mtandalone Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Hello I just wanted a second opinion I have known my female friend for 5 years and because we were also around each other ( including work ) we got to know each other very well and I eventually fell in love with her though she clearly didn't feel the same. I was ok with that in and of itself because as I say we became great friends and she was capable of being very sweet and doing some thoughtful things however... Over the course of those 5 years we slept together a half a dozen times but only when she was drunk and wanted to feel better about herself/ had just been dumped etc but showed zero interest when sober. She has a problem with alcohol and cheats constantly on her boyfriends. Once I fell for her she knew I felt uncomfortable around other guys and hearing her sex stories but worst she would nag me to come out with her and I would decline saying she should have a great night and I would see her Monday ( because her reputation for being loose is well known and not something I wanted to see ) Finally I caved and went out and sure enough she lasted about 2 minutes and had her tongue down some guy's throat, she also slept with the guy I work with when both of them knew how I felt. I know she has the right to do whatever she wants but I couldn't believe the lack of respect and consideration for my feelings considering she supposedly loves me like family. What really hurts is I find it hard to get close to people but I let her in and gave her all I had to give and was rejected, disrespected and lied to including saying some very obnoxious things while we were making love, something that was very special to me but obviously just another drunken f*** to her. She has recently transferred interstate and we used to Skype but I went no contact as I don't want to hear about her private life ( other guys ) and since going NC I realise she was a bad friend. I take some solace from finding out that at a recent conference she attended she was reprimanded by senior management for sleeping with a different guy every night of the conference. I know if I read this about someone else I would say run and never look back but its different when your in it. I have lost the person I could really open up to although clearly I treated this friendship far more importantly than she did I don't know why I miss her so much given how badly she treated me Link to post Share on other sites
ton123 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 It is hard to love someone like this, she obviously has commitment issues and is a whore. Would you want to be with someone constantly worrying about where she is, who she is ****ing, if she is cheating. Let it go and whenever she does come around have sex with her just for your enjoyment. This will never work ! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I hope that over these past 5 years, you've at least talked to her about addressing her alcoholism and other issues. She might be a different person if she got sober. She has to want to though. I think you might tell her you love her but need to move on with your life and tell her, If you ever decide to get sober, I'd love to hear from you after you've been sober a year. She sounds very self-destructive. You don't need to stick around and watch the inevitable train wreck, particularly since you care about her. They have meetings for friends and family of alcoholics that can give you some clarity on things if you're interested. It might help you go nc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtandalone Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Thanks for the replies. I believe several friends have mentioned about her drinking but she gets defensive and sees nothing wrong or destructive in it. She clearly needs the attention of guys to feel worthwhile. Obviously knowing what I now know there is no way I want a relationship, she is forever texting and facebooking guys and has few if any female friends I think I just feel down about the fact that a couple of years ago I did want that very much and the fact that she sleeps with anyone and everyone but me given our closeness gets to me Also knowing that after a few drinks she is happy to sleep with any strange guy who pays her some attention I feel that she has taken the magic out of the times we spent together if that makes sense........ I see it was just another drunken Friday night for her not being intimate with someone who cared for her very much Sober she can be great fun and genuinely pleasant but she has no control of the other side of her life, again NC is right thing but I do miss having her to talk too Link to post Share on other sites
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