whichwayisup Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Sys, Wish you all the best and that things continue to get better. You seem to know what you want, you've never lost sight of that - I just really hope your wife see's what a good man she has infront of her now. Time is on your side. Keep focussing on the good and positive - Acknowledge the bad crap - but don't let it sit in your head. Good thoughts only!! Keep updating once in a while! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sysyphus Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 Been a long time ,but I thought now was as good a time as ever to send out an update to anyone that ever cared out here. I'll just paste in a few excerpts from my thread over at MD: OK folks -a lot has happened in the last few days and I wanted to share with you all before we take off on vacation. First let me tell you that I had the best Father's Day ever my W and the girls really went out of the way to make it special. Now that that is out of the way, let me get to the good stuff. Friday, while eating lunch with my W, her cell rang. She picked it up, looked at the number , then hung it up. I asked her "aren't you going to pick it up?" She said no, I think it was a wrong number. Then she said -I think it was OM. Well we both got really upset. I was furious at him (didn't explode or anything, was just racing on adrenaline), my W was shaken and upset -she was mad at him for trying to call. This was a watershed moment. She told me she was angry at him that he knew not to try to talk to her, she said even if I wasn't there she wouldn't have picked up. she told me that things have been so good in the last few months that she was totally commited to us and that she had moved on from him and that he would need to do the same. she said she was most likely going to write him a letter telling him to respect here wishes and move on. She is going to cancel her EQ1 account, and said she wouldn't be going to her old guild site anymore. Basically, I think she hit a breaking point, and if she had been doing any fence sitting, came down on our side. Later that day we were cuddling on the couch (in itself a nice thing) and she said I'm really glad your home on vacation and kissed me. Since that moment, we are renewed. She says she loves me, we kiss with meaning and passion. We aren't fixed, but I would say we are in full recovery mode. I can't tell you all how happy I am. Later that night she thanked me for holding hope for us both in the beginning because she didn't have it then. Ahhg, I'm rambling, but there is just so much to say and I'm amazed at how fast it all cascaded to this point. As I said, there is a lot to do and so much of my focus has been on getting to this point that now I find I need to change gears a bit and figure out this next phase. Either way we both agreed that the best is ahead of us and the worst behind. Thank you everyone fo helping me get to this point and I my wish for all of you is that you can get here too -it is wonderful (and scarry all at once). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Back from what I am officially declaring my best vacation ever! This time is exactly what my W and I needed and the timing of events couldn't have been better. As I said in my last post, as of the friday before we left, my W had really begun to reach out to me and with the unfortunate call from the OM, her resolve to be with me was only strengthened and made clear to me. We had a long car ride to get where we were going, we had the kids, so there wasn't any deep talks, but a few miles in, she reached out and took my hand. We did that a lot. She was so affectionate and loving towards me I was giddy. There was a small amount of nagging paranoia in my mind -completely irrational thinking but that's just the old paranoia lingering (know what I mean Owl?). Anyway, long story short, we are back together for the long haul. We spent the vacation kissing, hugging, holding hands and most importantly, talking and being with each other. The OM tried calling our house on the first day of our vacation (pretty ballsy given he previously would only call her cell -wondering if today being Tuesday, he'll try again). My W found this out and told me as we waited for a table at our favorite restaurant (nice having family to baby sit all week). Every time he calls, it seems her resolve is strengthened now so I say bring it on, keep calling dude. Anyway, she is going to write hm and tell him to move on and leave us alone. She is cancelling the EQ1 account and she is done with her former guild forums. So the ties have been or will be shortly severed entierely and most importantly in her heart and mind it's done and I am the one she is with. We talked a lot about how she came to this point. In a nutshell, she said with time she had hardened against the OM, she was able to see that she had a really great life here with me and our kids. I asked what had let her come to all of this and she told me over the last month she had been really very happy and that she found herself really looking forward to our vacation. She said she realized that a big part of that was that she was looking forward to spending time with me. I guess that flipped the switch from trying to doing. For those looking for answers, she told me the main factor for her was time (5 months since d-day for us, 3 months since NC began). She also credited the fact that we had a really stong foundation (a very deep friendship and the kids) so putting things back together was not such a difficult thing once what I assume is the fog lifted comletely. One frustrating but delicious aspect of this was that we were on vacation in a small house with my mother and grandmother -i.e no privacy -at all. My W had been saying for some time that she wasn't ready for a physical relationship to resume b/c although she was working on us, she didn't want to make any promises she couldn't keep. Well, it seems that the promise was there now in theory, but not practice and due to a good bit of self-conciousness and propriety, wasn't going to be fullfilled during that week. So, here we are, more or less back on track -I'm giddy with happiness and unbelievabably turned on by her. She was radiant and she loved me -what can I say? So we kissed -a lot. And cuddled and whatever else we could do. Last night we got home. We made love for the first time in 5 months and it was glorious. We lay in other each others arms weeping with joy. I've never been so happy. Even the sex is better now ). If the last 5 months were a nightmare -this is a dream come true. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and help you have been to me. I hope I can return the favor in some small way. My wish for all of you is the happiness my W and I have found. I hope our example can be a light for all of you struggling in the dark as I did for so long. It can happen, but it takes work and resolve and hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 What a wonderful post- thank you for sharing! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Sys- Wanted to say that I've been following your story on 'the other website'...and am VERY happy that you've reached this point my friend. You've done an outstanding job of sticking to it, and working through the issues. Remember that you're both still going to have good days and bad, but that those ups and downs will be a lot less severe and a lot further apart as time goes on. Great job my friend...and I hope that things do nothing but get better for you!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Hey Sys, that is awesome and I'm really happy for you! All your hard work and patience has paid off, I'm glad that she noticed that too, you not giving up hope. I'm sure it has alot to with how things are now. Thanks for the update, keep on doing that. Again, really happy for you and your wife! One thing though, I think both of you need to sit down and do an email and tell this OM to stop calling period. Whatever happened between them is over and he needs to move on and not contact her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sysyphus Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 One thing though, I think both of you need to sit down and do an email and tell this OM to stop calling period. Whatever happened between them is over and he needs to move on and not contact her anymore. Oh yeah, that's in the works -just got back from vacation so the time hasn't been found yet, but it is going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Great! I'm sure once that has been taken care of, everything else will just fall into place naturally and he won't be part of the equation anymore -Period! Glad you had a fun vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts