Previously married Christians believe in living together outside marraige

[irc333]

This is quite interesting. A local church organist and friend of mine got into a debate on the whole "living together outside of marriage" thing and she said she's currently dating someone and is actually not even marriage minded anymore...and in fact if she were to EVER get married again...she'd live with someone prior to marriage for a long, long while.

 

Yes, she's premeditatively intends on commiting an ongoing sin, knowingly and willingly...why?

 

Because she played by the rules before, remained celibate, was the good little girl until her special night....and then entered a big marital he** beyond belief.

 

You know how some people tout living together before marriage, so you can find out their demons? Well, she found out plenty only after entering marraige.

 

SHe has no qualms about this and basically

 

Even her own minister told her to get a divorce and fast...even though it's sin to get a divorce and break the whole "death do us part" deal. And that's VERY rare to hear a church pastor advise such a thing.

 

Basically, the decisions We make are the decisions that are best for ourselves, and from what I ascertain, it seems God judges us on a case-by-case basis.

 

She said the decision she made to do the whole "wait until your marraige" thing was the BIGGEST mistake of her life.

 

That all being said, could God make an exception in these cases.

 

"Well, God, my husband was an alcholic and beat me senseless, so in this case, that's not a sin if I decide to get out, right?"

 

"God? Based on my previous most dreadful marraige, I wish to live with the next man for a few years to see if we're compatible, right?"

[M30USA]

Define marriage.

 

Are you talking about legal marriage? Physical marriage (as in consummation)? Spiritual marriage?

[Els]

AFAIK, technically living together before marriage isn't explicitly forbidden in the Bible, and I think Hebrew brides would live with the man's family for a while before marriage. It's extramarital sex that is forbidden, although plenty of Christians choose not to take that instruction literally as well. The two aren't necessarily the same thing though.

[M30USA]

I always wondered why non-religious people never seem to care about sin and obedience to God except when it's to accuse Christians.

[OpenBook]

I think Hebrew brides would live with the man's family for a while before marriage.

 

That would actually be an excellent way of finding out all about a guy's demons. I wonder though, how hard it would be for the bride to back out of the whole deal if she changed her mind? (or was she even allowed to?)

 

OP, do you know how long your friend waited to marry the guy? Did they see each other a lot / really get to know each other well beforehand? Did she meet his family?

[Els]

That would actually be an excellent way of finding out all about a guy's demons. I wonder though, how hard it would be for the bride to back out of the whole deal if she changed her mind? (or was she even allowed to?)

 

I don't think brides in those days actually got to choose their husbands, unfortunately...

[M30USA]

If that's aimed my way, I am not accusing anyone.

 

I don't think it's sinful. I don't particularly think divorce is sinful, but I do think that breaking vows made before ones deity, loved one and community is.

 

But I have done it.

 

Not aimed your way.

[M30USA]

I don't think brides in those days actually got to choose their husbands, unfortunately...

 

But I bet they were happier than us Americans because they weren't entitled and didn't have mile-high expectations.

[todreaminblue]

i dont think living together before marriage is a good idea at all..if you live as man and wife ....then you can marry as man and wife ...i know living together and being sexually active together is not a biblical principal........deb

[pureinheart]

Personally OP, I don't think she's completely sold out to her "beliefs". If she were, one failed marriage wouldn't turn a person completely in the opposite direction. I don't know why she did things the "right" way the first time, although I'd say she may not have wanted to. It sounds kind of like, "well I did it Your way, so now it's time to do it "my" way"... which could be what she wanted to do in the first place.

[pureinheart]

i dont think living together before marriage is a good idea at all..if you live as man and wife ....then you can marry as man and wife ...i know living together and being sexually active together is not a biblical principal........deb

 

My dad used to call it "playing house".

[Allumere]

Yeah..ah no.

 

- New testament = no divorce unless spouse cheats

- Assuming you know what God is thinking...not doing yourself any favors. If not in Bible, don't assume.

- Living as man and wife before marriage...absolutely wrong.

 

So this is pretty much what the Bible teaches. She can certainly make her choices and I totally get hers (I'd be right with her minus the living together thing...just not my gig but the actual sin I absolutely have committed) but she needs to be honest with herself that she is playing way outside the rules.

[Ati]

Sorry I can't figure out how to do the inline quoting thing so I'll paraphrase what I understood from the OP.

 

A woman was in an abusive marriage so she got divorced.

 

If that is a sin what is the proper remedy? Where is the line drawn between God's responsibility to care for an individual and a person's own responsibility to care for themselves.

 

And based off of that bad experience she is taking steps to ensure it doesn't happen again by making sure she truly knows someone before she makes any more vows etc.

 

I see an element of taking responsibility for ones life and choices in that decision. To me it sounds like she was naive and now she is less so.

 

I'm guessing I'll be on the losing end of this debate but you know what they say about throwing the first stone.

[Els]

But I bet they were happier than us Americans because they weren't entitled and didn't have mile-high expectations.

 

So... you'd prefer that your mother pick out a wife for you?

[beach]

I don't think brides in those days actually got to choose their husbands, unfortunately...

 

And let's not forget that many husbands had several or many wives.

 

 

I think most people know when they sin. We don't need a book to define what it looks like.

 

That's what a conscience is for.

[irc333]

My dad used to call it "playing house".

 

My dad used to call it "shacking up". He frowned up on it.

 

Wow...Hebrew wives...looks like we're kinda veering off topic. lol Anyhow, she feels she'd justified in any pre-marital situations due to her past horrid first marriage. She's actually not even really wanting to marry again...which I find strange for a local church organist who is active in church beyond just attending and playing a musical instrument.

Edited August 13, 2014 by irc333

[irc333]

Coincidence that I saw this posted. How taking a purity pledge ruined her marriage.

 

I Waited Until My Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn?t | Thought Catalog

[GoBlue]

People who say the kind of things like this organist reveal what the real basis of their faith is - self. In fact, I would go as far as to say that they have very little biblical understanding of who God is and what He has called us to. There is a quote on how Jesus views this attitude in the Gospel of John, "If you love me you will obey my commands." He also says, "I am the vine you are the branches. Apart from me you can do nothing." By the way, there is nowhere in the NT that says that divorce is a sin. It does say that God "hates divorce" and the reasons He does are quite evident. It is clear that there are cases that divorce is warranted, but not as much as it is practiced in today's culture.

 

Bottom line, we compromise the word of God because we are self-centered sinners. The only cure for this "nature" is a radical transformation by the power of God - being "born again". Once a person comes into a relationship with God through Christ, that relationship must then be nurtured and maintained. Relationship is the heart of true biblical Christianity.

[irc333]

Well, what do you think? I find countless Christian divorcee's who will proclaim and albiet loudly, that they'll never just jump into a marraige without having lived with them for X amount of years.

 

"Dear God, Hey, I just came out of a bad marriage where I played the good little girl/boy and remained celibate until marriage and even only moved in with my husband until AFTER I got married, but I just want to make sure my next husband isn't a jerk by moving in with him first and spending X amount of years with him before making any kind of disturbing discoveries..okay God?"

 

Perhaps now Christians are making an exception to the rule?

 

People who say the kind of things like this organist reveal what the real basis of their faith is - self. In fact, I would go as far as to say that they have very little biblical understanding of who God is and what He has called us to. There is a quote on how Jesus views this attitude in the Gospel of John, "If you love me you will obey my commands." He also says, "I am the vine you are the branches. Apart from me you can do nothing." By the way, there is nowhere in the NT that says that divorce is a sin. It does say that God "hates divorce" and the reasons He does are quite evident. It is clear that there are cases that divorce is warranted, but not as much as it is practiced in today's culture.

 

Bottom line, we compromise the word of God because we are self-centered sinners. The only cure for this "nature" is a radical transformation by the power of God - being "born again". Once a person comes into a relationship with God through Christ, that relationship must then be nurtured and maintained. Relationship is the heart of true biblical Christianity.

[irc333]

One thing I have noticed of how there are SO many different flavors of Christians out there.

 

The brunt of all this snow balling was the fact a certain religion or church didn't allow for something, well, there was some people that rebelled, split off and formed their own Christian flavor.

 

For instance, back in the day and still is today, there are certain religions where you're not allowed to use birth control, so a certain someone decided to form their own church where they allowed for birth control.

 

It seems Christians are not only finding loopholes, i.e. "God hates divorce" but never declared it an actual sin (a technicality I'm sure) and being taken literally...I'm sure they are taking their loopholes and actually forming new religions.

 

I'm even hearing of the "liberal Christian" a rather oxymoron.

 

All in all, it seems Christians split off only because there's a certain belief they don't like and go their own way, even build their own church and so on.

[GoBlue]

Certainly is a valid observation. There is, however, a big difference between "religion" and "relationship". I agree that there is way too many "flavors" as you state it. These different groups usually form because they are making a mountain out of a "molehill" and focusing in on something that Jesus Himself didn't even focus in on. I have no judgment against them because I am sure that there are beliefs in my head somewhere that are more important to me than they are to Christ. His word, however, is His word and I choose to find the reality of His will there. Sure, there are different interpretations, but in the end I always hear these words just as though Jesus were speaking them directly to me, "If you love me, keep my commands." (John 14:15). I am very thankful, however, for the following as well, "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9). The woman at the well was married five times in the eyes of Jesus, and she was engaged in a sinful relationship at the time of their meeting. He didn't offer judgment but new life. That's where I want to live as well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Be blessed.

[TheFinalWord]

Certainly is a valid observation. There is, however, a big difference between "religion" and "relationship". I agree that there is way too many "flavors" as you state it. These different groups usually form because they are making a mountain out of a "molehill" and focusing in on something that Jesus Himself didn't even focus in on. I have no judgment against them because I am sure that there are beliefs in my head somewhere that are more important to me than they are to Christ. His word, however, is His word and I choose to find the reality of His will there. Sure, there are different interpretations, but in the end I always hear these words just as though Jesus were speaking them directly to me, "If you love me, keep my commands." (John 14:15). I am very thankful, however, for the following as well, "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9). The woman at the well was married five times in the eyes of Jesus, and she was engaged in a sinful relationship at the time of their meeting. He didn't offer judgment but new life. That's where I want to live as well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Be blessed.

 

Awesome reply!

 

We just have to work on that avatar :lmao: Go Bucks

[M30USA]

Coincidence that I saw this posted. How taking a purity pledge ruined her marriage.

 

I Waited Until My Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn?t | Thought Catalog

 

There is much truth to the above article but unfortunately I think the take home message is wrong. That woman, while remaining a virgin, still made an idol out of sex. As she said, her identity became centered around purity. See? Even a good thing which God wants us to do can still become an idol. But does that mean we shouldn't do it? Should she have just acted like everyone else and slept around? No. She did the right thing by remaining pure. Unfortunately another sin (either pride or guilt) made her develop unhealthy mindsets around this otherwise correct way of life.

[pureinheart]

There is much truth to the above article but unfortunately I think the take home message is wrong. That woman, while remaining a virgin, still made an idol out of sex. As she said, her identity became centered around purity. See? Even a good thing which God wants us to do can still become an idol. But does that mean we shouldn't do it? Should she have just acted like everyone else and slept around? No. She did the right thing by remaining pure. Unfortunately another sin (either pride or guilt) made her develop unhealthy mindsets around this otherwise correct way of life.

 

This is powerful....

[Tayla]

transgressions and human error are common. The only sin I am aware of is blasphemy.

 

If we fall short of Gods will perhaps in our minds its a sinful act, yet Im pretty sure living and supporting another human being is not sinful when the intent is pure and kindly.