Update- did the deed, now what?

[Themanwithaplan]

I've been asking advice in regards to dating this girl that is openly dating other people, but initially showed a lot of interest and approached me. Little recap- Over the course of the last two months we've hung out a few times and each time I was invited back to her place. I got a lot of flack on here for not pushing for sex... She's canceled a few dates and each time expressed regret and explained her situation of just being overwhelmed with work and school. Well finally after a few weeks of not seeing each other with very limited contact, she's telling me her availability is going to increase in the next week or so(quitting her second job). I saw her over the weekend and we had an amazing time. We went back to her place and I didn't hold back this time. So now, I don't know exactly how to proceed. I'm not sure if she is looking for a relationship, a fling, or a fwb. I like her a lot and would definitely be open to the idea of her being my gf, but I don't want to mess anything up by coming off as clingy as I'd be happy being fwb as well. I guess if I had to choose though, I'd prefer a relationship. Up until now, we mainly text fairly infrequently. We've talked on the phone a couple times mainly to set up plans.

I'd appreciate any advice on moving forward.

[d0nnivain]

Are you OK with continuing on this path at this path . . . basically getting together at her convenience & having sex? If you are, just do that & don't talk about anything. At this point, until she starts a conversation about where you are you can only mess this up.

 

If you want to be exclusive with her & are bothered by the idea that she is also sleeping with others while sleeping with you, you need to talk to her.

 

You should also exercise caution -- always wear a condom & get tested regularly.

[Fondue]

What you should be doing is exactly what you were doing to get you this far.

 

After sex, (some) people get lazy. They "got it," so they don't have to try as hard with the other person. I think a lot of women get put off by this and will not want to date you long term.

 

Continue to respect her and continue to take her on dates. Treat her just like you did before. Court her. She's going to want to continue seeing you (and this includes more FUN time for you;) ), and eventually she'll no longer be interested in multi-dating.

[preraph]

Yeah, don't talk about anything now. She's pretty social, it sounds like, and may want to just "date around" for awhile. I had a friend like that, very popular, and she did juggle men a lot, but she wasn't necessarily sleeping with all of them. She just was very social.

 

Unless you are strictly a monogamous/exclusivity guy who can't deal with both of you going out with friends and other people, then that's what you should do. Then as you get to know her better, things will either develop into something more serious or they won't. But in the meantime, I suggest you be one of her most fun friend/dates and be sure you do fun stuff so she doesn't get bored. Show her you know how to just have fun.

 

If the genders were reversed here, as they usually are, you'd have a guy who just likes to go out with a lot of people, including women, and not have someone get too serious too soon. And those guys usually like girls who are just fun and happy. But I realize this isn't for everyone (in fact, it isn't for most women!!). But it can be fun if you're in a certain mindset.

 

As for texting, please everyone stop thinking of it as the same as dating or something to escalate. Save getting to know each other for face time, when you can then reap the benefits of feeling closer. Don't waste it all on texting and then go to bed lonely.

[Assasda]

What you do is just continue to have fun with her.

Ger to know her more.

DONT PUT LABELS ON ANYTHING.

-let her figure that out.

 

Thats basically it, have fun, hang out. Simple as pie

[Themanwithaplan]

Thanks for all the great responses. I'll just continue to exercise patience even though the irrational part of me just wants to tell her how much I like her etc... One thing I keep thinking about is that when we were hanging out, she asked me completely randomly what my stance on marriage was. I don't remember the context or what we were talking about before, I just know I panicked not knowing whether she was serious or not. I ended up just laughing and she did too.