Your thoughts about LDR in my situation

[loverboy1984]

Hello, I am a physician and I have recently began dating a nurse. We have been dating for 6 months and love each other. She is moving to a big city 3 hrs away and we talked about being together and I agreed, reluctantly. I have been in an LDR before which I was cheated on and never again wanted to be in one but I love her and can really see a future with her so I decided to go ahead with it. I thought I would see her on weekends and my time off. She is 5 yrs younger than me and wants to move just so she can have fun and be independent and enjoy the city life. I respect that and appreciate that and she has said she has no intention of getting a guy or finding someone because she has something good in me. I told her you dont know how it is yet when you go there are you sure and she said your right I dont know. So basically Im afraid. Im afraid because I was cheated on in the same situation and she knows. But she isnt the same person and its not fair to put her in the same light but still cant help thinking about it.

 

Do you think its wise to do a long distance relationship like this for like 2 years?

[loverboy1984]

No one is commenting?

[umirano]

Age(s) matter, more than the rest of what you stated. I'm a burned kid, so take it for what it's worth. LDRs may work, but require an extraordinary amount of commitment and maturity. If your nurse is 19 your outlook is bleak, like, Iraq bleak. If she's 35 and an overall serious person you may be lucky.

[Ronni_W]

Your relationship is really still in infancy stage...that combined with her reasons for moving AND that you're most likely going to feel some kind of 'out of sorts' or insecure a lot of the time that she is out having fun and being independent and enjoying city life, do not bode well for a 'happy and secure' LDR in which you're each hoping for, expecting exclusivity.

 

Even if she has such intentions now...and of course nobody can say for sure, either way...but still it sounds like a risky venture, especially with your already having doubts, uncertainty about it.

 

It doesn't come across that you're painting her with the same brush as your ex who cheated on you...only that you're mature and wanting to make a sane, healthy decision also for yourself in this present situation.

 

Given your professions, there's likely no guarantee that you'll each have most of the same weekends off...and even when you do, she may just want to have those free so that she can fulfill her reasons for moving away in the first place.

IMO, she has more to gain from the two of you committing to an (exclusive) LDR...and you have quite a bit that you will be risking.

[justwhoiam]

She wants to move just so she can have fun and be independent and enjoy the city life.

I wouldn't be OK with that. I'm not sure what the deal with you is. Is she your official girlfriend? Or are you in a getting to know each other stage?

 

Anyway, I would understand her decision but I wouldn't respect it. Basically she's not respecting the relationship with you. She's moving to have fun in another city, which will mean nights out without you, enjoying her life without you as a single.

 

I would break up the relationship. Had it been a career move, a better position, a challenging role etc, I would have been supporting that for a while. But not supporting someone being selfish, where I have no place nor say.

 

If it was just dating... then I guess she's free to do whatever she feels like. You do the same. And farewell to any relationship.

 

I heard physicians have women in line... and not for physicals...

I'm not sure if they should try out any of those women in line. Maybe you'd have better luck with a woman who doesn't know what you do in the beginning, and she would be loving you for who you are rather than what you do or make.

[Crila16]

I did LDR for 2 years between Boston and NYC. Then I eventually (or unfortunately) moved to NYC to be with him. We were together for another 3 years after that. I ended it with him, because we were in our 20's and I realized I didn't love him anymore...but it most definitely can work.

 

I've done so many LDR in the past, and will tell you one thing. Yes it can work, but only if both parties put the effort into it. Also, it can work if you know the distance will not be forever and there will eventually be an end date.

 

You're going to be fine and your fears (though understandable) are just fears. She's a different person, and until she gives you reason to doubt, there is no reason to doubt her.

 

...and just an FYI...partying and going out at night gets old fast. If she loves you, she's not going to enjoy going out. Also, the guys in big cities are heart breakers and players. It will actually help her to really appreciate what she has with you.