Reconciling thoughts, need helpful replies

[jeff_64]

Alright so my story is a bit unique and I can admit a lot of it wasn't right so just a note that I know what I did wasn't completely right but love makes you do crazy stuff sometimes.

 

Before I explain the story I would like to say that me and the "ex" haven't dated in almost 3 years, and haven't had contact other than seeing eachother briefly (maybe like 3-4 times over 2 year period, her sister is married to my best friend it happens lol) I've moved on plenty from the griefing, know that she's not the only one to love out there, and I have all my self confidence charged up over the years and am genuinely happy with my life despite being single. Most importantly I know I don't need her so this is a "don't want any regrets" sort of thing. OK now for the story.

 

Ok so I originally started talking to her while she was dating a guy. I had no intentions of doing anything, I wanted to get to know her because I was good firneds with her sister. Well we ended up having the best conversations and soon started chatting for hours all the time with flirting being there definetly. Skip ahead 2 months and I said I was in love with her. 2 Days later she said she couldn't deny it anymore and loved me too. This lasted for 8 more months. With me and her texting and talking on the phone in love (it felt genuine from both sides). But at the same time she was still dating that other guy so I never met up with her and we never did anything physical, so it was all a big secret between us. We hung out once at a halloween party and secretly texted eachother and practically cuddled near the end of the night, it felt amazing and we felt really happy.

 

Well a month later uh oh, her boyfriend caught one of my texts I sent her being very relationship-ish so she said she couldn't contact me now because of that, and I agreed to it even though it was painful. A month later they broke up and I mentioned the possibility of getting with her which was of course when I sounded kind of needy so she didn't go for it, plus with getting with some guy you basically cheated with after the cheated guy broke up with her would have looked bad I'm sure.

 

Fast forward to the present, her boyfriend recently dumped her and I didn't care really and it's been about a month. Seen her at my friend's house and since then(and due to my friend trying to prod it along, not knowing of the secret past relationship) I decided I would think about maybe trying one last time to rekindle something before I completely moved on.

 

In that 3 year period she has had 2 relationships, one the ended less than a month by the guy, and one that lasted about a year I'd say(the latest one) and he broke up with her. As for me I dated around a bit, I would say in that 3 year time frame I dated 6 different girls, although most of them didn't do a ton for me emotionally so they didn't last long besides one which lasted 4 months. Our relationship is basically a friendly aquantance deal. I wouldn't consider us friends we don't hang out, but we are friendly towards eachother if we see or talk.

 

I''m sure we have both changed and grown a lot since the whole experience and I'd assume any bad blood is basically forgetten by this point. So what I'm asking is given all that happened, do you think it would be worth one final shot giving a non needy as possible message to catch up or invite out in the hope for reconciling for a no regrets deal? Or should I just keep it where it's at and keep moved on and not even bother? I'm totally fine with honesty on this opinion, I'm not in a bad place and just want the truth on the situation.

[Poppyolive]

I think she knows where you stand. Shell come to you if and when it feels right for her, then and only then gauge how you feel, in the moment.

 

She pretty much cheated on her boyfriend whom found the text. This makes me think this girl is confused, hurting and needs space. To be single for awhile until she figures things out, heals and moves on. In the meantime don't badger her. It looks weak and needy.

[jeff_64]

I think she knows where you stand. Shell come to you if and when it feels right for her, then and only then gauge how you feel, in the moment.

 

She pretty much cheated on her boyfriend whom found the text. This makes me think this girl is confused, hurting and needs space. To be single for awhile until she figures things out, heals and moves on. In the meantime don't badger her. It looks weak and needy.

 

Sounds good to me. I'm kind of at the point where I just want both of us to be happy, and while I think we could be together, I also feel we can be without. so it's best to let them sort out anything wrong and decide themselves. Thanks for the reply I appreciate it.

[ThorntonMelon]

I think your feelings for her are stronger than your original post suggests. I don't know that you go running around telling someone you love them and being satisfied being in an emotional affair with a woman you're not crazy about.

 

To me, the "play" if you call it one is to shoot straight. The slow play to me makes no sense. You call her, tell her you understand she's single, and you don't want a secret text friendship, you'd like the chance to openly date her and see if there is something there. If she balks, you have your answer.

 

I think you'll find she's wasting your time.

[jeff_64]

I think your feelings for her are stronger than your original post suggests. I don't know that you go running around telling someone you love them and being satisfied being in an emotional affair with a woman you're not crazy about.

 

To me, the "play" if you call it one is to shoot straight. The slow play to me makes no sense. You call her, tell her you understand she's single, and you don't want a secret text friendship, you'd like the chance to openly date her and see if there is something there. If she balks, you have your answer.

 

I think you'll find she's wasting your time.

 

well we don't secret text anymore, that was before we got caught, I haven't talked to her really for over two years besides the occasional hi if we bumped into eachother.

 

But you are correct that I was crazy about her, and of course some of that feeling is still inside me years later otherwise I wouldn't be on here talking about this.

[ThorntonMelon]

So shoot straight with her.

[jeff_64]

So shoot straight with her.

 

That is my plan if I go through with it. I have thought about asking if my friend would get some input first, he doesn't know that we had that secret relationship but thinks I should try to date her, I've thought about telling him I'd be worth talking to her to see but wouldn't want it to turn awkward around them if it didn't so to have him ask what she would think about without knowing it was me that had him ask. I don't know if that seems kind of devious though, I mean it is partially true that I don't wanna make things awkward again. But it's more than just some new girl to talk to like he thinks.

[ThorntonMelon]

I mentioned the possibility of getting with her which was of course when I sounded kind of needy so she didn't go for it, plus with getting with some guy you basically cheated with after the cheated guy broke up with her would have looked bad I'm sure.

 

I wouldn't strategize here. No need for input. She's rejected you once, obviously you need her to do it again to move on with her life.

[jeff_64]

I wouldn't strategize here. No need for input. She's rejected you once, obviously you need her to do it again to move on with her life.

 

Well I lean more on the side of not doing anything and letting the feeling pass, it had been gone for a long time. Honestly I think finding a new relationship that I actually liked would fix it. I'm just currently have a random relapse I guess cuz I didn't even get any of these thoughts the first time she became single after dating someone else.