How do people find a FWB?

[GTO06]

I've always been intrigued by the though of having a "friend with benefits", but never understood how a relationship like that would even come about. I wouldn't even think women would be open to a concept like that.

 

So, how do these relationships come into existence and how do you even pursue one? Is there some special FWB website I don't know about or something? I'm really curious on this one

[d0nnivain]

They were always guys I knew & somehow some way -- usually when alcohol was involved lol -- we'd find ourselves kissing. If I wanted to go further but didn't want a relationship, I'd suggest the FWB scenario but there would always be a health conversation 1st. The next hook up would also be preceded by a rules of engagement conversation so that nobody was mislead.

[TXGuy]

I doubt there are websites for it (though there seems to be a website for everything). I think they generally happen one of several ways:

 

1). Hookups that go well. Some people who are at the stage in life where hookups are common might find a hookup partner where there is mutual physical chemestry. They might decide to make a semi regular thing of it. For the guy, that means less effort chasing ONS girls. For the girl, that means less chance of running into weirdos.

 

2). Ex's: some couples who break up on good terms still want physical intimacy. They might not be ready for acnew relationship and don't want to do hookups. Fwb with an ex can address both their needs.

 

3) power imbalance (generally guy with higher power/market value): a woman might be willing to settle for fwb from a guy with a higher sexual market value than she has. She gets to have a semi relationship with a guy out of her league. The guy might be willing to participate because he gets easy sex without commitment issues from her.

 

I'm sure there are a bunch of other dynamics, but those are the ones I can think of right now. A common theme, though, is that people who are in fwb situations generally are the type that can get sex pretty easily otherwise. It is difficult to get to a fwb situation if you are having trouble getting laid in the first place.

[GTO06]

Wow, good thinking material there. I do have some female friends, but all are married or in committed relationships. Come to think of it, I had a hot neighbor girl come on to me pretty strong a while back and wanted to come over for a movie, but she is practically married, so I had to defuse that one. I can't let myself damage any relationships like that despite want to have sex really bad.

 

I guess that leads me to a more basic question, how do you find even regular girls to be friends with when all of your friends are married, lol. I don't think most dates would be open to that idea, lol.

 

Good info so far, thanks guys.

[D.Mc.]

Hi GT006,

 

Just create an OLD profile with "not looking for a relationship/commitment" status, come right out & say you are looking for FWB's only in the about me section & post a shirtless photo w/no face. I'm sure your inbox will be filled up in no time.

[marcjb]

My brother is 23 and has two female "FWB". Personally I don't understand how either him or his female "friends" are ok with the arrangement. One of the girls is 19 and the other is 28.

 

Recently my cousin got married and my brother brought the 19y/o as a guest. There was an after party and I was talking with her, she told me that she is "head-over-heels" for my brother, then about a 1/2 hour later she comes on to me! I ended up telling my brother, and asking him what their relationship was because she likes him, and how she came onto me. He said he didn't care, but I know he did because apparently they haven't been hanging out anymore. I also remember him posting something on Facebook about girls not being "faithful" yet he just wants "FWB"...

 

I think it's disgusting and devalues one's self. Not to mention only creates complications when you DO find someone you want to be serious with. I noticed that this happened after he was hurt in his last relationship by his ex. Now it seems he doesn't want to commit to either of these girls.

 

OP, I'm interested to know why you specifically want a "FWB" and not a relationship with someone?

Edited August 12, 2014 by marcjb

[Dork Vader]

Well.. It depends..

 

 

I've had ex girl friends in which dating did not just work. But we remained friends and wanted to fool around so we would.

 

 

I've met women and we both want to have sex. But neither of us wants a relationship.. So we have fun..

 

 

I've had friends in which we are both single and neither has anyone. Neither of us interested in "more" and we fool around.

 

 

The problem with FWB is this.. People get attached. My longest running FWB I've known 12 years or so. When we first started it was VERY regular almost every night for over a year. She decided she wanted a relationship (not with me) so we quit fooling around. In between our relationships when we are BOTH single we'll have fun but that has become increasingly rare.

 

 

The only way FWB work is if you keep it dirty and just about sex. There can be no dinners out, no staying the night it really has to be just sex. The one instance in which it's worked and there was more was with my friend I've known for 12 years. But that is a complicated situation.

 

 

When you cuddle, when you stay the night and so on there is room for emotions to get involved. The main reason is if you're both sleeping with each other you both find each other attractive. Toss in hanging out and suddenly someone starts to have feelings pop up.

 

 

You have to be clear about your intentions from the get go. Most woman will likely reject you. It's really not that hard for them to find someone.

 

 

In all honesty FWB are not worth it. You'll do nothing but burn bridges.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Dork Vader

[GTO06]

OP, I'm interested to know why you specifically want a "FWB" and not a relationship with someone?

 

I'll take about anything I can get that will lead to a physical relationship with women; I'm a 29 year old virgin for petes sake, lol. I'm one of those guys that just waited way too long to enter the dating world. I'm doing quite a bit of dating this summer though, for the first time ever actually, and it just hasn't gotten me anywhere yet.

Edited August 13, 2014 by GTO06

[marcjb]

Well.. It depends..

 

 

I've had ex girl friends in which dating did not just work. But we remained friends and wanted to fool around so we would.

 

 

I've met women and we both want to have sex. But neither of us wants a relationship.. So we have fun..

 

 

I've had friends in which we are both single and neither has anyone. Neither of us interested in "more" and we fool around.

 

 

The problem with FWB is this.. People get attached. My longest running FWB I've known 12 years or so. When we first started it was VERY regular almost every night for over a year. She decided she wanted a relationship (not with me) so we quit fooling around. In between our relationships when we are BOTH single we'll have fun but that has become increasingly rare.

 

 

The only way FWB work is if you keep it dirty and just about sex. There can be no dinners out, no staying the night it really has to be just sex. The one instance in which it's worked and there was more was with my friend I've known for 12 years. But that is a complicated situation.

 

 

When you cuddle, when you stay the night and so on there is room for emotions to get involved. The main reason is if you're both sleeping with each other you both find each other attractive. Toss in hanging out and suddenly someone starts to have feelings pop up.

 

 

You have to be clear about your intentions from the get go. Most woman will likely reject you. It's really not that hard for them to find someone.

 

 

In all honesty FWB are not worth it. You'll do nothing but burn bridges.

 

So when you ended up in relationships, how did your partner at the time feel about the fact that you have had sex with friends which you kept around?

[Dork Vader]

So when you ended up in relationships, how did your partner at the time feel about the fact that you have had sex with friends which you kept around?

 

Well it's not something I throw on the table right off the bat. Typically I do not say anything until the conversation of opposite sex friends gets brought up.

 

 

When that topic is discussed I explain the situation. That I understand it is a friendship that can cause conflict and I will not contact, hang out with and so on with her. I also understand that at some point in the future I'll have to end that friendship.

 

 

The friendship is very odd. We see each other maybe once every 3-6 months and rarely text. It's typically only when one of us needs dating advice.

[Dork Vader]

I'll take about anything I can get that will lead to a physical relationship with women; I'm a 29 year old virgin for petes sake, lol. I'm one of those guys that just waited way too long to enter the dating world. I'm doing quite a bit of dating this summer though, for the first time ever actually, and it just hasn't gotten me anywhere yet.

 

 

 

Are you religious? Just curious.. if so get more involved in the religion of your choice. You'll likely find a relationship fairly quickly.

 

 

If I was in your shoes I would not throw it away for a FWB situation, fling or one night stand. What were your motives for waiting?

 

 

Just take your time and wait for the right woman and right moment. I get that you want it to happen.. But why would you want it to mean nothing aside from.. Meh lost my virginity.

[DazedandConfused8]

I've always been intrigued by the though of having a "friend with benefits", but never understood how a relationship like that would even come about. I wouldn't even think women would be open to a concept like that.

 

So, how do these relationships come into existence and how do you even pursue one? Is there some special FWB website I don't know about or something? I'm really curious on this one

 

1. Go to OKCupid and select "casual sex" as what you're looking for.

2. Go to POF and search for interests like "NSA" "no strings attached" "intimate encounters" or "sex only."

[carhill]

I've always been intrigued by the though of having a "friend with benefits", but never understood how a relationship like that would even come about. I wouldn't even think women would be open to a concept like that.

 

So, how do these relationships come into existence and how do you even pursue one? Is there some special FWB website I don't know about or something? I'm really curious on this one

IME, it's pretty easy. I always stopped short of sex since I considered sex with a married person wrong but plenty of married women made themselves available for all kinds of extra-cirricular activities, and still do.

 

One way to 'find' a FWB is to advertise. That could be straight-up ads, like AFF, or simply interacting with people without regard to relationship status and being straight-up about your desire for casual sex. Lots of potential out there. Good luck!

[Dork Vader]

How can you possibly be clear about your intentions towards someone when you haven't gotten to know them yet? I have met women, had sex in the first couple dates, but later decided we weren't compatible for anything else.

 

 

 

I have never once burned any bridges by being FWB with anyone. Some of those women still contact me years later.

 

 

 

It's simple if all you are looking for is a FWB situation you tell them that right off the bat. If you're looking for possibly more then you do not say anything. Not all that complicated.

 

 

I have burned a few bridges with it. I would not say burned bridges but after it's become physical the friendship is rarely the same. Someone gets attached or something a long those lines.

[isisisweeping]

Tell them right off the bat and be open with your interests. Don't lead anyone one, but be confident.

 

 

Be actual friends. If you aren't talking and going out etc, they're not FWB, they're just a regular hookup.

[henderson14]

Found mine from one night stands from the bars. Just started texting them randomly at 1:00 AM on the weekends. Seemed to work out well.

[GTO06]

Are you religious? Just curious.. if so get more involved in the religion of your choice. You'll likely find a relationship fairly quickly.

 

 

If I was in your shoes I would not throw it away for a FWB situation, fling or one night stand. What were your motives for waiting?

 

 

Just take your time and wait for the right woman and right moment. I get that you want it to happen.. But why would you want it to mean nothing aside from.. Meh lost my virginity.

 

I used to be pretty religious, which is partly why I'm in this pickle. Heck, I didn't even drink alcohol for the first time until last august. Even the thought of religion these days makes me sick now, since it has so many ridiculous limitations they put on life

 

That combine with years of being totally wrapped up in career and hobbies puts me where I am right now.

 

 

1. Go to OKCupid and select "casual sex" as what you're looking for.

2. Go to POF and search for interests like "NSA" "no strings attached" "intimate encounters" or "sex only."

 

I'm already on all the dating sites for regular dating, so it probably wouldn't be good to make a FWB profile too. Honestly, I would much rather have a regular relationship, but I just am not getting there fast enough. Plus, I turn 30 in 2 months and I really don't want to be the dreaded 30 year old virgin

[TXGuy]

1. Go to OKCupid and select "casual sex" as what you're looking for.

2. Go to POF and search for interests like "NSA" "no strings attached" "intimate encounters" or "sex only."

 

I might suggest the OP stay out of this for now. I don't have any specific knowledge of these sections of sites, but from what little I know, he might be putting himself in a position to be exposed to prostitutes, law enforcement stings, scam artists, or criminals. That might not be the right neighborhood for someone as inexperienced as he is. I don't think I'd be comfortable there, and I've been around the block a few times.

 

Perhaps I'm wrong and maybe someone who knows the scene better can give him some better input. Until he knows better, it could be better to be safe than sorry.

[GravityMan]

I've never had any FWB (that's not for me), but I do have a friend or two that has had them. I don't think there's any special magic formula or complicated method to finding them. The opportunities likely exist almost anywhere.

 

- Some people probably find them the same way they make opposite sex friends in general. Perhaps they start out as regular friends...and due to "circumstances" the "WB" part happens a bit later. Once those "circumstances" are no longer viable, they go back to being regular friends like it's no big deal.

 

- Exes is likely another possibility. The breakup was probably amicable, and both people understood that the relationship wasn't working due to non-sexual incompatibility. The physical chemistry was there.

 

- After the 1st/2nd/3rd date is another possibility. Similar to exes, both people realized that a relationship with each other wasn't in the cards (no attraction, incompatibility, etc.), but the sexual chemistry was clearly there.

 

I think it's less about where/how to find them and more about your mindset towards sex. Some people are capable of separating sex from feelings (i.e. sex can just be sex) and want sex simply because it's great and fulfills a physical need. Those people may be decent candidates for FWB while they're single. And I suspect many of them easily find such arrangements without much effort.

[GTO06]

I might suggest the OP stay out of this for now. I don't have any specific knowledge of these sections of sites, but from what little I know, he might be putting himself in a position to be exposed to prostitutes, law enforcement stings, scam artists, or criminals. That might not be the right neighborhood for someone as inexperienced as he is. I don't think I'd be comfortable there, and I've been around the block a few times.

 

Perhaps I'm wrong and maybe someone who knows the scene better can give him some better input. Until he knows better, it could be better to be safe than sorry.

 

So far, all of my half dozen dates this summer have been from these sites and a few others. They kind of work, but it is still tough.

[newmoon]

mine was a platonic friend who i knew liked me, but i don't like him back at all, which is perfect for FWB. you can't really want more with the person or like them too much or else it gets to be a relationship. we didn't say we wanted to be FWB, but took the approach that we were both single and would keep one another company until a better option came around. we are both actively looking for a 'real' partner

[aprilisi]

For true FWB you have to be friends first.

 

Hard to do, if you're truly friends feelings can get in the way and end a great friendship if both parties do not feel the same.

 

The best option is FB, somebody you meet regular. It can be friendly, but you don't see each other outside of hookups. You meet, do the deed, then seperate.

 

Previous posts give good ideas how to meet a FB. My friend met her FB on craigslist. He was an accountant and a widower of a year, jusst looking for fun. After two years they got married. They have now been married over ten years and have 2 kids. They got lucky but I wouldn't place my bets online.

[Kid_Charlemange]

2: Hang out with female friend. Invite them to your place to watch movies or something. If they accept this invitation, they will probably have sex with you.

 

 

Well then I must be doing it wrong! That's never happened with me with a "female friend."

 

I have had a FWB most of this year. We met on OKC, and her profile was pretty clear about what she was looking for, and what she wasn't. I guess we "dated" three times before we started hooking up. We still get together every few weeks, usually for dinner/drinks followed by some fun time, sometimes it's just dinner and drinks, and sometimes it's just fun time. We're both content with this.

[Lipitor11]

Dating sites are a good way to find FWB.

[Kid_Charlemange]

It has been my experience that any woman who accepts an invitation to come to my place is willing to have sex.

 

It doesn't suck to be you, does it?