7 years just ended. I'm changing my life and I want him back!

[tornapartheart]

So my ex and I met when we were 16 going on 17. We were together for almost 7 years. We're both 23 (going on 24) and have a 5 yr old child together. We have been broken up for about 2 months now and it has been devastating to me. He said he was unhappy with me and our relationship was going nowhere. He was right, it wasn't. I was depressed for a long time, I didn't cook, clean, go to school, work, drive. I basically loaded everything onto him and became co-dependent and we had a very dysfunctional relationship. Before he decided to leave me, he was taking SSRI drugs for anxiety,, which made him detach very quickly. He was very cold and unfeeling and didn't want to work it out. He gets off medication next month. So now I'm thinking once he gets off medication and becomes normal (mentally) his emotions might start coming back and he might start missing me. Since a week after he left me I took it as a huge wake-up call. I've lost 15 pounds, started going to the gym, went back to school and started learning to drive. I'm also looking for a job. I'm trying to be as proactive and positive as I can be, for myself, but also because I still love him and I hope that he is noticing the changes I'm making. I desperately want to get him back. But first I'm trying to become an independent woman to show him (and myself most importantly) that if we were to ever get back together, it would be because I want his company and do not NEED him to do everything for me. I'm just honestly terrified that he will find someone else or start having lots of promiscuous sex now that he got out of such a long LTR. I'm not ignorant and I know he probably will. I know he'll use protection as he's always been deathly paranoid of std's and pregnancy. I was the only woman he didn't use a condom with (we did in the beginning). I don't know what I would do if he ended up taking a chance and not using protection with a woman. I would be devastated. My goal is to be in school full-time by New Year's Day, reach my goal weight and work part-time. I want him to fall back into love with me, because we ARE soulmates. I think he just got so fed up with everything that he decided it wasn't worth anymore trouble. Do you think re-inventing myself completely might make him fall in love with me again? I'm not doing it for him (completely) bt more for myself. I am feeling better, and feel like I have control of my own life now, and am feeling a lot more confident and even, attractive. What would you think if you were in his shoes??

[tornapartheart]

I've also promised to myself that if he were to pursue me I would show him I am a woman of value. I would (try really hard to) not have sex with him even though I want it so bad, just to be in bed with his arms around me again. I've vowed to myself not to chase after him, send long texts or calls, ask him questions and pretty much just give him space to do his own single thing and focus on fixing MYSELF. I'm trying to show him that maybe he made a mistake leaving me, and that I really am golden, by being a confident, sexy and independent woman, instead of a needy, ungrateful, co-dependant woman. My goal (in my love life anyway) is to make him realize what he gave up and have him fall back in love with the NEW me. The HAPPY me. So our family can be back together instead of having to toss our daughter back and forth. This means a lot. What are my chances if I do all these things?

 

We also are still "in a relationship" on FaceBook. Niether of us has changed it and he has been on since, even commented on my posts about our daughter. He also still has all our couple and family photos up on his his page. I know it's a bit childish but, does that count for anything?? It's like, he's not trying to erase me from his life completely..

Edited August 15, 2014 by tornapartheart

[Zeurich]

As I understand your story you both are still very young and you become a mother in very young age! Is not that better counselor or a mediator get involve and help both of you out to find the right path. As you said if you had depression it need treated by a professional expert in that field. What I think the best take your time, step at a time with some help from a professional you both can get back together. Some times Marriage counseling can help too. you can not get some one back by force, it has to come natural from his heart and mind too. I understand you very well.

[hschutt]

I've always been told that you can't love someone else until you learn how to love yourself. I too was in a relationship where I became dependent on him and after 5 years, he broke up with me and I was devastated. It's only been 3 weeks now and I'm still devastated. I realized that I was no longer the happy and confident woman he had fell in love with and I had instead become clingy and depressed and overweight. I can't stop thinking about him and want him back, but I know I need to work on myself first. I think you're doing the right thing by working on yourself. Work towards your goal and if you still want him once you've reached for it, then ask him out to coffee or see if he would want to go on a play date/picnic to the park with you and your child. Don't talk about the bad times, but instead show him that things can be great again.