lost my bff for the best? rant

[sickoflove11]

I'm slowly letting go of my best/only close friend, after she became upset with me for answering a question SHE asked. (posted in friendship) Weeks later she told me I had hurt her feelings and that it wasn't something a best friend would say. I wish she would understand that makes no sense and I'm afraid I will never get to explain myself to her. Even if the friendship is over, I feel she has exaggerated what I said in her mind and it's hard for me to live knowing someone has my words twisted into something they are not. I can't imagine someone being so upset otherwise.

I won't apologize anymore and I won't beg her for anything but this is personal now because I can not sleep. I constantly replay the situation out even though I know I can't change it. I imagine things I would say to her if I got the chance. Then when I fall asleep I have dreams about it or with her in them.

 

I'm also really upset that she would drive 6 hours to the state I live in, to visit friends she is not as close with when originally she was supposed to be visiting me (found out through social media which I am now avoiding). I am only 1 more hour away and she made no effort to see or talk to me while she was here

 

I won't contact her first because she has made it clear she isn't going to respond and isn't ready to talk thought she may never be. I just don't know how to make my mind move past this and be happy again. It's like a break up but I don't have a best friend there for me. I had a therapist but she just listened to me talk for 2 months and wrote stuff down..

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Aww, I'm sorry sweetie. I too am going though a sort of friendship breakup. I started a thread on the issues we were having a few days ago but haven't posted an update on the huge blowout argument that followed. It's rough, especially when you feel there is a lot left unsaid and losing a friend - especially a BEST friend and possibly for good - is quite painful so I'm not going to tell you to just get over it or that it's not that serious.

 

However, I'll be perfectly honest with you, it doesn't look like she was all that invested (like you said) and tried to play the victim by blowing whatever it is you said out of proportion in order to make you look like the bad guy. And also distracting you from the fact that she visited everyone else in the world but you on her recent trip.

 

I had a bad weekend and couldn't sleep well because I was both angry and sad and I was thinking over all the things I should've said. *But* I managed to distract myself with my blog, a new novel, Netflix and of course this site. As with a romantic breakup, now is the time to start working on yourself, finding hobbies to take your mind of things and building new friendships.

[sickoflove11]

Thank you for your advice, and I am sorry about your friendship also. It is sad that things like this are just a part of life and some of us become so invested and others, not so much. Unfortunately I take being a best friend very seriously and don't just call anyone I meet that. I think I am better off without close friends from now on.

After 4 years it doesn't make sense that someone could just end a friendship over something like this out of all the things we have been through. I guess that sounds just like a romantic breakup though right? Maybe over time we just changed and our lives are not in the same place anymore. She is graduating college this year and I'm still figuring things out. She wants to party a lot more now that we are finally 21 and I'm not really that into partying or being so crazy. I know I'm young but I don't see myself having anymore close relationships after these last few years.

 

I also tried writing last night before I fell asleep I think it helped a little but once I close my eyes it sucks.