Cheated On,Horrible Breakup Experience, Need , Heres My Story

[tornforever]

Hello all please help

 

I recently been through a very bad breakup after a long term relationship of two years, the relationship went very well and we lived together in harmony, it has been 3 months since the breakup and I still feel guilty/sad and regretful, although my partner cheated on me by secretly texting and then kissing this other person, she then ran away the next morning and dident tell me anything and dumped me by txt, this other guy picked her up and she went to live there.

 

I think the emotional torture started as she kept coming back and I accepted her back easily,when she originally left me and was complaining about me and pointing out all the things I did wrong such as not buying her things or giving her affection, she felt emotionally distant and was unhappy which I understand is the main reasons for cheating, I did not find this out until 2 weeks after she left me the first time in which she came back told me she cheated and was having sex with him, she then left me 3 days later after the first time I took her back and told me she loves me but also loves him and left me to peruse this person and be back with him, she would dump me with text messages multiple times and never try’d to speak to me about her problems, I understand that she may have bottled up her issues with me which lead to her unhappiness, i was willing to change and do anything for her because she ment the world to me, i even payed of a car that this guy brought her and brought her clothes and games it was still not enough.

 

My ex was then in this new relationship for a month and he broke up with her, then she came crawling back to me, acknowledging my mistakes I took her back once again for a 3rd time, it was a rough week during the repairing phase of the relationship and she even once said to me "i can't believe im begging you back" but she then spent the night at his place during this week in which i was like.... what the hell i thought you are wanting to repair and work things out with me, she even told me she wants to be "friends" with this guy she cheated on me with i mean how disrespectful is that?

 

I started no have zero trust so ended it i then strangely i instantly regretted it and and took her to the movies to make it up-to her, but i felt as if she was slipping away as she was once again not showing any interest and pushing me away i even got on my hands and knees in the rain to show how seriously i regretted ending it, she eventually said no and text dumped me again.

 

with this I’m not saying that I was Mr perfect, I understand that I may have been neglectful to her emotional needs and did not pay any attention to her continuous complaints and i didn't buy her stuff, she said that "if you loved me you'd buy me stuff", I’m always very busy and preoccupied with my work/studies which is why I understand that it was my fault that she cheated i was struggling and stressing between balancing uni life work life and a relationship which is mainly the reason she felt emotionally neglected

 

we were still communicating after this but then surprisingly a few weeks later she wanted to be with me again, this time I thought enough is enough with her unpredictable behavior, i begged a cheater back and got rejected so i thought it was time to close the chapter in the book. The sad part is that I do love her and care for the world for her i diden't want end it and still think that she is the one however sometimes you have to look out for yourself and your future and every single one of my friends including my family were telling me "cut your losses and move on", so i took there advice.

 

 

I’m facing a situation that you must let them go in order for them to be happy, This girl is a great person the love of my life and means the world to me and I know this doesn't sound like she is, but I truly wish her a happy future i told her i wanted her to be happy and that and she clearly isn't i wished her well and wanted to end it to save myself from the pain, surprisingly a week weeks after I let her go she contacted me saying, we cannot communicate I have a new boyfriend, like come on seriously why rub it in my face? i was kindly telling her i wanted to end it and she brutally told me she wants to end it?, i mean i was only checking up on her because she told me she was thinking of driving into a tree, sometimes in life you got to shoulder the pain and support your ex for there health and best interest i knew this would ultimately lead to this but wanted to show that i honor and respected our relationship and valued it dearly.

 

 

This breakup has caused a lot of pain and consumes my every second over obsessive thought on why this behavior trait occurred, mostly I have concluded that she was unhappy and thought the grass was greener, it wasn't actually greener so she wanted back, I feel as if I was her safety net and fail back plan or that I was just becoming an option, judging by her resentment and disrespect I could tell also that she had a lot of problems with me in which she never discussed, complaints were mainly focused on money, I mean heck she even told me she went with this guy because he brought her stuff how crazy is that? Ditch the 2 year relationship for a "stranger" because there is $$$.

 

i just felt like a option, you have to let someone go because you want them to be happy and that you know that you cannot provide them that.

 

My questions are has anyone ever had a similar breakup? How did they cope with moving on and accepting what has happened? Why do people behave like this? Why do I feel so guilty and bad for not making her happy? I feel like I failed or didn't live up to the expectations. This person meant the world to me but as some people say some people fall in love more every day while the other falls out of it.

 

God i wish i owned a time machine!

Any help would be appreciated please!

[Requiem4Dreams]

"i even got on my hands and knees in the rain to show how seriously i regretted ending it, she eventually said no and text dumped me again."

 

 

First off, right there screamed at me. She does not respect you, and I'm not sure how anyone could with that statement.

 

Begging, and pleading completely pushes a woman away and shows you off as weak and needy. You need to let this one go, based on the fact that she cheated on you, and broke up with you multiple times. I'm sorry that I can't sugarcoat this, but you need to have some self-respect and realize that this behaviour is absolutely horrible.

 

She's already shown that you can't trust her. Drop her like a hot potato.

[tornforever]

i always believed actions speak louder then words, i did it to prove how serious i was about trying to make it work, i have broke it off and stopped contact, but yeah i learn't from my mistakes, i suppose sometimes u do stuff to prove your seriousness but yeah thanks for the advice =)

[Zeurich]

i just felt like a option, you have to let someone go because you want them to be happy and that you know that you cannot provide them that.

 

My questions are has anyone ever had a similar breakup?

Yes but mine was not 2 years long term thing,it was a 12 years Marriage. you have taken her back but I did not take my ex husband back after cheating me, cheaters are always cheaters, money focused people are always money focused and they really hard to satisfy. Also there are some men and woman who work with the attitude that "my life is has nothing to do anyone else" even though they are with husbands wives and kids. Simply I see it as a selfish attitude regarding family wise.But single wise that attitude completely applicable. I think your girl friend is one of those category.

 

 

How did they cope with moving on and accepting what has happened?

My ex did not cope at all he always pointed finger out on me. And he did not accepted that he did something wrong with cheating. His answer was"my life has nothing to do with you ,it is my life and I do what I want" That was the phrase he given me when I try to talk. So hope you can imagine it is not only you go through this,

 

Why do people behave like this?

As I said before there are some people who behave in a selfish way with selfish attitude. And they don't care about causing pain to the others. Now days most people run behind material stuff cars, money cloths, and lot other glamor stuff than going behind the person and who he is.

Why do I feel so guilty and bad for not making her happy?

why you blame your self?

 

I feel like I failed or didn't live up to the expectations.

I feel sorry for you! Please don't feel so insecure in you!

 

"if you loved me you'd buy me stuff"

So if you buy me french fries from MAC does that mean you love me?

Love does not measure from the stuff you buy for her, she is greedy woman for stuff and using men to buy them.

Honestly let it go don't blame your self it is not worth. As your story I understand you are a university student or working and doing masters, and if the woman has no understanding about how tough life you passing with studies and work how you think your future will be with her????

Give your self a healing time. For one thing I blame you for talking her back after being with another man.

 

[tornforever]

thank you so much for that reply it made me very happy, currently doing my honors in engineering, its been very difficult studying 40+ hours a week, working and balancing a relationship, it cost me sleep and stress and then all this happens, ive try'd my best with life to work on my future and to have her in it and i was dumped terribly bad, i just feel like a failed that's all and i understand that people make mistakes, i feel like i contributed to her unhappiness and made her sad. i only took her back because i felt as if it was my fault and sometimes everyone deserves a second chance, but i was stupid enough to give her 4+ chances and even threw my dignity on the line due to guilt which i can understand the previous posters opinion. =) thank you your post was friendly and nice!

[cereal_dater]

This girl is a great person the love of my life and means the world to me

 

The hell is wrong with you?

 

You mean NOTHING to this chick. She does nothing but walk all over you, take advantage of you, and play games with your heart. Quit being a spineless pansy, grow a backbone, and stand up for yourself.

 

I'll go out on a limb and wager that she probably comes from a broken home with daddy issues. Sounds like the kind of chaotic relationships they create.

 

Ironically, these are the easiest chicks to game. If you did a complete 180 with your behavior, didn't give two ****s about her, became a selfish *******, ignored her, treated her like dirt, started banging other women.. I bet she'd be the one doing the begging. I remember my freshman college roommate saying "treat them like dirt, they'll stick to you like glue" - and right he was.

 

Honestly.. the best thing for you to do is move on and get this TOXIC woman out of your life.

 

Join the gym.

New Hobbies.

Stay social.

Redevelop yourself.

Plan.

Map out goals and pursue them.

 

Finally, there is absolutely no point in discussing what went wrong in the relationship, why she cheated, etc. It's counter-productive and will only lead to tension, anger, and revenge. Most guys here understand what you are going through and know her type. Good luck

Edited August 14, 2014 by cereal_dater

[tornforever]

hey cereal.

 

Thanks for your reply, it was a eye opener!, since the breakup stress ive already lost alot of weight and been going gym 6+ times a week, i don't really have much time for hobbies so i usually just study alot. after being in a long term relationship it is hard since i haven't spoken to many of my friends for years but i have made a few new ones and do have work & uni friends supporting me. and yeah my goal is to graduate so just focusing on that, thanks alot for your reply =)

[cereal_dater]

hey cereal.

 

Thanks for your reply, it was a eye opener!, since the breakup stress ive already lost alot of weight and been going gym 6+ times a week, i don't really have much time for hobbies so i usually just study alot. after being in a long term relationship it is hard since i haven't spoken to many of my friends for years but i have made a few new ones and do have work & uni friends supporting me. and yeah my goal is to graduate so just focusing on that, thanks alot for your reply =)

 

No problem. Use that weight loss to your advantage.

 

I remember my first bad breakup, back in 2007. I went from 210lbs to 150lbs from the stress (I'm 5'8). Got into running and cycling, became a gym rat, and have had more luck with women thanks to my new physique than I could have ever imagined. That breakup, in a lot of ways, was the best thing that could have happened to me.

 

That ex has come sniffing around a few times over the years. Finally saw her for the first time last December, she moved nearby. She couldn't believe how much I had changed, tried to have sex with me, but I shot her down. Now she's a single mom living in an apartment.

 

It was great to see her, I have no malice toward her anymore, but it did feel somewhat redeeming to have turned the tables on her at the end.

[tornforever]

one last question.

 

Why would a cheater blame me? and treat me like ****? if they were the one who cheated? is it a act of revenge? or just a plain bitch? or is it left over bitterness and resent from the ending of the relationship? or as the person said in previous post her 0 care attitude towards me is just shining brightly. we haven't communicated in over 2 weeks since the goodbye email which stated

 

"Hello, Unfortunately we can not communicate anymore because i have a new boyfriend and out of respect we can not communicate, thank you for everything you did for me, i wish u the best, goodbye"

 

So she respects this new stranger but despises me? over these small little things, i could quite possibly be over-analyzing but i will be forever confused about what goes in this persons mind, if communicating with me is convenient for her she can does it but if not i feel as if i basically got told "you have served your purpose as a emotional support bag, begone" geez the world is full of mystry

[Chi townD]

Simple. It's called blame shifting. They tell you what they believe to be your faults to ease the guilt they're having about cheating on you. They're trying to justify it in their heads that because of your faults, that gives them permission to cheat. They're telling themselves, "You know what? If tornforever wasn't such an asshat, I wouldn't be here with this other guy." They're telling you, well because you didn't do this, that and the other, I'm going to be with this guy.

 

 

But, here's the rub. You didn't do anything wrong. And certainly not anything that would justify being cheated on. She is just trying to ease her guilt. Because at the end of the day, she's the one that made the choice to cheat. You had nothing to do with that. If you had a girl that has no intention of cheating and she wasn't happy about something. THEY HAVE NO PROBLEM LETTING YOU KNOW ABOUT IT! AND TELL YOU ABOUT IT A LOT!!! They don't tell you about your faults AFTER they've been cheating on you.

[Natsu21]

one last question.

 

Why would a cheater blame me? and treat me like ****? if they were the one who cheated? is it a act of revenge? or just a plain bitch? or is it left over bitterness and resent from the ending of the relationship? or as the person said in previous post her 0 care attitude towards me is just shining brightly. we haven't communicated in over 2 weeks since the goodbye email which stated

 

"Hello, Unfortunately we can not communicate anymore because i have a new boyfriend and out of respect we can not communicate, thank you for everything you did for me, i wish u the best, goodbye"

 

So she respects this new stranger but despises me? over these small little things, i could quite possibly be over-analyzing but i will be forever confused about what goes in this persons mind, if communicating with me is convenient for her she can does it but if not i feel as if i basically got told "you have served your purpose as a emotional support bag, begone" geez the world is full of mystry

 

What mystery?

 

Dude, she got bored of you and treated you like crap. The real mystery is why are you so needy that you allow that **** to happen?

[myhearthurtsbadly]

I know this is hard at the moment but ultimately these kind of people are the easiest to get over.

 

She is a disgrace, run away as fast as you can.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, she is not a great person as you stated. She's a manipulative liar. A great person would never treat you like a disposable piece of trash, which is exactly what she did. Forget her. She didn't love or respect you. Focus on yourself now.

[tornforever]

hello,

 

Thanks for your replies, im sorry that im coming across as needy, it was my first long term relationship although 2 years is not very long living together we never fought and it seemed like a perfect relationship, few arguements over stupid things a guy slips her a number she does a runner and im worthless garbage as stated.

 

Although some feelings do reside, from my point of view its as if i woke up one day wardrobes were empty and i got smacked in the face with a fry pan with obvious lies, i remember reading on some thread that the dumper always checks out before they do it but act when it is convenient, there was zero communication before all this so this is why im so confused and in a "wtf" state of mind, i understand actions speak louder then words and she obviously gives 0 crap about me, although i may of been oblivious to the end of the relationship im not entirely oblivious and have shared my experience with everyone in order to gain insight in which it has done quiet well.

 

Someone mentioned that "these ones are the easiest to get over" its more or less trying to severe the bond which is hard, the feeling of betrayal and seeing this girls "true" colors which is what is spiraling in my mind constantly, i sometimes wondering was she acting the whole relationship, she was always smiley/talkative and always talking about our future. then BANG, i hope this helps you all understand alittle bit about what i'm feeling at this point in time.

[hurts2death]

hey op

chin up

this is life

 

stay focused. nothing lasts forever.

 

she is off. she must stay off. once a cheater always a cheater.

 

pain will calm down be patient.

 

oh and please your name wont help you. make it turnforever.

[tornforever]

yeah i should of put better thought into my name i wish i can change it, turnforever is actually quite good, thanks for the advice buddy =)

[mrty]

Man seriously I know its hard when you love someone, but you've been a total doormat, you're gonna hate yourself when you do get over her. Sounds like she's a complete narcissist. Do yourself a favour and don't dwell or waste another second thinking about this girl I think she needs professional help. Sorry to be so blunt but you had a lucky escape.