Who Else Has Over - generous Parents?

[Leigh 87]

You keep throwing the word ideal around but nowhere did I say that anything was ideal. I said that anyone who takes the time to prioritize their life should have no issue working full time and taking a full course load.

 

I graduated with a Network Security/Engineering degree at 21, bought my first house at 22. My goal was to get out of college with little debt so I could move on with my life faster.

 

You set your own goals though. You need to understand that not everyone has a golden ticket where they can play around for years on their parents dime. You don't work part time and have a few thousand a year in savings.

 

You are getting way too emotional. No where did I say anyone who makes the choice to not work full time is lazy, it's a choice. And many times above I've stated there was nothing wrong with your choice. What I said was that anyone who can't manage that situation lacks the work ethic and life direction to deal with adult situations. At 18 you're an adult, and you need the life skills to take care of yourself and put your life in the direction you want it to go. If you have the means to take a different path, then good for you. But no adult should be unable to prioritize their lives. If the only way to get to your goal is to do both full time, you need to be able to manage that.

 

 

 

 

I actually know many students who are not academically bright enough to get good grades with full time work.

 

You are an exception - not many people can DO an engineering degree much less get good grades in it whilst working full time:lmao:

 

I scored in the top 10% of my country for college entrance ranks and man, I would NOT be able to do WELL in ANY degree if I worked full time:lmao:

 

If it were life and death? Maybe.

 

Also - I do have international friends from all walks of life. I have been around a bit and I do realise what he real world is - I know very well that not everyone gets a "free ride".

 

I know how fortunate I am. I have it a lot easier than most. I just don't believe my parents are doing me a disservice, they are only supporting me at this age because I was in hospital with mental illness sadly. They are trying to provide me a bit of extra support.

 

I am also a bit nervous about full time study again since it has been so long. Once that edge is taken off I probably could work full time if I wanted, but definitely not to start off with. Not that I would opt to.

[Snakechammah]

Well I'm an old fart now... but back in those days, my parents funded my university education (overseas - with return flights, full board college w 3 meals a day (someone to cook for me, lol), allowances and shopping money until the day I graduated.

 

Now (for a decade now actually) it is MY turn to be giving them monthly allowances (500-600 a month) from my pay. I do live with them (I will inherit the house) and I don't lift a finger to help with the household..(oops).. but my parents are happy and contented and superbly proud of their daughter. Now they just wish I would just get married LOL.

 

Because I was in a foreign country (and a totally pampered daughter) I was not allowed to work while in uni. I also graduated when I was 21 and I've been working full-time for a loooong time now. Hmm, come to think of it, I have actually given my parents 66k+ over the years... that's double what they had paid for my education!

 

So parents, investing in your child's education is the best way to get dividends LOL. I am so thankful for my parents.

 

Leigh, you should treasure yours too! Good luck for your career path!

[Allumere]

I was blessed with awesome parents and having just one child allowed them to provide me with opportunities that couldn't financially have happened if they were blessed with two. They wanted more but getting a late start and some physical issues meant it wasn't in the cards.

 

My parents paid a bulk of my college education. They were adamant about me not working while in school but the first thing I did when I went to college was to get a part time job. Why? I wanted to help pay for as much as I could and most importantly I did better when I had a busy schedule. My last 2 years of college I worked 40 hours a week and went to school full time. I was fortunate that my school schedule was such that I could do this.

 

Personal opinion is that people should work while going to school. 4 hours to 40, whatever their schedule allows. It does help prioritize, manage finances and to be honest IMHO is a break for text books. Of course all curriculum doesn't mesh well with finding work so in the least I think folks should maybe try and do volunteer work (many do that anyway), offer to tutor, etc. Real world isn't just work (although if feels like it), it is about learning to juggle all the balls and having balance.

 

I understand being uncomfortable about your folks generosity...I have the same issue. Recently I was looking to get a loan to work on my house and my Pop wanted to give it to me. His argument is he doesn't need the money and he knows I work my arse off. Although I was greatly touched, I couldn't just take the money (we aren't talking a small amount) so the compromise was I drafted it all up as a loan, with a contract and payment schedule over the next 5 years. Can't say he was thrilled but I look at getting and interest free loan in and of itself a HUGE gift!!

 

Somewhere along the line someone explained to me this dynamic in very simple terms. Let them love you. When you turn down their gift in their eyes it is turning down their love. Have you ever gotten a gift and told someone you can't accept it (this is different from wrong size or it just not being something you want)...that it was too much and given it back? This is what happens when you turn down your folks generosity. Again, I understand it is a delicate balance. Just food for thought.

[Leigh 87]

Just to add - I have a very normal social life and group of friends. I do realise that my mother is far more generous than most peoples parents.

 

I know what many mature, professional adults get given by their parents;not a whole lot because they earn sufficient income to provide for themselves and in some cases, a family.

 

My own boyfriend also had a major set back when he was 19, the same age I fell very mentally ill. HIs parents looked after him and his dad lets him live with him whilst he is getting is life in order; he has therefore been able to accumulate a lot of savings and catch up to his peers, and can afford a mortgage deposit but is opting to save a little more before making that commitment.

 

My boyfriend parents are admittedly not quiet as generous as mine but close; they do not try to force him on shopping sprees like my mother does with me.

 

His mum does by him very expensive birthday gifts and lets him stay at her flat twice a week for work, since he works in her area. She doesn't accept rent and lets me stay anytime also. His dad lets him stay with him for 50 dollars a fortnight for food. He is letting my boyfriend get back on his feet financially after his brain injury when he was 19. He was set back in his development and is limited to the types of jobs he can do yet has a pension of 900 a fortnight so he doesn't need to work full time to get a full time wage.

 

 

 

 

My bf and I both suffered set backs and our parents, whilst dealing with it differently, has not set us apart. He thinks it is lovely the way my mum is so generous to me, it really helps considering I WOULD have had a degree by now and a stable job.

[Leigh 87]

Well I'm an old fart now... but back in those days, my parents funded my university education (overseas - with return flights, full board college w 3 meals a day (someone to cook for me, lol), allowances and shopping money until the day I graduated.

 

Now (for a decade now actually) it is MY turn to be giving them monthly allowances (500-600 a month) from my pay. I do live with them (I will inherit the house) and I don't lift a finger to help with the household..(oops).. but my parents are happy and contented and superbly proud of their daughter. Now they just wish I would just get married LOL.

 

Because I was in a foreign country (and a totally pampered daughter) I was not allowed to work while in uni. I also graduated when I was 21 and I've been working full-time for a loooong time now. Hmm, come to think of it, I have actually given my parents 66k+ over the years... that's double what they had paid for my education!

 

So parents, investing in your child's education is the best way to get dividends LOL. I am so thankful for my parents.

 

Leigh, you should treasure yours too! Good luck for your career path!

 

 

 

 

OMG.

 

I ALSO plan on doing the EXACT SAME THING:lmao:

 

My father is very ill and will not outlive my mother unless she dies suddenly or gets terminal cancer.

 

When that happens, I am NOT letting my mother live alone, and my plan is to look after her with my professional job.

 

SO yeah. Looking after my mother is exactly what I intend on doing.

 

And my father if he turns out to be a freak of nature and sticks around much longer.

[Leigh 87]

I was blessed with awesome parents and having just one child allowed them to provide me with opportunities that couldn't financially have happened if they were blessed with two. They wanted more but getting a late start and some physical issues meant it wasn't in the cards.

 

My parents paid a bulk of my college education. They were adamant about me not working while in school but the first thing I did when I went to college was to get a part time job. Why? I wanted to help pay for as much as I could and most importantly I did better when I had a busy schedule. My last 2 years of college I worked 40 hours a week and went to school full time. I was fortunate that my school schedule was such that I could do this.

 

LOL. Well I insist on working one day a week plus volunteering one day a week. I am studying podiatry and it is a 4 year degree crammed into THREE years, so it will be far too demanding for me to work much and maintain good grades.

 

My aim is to do the bare minimum work needed to get a long term job during the entire duration of Uni, a great reference from the paid job, and also a great reference from voluntary work that helps the community (work I will not stop upon graduating either).

 

So one work based reference and one volunteer reference, both done for the duration of my degree.

 

I also have three great references already, as I currently sit here typing this out.

 

Personal opinion is that people should work while going to school. 4 hours to 40, whatever their schedule allows. It does help prioritize, manage finances and to be honest IMHO is a break for text books. Of course all curriculum doesn't mesh well with finding work so in the least I think folks should maybe try and do volunteer work (many do that anyway), offer to tutor, etc. Real world isn't just work (although if feels like it), it is about learning to juggle all the balls and having balance.

 

I agree. No one will hire a graduate that has not worked during university, even if they have top marks. Everyone needs a reference, actually, most people need three references for most entry level jobs these days.

 

In terms of the correlation between working as a college student and positive personal attributes employment wise, I agree that working every week is key to aid to your studies. It makes you a better rounded individual.

 

HOWEVER - I think working one or two days a week for 5 hours a day is just as good as full time work in most employers eyes - I doubt many employers specifically look for resumes that state applicants worked full time whilst studying.

 

Employers look for: work experience during college/any transferable skills/ any very relevant work experience/ three solid work based references/ they also regard voluntary work highly in conjunction with paid work of course.

 

Do you want to know how I know? Recruiters have told me lolz.

 

And also - students in the prestigious degrees and in the top Universities who care the MOST - all DO NOT work more than 20 hours a week unless they are FORCED to; they all know that more than 20 hours work per week in a demanding degree DOES diminish your grades if you are not gifted.

 

I understand being uncomfortable about your folks generosity...I have the same issue. Recently I was looking to get a loan to work on my house and my Pop wanted to give it to me. His argument is he doesn't need the money and he knows I work my arse off. Although I was greatly touched, I couldn't just take the money (we aren't talking a small amount) so the compromise was I drafted it all up as a loan, with a contract and payment schedule over the next 5 years. Can't say he was thrilled but I look at getting and interest free loan in and of itself a HUGE gift!!

 

I normally offer to pay for half of everything mum offers me.

 

Somewhere along the line someone explained to me this dynamic in very simple terms. Let them love you. When you turn down their gift in their eyes it is turning down their love. Have you ever gotten a gift and told someone you can't accept it (this is different from wrong size or it just not being something you want)...that it was too much and given it back? This is what happens when you turn down your folks generosity. Again, I understand it is a delicate balance. Just food for thought.

 

My mum would get genuinely upset if I didn't let her buy my nice skin products.

 

Other than that, she isn't too set back if I insist on paying half OR refusing more than skin care/things I use daily.

[martaldn]

I dont see anything wrong having parents helping out their children during their studies if they can afford it.

my mum used to pay everything for my sister and she studied ( full time ) until she was 28 when I have been working since I was 21 so i was economically Independent for more years than my sister but that didnt make my sister a spoiled child.

My mum always told her she was doing lot of sacrifices to make her go to the university and my sister never took advantage of my mum good heart.

she taught us the value of the money especially when there are very little around and we are definitely not coming from a rich family.

 

However we have been always careful with them and we have been able to make good investment like buying a property in London and another one in Rome so we know that compared to other people we have been "lucky" but all of this has a high price paid because what we have now came from my dad death insurance that happened when i was 5 and my mum was pregnant of my sister.

[Snakechammah]

OMG.

 

I ALSO plan on doing the EXACT SAME THING:lmao:

 

My father is very ill and will not outlive my mother unless she dies suddenly or gets terminal cancer.

 

When that happens, I am NOT letting my mother live alone, and my plan is to look after her with my professional job.

 

SO yeah. Looking after my mother is exactly what I intend on doing.

 

And my father if he turns out to be a freak of nature and sticks around much longer.

 

Sending healing thoughts your way!

 

I hope your Dad gets through this and sticks around much longer and improve his quality of life, and your mom too.

 

Love them, Leigh. Family is everything. I'm glad you care about them, gratitude is the mother of all virtues, starting with our own parents!

[Leigh 87]

I dont see anything wrong having parents helping out their children during their studies if they can afford it.

my mum used to pay everything for my sister and she studied ( full time ) until she was 28 when I have been working since I was 21 so i was economically Independent for more years than my sister but that didnt make my sister a spoiled child.

My mum always told her she was doing lot of sacrifices to make her go to the university and my sister never took advantage of my mum good heart.

she taught us the value of the money especially when there are very little around and we are definitely not coming from a rich family.

 

However we have been always careful with them and we have been able to make good investment like buying a property in London and another one in Rome so we know that compared to other people we have been "lucky" but all of this has a high price paid because what we have now came from my dad death insurance that happened when i was 5 and my mum was pregnant of my sister.

 

 

 

 

I am so sorry to hear about your dad

 

My dad nearly lost his life at that age also - when I was four or maybe five.

 

He was not expected to live this long.

[martaldn]

I am so sorry to hear about your dad

 

My dad nearly lost his life at that age also - when I was four or maybe five.

 

He was not expected to live this long.

 

this is indeed great Leigh. Family is everything

 

I would give everything back to have my dad back even for 1 minute

[cerridwen]

Well my friend in the US' had a guy she was seeing who lived at home and just attended flight school and farted around for fun in his late 20's while his parents funded his living lol. With no intend of actually getting employed.

 

My parents would have a serious intervention if I didn't get a degree or proper job. Out of their love for me of course.

 

Wait.

Aren't you also in your late 20's living at home with your parents funding you?

You make *plans* to go to school, but that's different than actually attending.

Some people might consider *that* "farting around.

So, I dunno about this "intervention" you speak of...

I question just how helpful your parents' overindulgence has been to your developing a work ethic of your own.

 

There's indulgence and overindulgence.

Just like there's appreciation and taking advantage.

 

My parents helped instill a good work ethic in all their children, by example and with love.

If we needed it, they were there.

But we all stood on our own two feet from early on. We took babysitting and bike route jobs as kids; odd jobs and lifeguarding as teens.

It was less about money and much more about establishing habits; habits of working, saving, and having pride in one's earnings.

We weren't overindulged nor did we have it tough.

But we were guided in becoming independent adults.

Edited August 11, 2014 by cerridwen

[Leigh 87]

Wait.

Aren't you also in your late 20's living at home with your parents funding you?

You make *plans* to go to school, but that's different than actually attending.

Some people might consider *that* "farting around.

So, I dunno about this "intervention" you speak of...

I question just how helpful your parents' overindulgence has been to your developing a work ethic of your own.

 

There's indulgence and overindulgence.

Just like there's appreciation and taking advantage.

 

 

 

Um I had a mental illness and I was in hospital.

 

For the majority of my early 20's.

 

I have a reason to be in this predicament.

 

How is my parents funding me when I was too ill to work, and then also when I am getting back on my feet again, over indulging me?

 

They have paid for the therapy and, along with my therapist, been guiding me in the right direction for years! Full time study and a professional job has been their objective since I fell ill.

 

I do not see how assisting a mentally ill child into a degree and then work is over indulging them - It is helping a child get ahead after they were set back for most of their 20's.

 

According to my therapist, I have been "fit to work and study" for all of but a year. Yet I attempted to well before this year but with low success because I was still a little delusional.

 

I am a very hard worker when I am well and able to work.

 

Me getting in the top 8% of all Australian Grads proves that I can work hard when I put my mind to it. It takes hard work to score in the 90's for a college entrance score. Especially considering I was still suffering mental illness whilst I studied that high school test all Aussie students take to enter into college.......

[Leigh 87]

At my mature age of 28, my parents are just very focused on me graduating, getting good marks and being competitive enough to get a professional job before or after graduating. They believe given my recovery from mental illness, that working anymore than 20 hours a week would not be optimal for me. They would rather me focus on getting good marks and obtaining enough work or voluntary experience during my studies to get my foot in the door.....

[Leigh 87]

Wait.

Aren't you also in your late 20's living at home with your parents funding you?

You make *plans* to go to school, but that's different than actually attending.

Some people might consider *that* "farting around.

So, I dunno about this "intervention" you speak of...

 

UM actually, I took a job that paid less than HALF of the minimum Aussie wage which I hated. They eventually came over, packed my stuff and insisted that studying a degree full time and getting good grades was MUCH more worthwhile than me doing a dead end job that paid slave labour wages.

 

I HAVE been working when I can to support myself even in jobs I cannot stand and even when I was not paid properly.

 

I HAVE been doing event work once a week, travelling nearly two hours each way to work.

 

I DID work in that full time crappy job for a month or so, AND work WEEKENDS in another crappy job that I had to travel two hours each way to.

 

I HAVE been working, I HAVE been trying to figure out the best path for myself, I HAVE NOT been farting about by any stretch.

 

Rather than take off my parents, I tried to enter the workforce, before discovering that the only jobs I could get were awful and far out of my way to get to in most cases.

 

In the end, full time study towards a degree that leads to a decent career to my liking and also has good rates of grads getting work, is MUCH BETTER than doing those dead end jobs.

 

I have actually been trying very hard to figure out the best path in life.

 

Ever since I have been physically well, I have either looked aggressively for work (over 50 applications per day), volunteering, or researching degrees and/or courses.

 

I question just how helpful your parents' overindulgence has been to your developing a work ethic of your own.

 

I would like to see you get in the top 8% in your country when you are suffering a mental illness, for your college entrance score. It took incredible hard work since my body was barely functions at about 90 lbs which is deathly emaciated for my curvy body type.

 

I had food poisoning most of the time. I was very ill. But yeah, I was desperate to get into college so did what I needed to do. Sadly, I didn't get better fast enough to go through with the degree. Hence I am here now, years later, physically able bodies and ready to study.

 

There's indulgence and overindulgence.

Just like there's appreciation and taking advantage.

 

LOL. Yeah. SO, you recommend anorexics go out on their own and " suck it up" without parental help?

 

There is something seriously wrong with you if you wouldn't help an anorexic child to get better and then monitor them for a few years whilst hey fulfil their potentials, and compensate for their many years of missed wages.

 

I am smarter than my friends who have graduated; I did better at school than any of them ever did, I worked much harder than them in studying, and was the one who was always in the top math or English group. Sadly, they have all graduated and are YEARS ahead of my in terms of money earned, so yeah, it is not so bad to accept help from my parents in "catching up" to my peers who didn't HAVE to undergo mental illness and years of set backs in life.

 

By the time I graduate, rent free and without the pressure of working but in fact, accumulating SAVINGS from my part time work, I will be nearly caught up with my peers who had to pay their own way through college and will no longer me that far ahead of me given their uni debts and fact they didn't get a free ride to begin with.

 

It is better than having to work 30 plus hours a week just to survive, when I am already set back ten years from my peers who were not sitting around in a hospital. A leg up is not a bad thing for people in my predicament I believe.

 

 

My parents helped instill a good work ethic in all their children, by example and with love.

If we needed it, they were there.

But we all stood on our own two feet from early on. We took babysitting and bike route jobs as kids; odd jobs and lifeguarding as teens.

It was less about money and much more about establishing habits; habits of working, saving, and having pride in one's earnings.

We weren't overindulged nor did we have it tough.

But we were guided in becoming independent adults.

 

 

You want to talk about work ethic?

 

My mother is incredibly hard working actually. And when I study, I study hard. When I work, I work hard. I turn up early and stay back late if needed.

 

I simply wanted to make SURE of my future commitment to immense student loans before studying..... I tried to check out many different career paths before for years I was set back, and wanted to make SURE I found my true calling.

 

I have a fantastic work ethic thanks. I know what hard work is. I worked as a teen at KFC by the way. I wanted to. I didn't have to.

 

I would love to be an independent adult. I wish I was never ill, I wish I never had the NEED for my mums help, and I wish I WAS independent.

 

I don't think you realise how frustrating it is for me to be academically WAY SMARTER than my grade school friends, a MUCH HARDER work than they ever were in school, and yet see them ALL WITH HOUSES and degrees simply because they didn't fall mentally ill and end up in hospital, with no friends or social life for many years.

 

I would trade my parents generosity in a heartbeat for the mental illness I had.

 

I would have graduated by now without my mental illness I once suffered from physically and still do mentally to some degree.

 

100% I would have rather had no mental illness and NO parental help; at least I would have a degree by now and the means to support myself.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I come from upper middle class family and my parents always offered me money and bought me things, plus allowed me to live rent free forever. I could go back now and they would be happy to have me.

 

But, I wasn't happy with this and moved out fairly early. I kept a part time job all through my full time studies. My parents didn't want me working and exerting myself or stressing myself but I felt really depressed at the thought of taking their money.

 

Now that they are both ill and have no money while I have a well payed job, the tables have turned. They are stubborn though and will resist my money..so I have to be sneaky...pay their bills when they are not watching or leave a few bills in their wallet

[Leigh 87]

I come from upper middle class family and my parents always offered me money and bought me things, plus allowed me to live rent free forever. I could go back now and they would be happy to have me.

 

But, I wasn't happy with this and moved out fairly early. I kept a part time job all through my full time studies. My parents didn't want me working and exerting myself or stressing myself but I felt really depressed at the thought of taking their money.

 

Now that they are both ill and have no money while I have a well payed job, the tables have turned. They are stubborn though and will resist my money..so I have to be sneaky...pay their bills when they are not watching or leave a few bills in their wallet

 

 

 

I would rather have been well enough to do the same.

 

I would have opted to work part time through a degree, at home though, but I would have wanted at least work 15 - 20 hours every week minimum.

 

I prefer living with people - always have. I hate living alone lolz.

 

I don't feel great about needing their money since I have the brains to have had a degree and a decent paying career by this age.

 

It is not like I love the fact I am set back in life. I mean... there is no way on earth I would willingly be in this predicament.

 

What can I do though? Be stubborn and pay my own way and stay years behind my peers? Or get extra help whilst I actively better myself, and catch up to my peers?

 

I would have much rather have gotten a higher ATAR due to no mental illness, gone into medicine and specialised in surgery by now.

 

But what can ya do... Accept help and catch up to my peers faster, or insist on paying 100% my own way when I am already yonks behind my mates who were not mentally ill? And who are mostly worse academically than me yet who have graduated nevertheless!

[amaysngrace]

If your parents can help you out just let them.

 

They probably feel partially responsible for having a mentally ill child and think their money can help you happy.

 

Not that I agree with that line of thinking but at this point what is the harm when the damage is already done?

[cerridwen]

Hi Leigh,

 

Your response to me was tl;dr because the scrolling on my cell phone gets tedious.

Sorry about that.

Maybe my work ethic isn't all that great afterall.

[Leigh 87]

If your parents can help you out just let them.

 

They probably feel partially responsible for having a mentally ill child and think their money can help you happy.

 

Not that I agree with that line of thinking but at this point what is the harm when the damage is already done?

 

Right, so u propose they they didn't help their mentally ill child at the time?

 

Have you ever tried to to work full time to support yourself while you were anorexic?

 

It is very normal for parents to want to help their children after mental illness too.

 

 

And don't you dare talk down to me as thought I am doing nothing in life.

 

I am about to enrol in a challenging medic based degree. While I intend to work part time.

 

How is actively betting myself in anyway doing the wrong thing?

 

I am a much nicer person then most plus I got good grades and am currently preparing for college. Doing a course while I wait. Working events part time.

 

 

 

How, may I ask, am I doing anything other than what any hard working normal adult is doing?

 

Please explain how I am doing the wrong thing in your eyes? Would you feel it better that move out of lovely flat that I am comfortable in in an area I love, to slum it with four other students, having to work 30 hours a week just to survive whilst I study?

 

No one on their right mind would CHOOSE to reject help after nearly a decade of being mentally ill.

 

I am betting myself. It's a little ridiculous that people expect me to better myself on my own dime, rejecting help from parents.

[Leigh 87]

I know you've had serious problems with what you call your mental illness. By that are you referring to your anorexia, or something else?

 

Leigh, every time I point out your inconsistencies, you rip me a new one, but I'm going to anyway.

 

I do not think that you have been in regular therapy since you joined this site. I get that from your posting history.

 

So, if your parents want to give you a real leg up, they would be paying for a lot of therapy and maybe even some kind of residential treatment to help you learn how to live like an adult. They would also be adjusting their own behavior to help you.

 

Paying for overseas trips, your extensive handbag collection, your housecleaning when you live rent free, a car to drive, and expensive skin care …

 

That is not helping you and it's not giving you any kind of chance to step into an adult life.

 

I think they feel guilty for leaving you on your own so much - if that is what really happened. Sometimes you say that you lived by yourself since you were 10, and other times you say that you have lived all over the world with your parents, so I have no idea about your past, really.

 

That said, though, if I were in your shoes I don't know that I would have the wherewithal to walk away from all that. In fact, I know I would not. You have not been prepared for independence.

 

Just for the record, my parents spoiled me to an extent. They paid for college and gave me car and a small living allowance when I was in school. I could use it to live very cheap, or work for more $. I always worked. Not because I was so awesome, but I wanted to have some nice stuff (like skin care!) and to go out at night, etc.[/QUOTi

 

 

 

I probably have friends from more countries as well as from more walks of life than you do. I know what adult life consists of..hello, I have adult friends and I nave dated adult men who were professionals without using parental help.

 

I accept help because mental illness has set me back in life.

 

As long as I am actively betting myself, I see nothing wrong with accepting help to overcome my set back in life..

 

I am smarter than my friends who didn't become mentally ill and therefore graduated years ago and all have families and jobs now so I see nothing wrong with accepting gifts and free rent when I am already years behind my peers and would rather focus on studying as soon as first semester rolls around.

 

 

 

No one in my position would be like yeah cool, I have been set back in life through no fault of my own, I am totally going to reject help to catch to my peers and I INSIST on working 30 Plus hours a week just to survive whilst I study full time.

 

I believe it is smarter to study full time next year, get the best marks and only work as much as I have to in order to save a little for the end of college as well as get the part time work I need for prospective employers to look favourably on.

 

Why turn down a place I love living in and that I am already settled in and work 30 hours a week whilst studying full time, when I have the choice of staying where I am already very comfortable and happy and don't have to work 30 Plus hours?

 

 

I'm doing a short online qualification right now whilst I wait for college to start. What else do you suggest I do? I work most weekends one day and study weekdays to get the online qualification done asap...

 

 

 

I don't see how I am doing anything wrong.

 

 

My parents are much better people that most. Very good parents, the next person who undermines them will also be blocked like the last people.

[Robert]

This thread is in the Self Improvement & Personal Well Being forum for those of you who feel the need to try and take pokes at people rather than render helpful advice.

I haven't deleted any posts or cleaned up the thread as this is just a gentle reminder from moderation

 

Let's keep the posts helpful and not hurtful please, carry on

[MuddyFootprints]

My parents have always taken care of themselves first. Which is fine. Using their grandchildren as temporary, personal tax shelters riles my ass a little, but whatever.

 

As parents, we are fortunate enough not to have to sacrifice every little pleasure to support our kids through their education, every legitimate expense is covered by us to try to help ensure their academic success.

 

I draw the line at funding their high-end tastes and refuse to finance beauty/fashion/social expenditures. Those expenses are up to them.

Edited August 11, 2014 by MuddyFootprints

[Leigh 87]

So, you're fine with it. Why even bring it up in a thread, then?

 

Also, most of us don't think of the luxuries you are provided with as "help."

 

If you never worked, would you be okay financially for your lifetime?

 

 

 

What luxuries?

 

How is providing me with a safe place to reside in too much of a luxury???

 

Most people who had a major set back like I did would gladly live at home whilst they focus on full time study. Rather than having to work 30 hours just to put food on the table whilst studying full time and also likely having to get rid of their pets in order to share accommodation with other students.

 

 

I honestly do not see how buying me occasional three times a year skincare is too much.

 

I was drawing the limit on more than this.

 

I live within my means and don't over spend. I'm hard working and responsible with money.. I don't see how my parents generosity has hindered me.

 

I am after all the one who wants to crack down on just how much my mum is offering me lately.

[Leigh 87]

So, you're fine with it. Why even bring it up in a thread, then?

 

Also, most of us don't think of the luxuries you are provided with as "help."

 

If you never worked, would you be okay financially for your lifetime?

 

 

 

I dont ever have to work in order to live. I am an only child.

 

However, not establishing a professional career is akin to a death sentence to me anyway. I need to succeed in my chosen field. Whichever it may be.

 

If i was totally desperate and needed to survive of course I would be out working to support my studies and every move. I would do child minding since it is the only work I can get even though I don't like toddlers. I don't have the personality for hospitality. I've tried trust me.

 

Rather than do crappy jobs I hate, I would rather study towards something I enjoy. And work alone the way part time in an area I actually don't hate. I'm doing aged care and volunteering in it and enjoy it a great deal.

 

 

 

Still don't see how providing a formerly mentally ill child with free accommodation is enabling.

 

What would you rather she had done? " of you are fit to study now leigh 87, go get a job immediately and move out asap..work 30 hours a week to survive. Too bad if you relapse, nothing in this world is free"

 

I mean I am actively bettering myself and I am choosing a demanding degree next year next semester. Why is it too much of a luxury to give me shelter and a bit of extra help?

[Leigh 87]

I sincerely hope no children of the mothers on here get mentally ill and become unable to earn an income..

 

It's extremely disturbing how most mothers here seem to think it's optimal to put mentally ill poeple back out on their own asap.. Don't you all know about relapses and regressing?

 

Studying full time in a very demanding degree (ask any podiatry students doing a condensed 3 year degree if they have a life) along with 30 Plus hours work needed to support oneself through uni, is not ideal for a formally mentally ill patient. If they relapse even just once, they cease to be able to work 30 hours and study full time.

 

People with my background should accept help unless they want to run the risk of falling very fast if they are ever to relapse.

 

Occasional three time a year skin care gifts and free accommodation are not crimes of parenting.. I have turned out to be a far kinder and more generous members of the public than most..

 

Please from now on stop trying to tell me that they shouldn't let me live at home or have any help at my ag. Mental illness happens to many people and many victims need ongoing help if they can get it.

 

 

Stick to thread title please. Make up and skin care is too much outside the birthday and zmas gifts.

 

Mum buys skincare for birthdays and Christmas plus once during the year.

 

This year she wanted to buy extra so I've said no in the way that Elswyth suggested.