Myz_Heavenly Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 My husband was recently telling me that he doesn't have a lot of friends since he got married, and is used to having them. Thing is, he says he thinks it would be safer for him to have female friends than male ones because all the guys do is talk about females and what they do to them, and he feels left out b/c "I don't do that stuff anymore". However, everytime he evens sees me conversating with a male, he gets pissed, and jokingly asks me are they my other men. (I think he is serious to some point though.) What I DO NOT UNDERSTAND is how he can be down because he wants more FEMALE friends, then gets upset when I speak to males that I barely know? He goes online to chat with females who live in our area, and compliments them telling them they are sexy and attractive, and when I find out about it, he denies it till I read him what he wrote. Then, he says he has done nothing wrong b/c in his opinion it is safer-yeah, that word again- to chat online b/c he won't have to see them, and worry about anything happening. WHAT DOES HE THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN? Also, I don't know that he won't see them considering they stay in the same area as us. What they heck? Why is it so important to him to have female friends anyway, when he has me? DUH. I don't mind him associating with females, but to have 'em as friends? Like, hanging out and stuff? I trust no female, so that's a no-no. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by Myz_Heavenly Why is it so important to him to have female friends anyway, when he has me? DUH. I don't mind him associating with females, but to have 'em as friends? What I DO NOT UNDERSTAND is how he can be down because he wants more FEMALE friends, then gets upset when I speak to males that I barely know? 1. I expect he feels there is something missing in his mind from your own relationship, and he feels he can find this in other women. It doesn't have to be sexual in nature - it could be something as simple as having unbiased female emotional companionship - a closeness he can feel with someone that he can't feel with you. Could it lead to a sexual affair? Maybe, maybe not - I've seen plenty of posts by OW and on other OW boards that talk about long-term 'emotional affairs' that don't make it to sex but are still fulfilling a need for the guy outside of the needs he has fulfilled in his current relationship. 2. Because he knows that he isn't going to leave you if he has female 'friends', but he isn't so certain that you won't leave him if you find a male 'friend'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myz_Heavenly Posted February 28, 2005 Author Share Posted February 28, 2005 Thanx Lucrezia, I have a better understanding now, but I still don't appreciate him hiding things. Even after I found out, and asked him about why he feels the need to have FEMALE friends, he still couldn't explain. Maybe that's the way it's gonna be though. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 Myz_Heavenly, Red flags are appearing. Not only is he flirting with other women, but he's lying to you about it and trying to keep it a secret. What's to stop him from seeing one of these women from online? Him trying to get the 'OK' from you to have female friends is his way to either clear his conscious because he did something he shouldn't have, or to give him a free pass to see one of these chicks. As for getting upset with you in regards to talking to other men, in what way are you talking to them? He could be talking to these other women because he's upset with you. Either way this is a time bomb waiting to explode if you don't quickly disarm it. You two definetly need to communicate better, otherwise you'll be on here asking us what to do because you found out he cheated on you. If you two have been arguing alot, etc.. then maybe it's time to see a marriage counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 I agree with jm the fact he's not cooperating with sharing info is questionable. If nothing was going on why hide it and only discuss it when forced to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myz_Heavenly Posted February 28, 2005 Author Share Posted February 28, 2005 I literally only talk to them long enough to say hello and how is life, whereas he holds online conversations. Then, half the time that I speak to another guy, he's standing RIGHT THERE! Link to post Share on other sites
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