I think he worked full time for about 8 months, total. He then quit the job, because he felt working 9-5 in an office just wasn't for him.

 

He now works from home, doing translations, because it gives him the highest amount of free time possible, while paying well.

 

 

And I'm sorry if this offends you, but you HAVE been bumming for the past 3 years. You said it yourself that your self discovery journey started in 2011, but it's only recently that I see you talking about a degree. And even then, you talked about it extensively and then ended up deferring AND now cancelling said degree!

 

I think you have a poor ability to focus and to see things through. You should bring that up in therapy. One day you're passionate about X, the next day, it's Z, and I have serious doubts you'll see anything through at this point. I hope you prove me wrong.

 

And you didn't answer my question. When did you start volunteering in aged care???

 

Well that's because you have absolutely no idea how I feel. You have absolutely no idea how I felt about the things I've tried out.

 

I tried a few things and I've come to a conclusion. That simple.

 

Your stupid predictions make no sense because you have absolutely no idea what's going on in my head.

 

I can't be bothered talking more.to.you and your crappy negative attitude.. Please leave me.alone. Cheers.

[Leigh 87]

My parents were not overly generous but I don't ever recall wanting for anything,

 

My brother got a job at 15 and had his own car at 16 and I wanted that too. So I became a checkout chick at 15 working about 10 hours a week - thursday nights and saturdays. I remember my dad sitting down with me and we did the maths for how much I would have to save from my pay each week to be able to afford a car in 6, 9 and 12 months and what sort of car I could buy.

 

I am from Adelaide and went to University in Sydney and my parents helped out out where they could but I went back to working as a check out chick as soon as I could. I didn't ever think not to. I was important to them that I learn independence and that money was finite so you had to prioritise.

 

They were VERY generous with their time and advice though. Only ever a phone call a way when I didn't know how to cook chicken. Or that time I washed all my work shirts in the communal washing machine and turned them all grey. I had to post them home for mum to fix and she sent them back to me washed and ironed. I paid for my own undergrad degree and living out of home, working and getting my degree is something I am still very proud of so many years later.

 

My mum did help me out financially with my law masters as it was upfront fees and I didn't have the up front cash. I studied two subjects a semester (so part time) and worked full time. This was the best way to do it as I could apply so much of my work to my study. Time was short but I was also in my mid 20s and totally invincible!

 

In my experience, those that don't work regular weekly hours are at a disadvantage when it comes to employment. Grades are not everything and balancing part time work (and not a day a month or fortnight) and full time study shows that you can manage your time, meet deadline and balance conflicting priorities. My MIL didn't believe in working while studying an my husband found it a real disadvantage to only have an academic record when getting a job. He had no work history where I had years of part time work with one or two employers.

 

And GREAT references!

 

Leigh, I too had a major set back in 20's. I had a really bad accident that was not my fault and ended up with a closed brain injury, busted cervical spine and year later severe chronic pain. Even after the acute period I couldn't really work. I had a job - a good job at a senior level and I didn't find out until years later that I was basically baby sat by my staff and directors for six months. I was very, very, VERY lucky to have not been sacked. But I had a good work history up until then.

 

TBH, giving up work and relying on my parents never really entered my mind. Well, stopping work obviously did as I was calling in sick two days a week. I think if I had left the workforce - the fact that I have had the same headache for the past five years means that I probably would have found getting back into work very, very difficult. So for me, sticking it out sort of worked but I had the support of my colleagues so didn't really think to ask ma and pa to move back home and support me. But that as just how it panned out for me.

 

My mum still sends me shampoo though. As a student she did used to send me the nice stuff I wouldn't buy myself. Care packages of moisturiser, hair products, cleaning products. Even when I was on a six figure salary she would send me nice shampoo wrapped in clippings from the local news paper she though I might find interesting.

 

 

 

 

I am aiming to work 20 hours a week whilst studying..i dont believe anymore will be an advantage. In fact, I know it would be a hindrance to me getting distinctions in every subject.

 

Ok so if you were bed ridden with anorexia you would have obviously managed to support yourself. Good for you.

 

I personally was in a too dark place to just pull myself up by my bootstraps. I supposed I wasn't weak to pull myself out of bed. Shame on me.

 

I guess some people prefer to work full time and support themselves no matter how ill they are. I am not one of them.

 

I

 

I am still doubtful that I could have pulled myself out of bed much else willed myself to somehow woke full time.

 

And these past three years I've tried a fair few things out to see what I truly enjoyed. I've been able bodied but mentally still quiet deranged up until recently when I now lead a normal social life.

 

 

 

It helps a lot having a normal support network. Now that I have friendships and life is pretty normal again besides myself backs and lack of financial independence, I am in a place to study fullb time and balance part time work.

 

 

I'm definitely not keen on full time and would most certainly study part time if it came down to it....

Edited August 11, 2014 by Leigh 87

[ASG]

Well that's because you have absolutely no idea how I feel. You have absolutely no idea how I felt about the things I've tried out.

 

I tried a few things and I've come to a conclusion. That simple.

 

Your stupid predictions make no sense because you have absolutely no idea what's going on in my head.

 

I can't be bothered talking more.to.you and your crappy negative attitude.. Please leave me.alone. Cheers.

 

No, you're right, I don't.

 

But the truth is, it's still bumming!

 

To be honest, I don't think there is much wrong with it. But, on the other hand, you are very judgemental of people who do that, though, while you do the exact same thing.

 

i would not even be pointing this out to you, had you not spoken less than stellarly about people doing nothing, while mooching off of their parents.

 

Which is, in effect, what you are doing. I don't think there is anything wrong with you living rent free though. At all. But you are mooching off of your parents, whether you like to admit it or not.

 

For some reason, you hold people to a certain standard, but don't hold yourself to the same one.

 

And then, when we point that out to you, you resort to name calling. And you carefully ignore the questions you don't want to answer. Like, when did you start volunteering in aged care! Which I have asked 3 times now.

[MidwestUSA]

 

Ok so if you were bed ridden with anorexia you would have obviously managed to support yourself. Good for you.

 

Um, she clearly stated she had a serious setback - a severe, life threatening injury - in her 20's. And she DIDN'T work thru it.

 

Amazing how someone tries to relate to you by sharing an experience, and you turn around with that ^^^^!

 

Do you have difficulty relating to the bad experiences of others, or is it all about you? Because if it's the latter, you don't belong in any type of health related field.

[Leigh 87]

Anyway I am happy in a relationship and don't care for this community.

 

Good luck with your future endeavours.

 

I don't think I'm any less of a person for accepting help. No less intelligent, kind or generous than those people who were able to work as well as study full time while they suffered a mental illness.

 

 

 

No use replying here as I won't be reading replies anymore.

 

 

Cheers to Deb and Elswyth who I didn't dislike.

[MidwestUSA]

You're far from kind, but keep telling yourself you are. Cheers to you too.

[Leigh 87]

No, you're right, I don't.

 

But the truth is, it's still bumming!

 

To be honest, I don't think there is much wrong with it. But, on the other hand, you are very judgemental of people who do that, though, while you do the exact same thing.

 

i would not even be pointing this out to you, had you not spoken less than stellarly about people doing nothing, while mooching off of their parents.

 

Which is, in effect, what you are doing. I don't think there is anything wrong with you living rent free though. At all. But you are mooching off of your parents, whether you like to admit it or not.

 

For some reason, you hold people to a certain standard, but don't hold yourself to the same one.

 

And then, when we point that out to you, you resort to name calling. And you carefully ignore the questions you don't want to answer. Like, when did you start volunteering in aged care! Which I have asked 3 times now.

 

 

 

Mooching is what lazy slack area do.

 

I am not a lazy slack arse.. I intend to study a difficult degree and work part time.

 

Mooching is a negative thing for an adult to do. It is when an adult has no aspirations and is not tying hard.

 

 

I consider studying a demanding degree and working part time as trying hard enough to avoid the mooching label.

[Leigh 87]

You're far from kind, but keep telling yourself you are. Cheers to you too.

 

 

 

Right and so you know how I am like to the people around me in life?

 

 

Do you have any measure of how much i Cafe about other people?

 

Can you measure empathy?

 

 

I am extremely kind and generous to people around me.

 

 

I am not nice to people who say I am mooching for wanting to study full time without having to work more.than 30 hrs a week.

 

 

It is pretty ludicrous to call someone a lazy slacker and less desirable for not wanting to work pretty much full time to support rigorous study.

[MidwestUSA]

I have no doubt you relate to those around you IRL the way you do here. It's why you struggle. You come here and badmouth the 'crappy' people in your life. It's a vicious circle, and the common denominator is you.

[Leigh 87]

Hmmm funny, the most academically bright and kind people I know all think it's ridiculous to insist on working more than 30 hours if u dont HAVE TO.

 

People with brains even advocate only working part time or minimally during college to get the best results whilst still getting that crucial weekly work experience needed by employee. And just for personal savings.

 

Plenty of smart people I know don't think wanting to study full time and living with older parents is mooching.. it is called saving 200 a week on rent and not having to live on ramen noodles

 

 

My professional friends cannot believe you guys. The never thought twice about my decision to want to refrain from finding a full time job so I can study full time next year. They felt it was smart...

 

 

Honestly my friends cannot understand how you people operate.

 

No one can relate to me being a mooching who sits at home all day doing nothing and with no direction in life.

 

 

 

Quiet a few people fell over laughing in disbelief over this thread actually. Lolz.

 

 

Affair few friends are way ahead in life because they did as I did....accept living at home until.they got high paying jobs. The were far from mooching, they studied extremely hard. They just didnt pay rent because they only worked two days a week

 

My friends who did as I am.doing though college weren't more lazy or less as people because they accepted a free ride??????

 

 

They all mostly chose to.work. Their parents just didnt force them lol.

[Leigh 87]

I have no doubt you relate to those around you IRL the way you do here. It's why you struggle. You come here and badmouth the 'crappy' people in your life. It's a vicious circle, and the common denominator is you.

 

 

 

 

There's nothing wrong with my real life thanks.Very norm.

 

Everyone around me considers me an extremely kind person and would think your an idiot for assuming I am not generous, caring and kind without having met me or knowing me.

 

 

You are pretty ridiculous in how you assume that your analysis of me of not being kind is spot on.

 

And i am simply defending the notions that I am somehow I mooching for opting to purelyystudy and work only part time opposed to moving out of home and having to really rough it during uni.

 

How is picking an area to love and breath for three years going to me mooching? It is a complete joke that you fult my mum for not kickijg me out during college.

[MidwestUSA]

There's nothing wrong with my real life thanks.Very norm.

 

Everyone around me considers me an extremely kind person and would think your an idiot for assuming I am not generous, caring and kind without having met me or knowing me.

 

 

You are pretty ridiculous in how you assume that your analysis of me of not being kind is spot on.

 

And i am simply defending the notions that I am somehow I mooching for opting to purelyystudy and work only part time opposed to moving out of home and having to really rough it during uni.

 

How is picking an area to love and breath for three years going to me mooching? It is a complete joke that you fult my mum for not kickijg me out during college.

 

Not sure why you feel you have to keep defending your position. If you're everything you say you are, there's no need.

 

 

It's 'breathe', BTW; you're on your way to college. And you can show me where I faulted your mom, please?

[ASG]

Hmmm funny, the most academically bright and kind people I know all think it's ridiculous to insist on working more than 30 hours if u dont HAVE TO.

 

People with brains even advocate only working part time or minimally during college to get the best results whilst still getting that crucial weekly work experience needed by employee. And just for personal savings.

 

Plenty of smart people I know don't think wanting to study full time and living with older parents is mooching.. it is called saving 200 a week on rent and not having to live on ramen noodles

 

 

My professional friends cannot believe you guys. The never thought twice about my decision to want to refrain from finding a full time job so I can study full time next year. They felt it was smart...

 

 

Honestly my friends cannot understand how you people operate.

 

No one can relate to me being a mooching who sits at home all day doing nothing and with no direction in life.

 

 

 

Quiet a few people fell over laughing in disbelief over this thread actually. Lolz.

 

 

Affair few friends are way ahead in life because they did as I did....accept living at home until.they got high paying jobs. The were far from mooching, they studied extremely hard. They just didnt pay rent because they only worked two days a week

 

My friends who did as I am.doing though college weren't more lazy or less as people because they accepted a free ride??????

 

 

They all mostly chose to.work. Their parents just didnt force them lol.

 

 

Only NO ONE has said you should work more than 30 hours and that not doing so is lazy. NO ONE.

 

Spending a few years trying to decide what to do with your life IS mooching. Whichever way you look at it. It might be justified, but it is what it is.

 

Like I said MANY TIMES BEFORE, I have nothing against your parents providing you with a free ride. But is IS a free ride.

 

And you have no empathy that I can see... One poster shared her pretty severe setback and you turned it against them. If you're this aggressive on here, I guess you are the same in real life.

[Leigh 87]

I'm sorry but no one on here is going to convince me that I'm not a nice and kind individual.

 

You are also not going to.get me to see that the way to being the best moat respectful adult possible is to move out and have to work 40 hours just to eat during a rigorous full time degree.

 

At my age I still believe it's perfectly respectable to study full time without pressure to earn a living.

 

Nothing you say will male me find anything wrong with my plans for next year.

 

 

I think very lowly of people who look down on adults who accept help during their full time studies.. My partner would help me but has also suffered a setback and cannot afford to offer me.food and shelter.

 

 

 

You're advice is not helping me. I am never going to look back and think wow I am totally not a kind or generous person I am so nasty, and man I was pathetic for choosing to stay at home during a challenging degree.

 

I just won't reflect and ever agree with a word you're saying.

 

 

 

 

 

In real life I have plenty of decent friends. They aren't morons who think Les of me for wanting to stay at home for a little longer during study to help take the stress off.

 

In fact, all of.those professionals agreed that they would I'd the same things oppossd to working 30 Plus hrs a week just for food and shelter.

[todreaminblue]

Right and so you know how I am like to the people around me in life?

 

 

Do you have any measure of how much i Cafe about other people?

 

Can you measure empathy?

 

 

I am extremely kind and generous to people around me.

 

 

I am not nice to people who say I am mooching for wanting to study full time without having to work more.than 30 hrs a week.

 

 

It is pretty ludicrous to call someone a lazy slacker and less desirable for not wanting to work pretty much full time to support rigorous study.

 

i started to read your posts leigh when some posters were making fun of you in the off topic thread.....i felt for you so i began to read......

 

 

i wanted to make my own mind up and i am not a fan of ridicule so i have often answered your posts..... as much as you answer my posts you often choose to answer and respond to others and not to me which i dont mind i find it curious.....the posters who are on this thread know you pretty well if what you post is true leigh and they have been around as long as you have.....

asg has some really valid points and i get what he is saying......you do flit a bit in what your lfie direction is, you struggle just like the majority of us do....i have been reading your posts for years and i wont say the directions and how long in between the changes are but you know dont you.......this living with yoru mum thing i snew ....to em anyway ...because i have read posts from you that say that you relish supporting yourself not so long ago.....

 

i dont think you are ready to study leigh.....i think you are really struggling...and you tend to take it out on people who try to help you and are not sage in your decisions, you are not resolved and committed and i feel you try to convince yourself that you are....i too have done this myself.....thats why i know i have to go back to basics i have to go back to school and prove to myself i can go to class every day study and manage my family before i take on a degree .......

 

now one thing i know is if there is a down side to anything i do and i seek advice i want to know everything with completely honesty......i dont want people to hold back all in all ill make my own decision but i go into making a decision well aware of drawbacks and of pluses......i am not superior to anyone else and there are people who know a hell of a lot more than i do so i seek them out and i learn....thats how i know i will succeed by being humble and accepting others views......you are set in yrou ideas and to learn you need to be adaptable.....you need to eb able to adjust and you need to know when that is....one area you need to adjust is your ability to see reason adn logic....emotive is fine when you need to deal with feelings but when you are seeking to achieve in a field that is all reason and logic really....medicine...you need to be able to be less emotive and more pro active ..i have heard how doctors talk to each other if you dont develop a thicker skin you wont make it......and if you dont listen to what people are saying and peruse ideas and thoughts, theories and differing opinions you will never break ground in medicine thats fact ......you have to be open to truly succeed...deb

[Leigh 87]

Not sure why you feel you have to keep defending your position. If you're everything you say you are, there's no need.

 

 

It's 'breathe', BTW; you're on your way to college. And you can show me where I faulted your mom, please?

 

 

 

I am on a phone. I honestly can't be bothered correcting things..my phone makes unfortunate corrections all the time.

 

And don't have a go at my level of intelligence. I can assure you I'd likely score similar to you in my prospective degree.

 

Low 90s was actually a very crap score for me. I could have got a lot higher if I had actually studied every day. I am still reeling from not reaching my potential.

[Leigh 87]

Only NO ONE has said you should work more than 30 hours and that not doing so is lazy. NO ONE.

 

Spending a few years trying to decide what to do with your life IS mooching. Whichever way you look at it. It might be justified, but it is what it is.

 

Like I said MANY TIMES BEFORE, I have nothing against your parents providing you with a free ride. But is IS a free ride.

 

And you have no empathy that I can see... One poster shared her pretty severe setback and you turned it against them. If you're this aggressive on here, I guess you are the same in real life.

 

 

You know nothing about me in real life. So don't prpfess that you know me or even have an inkling of who I am as a person.

 

Sorry but no professional I know thinks studying full time and working part time is mooching.

 

It is not lazy it is just a smart way to save money and not have to live on rice and ramen noodles during college.

 

I wasn't ready to.study prior to know and yes I I'd have lazy periods after I applied for 600 menial jobs and couldn't get one because I am shy and not suited to waiting tables no matter how hard I try.

 

 

I went from not being able to get any job besides ones I dearly hated to studying something new to see if it was my calling.

 

 

I don't think anyone in their right mind could consider my situation next year to be mooching. I mean a podiatry degree plus two days a weeks work? How will that be slacking off or mooching???????? Please explain??????

[Robert]

Well, that didn't go well.

 

Thread closed, hopefully the OP has gotten what she needed from this thread, thanks all who participated.