Overwhelming guilt

[Broken1511]

I never intended to be the other woman, I still struggle to believe I've found myself in this situation. My first ex boyfriend and I haven't had contact in around four years, he broke my heart and then shortly after started dating my cousins best friend who he has child with and one on the way. We ran into each other around 3 weeks ago and whilst we've seen each other around there's always been awkward eye contact and lots of avoiding each other. But for some reason that night he decided to come over to me whilst I was on my own at the bar. He apologised for his behaviour towards me back when were 16 (we are both now 19) I cleared the air with him and told him I'd dated someone far worse then how he treated me since then (my recent ex was emotionally and on one occasion physically abusive)and we were kids then. I the proceed to drunkly talk about my ex and get rather emotional and which point he comforted and then we proceeded to reminisce about old times, we drank more and went to another club and then before I knew it we had gone back to mine and slept together. I felt horribly guilty after but also felt like there was a connection between us. We met up a few days later to discuss what had happened and where to go from there. I told him I didn't want to be responsible for breaking up a family nor have an affair with him and that the right thing to do was to forget it happened. He kissed me and said that we had a connection and that it just felt right. We stopped speaking for a few days and then he contacted me on my paps funeral and we began speaking again only this time I selfishly entertained it and developed deeper feelings for him. He then messaged me Saturday out of the blue to say that he'd ended the relationship as he was unhappy before I came along and that what we did was the eye opener he needed to realise he shouldn't be in this relationship. However his girlfriend was suspicious and hacked into his Facebook and found messages between us. She plasted it all over Facebook for everyone to see, I've deactivated my social media accounts and she harassed my cousin trying to find out where I live. I felt so ashamed and guilty that I took an overdose that night. I haven't gone into work I'm worried she's going to be waiting for me, I'm worried about people at work finding out and have to walk away from my job. I've destroyed a family. I cannot live with the guilt. I just don't even want to face the world or be here anymore. I feel sick to my core.

[herself]

Ask your cousin for her number. Call her with your number blocked.

Profusely apologize, be prepared she will lash out. Agree with her, let her know you are disgusted with yourself and your actions.

Calm down, stop drinking and drugging and self sabotaging.

Go to work, clean yourself up and dont do it again.

This was indeed a horrible mistake but not one that should cause you to damage yourself and your entire existence even more.

Learn from it, resolve to be a better person now and move on.

Let this be the catalyst in your life to get healthy and make better decisions.