Girlfriend calls other guys cute

[loverboy1984]

Hey Im sure this topic has been discussed before but Id like to hear your opinion of my situation. I have been dating this girl for 6 months. We are both attractive and up until now I have never been jelous or insecure but Ive fallen in love with this girl and now have these feelings where I over think things.

 

So..

 

We walk into a bar and get carded, she tells me the bouncer is cute. Or we are looking through my old pictures and on two occasions she has said 2 of my friends are cute. Now this girl has been faithful and says she loves me. I have told her it bothers me but she makes me think like it shouldnt. And I feel bad bringing it up because it makes me look weak and insecure even to myself and I get worried it may push her away. I told her how about if i said a girl was cute and she said you can. Im not sure if she has any intention on acting on anything but she is about to move away to a big city and we will be long distance and I get worried that a cute guy will hit on her and something will happen. She has told me that she will be faithful when she leaves and wont pursue guys but cant help but worry. My ex gf moved away and left me for someone else she met at a bar after 6 yrs. I know this isnt her and shouldnt compare but Im trying to put out the source of my insecurity.

 

The question is, should I care or get upset when we are out and she says that guy is cute or says a friend of mine is cute? this has happened 4 times in the last month. Ive told her it doesnt really bother me or I dont really care but seems disrespectful. She didnt really get it though.

[d0nnivain]

I point out attractive members of the opposite sex all the time but my husband knows I'm only looking. If I see an attractive woman I will point her out to him.

 

I have also complimented other men --subtly & brazenly -- in front of him but again he knows I'm loyal.

 

If you don't like it when she does that gently ask her to stop.

[fred123]

Hey Im sure this topic has been discussed before but Id like to hear your opinion of my situation. I have been dating this girl for 6 months. We are both attractive and up until now I have never been jelous or insecure but Ive fallen in love with this girl and now have these feelings where I over think things.

 

So..

 

We walk into a bar and get carded, she tells me the bouncer is cute. Or we are looking through my old pictures and on two occasions she has said 2 of my friends are cute. Now this girl has been faithful and says she loves me. I have told her it bothers me but she makes me think like it shouldnt. And I feel bad bringing it up because it makes me look weak and insecure even to myself and I get worried it may push her away. I told her how about if i said a girl was cute and she said you can. Im not sure if she has any intention on acting on anything but she is about to move away to a big city and we will be long distance and I get worried that a cute guy will hit on her and something will happen. She has told me that she will be faithful when she leaves and wont pursue guys but cant help but worry. My ex gf moved away and left me for someone else she met at a bar after 6 yrs. I know this isnt her and shouldnt compare but Im trying to put out the source of my insecurity.

 

The question is, should I care or get upset when we are out and she says that guy is cute or says a friend of mine is cute? this has happened 4 times in the last month. Ive told her it doesnt really bother me or I dont really care but seems disrespectful. She didnt really get it though.

 

ur ex gf left u for a guy she met at the bar? wow

i think this girl could follow suit seeing as she is moving away.

its funny how these girls only think of themselves and not you.

 

ur gf would leave u in a heartbeat if she found someone better.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Everyone has different limits. Some people are so jealous they can't stand for their partner to look at porn or see attractive celebs on tv. Others are so non-jealous they don't bat an eyelid if their partner has sex with somebody else. Most of us are somewhere in this spectrum! Personally it doesn't bother me at all when my boyfriend says another woman is pretty or beautiful, but he rarely says it, and only really when I point it out myself (for example watching a TV show and saying 'wow, that woman is beautiful' and he'll agree and follow it up with 'but not as beautiful as you' which is blatantly untrue but sweet ). I don't comment on other men being hot in front of him cos it feels weird. Assert your limit and ask him to respect it if it bothers you. Tell him you understand he'll find people attractive but don't always wanna hear it.

[Keenly]

I think frequency makes a difference here.

 

If she did it two or three times a month, not a big deal.

 

 

several times a day? I'd start to get kind of irritated.

[TheyCallMeOx]

One thing you need to understand about relationships, and it's the word "privilege." Everything your woman tells you isn't because she has to, but because she wants to. When a woman wants to tell you something, she's telling you because she believes that it will benefit the relationship more (or remain the same) than it would hurt it. With that in mind, you shouldn't necessarily be afraid of what she says, but what she doesn't say. There's also the word "balance" that applies to pretty much everything about a relationship. If a woman is willing to open up and tell me about the guys she finds attractive, that's fine. Nobody should expect a woman, or man, to lose attraction for every other person. I'm not the best lookin' man out there, and never will be, so I understand why a woman would look. However, the important thing is that there's got to be a balance when it comes to that stuff. A woman can talk about other dudes all she wants to as long as, when it matters, she talks about me. When her friends ask her about the relationship, I want her to say the most amazing things about me, how she loves me with all her heart, and etc. When we have sex, I want her to say the most romantic ****, and I want her to get on her knees and tell me how bad she wants me inside of her. If she doesn't express her desire for me, but focuses more on other men, then I'm going to assume she's interested in other men than she is with me. However, if she spends her time making sure that I know she loves me and would never do anything, I wouldn't mind the occasional "I would suck him dry." In fact, if a woman expressed herself enough, I'd let her do it and I would watch. But those things can't happen if you don't feel comfortable with your partner. If your partner doesn't make you feel comfortable, then you've either got:

 

1) insecure issues

2) she's not doing her part as a faithful girlfriend

 

Expressing your love is much more than just simply being there for them because, unfortunately, things can happen without your knowledge. Throughout history, we've witnessed how manipulative people can be. Given the reason, people can get away with anything. At some point, it all comes down to a matter of trust. I acknowledge a woman is going to look at another man, but that doesn't mean she's going to sleep with a dude. However, if she's paying for private lapdances at male strip clubs, or talking about about people besides being interested in you, there's potentially a problem. If it's not her losing interest in you, it's a lack of communication.

 

What your job is, at this point, is to decide why is it an issue, and what can be done about it. If you confront her and say "hey babe, I sometimes get offended by you talking about dudes," you know what she's going to do? She's going to talk less, and I can assure you...getting a woman to talk less is NOT what you want her to do. She'll pull out the oldest trick in the book. "That's fine, honey. I just won't say anything." At that point, you will already lose. Don't do that.

 

Is she not giving you enough love, or is your heart clenched up so tight that you are ignoring the good things she does for you and instead focus on the bad? If you want to talk to her about it, be willing to make some sacrifices too. Maybe you need to show your love some more, and maybe you should be open to talking about dudes with her. Maybe crack some jokes. "That dude? I could probably break that dude's legs with a stick." Women who love you LOVE to make you jealous; it's like a foreplay to them. They giggle at that ****. A lot of guys are the same way.

 

However, if she doesn't reassure you that YOU are HER man and spends more time fantasizing about other men, what she's lookin' for is a gangbang with a non-exclusive boyfriend, and you don't want to waste your time with that ****. You're also going to have learn to trust yourself and not dive too deep into it. You're going to have to really think about the relationship. I'm not saying that her looking at other dudes is an indication of some kind of deterioration of the relationship, but I am going to say that it COULD be a possibility. My "first love" went to a male strip club, told me about having a private lap dance, and pretty much tried to convince me that it was just a "girl's night out" kind of thing. It could've been, however...if I had taken the time to think about the relationship, what's REALLY going on, I would've saw that as an indication that she wasn't sexually attracted to me, and I should've ended the relationship right then and there.

 

Hope it helps.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hey Im sure this topic has been discussed before but Id like to hear your opinion of my situation. I have been dating this girl for 6 months. We are both attractive and up until now I have never been jelous or insecure but Ive fallen in love with this girl and now have these feelings where I over think things.

 

So..

 

We walk into a bar and get carded, she tells me the bouncer is cute. Or we are looking through my old pictures and on two occasions she has said 2 of my friends are cute. Now this girl has been faithful and says she loves me. I have told her it bothers me but she makes me think like it shouldnt. And I feel bad bringing it up because it makes me look weak and insecure even to myself and I get worried it may push her away. I told her how about if i said a girl was cute and she said you can. Im not sure if she has any intention on acting on anything but she is about to move away to a big city and we will be long distance and I get worried that a cute guy will hit on her and something will happen. She has told me that she will be faithful when she leaves and wont pursue guys but cant help but worry. My ex gf moved away and left me for someone else she met at a bar after 6 yrs. I know this isnt her and shouldnt compare but Im trying to put out the source of my insecurity.

 

The question is, should I care or get upset when we are out and she says that guy is cute or says a friend of mine is cute? this has happened 4 times in the last month. Ive told her it doesnt really bother me or I dont really care but seems disrespectful. She didnt really get it though.

 

OP, you're contradicting yourself. You told her it bothers you, then told her it doesn't really bother you? Tell her which one it is. If you want her to stop (and there's nothing wrong with that) tell her to do so because it makes you uncomfortable. Just don't tell her you're fine with it when you aren't. It's not wrong to ask your partner not to comment on others' looks, really. We all have different boundaries. But you need to make yours clearer.

[loverboy1984]

Thank you everyone for responding.

I am comfortable to say yea that is a good looking guy or that is a good looking girl with her but it just bothers me the way she says it and to who. Yea we can both appreciate a model or celebrity or someone we know mutually. But when we go into a bar and after we enter she says oh he's cute, i dont know what to say to that. Makes me think ok shes gonna check him out all night. I feel like if I did that she would get mad. In fact she has. when I commented on other women saying i dont like what shes wearing you look nicer, or something like that she gets mad saying why do you look at or talk about other women. Now I only say that in the context of complimenting her. And also when we walk by and i see people checking me out and giving me looks and I tell her look they were checking us out or checking me out she would say "you must really love your self" or you think everyone is checking you out. or even when I tell her hey i was helping my buddy out giving him some girl advice she would say oh really like what, in a really ego busting way. What Im trying to say is that I always compliment her and I dont see it reciprocated, yet she feels comfortable saying other guys are cute in a casual way. She is into me she does love me and she is faithful but sometimes when I see this it makes me want to give less compliments and play the same game.

[aprilisi]

If it bothers you you should gently tell her

 

As a woman, it doesn't bother me....I know men are goingg to look. As long as he's coming home with me, its all good. But I'm gonna look too. Had a BF that would talk about hot wommen then get upset when i mentioned a hot guy.

 

It works both ways.

[giblesp]

A lot of it depends on how its said. If I talk about a girl as attractive to my partner, I do it in the same way as I would describe a flower. If I described a woman as 'hot' or 'sexy' and had a sexual reaction, then that wouldn't work in our relationship.

 

Every relationship is different regarding whats cool and whats not when it comes to other people. Some couples don't look at other people, some couples have sex with other people.

Its a good idea to tell a partner in the early stages, this is how I roll in a relationship when it comes to loyalty, fidelity. If the other is on the same page, then there is compatibility.

[Supernatural]

Thank you everyone for responding.

I am comfortable to say yea that is a good looking guy or that is a good looking girl with her but it just bothers me the way she says it and to who. Yea we can both appreciate a model or celebrity or someone we know mutually. But when we go into a bar and after we enter she says oh he's cute, i dont know what to say to that. Makes me think ok shes gonna check him out all night. I feel like if I did that she would get mad. In fact she has. when I commented on other women saying i dont like what shes wearing you look nicer, or something like that she gets mad saying why do you look at or talk about other women. Now I only say that in the context of complimenting her. And also when we walk by and i see people checking me out and giving me looks and I tell her look they were checking us out or checking me out she would say "you must really love your self" or you think everyone is checking you out. or even when I tell her hey i was helping my buddy out giving him some girl advice she would say oh really like what, in a really ego busting way. What Im trying to say is that I always compliment her and I dont see it reciprocated, yet she feels comfortable saying other guys are cute in a casual way. She is into me she does love me and she is faithful but sometimes when I see this it makes me want to give less compliments and play the same game.

 

 

 

I would dump her. No energy for this type of crap. I wouldn't want a relationship where I had to worry about other people being attractive. I have eyes. It would piss me off if my girl kept telling me about other guys. Especially my friends. You're not her girlfriend and don't give a h00t who she thinks is cute. It's not strengthening anything for you. It's deteriorating your trust for her and making you think too much. Even if you're not self conscious, this person is supposed to be making you feel trust.

 

I'm super loyal and always want to make my partner feel great. I need someone the same way or it will never work. I would rather be by myself than with a girl who couldn't shut the hell up about voicing thoughts about other attractive men. What's the point of her telling you that? It doesn't lead to anything. It's just a stupid thought. Like shes one of these girls who always has verbal diarrhea and says everything on her mind. Lame.

 

This girl sounds like a headcase. I think I'm going to get a pimple from the stress of this response.