MIL's daily calling

[down hearted]

She calls every single day when my husband is at work, we live with a 12 hour difference so you have to figure out when its the right time to call, she doesn't bother, she just calls whenever and it just so happens she does this when he isn't home, but i am! Boundaries is pointless with her, she could give a rats behind about boundaries so i give up on that, i told my husband (even though she already knows his work schedule) to tell her he is at work and not home at that time. My MIL gets in fights allllllllll the time with my father in law its really the norm to me because ever since we dated it has been like this and she starts with her drama. I mean drama, crying, asking for money, blah blah. I am used to it and i am tired of it.

 

She left a voicemail saying "i am just calling to see how is everything, because here things are not so good" its just getting old and annoying already and it really ruins the mood in my marriage because it depresses my husband even though his parents have been like this his entire life.

 

I just don't pick up the phone when she calls during a time he isn't here, i just don't want to get in that mess.

 

How can i get her to call when my husband is here she just does not listen!! My husband has not heard the voicemail, should i tell him or just wait for her to call again? She would call at 3-4 in the morning too!! Its really annoying! what should i do?

[down hearted]

she's asking for money again, am so sick of it!

[dogeared]

Unplug or turn off the phone at night.

 

 

I understand that it's annoying to receive daily calls from such a dramatic person, particularly with requests for money, but I'm not sure why you're this upset about it. Just ignore the calls and delete the messages. Or, change your number and don't give it to her.

 

 

Is she calling your home phone or your cell phone? Does your husband call her back every day? Does he send her money? Has he had a discussion with her about how often she calls, or when/where it is appropriate to call?

[Emilia]

I would unplugg or disable the phone when your husband isn't around. If he got stressed that he couldn't get hold of you, maybe that would spur him on to deal with this situation rather than make it your problem.

[down hearted]

I would unplugg or disable the phone when your husband isn't around. If he got stressed that he couldn't get hold of you, maybe that would spur him on to deal with this situation rather than make it your problem.

 

i will definitely try this, she calls the house phone, i'll just turn the ringer off, also my husband is leaving for work for a week and he hasn't told her that means this is not going to get better. Wish me luck! I had to vent a little!

[pink_sugar]

A lot of households are now relying on cell phones only. I would consider getting rid of the land line. I haven't had one in years. That way if she does start attempting your cell, you can go through your cell carrier and block her number...that way she is only able to "call" your husband directly. Ringing land lines are a lot more annoying. At least with a cell you can put it on silent or sidebar the incoming call right away to ignore.

[RuralMama]

I am so sorry you are having boundary issues with your MIL. What does she say when you tell her she calls too much? Can you set aside 1 hour a week on one day a week and have her call at that time? The rest of the time turn your home phone off. Maybe she is one of those people who can't set their own boundaries but need them set for them. It sounds like she needs someone to listen to her, friends in her area. Hope it gets better!

[down hearted]

A lot of households are now relying on cell phones only. I would consider getting rid of the land line. I haven't had one in years. That way if she does start attempting your cell, you can go through your cell carrier and block her number...that way she is only able to "call" your husband directly. Ringing land lines are a lot more annoying. At least with a cell you can put it on silent or sidebar the incoming call right away to ignore.

 

Where we live, we need a house phone its different in this area, we have it set up so the family does not have to pay to call us since its long distance, so its cheaper for them (google voice) but its connected to a physical phone that rings. The thing is, i don't mind her calling if its minimal, but all the time is quite annoying. She called again today at 4am and left a voice message crying saying i can't sleep but its okay, no i don't feel sorry for her this is one of her cycles that she goes through all the time and its annoying, giving her this phone number was the worst mistake we made because now she can just call even more than before, leave a bunch of messages etc.

 

I am so sorry you are having boundary issues with your MIL. What does she say when you tell her she calls too much? Can you set aside 1 hour a week on one day a week and have her call at that time? The rest of the time turn your home phone off. Maybe she is one of those people who can't set their own boundaries but need them set for them. It sounds like she needs someone to listen to her, friends in her area. Hope it gets better!

 

My husband when we gave her the new number told her please don't call so much now okay do me that favor, obviously that went out the window. She does not care for boundaries, it does not exist to her no matter how many times you tell her, so i have just decided to ignore the calls, but it still continues and my husband does not call her back. Even if someone listens to her, she goes through these needy stages that never ends its always been like this. I am just so fed up with it, its every month, even if you talk to her, even if you try to tell her stop, or even if my husband has a talk with her about her actions she still continues and this is really getting old 10 years old am so sick of it to the point i just get mad because she won't leave us alone and my husband has talked to her but is so used to this since childhood that he just lets it go on.

[Tayla]

Since you have google voice, take advantage of it! Change your number and tell her what the new number is. Then have it go straight to voice mail. Create a second number for business calls and other personal friends. Keep it private.

I have two phone numbers: One for any business calls/ or service calls, and one for only personal friends. This keeps messages easy to follow up on.

Since she isnt capable of respecting boundaries, Create your own and stick to it!

 

Do be mindful though that when 180 degree change happens its met with the same. She will try to find ways to interrupt your lives....Its your husbands duty to be a good husband and a civil son. Let him handle the new arrangements

[down hearted]

Since you have google voice, take advantage of it! be mindful though that when 180 degree change happens its met with the same. She will try to find ways to interrupt your lives....Its your husbands duty to be a good husband and a civil son. Let him handle the new arrangements

 

i agree, I did what you said, the phone number is just for family calls, so I looked in the settings and there is a "do not disturb" option that you can set up and it even has a setup that you can put if you want for certain amount of hours, days etc... so it sends the calls directly to voice mail I'm doing this while husband is at work and right before he comes home I'll switch it back to normal again. Google voice does not fail! i understand that she is his mother and all but you know married couples kind of want their privacy too, its okay to call every now and then and check up but every single day at all hours drives me nuts specially when my huaband is at work and unable to answer himself I wouldn't even mind it if it was happy calls but this lady is always calling with drama or to ask for money so am extra annoyed. Today she has called more than 5 times and left random voicemails with mixed emotions, happy, sad, or needy and dramatic am so annoyed. my husband was just with her on vacation and spent time with her.

 

my mother is not like this with my brother he is also married and she calls once a week or once every 2 weeks to check up. my husband does put his mom in her place every now and then but she does not take it seriously or doesn't really pay mind to it and he just let's it go on. It's like she is immune to talking only what she wants to hear Idk if that makes sense. husband is leaving for a week I'll pick up to her once while he is gone to tell her he isn't here he is traveling for work if he doesn't tel her before he leaves but that's it. He can deal with her directly.

 

thanks Tayla!

[bathtub-row]

I think there must be something mentally wrong with her. I agree with the others here, turn off the phone while you're sleeping. Also, I think your husband should stop listening to the messages she leaves (or eliminate the ability to leave messages altogether), and he should set a day when he calls her regularly, like each Sunday. That way, no matter what kind of drama she lays at his feet, he has a plan, and it stops affecting your marriage and it stops depressing him. Maybe she'll start to get the message that she'll hear from him once a week, and that all the drama doesn't give her any payoff.

[pink_sugar]

My dad was calling me every 2-3 days recently and he was always like "how are things going with you? did you find another job yet?" I can understand if it had been several weeks since we've spoken, but to ask this every 2-3 days got redundant. I finally told him that when I do find another job, I will let him know. My answer isn't likely to change much within 2-3 days. He would mostly call to babble on about himself, how much money he's making, what him and his girlfriend were doing and etc. He would also make random calls just to say how they are at a concert or etc. I told him he didn't need to call me every single time they were out. I have a life to live too and I told him he should just enjoy his time with his girlfriend, rather than call me all the time about every little thing he is doing. Thankfully, I no longer hear from him more than once a week at most and that is more than enough for me since each time he calls, he just goes on and on about himself for at least 30-40 minutes.