loverboy1984 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Hey everyone I have been dating this girl for 6 months and she has always taken forever to reply back. Iv told her it bother me and she always has excuses. like her phoene is not on her or she went somewhere, or was eating. She said she will try to get better at it. Its driving me crazy. Today she text me to say she wasnt feeling good and we went back and forth with no delay then I called her. then an hour later I text her how she is doing, no answer. Called her no answer and its been 3 hours still no answer. I dont mean to sound crazy but its hard to trust someone if they are doing this. I dont think she is doing anything bad I just feel maybe she is not taking time to reply in a timely manner. She told me she doesnt play games and seems very straight foreward and Im always giving her the benifet of the doubt but this really bothers me and it hasnt changed. How can someone take 3-4 hours between replying? What are your thought? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 How can someone take 3-4 hours between replying? My wife takes that long to reply to my text messages She has been honest about it with you and has said she would try to do better... then she is probably telling you the truth.. I walk away from my phone all the time and don't get calls and texts sometimes for hours depending on what I'm doing.. many times my phone is on silent and I get the text but it would be rude to the people I'm with to text the person back. Trust is much more than how long a person takes to text you back... By the way.. when I was dating my wife she always waited hours to reply to my texts as she didn't want to make herself look too available. Relax... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 IF this is a requirement for you to be satisfied - then it's not going to work with you two. Find a needy gal that texts 24/7. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Ok I do trust her and dont need her on a digital leash or have her constantly texting me. But if you love someone shouldnt you be available and give him the time of day. She gets mad when I dont reply. Once she texted me in the morning and i was asleep and when i woke up 2 hours later i texted her and she was upset saying I saw the text. Should I back off and take a lot of time to respond? I hate games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I have the most progressive thought. Work with me here. Take your phone and............call her. She has a phone, you have a phone. Do the lost art of voice communication. We used to do that in the horse and buggy days. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverboy1984 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 I did call her. and that was 2 hrs ago too. Dont think Im one of those that just text. I prefer calls. Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) The last girl I dated was like that, maybe worse. She took at minimum 10-12 hours to respond to texts, usually at the same time at night, which was infuriating. I've done it once or twice because it's taken me that long to come up with something to say There were some occasions where she responded quicker. That didn't end the relationship, though. What did was that she was flaky as hell, canceling dates, etc. She was probably dating other guys. We didn't date near as long as you are with this gal. It sounds like you're fairly exclusive. If things are going well in other areas with her (she's not canceling dates, she contacts you on occasion to initiate plans, and you two are being intimate) I'd probably tolerate it. Edited August 16, 2014 by oberkeat Spelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Simple. Stop texting. Don't text. You guys are not textually compatible. When you want to speak, call her. To arrange anything, you call. If she doesn't return your call, you do your own thing. When she calls answer her. If she texts you, you call her back. Don't play games. Stop texting. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 How does she respond when other people call/text her? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 The problem is you, not her. It's your insecurity. Few women will put up with being checked up on all the time and most of them know it's a red flag and that the person capable of that is capable of becoming a real problem. I would suggest you go into therapy and work on your insecurity issues now so you can enjoy a relationship sometime with something other than a caged bird. Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 no no no no no...wait a minute to all those who say insecurity. it has nothing to do with insecurity. its common courtesy. nothing else. so stop your excuses. My ex gf would text me and id text back as fast as I could, unless I really couldnt. she was very insecure. she would get mad if I didnt in a timely manner. I was all too happy to reply as fast as I could. not a problem. when she was at work and had meeting and she didnt reply it didnt bother me when I texted and it took her some time to reply and I was understanding. when we fought and I texted she purposely took her time to reply. not an issue either. when I need something her help with something pronto *very rare) and she didnt reply then Id get pissed. but OP, its not your insecurity its just people who dont know common courtesy. any woman I dated who took her time to reply, there would be no reply to her reply. I threw them by the bucket loads. thats mind games and dating tactics to try and not look desperate and I have no issue replying as fast as I can. I tell them I have zero tolerance for that when we start. I give them 1-2 chances, if I see its a constant thing, I disappear 3-4 hours delayed reply on a constant basis..? no way, not for me. talk to her about and if she doesnt get better then do the same thing to her and see how she likes it. I promise you shell get pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Cut the texting. It's counterproductive here. Stop expecting her to respond quickly, and STOP responding to her immediately as well - it makes you seem needy, insecure, and clingy. Let her get mad - she'll adjust, or will start responding more quickly herself. In other words, set the tone, don't let her always set it. I like the poster's suggestion of only speaking - no texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 But if you love someone shouldnt you be available and give him the time of day. NO...that is only how to care for infants and toddlers...and adults who require 24/7 care for medical reasons or who may harm themselves or destroy property unless under constant supervision. If she is sick, she may have turned off her phone and gone for a nap. She gets to do that without telling you beforehand or "alerting" you that there's no need for you to get all needy, insecure, distrustful just because she's not available for whatever her reason. In any case, people have every right, authority to choose, decide for themselves to not become slaves to technology...or to whomever uses technology to contact them. In general, we're starting to believe that responding to texts and emails and phone calls ought be given everyone's HIGHEST PRIORITY. Answer that ringing/vibrating device immediately...like Pavlov's dogs. It's ridiculous. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 What are your thought? You're crazy. I'd go 3 days without contacting you and think nothing of it. And I keep my phone silent with no vibrate 99% of the time. I'll check my messages when I feel like it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Supernatural Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 OP, These are my options for you, as I have experienced this from girls whom I have 'dated', shagged, and been interested in. The biggest who comes to mind is a current interest of mine. She is very attractive and an ideal mate. 1. Don't text her again, and if you do, make it a statement. Nothing you need a response for. You tell her how it is. No more questions. Rely on making phone calls; and if she doesn't respond, only call once and let her come to you. If she texts you after... Once again... Statement text. 2. Keep texting. But take the same amount of time to text her as it took to text you. (example. You text at 10am... "Hey". She responds at 3pm, "Hey! How are you?"... Now you take 5 hours and say "Good. And you?". Before long she will slice her text responses down. It's you playing her game right back at her. This has a huge success rate. With me, and all my friends. 3. There is something bigger at play, and you two are not compatible. You like easy flowing... And she likes slightly complicated. End the relationship.. People will say that's dramatic; but hey... This is causing you stress. Just imagine what a life could look like with her. 4. She has YOUR balls in a mason jar under the sink and knows it. Get them back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Supernatural Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 My friend said the best quote yesterday... "Let her know. But never try." The second it looks like us men are trying... We lose. Every guy has been here. Girls will hate this comment, I'm sure. But holy hell is it ever true. Look at men who women swoon for... Don Draper, James Bond, Hank Moody... They make their intentions known, but don't give a ****. It's always a statement. And that's what works. They care, but are not pushovers like what most men are... Nowadays, we give a women our power without even thinking about it... It's the girls who should be posting threads. Not men. In our society now with women having more of a voice and us men being influenced by women... We're not as masculine as we once were. But we have to get back to that masculine energy. Yet, still keep a sense of what we are now. We need to. Now it's just a bunch of metro men in scarfs running around trying to please women. Being THEIR dress up dolls. Make sure they are happy and satisfied. Us men are growing WAY too sensitive. You're fretting about TEXT MESSAGES.. THIS is giving you grief and stress. You're like a house wife. I'm not being mean... I've been there too.. But just really think about it.... Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 (edited) My friend said the best quote yesterday... "Let her know. But never try." The second it looks like us men are trying... We lose. Every guy has been here. Girls will hate this comment, I'm sure. But holy hell is it ever true. Look at men who women swoon for... Don Draper, James Bond, Hank Moody... They make their intentions known, but don't give a ****. It's always a statement. And that's what works. They care, but are not pushovers like what most men are... Nowadays, we give a women our power without even thinking about it... It's the girls who should be posting threads. Not men. In our society now with women having more of a voice and us men being influenced by women... We're not as masculine as we once were. But we have to get back to that masculine energy. Yet, still keep a sense of what we are now. We need to. Now it's just a bunch of metro men in scarfs running around trying to please women. Being THEIR dress up dolls. Make sure they are happy and satisfied. Us men are growing WAY too sensitive. You're fretting about TEXT MESSAGES.. THIS is giving you grief and stress. You're like a house wife. I'm not being mean... I've been there too.. But just really think about it.... *facepalm* As for the rest of the post... Whaaa... Not even related to what OP is asking... Edited August 16, 2014 by silvermercy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 loverboy1984, I assume this is the same girl who is moving three hours away to become independent, have fun and enjoy city life (as you put it in your thread in the LDR sub-forum); the one with whom you're considering having an LDR relationship once she moves. Given the anxiety, distrust, neediness displayed in your this thread, an LDR with you will not work. Also...you are well aware that she wants to be independent; she's already told you that. Independent people generally create for themselves lives that don't revolve around their electronic devices. She wants freedom, space, autonomy to do her own thing, determine her own actions and inactions, enjoy life in real-time and 3D...without the burden, responsibility/obligation of having to nurse, babysit, comfort and appease others through their under-developed stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 I have the most progressive thought. Work with me here. Take your phone and............call her. She has a phone, you have a phone. Do the lost art of voice communication. We used to do that in the horse and buggy days. Yep! When I'm dating a guy - I want him CALLING me... Not texting! The only people I consistently take voice calls from are people that are important to me. I want to hear their voice - they want to hear mine. My kids. My family and who I'm dating. Anyone else can just text. It's less effort and they are lower on my priority if they can't make effort to have a REAL conversation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 no no no no no...wait a minute to all those who say insecurity. it has nothing to do with insecurity. its common courtesy. nothing else. so stop your excuses. My ex gf would text me and id text back as fast as I could, unless I really couldnt. she was very insecure. she would get mad if I didnt in a timely manner. I was all too happy to reply as fast as I could. not a problem. when she was at work and had meeting and she didnt reply it didnt bother me when I texted and it took her some time to reply and I was understanding. when we fought and I texted she purposely took her time to reply. not an issue either. when I need something her help with something pronto *very rare) and she didnt reply then Id get pissed. but OP, its not your insecurity its just people who dont know common courtesy. any woman I dated who took her time to reply, there would be no reply to her reply. I threw them by the bucket loads. thats mind games and dating tactics to try and not look desperate and I have no issue replying as fast as I can. I tell them I have zero tolerance for that when we start. I give them 1-2 chances, if I see its a constant thing, I disappear 3-4 hours delayed reply on a constant basis..? no way, not for me. talk to her about and if she doesnt get better then do the same thing to her and see how she likes it. I promise you shell get pissed. Gosh, since when was it common courtesy to reply to texts within a certain time? Someone texts me, I will text them back when I'm ready. Friends, partner, family, whatever. I will assess the content of the text, my current situation, and what I want to say. Sometimes I'm so busy all day and night working 15 hour shifts I can't actually get my phone out and text. Just because someone sends me a message does NOT mean I have to reply immediately or be seen as rude. I often go a few days between texts with some people when it's not urgent. It would make me feel like the guy wanted me on a leash if he even hinted that I wasn't replying fast enough. It's different to not texting at all, if somebody wasn't really getting in touch with me and we were meant to be together I'd take it as a sign of disinterest and move on, and be honest with them about the reason for that. But if someone was whinging about me taking too long to reply it'd make me want to text them back even less. I want to do the things for the people I love because I want to do them, not because I feel like I have to. That would just kill attraction for me, if I felt forced into it. Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Gosh, since when was it common courtesy to reply to texts within a certain time? Someone texts me, I will text them back when I'm ready. Friends, partner, family, whatever. I will assess the content of the text, my current situation, and what I want to say. Sometimes I'm so busy all day and night working 15 hour shifts I can't actually get my phone out and text. Just because someone sends me a message does NOT mean I have to reply immediately or be seen as rude. I often go a few days between texts with some people when it's not urgent. It would make me feel like the guy wanted me on a leash if he even hinted that I wasn't replying fast enough. It's different to not texting at all, if somebody wasn't really getting in touch with me and we were meant to be together I'd take it as a sign of disinterest and move on, and be honest with them about the reason for that. But if someone was whinging about me taking too long to reply it'd make me want to text them back even less. I want to do the things for the people I love because I want to do them, not because I feel like I have to. That would just kill attraction for me, if I felt forced into it. those are my terms. its common courtesy. I say it in the beginning of the relationship that I dont have time for these stupid dating games. if youre interested then text in a timely manner. if she doesnt then piss off. I just move to the next. I have enough options. there's more than enough women to choose from. my wallet cant keep up. you want to take your time replying, no problem. do whats good for you. doesnt mean my way or your way is correct. thats how I like it and thats how its going to be. if it doesnt suit her thats fine. no harm. better to see it from the get go then to get into something serious and get frustrated. move on or I move on. not an issue. If I can shoot 12 hour weddings and still find the time in between to text then anyone can text back within a reasonable time. we dont have to agree. you find a guy who doesnt care if you text or dont in a timely manner, I wont accept it. I only ask what im willing to give. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Dude stop your bitching and dump her. Find someone who is willing to be a part of your life....and stay away from LDRs, 99 % of the time they never work. It's a no brainer she ain't that into you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 No, she's not obligated to call or text you right back. No one is obligated to go on someone else's schedule. You are trying to keep your thumb on her and there's only one reason for that and that is your own issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Like Michal said, LDR do work. you just have to put in effort and be committed. its not easy, and I wouldnt say its the reason relationships fail. if you have the will then the distance is no issue. most times people arent that serious about the relationship. I had a relationship with a women for 2+ years who lived about an hour and a half from me (sure there are worse) and it was hard at times but when you love the distance is peanuts. to those who say, no one owes u anything, its true. those who are interested will put in the effort and if not, do the same sheet back to them and see if they like it. I am the guru of dating and mind games. If she tries that BS with me, id spin it around and make her beg to get my attention. and if not toss her like nothing. tons of women to choose from. OP spin that bs back on her. let her wait for your texts. whats good for the goose is good for the gander. dont be amangina Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 You want something she doesn't. Whether that's "needy" or not, your needs are different. For the life of me I don't get those criticizing you for wanting fairly immediate feedback. I hate texting. Detest it. Take hours to respond to any text because i don't like to be glued to my phone. But if I'm with a girl I am really into, I respond quickly. Because I am into her and I want to be connecting with her. Your girlfriend doesn't desire that kind of connection. Up to you to determine if that's acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
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