In the mind of a dumper - finally got some closure

[Davidlarsson]

Hello.

 

It's been exactly a month since my girlfriend broke up with me. I am 24 and she is 22 and we had been together for five years. The breakup was really dramatic when she out of the blue one day said she didn't love me while being drunk. I paniced and since we had moved to a new country together 4 months before I simply booked an flight home and since then we haven't spoken much.

 

Today I received a long letter from her where she tried to explain why she did and why it had to be done. I have gotten alot of tips from everyone at this forum this past month so I thought I could share it with you. It might give some insight in one dumpers perspective when deciding to dump someone after such a long time. Also, I translated it myself to english so there might be some errors in the language. If you wanna give some thoughts on the letter, input, comments, whatever please do. But it's gonna be a long one so get ready

 

"To David, 11th august 2014.

 

I am sitting in my bed and have just awoken. Today I decdided to read your letter. I have no idea why I choose to do it today, I have looked at your letter several times, hidden it in different folders so I could not see it, but today it was so easy just to see it, click on it and open it. I got my breakfast and started to read.

 

The first part of the letter made me smile which I have not done for a long time now. A smile that means something. Of all the memories we have together, it's amazing how good we acctualy had it, and how in love we were together. By growing up together, growing strength together. I remember all the memeories so strong, all the nights at my place, all the nights at your fathers house when it was just you and me. Nothing else mattered. There are so many things I will never forget, like that one night when we just held eachother in our arms for ours, we didn't have to move or change position because it was perfect the way it was. Then fell asleep together, awoke in the same position, had sex without saying a word and then fell asleep in our arms together again. That night was magical like many more.

 

When I think about all the times we have gotten eachother sad and had bad and me having paniced about thinking that you would leave me because it would have been the worst thing that could happen to me at that time, I have had paniced so many times, especially the first years, panic that Im not good enough, that you would find someone cuter, smarter and funnier girls. those feelings are non-existant now and I cant even remember that we have had our times when things were bad because I remember all the good parts so strongly in this minute.

 

I am so glad that I have spent these 5 years with you because I would not have wanted it in any other way. You have made me strong, then weak, then strong a thousand times over again.

 

But the longer I came in your letter the more sorrow I felt, there is still a hole in my heart after you. It hurts in my heart when I am thinking of you, and that I was not there for you when you left back home. The only thing you wanted was to speak but I couldn't, I didnt have the strength. I was only thinking about myself, convinced it was the right thing to do. The only thing I want to do now is go to Oslo and sit down with you and talk to you, about everything. But I realise it's to late now and we should had done it before you left. But I could not talk then, because I didn't even know what happened myself, that's the reason.

 

I felt as if we would not get anywhere, because all I had said then I felt right then. Even though you wanted to hear more, like you always have when it comes to communication, you have said so many times that you wanted more and I can understand how you have felt but I hope you believe me when I say I did my best in the way I could. I have just been who I am. Not being able to change myself. Tried visiting therapists, being sober, spoken to my friends. But its a weekness in me that I will have to live with for a long time. I have so much trouble accepting who I am, all my week sides, and I am trying to change them and everytime I fail it just makes me weaker and weaker, and I cant feel that I can do that to anyone else either.

 

Right now I feel much weaker and stronger then ever. To live alone in our apartment have been great, I have not been afraid one single night. From not being able to sleep alone since I was a little kid, to have been wanting to be alone is really amazing for me. When Lisa moved in her last night I just wanted her to go to her boyfriend because I have become so comfortable by sleeping alone, just to take my space in my own apartment.

 

At the same time I feel weak because I have promised myself that I will change. Not drink to much, not talk **** about people, to start caring about work. I understand it will take time. I need to stop dissappoint myself.

 

What I want to tell you is that I need to be alone right now so I can accept and love myself and change the sides that I really hate. I need to do this and I have really had to do this for quite some while.

 

Last year when we lived near the park and I told you I wanted a break and be alone too, but it went over and we continued with our lives. This time it didn't go away. Had you not went home to Norway it probably would have. But that is not what I need. I can't longer be afraid for myself, and I need to grow up before I can have a relationship. I want to have a relationship where I feel that I have a place, where I can stand for everything I believe in and think, where I can say what I think without being afraid of beeing dumped, hurted or to hurt someone. It dosn't help how much the other person - you - tell this, I need to face it myself.

 

The way I ended our relationship I will always be emberessed for, but it's just another proof that I need this even more.

 

I don't really know whats okay to write or not, I am afraid that you will be sad or that I ruin something by writing this. But im just gonna write it all since I don't know whats okay or not okay to write. And something is telling me you wont even be sad.

 

I wish you with all my heart. I have not cried much since you left because I have been trying to think as little about you as possible and just turn off. At the same time it's been crushing my heart knowing that the more I don't talk to you and the more I don't think about more and more you will drift away from me. Like when I wrote to you just saying that I didn't want any contact right now, and you didn't reply, that really hurt. And then when you did you wrote to me like we we're strangers, I was so mad and upset because we have been together for five years and you wrote to me like we were collegues.

 

But I understand you. The only thing I want you to do is to feel good and be around people who cares about you and take care of you, and I know you will do great, you have become so much stronger with yourself asway. Only you believe in yourself and your inner strength you will go far. If you don't want to move home to your mom and that, then don't. It's just that easy. You will do everything you want in life, I know that. There have been so many times when I just wanted to pack from Oslo and go back to my mom in my hometown. But you gotta think ahead, not backwards, alway! Otherwise you wont get anywhere and you might aswell jump into the grave, because that is what life is about, to be happy and to do what you wanna do.

 

David, I miss you so much. I miss my best friend in the whole world. Every time I see something funny or hear something funny I just wanna write and tell you, like I always have. Sit at work and have funny conversations with you and to plan if we're gonna mkae a nice dinner or cuddle. I miss my best friend so much. Now I start to cry, which I didn't think I would because i've hardly shed a tear during these weeks.

 

What I want to do the most right now is to move back to Oslo, my old employee offered me a work if I come and everyone in Oslo asks me to come back. But I won't. Like all the times in Oslo when I wanted to go home to my hometown, I will just keep on fighting here and work so hard. I am at first place in my whole team, with people that have been working here for several years, and I am at 1st place. It's amazing and I will continue to fight. Pay all my debt and grow up. That feels good. And I hope we will meet together again, start over, get a family, and I still want that and im upset and disappointed that I let it go, I left you and now I cant change my mind, at the same time I need to remember why.

 

I will move home in due time, but then you might not even live in Oslo anymore, or have a new girlfriend, but that okay. The only thing I know is that I will never forget you and im really thankfull and happy that we found eachother and was together in our youth. There are no words to say how glad I am for that, all the memories, all the pictures that I will never delete, you will be my first love for ever, and that feels so good that it will never be in any other way. I am so proud that it's you and noone else that will have that title in my life, for ever.

 

Now im smiling again and can just feel happy that I spent this time with you, your friends and family. Like I will always see as my friends and family. I miss them so much. I was really sad when your letter ended and just wanted to continue reading. I don't know if you feel the same or is even reading this. I hope you are. And the same time im afraid I wrote it to sloppy, or not enough.

 

I love you with all my heart and I will never forget or remember our time as something bad, there are not words that can describe how happy I am for that because I have so many friends that hates their exes, and I am not one of them and will never be whatever happeneds. We have always had something special you and I, i've always known that. <3

 

“My first love was everything at once. The one you never forget. Never try to, never want to. A love so great, so strong. That never dies, never fades, never lost its excitement. The kind of love you are struggling with. The kind of guy you fight for.

What if you find the right one when life is just to start. What if he was the right one, and you let him go. I would regret it for the rest of my life. It gets Easier with time. It takes time and is painful, but it is possible. Talking Helps, go out with others, socialize with friends. He will be like a book you read long ago.

Do you think it's possible? If you trust that if it was ment to be it will be. And if not, you will wake up one day and realize that you have not thought of him. And then you are free.”"

Edited August 11, 2014 by Davidlarsson

[mightycpa]

Lucky you. Beautiful letter.

 

Poor you. She seems like a keeper.

 

Thank you for posting this.

[Peacock_Tail]

It's well written and all that but she doesn't know what she wants and she will probably spend a few years trying to find herself (new age bs, it's just an euphemism for having sex with other people) for then regretting dumping you. By that time it will be late and you will be having, I hope so, an amazing and fullfilling life (with or without somebody, it doesn't matter). Good luck and take care.

Edited August 12, 2014 by Peacock_Tail

[bulldogz]

Bud, that's a beautiful letter.

[SoThatHappened]

Now I know why so many people here told me not to write a letter to a long-term ex I broke up with over a year ago.

 

I put myself in your shoes reading that, and it hurt. Screw that. I don't want to hurt someone I already hurt by dumping them.

 

It was a nice letter, she said a lot of nice things, but it just solidifies that she doesn't want to be with you. You already found that out the hard way. It's like she dumped you again just to relieve her guilt.

 

Eff that.

[gj13]

That's a really touching letter. :')

[Poppyolive]

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure this will help some people here. It sure gave me feels. Her Lil soul is lost, I'm happy she put it into words, although I'm sure doesn't help with heartache and pain you're feeling.

[Natsu21]

As beautiful as that was, it roughly translates to this.

 

"Dear Dumpee...don't think for a moment that I didn't appreciate all the sweet things you've done for me. I don't regret a moment I've spent. However, I no longer feel the same as I did, and though I wish I could magically develop feelings for you, I can't. I'm no longer attracted to you, and even if I haven't said it, I'm already attracted to someone else. It's over between us, but I do still want to thank you for all that you've done."

 

Beautiful letter. You were dumped a lot nicer than most.

 

But you were still dumped, take it for what it is and move on. She doesn't seem like a horrible person, cause she's telling you up front how she feels.

 

You got off easier than most folks. Be glad for that, but life's calling her, you should do the same.

[NoLeafClover]

Call me an a hole but I dont see anything nice in this letter..

 

I would say the same thing to a dumpee if I didnt want to be with them.

 

I got this from the letter"

The sky is blue and will be bluer and is going to be even bluerer because I am so happy and free since you left.

But dont worry I still hurt you didnt reply or talked to me like a coworker instead of lover.

I am so happy I dont know why I am crying now that I think of you because i told myself i would not."

 

 

My favorite part of the letter is when she sayz she wants to reconcile in the future with you...but it is okay if you find another girl.

 

Take everything she says and reverse it. If she says shes happy since you left then shes actually miserable. Happy people dont go around telling exs they are happy.

If she tells you she likes that shes at the apt by herself, she is Bullsh.ting. I live on my own for years. No one likes to come home to an empty house.

 

She doesnt know what she wants but the most clear message is that she doesnt want to be with you.

 

either dont reply or reply with

 

(im glad you are doing good, im doing awesome too. Dont worry about getting together later on, life is too short and it simply wasn't meant to be and I am thankful yoi were the bigger person in this. Good luck in your pursuit. Take care, NAME)

 

You need to move on. You gave 5 yrs for this so it will be a bumpy ride for some time but you will be fine. Go NC, delete everythjng and you need to forget her...NOT BECAUSE SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU, BUT BECAUSE IF SHE IS DOING THIS NOW, SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN LATER LIKE SHE SAID SHE HAS TRIED TO BU WITH YOU BEFORE.

 

Ps. Pardon my grammar im using my phone

Edited August 12, 2014 by NoLeafClover

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Hmm its a well written letter but what was the actual point of it... I dont see any closure in it and I dont even think it makes much sense. If anything it just leaves the question "if she loves you so much and hurts so bad then why is she doing this" ... even more confusing for the dumpee I would imagine x Sorry you are going through this x

[Zapbasket]

I agree with other posters that while the package is beautiful, the message is the same: she doesn't want to be with you.

 

But I have a slightly different take than some posters in that just the gesture of the letter itself, which obviously required some time and soul-searching to write, shows that she cares for you very much. And she's not leaving you to guess on that, i.e., "Did she ever really care?" You'll never have to ask that question because it's plainly indicated in her letter to you. What she's trying to say, I think, is that yes, she doesn't want to be with you, but not because of YOU, rather because of the direction in which her life and psychological needs are pulling her.

 

I had an ex I dated from 2002 to 2007, who was very resentful of the time I took to finish my master's degree. I was apart from him and we carried on a long-distance relationship for several years, and for about 2 years I was absolutely CONSUMED with my graduate work. He broke up with me and I know one of our issues was that he felt I didn't put him first, and concluded that maybe I did not love him. Now that years have passed, I clearly recognize that my actions had nothing to do with how much I loved him. What I went through with my graduate work was just a fact of where I was psychologically, and I HAD to give the time to that degree that I did. I have benefited from my dedication to my graduate work every day since, directly and indirectly.

 

My point being: I could have written that ex exactly the kind of letter you received from your ex, and it would have been the TRUTH. "I love you very much, but I need to step away to accomplish this goal and right now, it's the priority in my life because it HAS to be, for me to grow in the way I need." Really I should have let him go, not because I didn't love him enough, but because I loved him as much as I did. I was immature and didn't handle everything the way I probably should have, but my feelings and intentions toward my bf were 100% genuine. As your ex's were/are for you.

 

Take heart in knowing you two shared a true connection, of mutual care and respect. Even if you never get back together, that is the truth. She's asking you to let her stretch her wings and fly, and I hope you can find it in you to do that, and treasure what you two had, while also respecting yourself and stretching your wings, too--for YOU. Who knows what will happen in the future.

[Davidlarsson]

Yeah I think she's trying to put up a facade where she is all happy and stuff, also i've heard from friends saying she's been randomly uploading happy things on her facebook page. she even says she is trying to surpress her feelings by not thinking of me, which to me dosn't sound like a very healthy approach to the situation.. but I guess like someone else said that she will realize eventually what she have done, even if she is trying not to right now. thanks for all the replies.

 

 

Call me an a hole but I dont see anything nice in this letter..

 

I would say the same thing to a dumpee if I didnt want to be with them.

 

I got this from the letter"

The sky is blue and will be bluer and is going to be even bluerer because I am so happy and free since you left.

But dont worry I still hurt you didnt reply or talked to me like a coworker instead of lover.

I am so happy I dont know why I am crying now that I think of you because i told myself i would not."

 

 

My favorite part of the letter is when she sayz she wants to reconcile in the future with you...but it is okay if you find another girl.

 

Take everything she says and reverse it. If she says shes happy since you left then shes actually miserable. Happy people dont go around telling exs they are happy.

If she tells you she likes that shes at the apt by herself, she is Bullsh.ting. I live on my own for years. No one likes to come home to an empty house.

 

She doesnt know what she wants but the most clear message is that she doesnt want to be with you.

 

either dont reply or reply with

 

(im glad you are doing good, im doing awesome too. Dont worry about getting together later on, life is too short and it simply wasn't meant to be and I am thankful yoi were the bigger person in this. Good luck in your pursuit. Take care, NAME)

 

You need to move on. You gave 5 yrs for this so it will be a bumpy ride for some time but you will be fine. Go NC, delete everythjng and you need to forget her...NOT BECAUSE SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU, BUT BECAUSE IF SHE IS DOING THIS NOW, SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN LATER LIKE SHE SAID SHE HAS TRIED TO BU WITH YOU BEFORE.

 

Ps. Pardon my grammar im using my phone

[martaldn]

oh God I have just cried reading it ...

[Elle1975]

Cool that you got the letter.

 

I read "it's not you, it's me", and I don't see the closure in it. I just see guilt being dumped.

 

If you have found closure in it, and it will not prevent you from moving on, then I'm glad you received it.

[Davidlarsson]

Cool that you got the letter.

 

I read "it's not you, it's me", and I don't see the closure in it. I just see guilt being dumped.

 

If you have found closure in it, and it will not prevent you from moving on, then I'm glad you received it.

 

Well, what is closure really? I guess it's all relative, but this beats nothing at all. But what would be good closure? I think nothing, if the dumped one wants their ex back.

[mightycpa]

You know, I just have to say to the couple of posters who don't like the letter, you've really got to let go of the bitterness. There are always two sides to the story, and things are not always what they seem to be. You are taking your situation and projecting that onto the rest of the world. I'd like to give you another perspective that may help.

 

You seem to take the position that love is some kind of prison sentence for life. It isn't. You will love people in your life, and then you won't. You don't choose to love someone, and you don't really choose not to. Love happens TO you, not because you choose it. If that were true, then you'd just turn it on and off like a switch, depending on the situation. You know better than most that this is impossible. Feeling love is not within your control, and the best that you can do is listen to your heart and follow it, unless it leads you in the wrong direction. Then, you have to get your heart right. I'll leave the promise of marriage out of this discussion, because that adds another dimension. I'm just talking about BF/GF and even fiancees.

 

So when you get dumped, it may feel personal, but it isn't usually an act meant to harm you emotionally, unless you're dealing with some kind of psycho. Usually, it's simply a necessary next step in a relationship. Both the dumper and the dumpee deserve a romantic relationship that's based on more than a historical feeling. How'd you like to hear this instead?

 

"I don't really love you anymore, but I'm going to stick around because I once loved you, and you're not emotionally capable enough to handle it if I do what's right for me. So I'm going to sacrifice my life so that you won't feel bad. I just wanted to let you know that my heart won't be in it, and our relationship won't be what it used to be. I probably won't gaze into your eyes anymore, and I won't think that all your quirky habits are cute. I may begin to demand you change certain things because I don't want to be miserable. I may even be attracted to other people, but don't worry, I'll resist those urges, and I'm not going anywhere. All I really ask is that you treat me like gold, because you claim to love me so much, and I think you should act like it. And don't forget, I'm only doing this for you... if it was all about me, I'd be out of here. But it isn't. It's all about you. Oh, and should you ever feel differently about me, I expect you to stick around too, no matter what."

 

UGH.

 

Try to keep in mind that it is more about HOW you get dumped, rather than WHY you get dumped. The WHY is almost always the same - the ex doesn't love you enough to stay with you. In the end, this is what you need to come to grips with. HOW you get dumped will influence how hard or easy it is for you. The more breakups someone has been through, the better you will get dumped. First loves are typically the worst, because they're not sure what to say or do. This girl is not typical - she remembers the intimacy, and she respects this guy. She oozes maturity.

 

The only other thing that varies with the dumper is what leads that person away, and usually, the dumpee has a lot to do with it. But the younger you are, the more likely it is that it will happen, even if you were the perfect little SO. When you begin a relationship, there's a 50/50 chance as to who will dump who first. This is the way things are, and that's why this happens to almost everybody. It is a story as old as the human race, and now, you're part of the story.

 

It was a nice letter. David may not like the outcome, but surely you can appreciate that this girl looks back with fondness and not bitterness or hate or disdain. She recognizes that she's got mixed feelings about this, which is more self-awareness than many people possess. And she did leave the door open for some kind of future relationship, but not in the sense that she's keeping him on a string while she dallies around. I took it as she recognizes that she is giving up something valuable, and she could see herself with him ... just not now, and not necessarily. If you've lived long enough, then you know that this is a valid POV, and not some BS to keep his hope alive. And best of all, she was kind enough to say it, which is a hell of a lot more than most people get.

 

If I had gotten a letter like this, yes, it would have hurt, but at least I'd know for certain that I loved somebody who was truly worthy of the love I felt for her.

 

As for closure, the only real closure you get is the day you wake up and you realize you no longer love the person you did yesterday. On that day, you see everything clearly, and you understand the other person's point of view. You know why they left you, why they had to leave you, and you don't care any more. But until that day happens, no reason is good enough, and you wonder how they could just walk away, and you wonder "what if". But on the day you wake up without love, then you know. That's closure.

 

Of course, you need to do whatever it is you need to do to move on, and get to closure. I don't blame you. But dumpers aren't bad people per se, and they aren't all cut from the same cloth. So don't pile on to this girl. She's doing the best she can. You may find yourself in those shoes one day, and you should pray that you will do as well as she's done.

 

End of rant.

[Zapbasket]

This girl is not typical - she remembers the intimacy, and she respects this guy. She oozes maturity.

 

It was a nice letter. David may not like the outcome, but surely you can appreciate that this girl looks back with fondness and not bitterness or hate or disdain. She recognizes that she's got mixed feelings about this, which is more self-awareness than many people possess. And she did leave the door open for some kind of future relationship, but not in the sense that she's keeping him on a string while she dallies around. I took it as she recognizes that she is giving up something valuable, and she could see herself with him ... just not now, and not necessarily. If you've lived long enough, then you know that this is a valid POV, and not some BS to keep his hope alive. And best of all, she was kind enough to say it, which is a hell of a lot more than most people get.

 

If I had gotten a letter like this, yes, it would have hurt, but at least I'd know for certain that I loved somebody who was truly worthy of the love I felt for her.

 

Yes, yes, yes. I agree 100+%. Breakups happen, but this kind of maturity and kindness about such a situation most often do not. I would love to have received such a letter from an ex. To show that they care beyond what you were or were not to and for each other in the relationship. To validate the connection you once shared, and to underscore that ultimately the decision to break up is less about YOU than it is about THEM (because really, it is--we each have different "rules"), and that ultimately your time together wasn't all bad, or even bad at all--just not what they needed or wanted at present.

 

And yes, that kind of communication also validates the love you have for the person. My great sadness in my most recent breakup is that in the way he broke up with me, and the way he conducted himself at the relationship's end as well as throughout, underscores that he never was worthy of my love. It's sad, confusing, and just makes me feel like my time with him was an utter waste.

 

You are very lucky, as I've said before, OP.

[SoThatHappened]

Gotta disagree mightycpa and GreenCove, respectfully of course!

 

You get dumped. Ouch #1

 

Then you get a letter saying why you were dumped? Ouch #2

 

On top of that, the letter, although well written, just continues to reiterate that she doesn't want to be with him.

 

No thanks.

 

I'd rather be cheated on than someone to "fall out of love" then send me a letter stating why they fell out of love.

 

To each their own, I guess.

 

I think this letter is the opposite of closure. The OP won't get closure from this letter. He will get it from himself.

[Mary Oak]

I think it was a lot of nice words to say I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU ANYMORE. I WANT TO EASE MY GUILT BY TELLING YOU NICE THINGS, BUT THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION IS I DON'T THINK ABOUT YOU MUCH, I DON'T CRY OFTEN, AND I AM MOVING ON.

 

I think it would have been nicer to leave it alone. I got many, many emails from my ex similiar to this... and guess what... since not together. All is did was cause more questions and confusion... and worse of all, hope.

 

But, it was all my fault getting these emails. They were responses to the TONS of questions I had. My ex was trying to be nice and help me through the pain... only thing is, she couldn't. She finally realized this... I still miss her, but her feelings are for someone else. So...

 

It is nice to hear these things... just don't keep communicating with her... it will only bring you heartache... I promise you.

Edited August 12, 2014 by Mary Oak

[mightycpa]

Gotta disagree mightycpa and GreenCove, respectfully of course!

 

Of course!

 

No thanks.

 

I'd rather be cheated on than someone to "fall out of love" then send me a letter stating why they fell out of love.

 

To each their own, I guess.

 

See? It's all in the HOW.

 

In a way, I agree with you. My 2nd love cheated on me at the end, and it was a shorter and ultimately easier transition to closure. Much easier to understand, much easier to not want to be with her, and it was a lot easier to blame her than me (even if she did do it because I didn't want to marry her)

[SoThatHappened]

mightycpa,

 

Same boat here. Most recent ex cheated and, as much as it hurt, I get to BLAME HER and have a reason why it ended. Best thing is, not a single thing was my fault, and there's really no way for her to ease her guilt.

 

I also dumped the prior long-term ex because I really did stop being "in love", although I will love her for the rest of my life. I gave her reasons, mainly that we weren't compatible, and it was devastating to her. However, the way I ended it allowed her to be furious with me. It's like I had to be the "bad guy" to help her move on ... Batman stuff

 

Getting dumped sucks.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I put myself in OP's shoes reading that letter and I wanted to puke. I don't need or want to hear any of that stuff from someone who broke my heart. The only thing I'd want to hear is "I completely messed up and would do anything in my power to get you back!"

 

[Davidlarsson]

I gotta say though, that I do feel better after receiving the letter then before. Because then it was just so much confusion. I think we both mutually really care about eachother, and maybe she dared do the thing I didn't do, to acctualy break up. It's easy to look at your relationship as a perfect thing (trust me I know this after 3 weeks of glamorizing it) but now I start to remember all the problems we acctualy did have. I don't think our relationship would have lasted more then a year if we would have kept going. And if this is a possibility to a new start some time, only time can tell that, but I feel as if I can move on faster from this. Not sure why, but then again I have my ups and downs during the weeks.

 

Anyways thanks for all who's posting in this thread it's really interesting to read what everyone thinks of it.

[Davidlarsson]

closure, hah! i still think of her like 80% of the day, even when with friends. also so obsessive wanna check her facebook all the time even tough were not friends. how to change your thoughts?!!

[mightycpa]

closure, hah! i still think of her like 80% of the day, even when with friends. also so obsessive wanna check her facebook all the time even tough were not friends. how to change your thoughts?!!

 

Easy-peasy! All you have to do is fall out of love!

[Gatema]

I'm afraid that I had a much different impression of this letter from your ex girlfriend. Just for the record, and perhaps it's simply because of the translation, I have to disagree with several of the comments, that this letter was beautifully written, that is, in the grammatical sense of the matter; thankfully, this is not the issue here. May I point out what I found to be the common denominator throughout her letter to you? It appears that she vacillates between staying with you and leaving you. Your ex regales that she had no other choice but to bail on you. Hmm, a bit adolescent like, which is what most emotionally healthy people would assume. However, the most glaring message throughout her letter pontificates numerous excuses for her bad behavior, and absolution from her misdeeds and actions. Honestly, this letter was nothing more than a written manifesto from her perspective, pleading her case by dissecting the times that you two were together. Then she wrapped it in the form of a good-bye letter before sending it off to you. Unfortunately, or fortunately, it’s your call, and really depends on how dedicated you are to moving on; the ball is in your court. You can’t let yourself buckle, ignore the fantasy, and stop thinking that she has reached out to you in some convoluted and rambling exposé, because she has not. Please read between the lines; grasp one important concept, if anything, that your ex fears commitment, and suffers from being extremely love confused.

I hope my candor motivates you enough to recognize that this chapter in your life should close. Luckily, you are a young man with endless opportunities before you. Get unstuck. Try not to focus on the ending, or about her any more than you have to, get busy creating a new life. Convince yourself that you are not willing to live in a back and forth existence and that you do not intend on surrounding yourself with a constant state of living in limbo. Be honest with yourself, dig deep, down to your soul even, then acknowledge the facts for what the truth is, and what is clearly evident, even to a stranger like me. Then finally admit it, that your ex girlfriend is only capable of being in that type of relationship that you are trying your very best to avoid. Good luck to you.

Edited August 15, 2014 by Gatema