OneSailorsKate Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Hello all..I'll give you a little backstory I am almost 21, my boyfriend is 23. We've been together for almost 4 years. He recently completed boot camp for the Navy and is now in his A-school phase. He and I have seriously discussed that we want to get married this May. His family is completely supportive of us getting married. When I told my mom, however, she got very upset with me and now won't talk about any wedding plans with me. I am her only daughter and she moved to be closer to me when I moved in with him. Is there anything I can do or say to show her that this is my decision and that I am not making a 'mistake' as she termed it. She is mad because I'll be transferring schools before my senior year of college but I have already gotten everything taken care of at the new college I will transfer to. Even after I told her this, she just was/is unhappy. I really want to get her involved because she is my mom and this will be my wedding day. Any ideas or advice would be appreciated. Thanks - Kate Link to post Share on other sites
oldfashion Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 I really understand you. My mom was the same way when i have first told her about my decision. She just did not accept it at all and cried for days. I tried to comfort her until this time and i am getting married in 5 days. She probably thinks that it is so soon for you to get married plus you are in your senior year at college and so on. Try to talk to her, tell her that you will still be able to see eachother and you will visit her and she will be able to come and stay at you. She now thinks that you will go away and she will not be able to spend time with you and she will miss you, she probably has concerns about your marriage if you will be happy or not, if he is the `right` one for you or not. But dont worry .. She will get over it by time. Do not argue with her over things. I am marrying to a Marine and moving thousands miles away from home.. mom just hates it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hep Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Your mom might have other reasons for not wanting you to get married. I thought at 21 I was ready to get married. The guy I had been with for 5 years ended up cheating on me. I am glad I didn't get married that young. Are you sure you know what your man was up to while in the Navy???? Don't be naive. I know you love him, but be careful. My mom was right about the guy I was with for 5 years, and I wouldn't listen to her until he cheated. Good Luck With whatever you decide. I would consider having a one on one with your mom and find out why she is against the marriage. Best Wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Hep Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I just seen you live in central ohio, so do I. Once again goodluck. P.S. you gotta watch out for the guys in the service My ex was in the marines. Keep in mind that will take a lot of time away from you. You will not know anyone. I don't want to tell you to get married or not too.. After ending that 5 yr relationship, I met my fiance.. and I never thought I could love again but this time its better. You know in your heart what is right, but keep in mind you are young. I am 24 now. and even though only 3 years have passed I am more mature. We will be getting married May 7th. Once again Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Well Kate I hate to sound like your mother, but personally I think you should finish your schooling, get a job, save some money & then consider marriage. You're living with the guy as it is so what is the rush? But that's not what you wanted to hear. You say your mother moved to be closer to you & you are her only daughter. I'm sure that if you are determined to go ahead with this marriage she'll eventually come around. Link to post Share on other sites
oldfashion Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by Hep I just seen you live in central ohio, so do I. Once again goodluck. P.S. you gotta watch out for the guys in the service My ex was in the marines. Keep in mind that will take a lot of time away from you. You will not know anyone. I don't want to tell you to get married or not too.. After ending that 5 yr relationship, I met my fiance.. and I never thought I could love again but this time its better. You know in your heart what is right, but keep in mind you are young. I am 24 now. and even though only 3 years have passed I am more mature. We will be getting married May 7th. Once again Good Luck. Hep , you should not judge all the military guys. I am with one of them and he has been faithful from the first day we have met. I see my SO's marines who are around their early 20's and being together with foreign girls everynight. But when they are over it , they become very decent. He will be away from her for a long time but that does not mean that he is going to cheat on her. I have been seeing postings that women cheat on their husbands while their husbands are deployed for a year or so. I think its all about honesty and love. Link to post Share on other sites
Hep Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I was not saying all of them are that way But no one should be foolish either. Only you know in your heart what type of person he is. whether he is in the service or not,, but infedelity continues to rise and everyone should be aware. I had a bad experience with someone in the service, not saying you will or she will, but it happens.. I am glad to hear you are happy.. GOOD men in the service can provide you a loving, stable life as well, it just didn't in my case. Link to post Share on other sites
luv4u Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I agree. Cheating is increasing among men and women. Trust and honesty are the key factors but hep is right no-one should be foolish. Men in the service do cheat, as well as women, as well as people not in the service. It is knowing the person that determines their "capabilities". Don't ever say he won't cheat- but how to know if he did is the key. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OneSailorsKate Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 Thanks to everyone who gave me advice - OldFashion - good luck on your upcoming nuptials!! Hep - I am not naieve but I do have trust in Mike. And he trusts me. I won't be able to be with him at all times and he won't be able to be with me. But we have a foundation of implicit trust (we started out as a long distance relationship). Just to let everyone know - my mom has come around and is now very excited and helping me plan. I have already set up to transfer to my new school and everything should work out okay there. I just wanted to give everyone an update Link to post Share on other sites
Hep Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 glad to hear your mom came around. Hope you have a wonderful wedding. Best wishes to you and your fiance. Link to post Share on other sites
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