boursin_cheese Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 AGHH! See my post in breaking up for history... but man! Ex just texted me from out of nowhere using an ID that I just set up a couple of weeks ago post-breakup. What's more, there he was the second I became available. Why will this man just not leave me alone? I do not try to contact him. I'm not wishing for reconciliation because he's made it pretty clear he wants nothing with me but *ahem* friendship going forward. So what is this all about? Men? If you could help me out on this one I'd really appreciate it because I'm at a complete loss. Ladies feel free to chime in too -- hey, I'm not trying to discriminate, just wanted a guy's perspective. b.c. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Since he has told you that he is only interested in "friends", he's probably contacting you for a couple of different reasons: either he misses your company (but not your relationship), or he is looking for some sort of guilt-assuaging closure, or he is merely curious about how you are doing after the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 he is playing with your head, don't respond to him in any way and after a while he'll get the msg. Link to post Share on other sites
Foolish Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 I'm in your exact situation. I just talk to him when i feel like it, just so i can tell him how much fun i'm having without him Childish as it may seem... it feels good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boursin_cheese Posted March 1, 2005 Author Share Posted March 1, 2005 I must've hit the jackpot. Aren't you three the collective soul of LS? Thanks awfully for the responses. Since I posted this -- was it only yesterday? I've painted the front sitting room, painted the dining room, re-grouted and caulked (hee hee, caulked...) a bathtub and tiles, run 5k+ in the snow both days, thrown even more old crap/clothes/you name it away, put more boxes in storage, cooked colcannon, veggie chili and a panful brownies that will never be eaten and *sigh* I am still in a world of what-is-going-on-with-this? He just doesn't get that I DON'T want to be "friends" now. He can't pick and choose which parts of me he wants to have in his life, or WHEN. I'm a whole person living in the present. If I'm to believe what he says now instead of what he said for the past eight years, then he hasn't been a friend to ME. Of course, if he lied then, who is to say he isn't lying now? But in my heart of hearts I believe we all do our best at any given time. That he has suffered immensely and in seeming silence until recent weeks isn't lost on me. Now he's on the run, trying to tell me how great his life is (but forgive me understanding LSers -- I keep cutting him short). When he came three weeks ago to pick up some things he looked really dreadful. He lost a lot of weight (we're both pretty slender to begin with), was wearing clothes that had to be at least ten years old as if to get back to where he was "before me", and he had a damn bad haircut to boot. So many years of loving him, I couldn't help but see he was suffering too regardless of who left first. (Thanks to universe -- I got our stylist in the breakup. She is better than any psycho-therapist. She makes me look BeeYooTEEful!) Annh, he doesn't really care about me in any way I can tell. He did ask me to eat more, but if you can believe me when I say this, it sounded pretty wooden and lame when he said. I wasn't convinced there was any feeling there. It sounded like something he thought he should say. I'm trying to be honest and clear with my observations and feelings in my own head and not start thinking things like -- OH he loves me so much :-P . I wanted to scream that I'm not dead yet, so I must be eating enough. Instead I said, "Hey, gotta run. Ciao." Too bad for both of us. I suspect that when his escapist fantasies stop being a motivational influence, he'll want my company again. He already talks about how he is lonely. Tough-tytty to that I say! I'm beginning to harden in ways I don't like alternating with being completely unstable (for me), which I also don't like. Lead-time between contacts is shorter. Less than a week between contacts now. I prefer to let my actions talk without explicitly SAYing: "Don't contact me anymore." This experience is NOT contributing to my growth as a human. Of course who knows what the future will bring. Maybe I'll grow. Meanwhile, I am digging my heels in. My little cottage (mine, not ours) is looking very nice, scrupulously clean (if my dear mother were here today, she would be choking back her laughter at that!) and full of warm brownie aroma. It's a miraculous smell! My brown, furry sweeties are beginning to calm down a bit from all the upheaval I think. Maybe I'll go to a movie? Maybe I should save that for tomorrow when I am irrational and weird again instead of lucid and holding together? I could always paint the kitchen... When does one begin to sleep normally? Link to post Share on other sites
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