Feelbettersoon Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 It's been a month since the BU. Both in our mid twenties. 2 year relationship. He ended it. There has been NC on my part - spoken only once when he reached out I replied kindly and he acted cold (even though he contacted me) asking how I was, I replied that I was good and feeling myself and he told me to have a good life, and belittling me because instead of wallowing I'm getting out and seeing friends and he may have seen that through mutual friends pages. I can't tell if he just doesn't care or is jealous that I'm not acting openly upset even though inside it kills me. Relationship ended because I was going through a difficult time and dealth with in by taking out it on my love and also acting needy, which isn't very me at all. In the time since BU I have recognised how I have acted. I accept I was wrong but I think if I told him this he wouldn't believe me. Actions speed louder than words but I have no way of showing him because we aren't seeing each other. I want nothing more to get back and I'm sure if I met him he wouldn't listen right now. He did reach out to me though which I thought was a start but ended up as I said acting cold. Confused... My best bet is to continue NIC but this huge part of me wants to reconcile and show him I am sorry even though I wasn't terrible how I acted wasn't acceptable. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feelbettersoon Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Also I am completely head of heels in love and the thought of never being with him again, is soul crushing.. My best friend and companion, no1 has been so kind and loving towards me and I feel like an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 He ended it. Doesn't sound like it's up to you to decide. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pendragon Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Confused... My best bet is to continue NIC Yes it is. ...but this huge part of me wants to reconcile and show him I am sorry even though I wasn't terrible how I acted wasn't acceptable. Any advice? If you're thinking about contacting him to apologize/plead for reconciliation, no, terrible idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feelbettersoon Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Yes it is. If you're thinking about contacting him to apologize/plead for reconciliation, no, terrible idea. Why? If I was in his shoes I'd be upset and want the other to tell me that they're sorry? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 Why? If I was in his shoes I'd be upset and want the other to tell me that they're sorry? Um, he ended it with you because he didn't care if you were sorry or if you weren't -- he just wanted you to be done. I seriously doubt that you've responded well to guys you have broken up with trying to beg and plead to get you back (if you've ever dumped anyone). You are deluding yourself because you so desperately want him back that you've convinced yourself that your apology contains some sort of magic potion that will make him reconsider. Instead, it will just turn him off and annoy him more. He's the one who broke up, it's up to him to want to make the steps to fix it. Being clingy, needy, desperate and pathetic will not do you any favors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 A month since the breakup--I have some good and bad news.... The way you are feeling is perfectly normal, and most people go through a feeling of helpless desperation this soon after a breakup. Not only that, but perspectives, thought patterns etc are completely warped towards those emotional connections that are as raw and fresh as they will ever be. Seriously, imo there is no point other than soon after a breakup that our feelings are so intense.. BUT you need to put logic first, and you need to not indulge to much into how you are feeling. As a female (sorry females) I feel like I am emotion driven a good 80% of the time, and if I indulged in my emotional self all of the time my life would be a train wreck.. 100% serious. My point- it isn't logical for you to chase someone who has walked away, and it isn't logical for you to be justifying their behaviour.. even if your own wasn't great. It also isn't logical for you to be plotting out an apology to solve it all.. bottom line, if you were as close to this person as you want to be/think you are, then apologizing and making up would be pretty simple-and they would be arms open waiting to hear it. ^^Is what I think lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feelbettersoon Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 Thankfully haven't done any chasing. Haven't contacted him either, hes initiated small amount. Been keeping busy everyday and not allowing myself to sit in upset, but no matter what I do i am thinking about it and how much I'd love to get back. I know talking now would seem desperate I was just wondering is there any way to go about it while still keeping your dignity? Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 (edited) I know talking now would seem desperate I was just wondering is there any way to go about it while still keeping your dignity? I know you're well meaning with this, but you're missing the point. At this point in your breakup - you're insane with grief and emotion. You have no capacity to evaluate anything rationally. I'll give you my example - I have had three devastating breakups in my life (and the funny thing is my divorce isn't one of them - ain't life grand). A month in, I was convinced in all three cases that a grand gesture to show that I had changed was what was necessary. That is to say that if I could somehow prove I was more what they wanted, that I could fix the problem. One of those breakups was over 10 years ago. I met up with that woman casually about a year ago. She flat out wanted to rekindle things and said I was great 10 years earlier, she just wasn't ready for it. Another was about 2 years ago. We emailed around 3 months ago casually. Again, she said I did nothing wrong, she just wasn't capable of being what I needed. The third, well, that's the one that about 4 months out I am still struggling with. But my bigger point is that that my brain was incapable of evaluating the situation rationally in those first months. But I have learned this, again, and again, and again. If a man or woman wants you in their life, even if you have to make changes, they will tell you or let you know. No matter how emotionally stunted they are, if they want you, you'll know it. We are wired to put our emotions out there. And honestly, if for some reason they can't - why date someone why requires a mind reader? Anyways, back to my point. Set a NC goal of 6 months. I almost guarantee if you don't speak for 6 months, that even if you still love them and are hung up on them, you'll be able to see things rationally for what they are, and from there you can figure out how to go forward. If in 6 months you're still a complete mess, well, there's a reason therapists can put their kids through college and getting an appointment is so difficult. Edited August 14, 2014 by ThorntonMelon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
love1336x Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 I think as long as you stay on NC and focus on yourself you should be fine. So far you haven't chased and have kept your pride. When he reaches out to you though you need to stomp on his breadcrumbs. On less he's talking about getting back with you there no point keeping contact and no won't make you look like a angry itch. Makes you look like a strong woman who doesn't want to deal with her past. Looking strong and being happy is attractive. Saying sorry and looking pityful makes him run away. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Before trying to reconcile, take a few months to see if this is what you really want. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feelbettersoon Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Before trying to reconcile, take a few months to see if this is what you really want. Best of luck Thanks. Judging by his lack on concern and contact then I don't really think he is ever going to want to see me again, hurts but I somehow will need to accept that Link to post Share on other sites
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