Feeling discouraged about being 27 and single

[Summer Lovin]

I'm 27 years old (female), and I'm feeling incredibly discouraged about being single. It is something that I think about on a regular basis and am starting to feel almost panicked about. I'm not so desperate that I will just settle for anyone, as I've been single for over a year now. I just truly haven't met anyone. I've had two serious relationships, neither of them worked out. The first one, we were both young and immature, the second one didn't want to commit to a future together. I feel so ready to be partnered and to begin building a life with a person, and I just haven't had any luck. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. When I was younger, I always envisioned that I would be married at around 22, then at 25, and it just keeps getting pushed back, and I'm not anywhere near it at this point either. Since I'm aging, I'm not as "attractive" as I used to be. I've married off every single close friend, who just met the right person, and they are now building a life together, thinking of starting families of their own.

 

I feel like once a person reaches 30, and they're not married, the chances become more slim. I'm currently living across the country from my family, and I feel very lonely. I'm living in a city full of young professionals, but all I'm doing right now is working many hours, and I don't have time to meet anyone it seems. Even when I was younger, I never had a high school or college sweetheart. After college, I broke up with a boyfriend at the time and went on to live in a major city and ended up getting into graduate school. I finished a master's degree, and then moved to a different city and in with a different boyfriend at the time who I had hoped would marry, but he ended up kicking me out. He still contacts me saying he wants to get back together, but I don't see it being feasible. Even though things with my boyfriend didn't work, I ended up finding a good job. I've now been with my current job for a year and sort of feel like I'm just going through the motions, nothing is really keeping me where I'm at geographically long-term.

 

I've contemplated moving back closer to my family, or trying a different city like New York. Any advice?

 

I just feel so down about being single and know that getting married/building a life with a partner and having a family of my own is something I strongly want. I just don't understand why it hasn't happened for me yet, and what I'm doing wrong.

[Eivuwan]

Have you tried actively searching? Like through sites like eharmony or just going to singles events?

[Omei]

im 27 and single for over a year now.

 

You seem to be in a rush to have the ever after ending by a certain time frame life doesn't work that way unless you "settle" for anything that comes along.

 

Stuff is different than it used to be our elders would marry young and have various children and divorce wasn't taken lightly.

 

Now today most people move on at first signs of troubles even give up entire marriages after one rocky year because they have this idea its supposed to be perfection and every year should be swell with little effort or self improvement on ither side, its supposed to click like magic, not really.

 

As I get older I find the ages of commitment to each other as my elders did do not exist as it used too media and **** makes it so easy to just give up and move on. I find most people are not really understand relationships and marriage now till they're into their 30s or older.

 

We live in a selfish era now where we next anything and anyone that requires effort.

 

Finding a partner good enough to marry is hard.

That's just how I feel.

[mikethemechanic]

im 27 and single for over a year now.

 

You seem to be in a rush to have the ever after ending by a certain time frame life doesn't work that way unless you "settle" for anything that comes along.

 

Stuff is different than it used to be our elders would marry young and have various children and divorce wasn't taken lightly.

 

Now today most people move on at first signs of troubles even give up entire marriages after one rocky year because they have this idea its supposed to be perfection and every year should be swell with little effort or self improvement on ither side, its supposed to click like magic, not really.

 

As I get older I find the ages of commitment to each other as my elders did do not exist as it used too media and **** makes it so easy to just give up and move on. I find most people are not really understand relationships and marriage now till they're into their 30s or older.

 

We live in a selfish era now where we next anything and anyone that requires effort.

 

Finding a partner good enough to marry is hard.

That's just how I feel.

Clever girl yes we do live in a nihilistic world were people have become isolated. A place where nobody needs anybody and morals are no longer part of the social fibre, it's like we are the seeds to our destruction a society of selfish isolated individuals.

[WesternWizard]

OTOH you shouldn't have much to worry about unless you've done something to wreck your health. Most of those attractive young men and women who drank a lot of booze, smoked cigarettes, and took drugs don't look so hot now that they're in their 30s and 40s.

 

Sounds to me like you just need to figure out what you're looking for in a partner (in my case, I've known since I was in my teens) and find some meetup groups to join, even if it means dumping friends who bring you down and making new ones who are more positive.

[d0nnivain]

What are you doing to meet people?

 

If you are in a city you have more opportunities then if you lived in a more rural / isolated place.

 

Join groups that interest you. Volunteer somewhere. Get involved in a industry based group or go to a Chamber of Commerce meeting. Take or teach a class. Join a co-ed sport. There are hundreds of ways to fill your time & meet new people but you have to take the 1st step.

 

Look in throw away newspapers for events.

 

Search out your college alumni association.

 

Check out singles groups through meetup.com or otherwise. There's a group for every interest. I went to one called Leashes & Lovers because I could bring my dog. I had planned to go to one that set you up to play golf with people but I met my husband before I could go.

 

You need to be proactive.

 

BTW, I was 39 when I met DH so at 27 you still have plenty of time & you won't be unmarketable at 30 unless you make yourself bitter.

[KaliLove]

Most of my friends didn't marry until they were over 30. I'm 32 and single and I date a lot.

[mikethemechanic]

The Power of Nightmares Part 1- Baby It's Cold Outside - by Adam Curtis on Vimeo.

 

Excellent documentary on why people prefer to do prune their hedges and do lawn work as opposed to join groups.

[Eivuwan]

You come across as responsible, conservative (lifestyle not politics), introspective, contemplative, intelligent, articulate, etc.

 

You have that part nailed down. 'A' on the report card

 

Now work on your seductress side. Make sure you are fit. Adopt a bit of sassy...show a bit of cleavage...put on some sexy shoes...perfume...funky jewellry..get a green or blue streak in you hair......just open up and put yourself out there as young woman who is ready for some fun....it is the most healthy thing in the world for a young woman in the prime of her childbearing years to want guys to lust after her.

 

Act like you are 14. If a guy asks you out...be irresponsible. Forget about having to get up for work the next day or having to get a report done, etc. play hooky...be a bit rebellious and wild. You have earned the right to be crazy.

 

She's looking for a husband, not a one night stand.

[me85]

WHY???? I'm 29 & single.

 

RSs aren't everything. They're highly overrated.

[thekid36]

I'm 27 years old (female), and I'm feeling incredibly discouraged about being single. It is something that I think about on a regular basis and am starting to feel almost panicked about. I'm not so desperate that I will just settle for anyone, as I've been single for over a year now. I just truly haven't met anyone. I've had two serious relationships, neither of them worked out. The first one, we were both young and immature, the second one didn't want to commit to a future together. I feel so ready to be partnered and to begin building a life with a person, and I just haven't had any luck. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. When I was younger, I always envisioned that I would be married at around 22, then at 25, and it just keeps getting pushed back, and I'm not anywhere near it at this point either. Since I'm aging, I'm not as "attractive" as I used to be. I've married off every single close friend, who just met the right person, and they are now building a life together, thinking of starting families of their own.

 

I feel like once a person reaches 30, and they're not married, the chances become more slim. I'm currently living across the country from my family, and I feel very lonely. I'm living in a city full of young professionals, but all I'm doing right now is working many hours, and I don't have time to meet anyone it seems. Even when I was younger, I never had a high school or college sweetheart. After college, I broke up with a boyfriend at the time and went on to live in a major city and ended up getting into graduate school. I finished a master's degree, and then moved to a different city and in with a different boyfriend at the time who I had hoped would marry, but he ended up kicking me out. He still contacts me saying he wants to get back together, but I don't see it being feasible. Even though things with my boyfriend didn't work, I ended up finding a good job. I've now been with my current job for a year and sort of feel like I'm just going through the motions, nothing is really keeping me where I'm at geographically long-term.

 

I've contemplated moving back closer to my family, or trying a different city like New York. Any advice?

 

I just feel so down about being single and know that getting married/building a life with a partner and having a family of my own is something I strongly want. I just don't understand why it hasn't happened for me yet, and what I'm doing wrong.

 

 

Realize that this is coming from a male's point of view. I was once sort of in your shoes and even older. Thus, definitely do understand all of the acute frustration. The thing is that the more you panic, the chances become better you will settle.You may not even notice it at the time. Made even worse when you see others around you happy with someone else. Some may see this as being jealous. I tend to think it just makes you human.

 

 

As each year passes, the frustration tends to build. I am very analytical and rather reflective. I used to always wonder what was being done wrong on this end as well. Till I realized that nothing really was wrong with me at all. I simply had not come across that specific person yet.

 

 

I tend to go after things and want what is extraordinary. Many people suggest being very proactive when looking for someone. Joining dating sites and the such. So, I pushed harder and forced myself to get out there even more. Got into intimate relationships way too quickly. Ended up affecting the lives of many others in a negative way as a result of my own immaturity. Women who were not right for me.

 

 

I stopped looking altogether and resigned myself to the fact that being happy with someone was not going to ever happen to me. This is when I actually met the love of my life.

 

 

The point being that there really is no timeline which you can look at . No right way to really meet someone. What you think of the most may never work. There are few rules to count on when it comes to matters of the heart. Just have to try having some faith that you are being wise waiting for the right person. You have a lot to offer another. The longer wait will help you appreciate that extraordinary even more when it does come. Not much good can come from what is forced.

Edited August 13, 2014 by thekid36

[Eggplant]

I'm also 27 and single, with 2 prior relationships. I guess I'm supposed to be panicking too, (my mom is lol), but I don't really care. I haven't even been looking since my last relationship 1.5 years ago.

 

 

So anyway, I'm not particularly qualified to give advice, but one thing I at least won't be doing is living together with anybody before marriage.

[Sweetnothing]

It's normal to be scared! I worry about it too. I'm 23 but I haven't had a serious relationship in 3 years! I've just had strings of flings with commitaphobic men. I've dated way below my league and still nothing! The best advice I can give is pretty much what everyone else said, go out and meet as many people as possible. Cast a wider net. Ask your friends to set you up with people, join multiple dating sites, get out of the house plenty. See a cute guy? Give him your number. Bars have a bad reputation, but all kinds of people go to bars, not only scumbags looking to hook up.

[Moe'sTavern]

I'm 28 and always been single. You'll eventually find that it's not really a big deal.

[Rich34]

It is probably because you are not attractive enough. You are not pretty.

 

The way to a man's heart is through his groin. Install in a man's mind that sex WILL be available! !!

 

Your success rate will more than quadruple overnight.

[Eivuwan]

It is probably because you are not attractive enough. You are not pretty.

 

The way to a man's heart is through his groin. Install in a man's mind that sex WILL be available! !!

 

Your success rate will more than quadruple overnight.

 

Can you stop assuming that people are struggling because they are unattractive? Some people never go out and wonder why they don't get dates. It's not always that simple.

[Omei]

It is probably because you are not attractive enough. You are not pretty.

 

The way to a man's heart is through his groin. Install in a man's mind that sex WILL be available! !!

 

Your success rate will more than quadruple overnight.

 

I think this is a trolling post but even unattractive people get relationships I have a must be near 300 pound friend who's been going steady with a girl for half a year now.

[lino]

You come across as responsible, conservative (lifestyle not politics), introspective, contemplative, intelligent, articulate, etc.

 

You have that part nailed down. 'A' on the report card

 

Now work on your seductress side. Make sure you are fit. Adopt a bit of sassy...show a bit of cleavage...put on some sexy shoes...perfume...funky jewellry..get a green or blue streak in you hair......just open up and put yourself out there as young woman who is ready for some fun....it is the most healthy thing in the world for a young woman in the prime of her childbearing years to want guys to lust after her.

 

Act like you are 14. If a guy asks you out...be irresponsible. Forget about having to get up for work the next day or having to get a report done, etc. play hooky...be a bit rebellious and wild. You have earned the right to be crazy.

 

Advice like this, and the fact that women actually follow it, is exactly why dating today is the huge sh#t fight that it is.

[Els]

Act like you are 14.

 

Um, I REALLY don't think this is a great idea for a 27-yo woman...

 

Anyway, OP, you've only been single for a year yeah? That's really not long at all. And plenty of people meet and fall in love in their 30s and older.

 

IMO if you try to push too hard and artificially rush things because of some arbitrary timeline in your head, you'll make things worse. It'll come off as desperate, and will attract guys who just want to take advantage of desperation. You really want to avoid that sort of lowlife.

 

So, by all means work on yourself and meet people, but don't restrict yourself to a particular timeline. Life is a journey! Stop and smell the roses some time.

[Summer Lovin]

Thanks for all of the responses. I don't think men find me unattractive. I'm in decent shape and work out regularly, and try and dress nicely. I just genuinely haven't met anyone. If I lowered my standards, I could probably find someone, but I really just want the "right" relationship. I thought that it might have been that I've been having all of these individual experiences, living in different cities, going for a master's degree, etc. However, even during those experiences I never met anyone along the way, and if I did, I'm certain that I'd be willing to change my individual plans to do what would be best for "us." I've tried online dating, a couple of different sites, and I'm incredibly disappointed with them. No luck at all.

 

Even with my first boyfriend, I feel like I settled, so it wasn't that great of a match to begin with; I did the whole "I'm in college and need a boyfriend," so gave someone a shot, but he ended up just dragging me down. I was also too immature for a relationship at that time, and it ended up being more of a distraction then helping my life. Never had a true "sweetheart" that we could grow together. My second boyfriend, I didn't settle, but we had some major differences that wouldn't let us work long-term.

 

I recognize that where I'm at geographically might not be the best market to find someone. Many of the people that I know here are in their 30s and still not settled down. I don't want to wake up and be like 32 still in the same boat. I hope by then I am married and working on starting my own family. I recognize that I'm not getting any younger and know where I want to be in the next five years in terms of personal life. I would be willing to compromise my professional life for personal relationship happiness.

 

I suppose back when I was 22, there were individual goals I had, and I wanted to see more of the world. I probably wasn't in a state of mind to settle down and build a life with someone. However, now I feel that it's incredibly important to me, and I'd be willing to move for someone even and do what would be best for "us" but have not met that person. I am just scared that I'm going down the path of singleness, and while there's nothing wrong with that and I'm fully capable of living on my own, I know that it's not what I want.

 

I've contemplated moving back to where my family is, but I also don't want to regret that decision. I often feel homesick, but I'm not so sure if it's that I miss my family a ton or just feel lonely where I'm at without a major support system. I've also contemplated moving to another exciting city such as New York, but don't want to get caught up in it and never settle down. When I was 22, I didn't feel as much pressure, but at 27, I know that if I don't work towards building a relationship with someone it will just get harder. 27 will soon turn into 30, just like 22 soon turned into 25, which turned into 27.

[Els]

Caveat: I haven't actually lived in New York, but I've heard that big cities are not necessarily the best place to find a partner for a long-term relationship/marriage, especially if you're young. You might have better luck in more medium-sized and conservative towns.

 

Also, if you were planning to travel the world - do it. There's no better time. Lots of people also meet their partner on their travels. Some don't, but the perspective and experience that they gain aids them greatly in life.

[JBlackstone]

I'm 31 and recently single but I'm sure I'll meet someone soon because why wouldn't i? You need to change your perspective. Stay positive and positive things will happen. You are still so young! I met my last boyfriend at 27 and I can whole heartedly say that I have changed so much in those last 4 years and I'm now just realizing what I want in a relationship and coming into my own. You have plenty of time to have kids, if that's a concern. There is no rule that says you have to be at this juncture by this age. Enjoy your life, as it is. Were always in such a hurry to get to another place. When you are happy with what you have it will happen.

[me85]

I'm 31 and recently single but I'm sure I'll meet someone soon because why wouldn't i? You need to change your perspective. Stay positive and positive things will happen. You are still so young! I met my last boyfriend at 27 and I can whole heartedly say that I have changed so much in those last 4 years and I'm now just realizing what I want in a relationship and coming into my own. You have plenty of time to have kids, if that's a concern. There is no rule that says you have to be at this juncture by this age. Enjoy your life, as it is. Were always in such a hurry to get to another place. When you are happy with what you have it will happen.

 

This is wonderful advice!