Misterious Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Title say's all i'm reading a book about psychology. There is an topic about "How get anyone to forgive you for anything" The steps are: 1st: Take all the responsability for what you did and be sincere( or what she think you did) 2nd: Remorse and punishment: showing remorse give her back one thing that she lost: Power. You should put your fate in her hands. Take this exemple: "I know what i did was wrong ; you have every right to be angry with me. I'm willing to accept the consequences for my actions." For an extreme case : you suggest an punishment the hardshest one you can think. This is make her think what you did isn't "bad as she thought" . She will start thinking " if what he did was so bad why would i talk him out of that punishment?" 3rd: Explain how the set of circumstances that created this event can never happen again. By isolating the event you reduce the impact on her life and make she think she will not need to deal with this again. 4rd: Finally you need to expalin "why" you did what you did. And it must be done showing what you did was because of fear or something over you control. She will think it was just a irrational act of fear by a confused person. It furtgers your vulnerability and helps her to restore her "power and dignity". 5th: Finally you need to tell how you win nothing by doing what you did. No enjoyments, no financial gain gain or any type of benefit. What do you guys think about this stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 I think there is some truth in it but I dont think you should do that unless you mean it and also if you are only doing this to "win her back" when she was equally or more to blame then wave goodbye to your self respect x Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 i have forgiven unforgivable things, because the persons who asked me to forgive really meant the apology and i can tell....mainly the persons who have done unforgivable things...have been family or people i have close to my heart.....they are the only ones to get close enough to hurt me.....people who arent close to my heart are actually easier to forgive.....because the hurt doesnt get in the way.....neither is my heart invested ...... it is about control and if you do something wrong by someone you dont get to have that control back to hurt them again.... yes to showing vulnerability and when people have shown vulnerability to em on apologizing i have never turned them away ...and thats never...never have....never will.....because being vulnerable is often how i got hurt in the first place by loving someone..... even if i forgive someone though its a trust thing and i have to get that back for them and unfortunately that is not given back in them giving me words ...its given back in them giving me time........good luck ....i hope she or he forgives you.....and i really hope you mean it.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misterious Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 Well it is for getting her back and i think it could work . Every time when i tried to say sorry i always put some blame on external things and on her too. I'm thinking to try again but using this method. But not now after sometime. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Well it is for getting her back and i think it could work . Every time when i tried to say sorry i always put some blame on external things and on her too. I'm thinking to try again but using this method. But not now after sometime. at least you are honest.....the getting her back thing is external ...its not in her interests you are thinking about more your own......so therefore the apology isnt really just because you know it was wrong and you want to put it right...you have a direction in mind.......whether she accepts that is going to be iffy....you are trying to control the outcome ...and or known as manipulate.....if she is intelligent she will see you coming at that.....a few choice questions and she will know......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 3rd: Explain how the set of circumstances that created this event can never happen again. By isolating the event you reduce the impact on her life and make she think she will not need to deal with this again. On the whole, it does sound more like tactics for "how to manipulate someone into forgiving you"...but that could just be the way you're interpreting it for your own situation. The thing is, if you just say all that stuff but don't actually change your attitude/actions/inactions that lead to you having to apologize and make amends in the first place...then she'll realize soon enough that she's going to have to keep dealing with the same crap over and over again...and she will still dump you when she gets sick and tired of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Well it is for getting her back and i think it could work . Every time when i tried to say sorry i always put some blame on external things and on her too. I'm thinking to try again but using this method. But not now after sometime. Change the behavior first before apologizing and owning how you participated. Any person becomes more believable when their behavior changes - whether they apologize with words or not. Saying you're sorry has no value unless the behavior has changed and there's evidence to prove it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 it doesn't work for everything, and many people may 'forgive' but not forget. there are two people who did something HORRIBLE to me over a decade ago, something I consider to be unforgiveable. they both try contacting me at least once a year begging for my forgiveness, and I just completely ignore them both. I don't care how sorry they are, it doesnt change the fact that they did it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 You can only do all this if the other person tolerates a lot. In my case, I don't draw lines with pencils. They could offer me a billion dollars and I'd still say no. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Misterious - you are a well meaning guy and I know English isn't your first language so I don't think you're as naive about this as your messages are coming off. But she is done with you. Apologize because it will allow you to move on and live your life well. Don't apologize if it doesn't matter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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