pippen_2k Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 I was having a real bad weekend till I stumbled across this forum today, and after reading a couple of threads im feelin and lookin at things alot different. My ex left me exactly 6 weeks ago, and this was my first ever encounter of being heart broken ( Im 27 mind you ). I was with her for quite some time and I gave her all of my heart and energy, only to be left via a text message.... yep no face to face talk or phone call. There is numerous reasons why she could have left me ( none of them being through me treating her bad or cheating ) but definatley alot to do with bad communication between us and misunderstanding each other... I wont dwell into the reasons too much, cause at the end of the day I never really got an answer to why she left either. I have had weeks of sleepless nights second doubting why she left, what I did wrong and continually beating myself up. But now im just starting to realise that this will just drive me crazy and get me nowhere. I have asked her via message several times now what I did wrong and she just wont give me an answer. I have heard from her twice since we broke up and both times she just said that she was so sorry, and that she never intentionally went out to hurt me. She also said that I was a fantastic guy, and that she really misses spending time with me, we were obviously just not compatible. Last message she said she didnt know what she was doing, and said she didnt know if she was comming or going, im sorry. Im like ????? what does that mean.. I recieve a message like every 2nd sunday night... maybe cause she has a few drinks on sundays and feels guilty..I dunno... but all I do know is that these messages only bring me down and back to square 1.. and me being the fool always replys with big soppy responses begging for her back ( which I know is wrong ) I had a real bad day on friday and saturday as well because I finally saw her for the first time. It was only a glance but I saw her and she saw me. I was standing at the street corner waiting to cross and she drove past me... sounds so small but opened alot of wounds and Ive been hurting the past few days. From what ive read here today esp by the post from no fool is that u must break all contact. So ive already changed my e mail account and am not gonna read any message she sends me..if she does. The only hard part is that im not in a huge city and its only a matter of time that we will come in contact, because she only lives like a 2 minute drive from my place. Whenever im driving around or at a shopping center I always find myself looking for her... Its knowinging she is so close to me, and that theres a good chance we will see each other, that makes it hard. I think ive been doing the right things.. Ive been exercising almost every day, trying to get home late at nights so there is not much thinking time, trying to keep busy.... but the weekends seem to be my undoing. Getting drunk on a friday night does not get rid of the pain, it only numbs it for a while.... which I find out on a saturday morning where I wake up and always break down crying.. hangovers and alcohol can make u really depressed. Also way too much time for myself on weekends to think. I know everyone says you gotta find a hobby but I really have no ideas what to do in this boring ass town ha! ill find somethin... I suppose I just been getting worried cause its been 6 weeks now and im still really hurting... maybe its the contact ive been trying to keep with her that gives me hope that makes me hurt. Ill try and stop that.... cause I look too deep into her responses and still think im a chance.... its silly.. Thanks for listening, oh and being sunday im kinda expecting her to msg me tonight... DAMN IT ha.. thats gonna be on my mind now..... thanks again... had to get that off my chest Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Computer games may help take your mind off it. I know when I'm playing the hours will zoom by and before I know it I've been playing for six hours! NC would be my suggestion as a strategy to move forward and overcome the emotions that still surface regarding this relationship. It's time you stopped looking for her to call or message you, even on Sunday's. The best thing is for you not to have any contact with her. Link to post Share on other sites
No Foolin Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Yes, this is all very painful, I think everyone here has felt this kind of pain. You've only been at this 6 weeks, you can't expect perfection......it takes time. It is important for you to know that this pain will eventually dull; but, you have to do certain things to be effective. I know you want to see her very badly and you put yourself in position to be seen. I want you to remember the pain you felt when you saw her. THIS WILL HAPPEN EVERY TIME YOU COME INTO CONTACT WITH HER. All the more reason to look after yourself. HARD FACTS: your relationship with her is over, period. "You can never go home". Even if somehow you get back with her, home has changed and you will go through this again. I can't express this enough, "nothing you do is going to endear you to her" she left you. She made an adult choice to roll, why?????? Doesn't matter. When you sit with agony long enough you will realize it won't kill you. When your alone long enough, you will realize that it's not something to be feared. This is your time to make changes for you. Let her go, you had your time....Be pleased with that. I suggest falling off the grid. Disappear like a secret agent, give her no way of contacting you, NONE. This is your time to get your head right. Get real busy doing something. Be careful how you talk to yourself. Nosce et ipsum "know thy self" No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
Author pippen_2k Posted February 27, 2005 Author Share Posted February 27, 2005 Thanks for the replys, and I understand how I have to avoid any situation of seeing her, but do I just lock myself in the house and go to far away places just to ease my pain? Like theres not much in this town to do, and I dont really wanna deprive myself of the only few fun things this town has to offer.. like going for a swim at the local water hole, going to my local shopping center on the weekend, running up castle hill .. all things I used to enjoy alot, but now.. there is a chance of seeing her at these places. To make matters worse, I work with her ex boyfriend, and even seeing him upsets me, just because I know he spent a long time with her ( 5 years ) .. and I suppose I kinda get enveous and wish I had that much time with her..... I also see her mum and sister quite a bit as well .. also makes me hurt a lil.... Do I put all the fun things I could be doing aside untill my hurt is gone? and should I even be avoiding the ex b/f and her mum and sister? Link to post Share on other sites
No Foolin Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 What your saying is you have no outlet for new experiences, right? QUESTION: Do you still want her back? Do you enjoy giving power to a person who is very likely not thinking about you? Do you really want to know that she has hooked up with someone else (only a matter of time)? Do you really want to be the keeper of info we both know you can't handle? Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, there are other things you can find to do. Don't be a shut in (not good). there are 6 billion people on this planet and I am willing to wager that there are other towns and places to go that don't smack of your ex, find them and saturate yourself. Do you notice how your speaking to yourself? You are human and just because of that you have worth, period. Your life is not based on who loves you. Your life is based on how you love yourself. You have options, you always have options. Find them. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 I am having the same problem. I have no idea what happened, but after 3 yrs, he just stopped answering me. I text him and no reply now and call and nothing. I sit here and wonder if it's my faullt? I am heartbroken. He has done this before(ignore me) and he says that he needs space sometimes. He is going thru a divorce and has a child custody battle and we are long distance and his job is CRAZY! I do well and then contact him and after he ignores me i feel worse. I am trying NC, but i have tried it before and fail. I long to hear from him. I love him and miss him terribly. Any ideas on what to do when I want to break NC? Ususally if i stop calling him he calls me after a while. (Only because he thinks i found someone else) sad huh??? Helo any way you can! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pippen_2k Posted February 28, 2005 Author Share Posted February 28, 2005 Its been 3 days now since I first visited this site, and I must admitt I feel a little relieved that im not looking for responses or messages from her. No Contact has definatley taken a load off my mind, as Im not sitting at home sweating on a response, which in the long run I really dont need. I think I know all the answers in why she left ( as I have had 6 weeks of very limitied sleep and ive covered almost every scenario possible ) so I suppse its time for me to stop dwelling in the past and make changes to myself that will improve me for the next relationship I get in. Sure, this is easy to say now when I have a clear head, but when im lying there at nights awake with my demons it really puts an ill feeling in my stomache, how I made her feel uncomfortable and the small things I did wrong that probably led to driving her away. This is very hard to accept as I love(d) her very much and all I wanna do is explain to her everything.... but I wont be getting that opportunity, and thinking these thoughts only slows down my recovery rate. Thanks for the tips so far and ill be checking in here daily to sympathise with others and learn more about coping and self improvement. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts