marrage is crashing need help.

[Heart Broken 66]

this is my first post, i have not read any others because basically i am in panick mode. i have been married to my wife for fifteen years but have been together for 17 years. we have three kids and i dont want them to suffer through a divorce. i love my wife but she basically dosn't love me. we have both made mistakes in the past (cheating) but it was years ago and as far as i know nothing recent. she has numerous problems from the past that she refuses to deal with such as being molested as a child, parents divorced and adopted by grandparents. and just for back ground my parents were also divorced when i was a child.

 

I have asked my wife repeatedly for us to go together and see a marrage counciler but she refuses. our sex life sucks she is just not intrested. and we seem to want different things out of life. i want a soul mate, a friend some one to share thing with aand grow old together, i like to cuddle and kiss and be romantic. where she seems to be just the oppisite, no kissing or cuddling and when we have sex she wants no romance or foreplay and would prefer it if i was rough. that is okay evry once in a while but i need passion.

 

I feel so lonley i dont know what to do neither of us feel we could afford to get divorced but she refuses to even try to work things out, so she keeps dishing it out and i keep taking it

 

i would appericate any advise on this thanks.

[Pocky]

Has your wife told you directly that she wants a divorce?

[Yikes]

Heart Broken 66,

 

Much of what you describe is similar to my situation. It sounds like the two of you have become emotionally disconnected. Our marriage counsellor said that it is extremely difficult to reverse that disconnection and unless you BOTH really commit to it, it is impossible. I wish that there was a magic solution for all of us, but sadly there is not. I suppose that you can try to convince her that counselling will improve your lives as individuals, as a couple and as a family. Children learn by watching their parents, if you can work together and be positive role models then great. If not, then maybe it's best to part ways as friends. Life is far too short to be unhappy and it does the kids no good to see their parents in a bad marriage. It's better to have two happy homes than one unhappy one, I always say. Priority should be given to staying together happily, but is that simply cannot happen then you need a back-up plan.

 

Does she want to stay married? Could there be soemone else involved?

 

There is only one sure thing here as I see it. This is not something that is going to get better without some professional help and you have three wonderful reasons to get it.

 

Good luck.