OLD, "Let's be friends first and see where it goes"

[irc333]

So often I'd see this mentioned in online dating profiles.

 

"Let's start off as friends first, and see where it goes." But ironically, being friends means nothing romantic or involved any kind of attraction, but I think this is a misnomer of sorts to call it a "friendship".

 

More of a defense mechanism for "I'm not here for a one night stand"...yes? No?

 

Doesn't mean they would meet you in person though.

[PegNosePete]

Whenever I see this I just press "NEXT".

 

I'm not interested in someone who is going to friend-zone me right from the start, thanks. I'm on there to get dates, not friends.

[MissBee]

I think maybe what some people are trying to convey is that they want to take things slow and not be in an insta-relationship.

 

However, I could see how it can be off-putting or convey the wrong message.

 

I'd rather start talking to someone first and then discuss how I want things to progress.

[Candy_Pants]

Friends first... okay. On a dating site? No thanks.

[LuvsTrucks2]

I agree with all the previous posters that a dating site is not for making friends, it's for "dating." With that being said, a lot of profiles indicate being friends so that they can keep you hanging or on stand-by as they weed through their selections or keep you as a back up plan.

[MissBee]

Friends first... okay. On a dating site? No thanks.

 

I think it's one of those things where people don't understand that with online dating, where you're specifically and explicitly looking to date, certain things that will work in a more organic manner "in the real world" won't work there.

 

It's like another thread on chemistry. In the off line world it is plausible and organic that you can develop chemistry overtime with say someone in your friend circle whom you interact with over time...but online dating you don't have that luxury so if you go out things have to connect pretty quickly for it to have a future.

 

Likewise, friends first is organic and acceptable in an offline mode where it's a matter of say you met them in class or at the library or at work and developed a friendship then attraction then dated...but online it seems artificial to go online and try to be friends first then move up.

[RedRobin]

I've read that before too. When I see it from a guy, what I really think is that they are looking mostly for an F-buddy and are sleeping with multiple women, or trying to.

 

 

When I observe it from women, is that they don't want a guy they just met diving down their shorts on the first few meetings. I personally don't view the early meetings as a DATE anyway.

 

 

I seriously doubt any of the people who say this on a dating site are looking for a friend. They want someone with romantic potential, but have their own way of determining what 'romance' means to them and at what pace. So, I see no reason why that statement shouldn't exist on a dating site. Perfectly fine to me.

[sillyanswer]

So often I'd see this mentioned in online dating profiles.

 

Perhaps you even remember discussing it on here in the past? It comes up often enough!

 

More of a defense mechanism for "I'm not here for a one night stand"...yes? No?

 

Sometimes, yes, I think that's what people mean. Sometimes I don't think they've thought of what it might mean. Sometimes I think they mean it literally.

 

When I use dating sites I want to meet someone and GO ON DATES and see where that leads, not meet someone to befriend and see where that leads, so I take a dim view of the person when I read that in their profile. That's fine... there's a spanner for every nut.

[salparadise]

I think most of the ones who say that are just plain clueless. I'm sure they believe they've come up with an ingenuous method to deter players looking for a quick lay... but any man with half a brain reads it as, "not ready to date -- doesn't know what she wants -- a frikin waste of my precious time." In other words, they're just window shopping while they wait for their knight in shining armor to make his grand entrance, or they dream of being pursued relentlessly by many men while they play the demure, withdrawing damsel. Regardless, the message they convey is clear... waste of time––NEXT.

[Mirages]

Is it any more unsettling than the other extreme, which is also checked by some "Looking for someone to marry."

I seem to agree with the post about not needing to specify every detail, this is a good one for blank.

[salparadise]

Is it any more unsettling than the other extreme, which is also checked by some "Looking for someone to marry."

 

Yes, I'd say it is. Marriage is the goal for many, and a perfectly legitimate reason to date, although they usually have the decorum not to wear it on their sleeve. But the looking for friends bull crap is just delusional. If a man chooses to date a let's be friends woman, it's because he believes she is seducible and he's up for the challenge.

[guest569]

I think its from people who are a little hesitant about dating or unsure of what they want. Or people who have been through a breakup and just need some company from the opposite sex to bring their confidence back. Usually when i see "i want to make friends" i think "baggage". But I think when i very first started in the dating world i was a bit frightened to get close to people and although I wanted to date, I wanted to make friends along the way which I have found does not work because dating sites are generally not good for forming friendships.

 

Oh and if someone used this line on me, I would take it as rejection. I would never say this to someone i was keen on, nor on someone i am not keen on! It's either, let's be friends, or let's date. See where it goes? No, I can see in my mind where I want it to go.