D-Day plus 6 weeks. Wife betrayal, long story... .

[No Limit]

Protect your finances.

 

...and everything else of higher value that you've paid for. As soon as possible.

 

And when I write "as soon as possible" I mean "As soon as you read this and if it's not the middle of the night right now you better run to your bank etc".

[betrayedandhurting]

In what legal ways.... can I protect finances?

[2sunny]

In what legal ways.... can I protect finances?

 

Start separating your money. Put yours in an acct in your name only. She can have an "allowance now"!

 

Any and all her credit cards should not be with you on them. Her debt to pay.

 

Property should be moved into your name only - and that includes the loans. Get her off of all your assets.

 

Have her sign a post nuptial agreement stating she has no rights to anything in your name only.

 

Look at everything that has value and keep her away from claiming it. Cars. Jewelry. Anything you love or even like.

 

Be smart. Don't go back to intermingling - she did this and it's her price to pay for what she's done. You're just getting things set up "in case" you find her cheating again.

 

 

I had myself set up and after 5 years passed my then husband was mad I hadn't closed my "own account" yet. I told him no way, never! Another 5 years passed and he cheated again and I was so glad I had been smart enough to stand firm on my plan. I needed it in place at that time - and it was a godsend.

[aliveagain]

In what legal ways.... can I protect finances?

 

 

You need to talk to a lawyer, tell him your history and ask him that same question. Also ask him about a post nuptial agreement.

[betrayedandhurting]

Let me just say you all were right. While I don't think my wife has resumed her affair nor will she mainly due to him checking out I found some more trickle truth that opened the flood gates. It's WAY worse than I knew and it probably is still being lied about. PLEASE don't say I told you so but the new revelations are so disturbing that I've lost any sense of how I can go on. I haven't filed yet but I wouldn't say I want to reconcile anymore. God this sucks... 8 weeks ago I thought I had the perfect family and was at the pinnacle of my career... Now I've lost almost everything.

[FusionCutter]

Let me just say you all were right. While I don't think my wife has resumed her affair nor will she mainly due to him checking out I found some more trickle truth that opened the flood gates. It's WAY worse than I knew and it probably is still being lied about. PLEASE don't say I told you so but the new revelations are so disturbing that I've lost any sense of how I can go on. I haven't filed yet but I wouldn't say I want to reconcile anymore. God this sucks... 8 weeks ago I thought I had the perfect family and was at the pinnacle of my career... Now I've lost almost everything.

 

I am so sorry to hear. I really respect the people on this board. There is a lot of experience and knowledge on all sides of the equation.

Edited August 24, 2014 by FusionCutter

[beach]

Let me just say you all were right. While I don't think my wife has resumed her affair nor will she mainly due to him checking out I found some more trickle truth that opened the flood gates. It's WAY worse than I knew and it probably is still being lied about. PLEASE don't say I told you so but the new revelations are so disturbing that I've lost any sense of how I can go on. I haven't filed yet but I wouldn't say I want to reconcile anymore. God this sucks... 8 weeks ago I thought I had the perfect family and was at the pinnacle of my career... Now I've lost almost everything.

 

What new info have you found out? I can't imagine any new info being worse than what she's already told you.

 

Most cheaters never tell all their truth at the start. Who brought you new info?

[Buckeye2]

God this sucks... 8 weeks ago I thought I had the perfect family and was at the pinnacle of my career... Now I've lost almost everything.

 

You have your health, your kids and your career. Take care of them in that order. Just like putting on your O2 mask first.

 

 

Take one day at a time. If you do that time has a way of fixing things.

 

 

I’m an old guy and I know these things.

[beach]

Let me just say you all were right. While I don't think my wife has resumed her affair nor will she mainly due to him checking out I found some more trickle truth that opened the flood gates. It's WAY worse than I knew and it probably is still being lied about. PLEASE don't say I told you so but the new revelations are so disturbing that I've lost any sense of how I can go on. I haven't filed yet but I wouldn't say I want to reconcile anymore. God this sucks... 8 weeks ago I thought I had the perfect family and was at the pinnacle of my career... Now I've lost almost everything.

 

I'm sorry for your pain. Been there, done that.

 

You THOUGHT you had things perfect. The odd things is that they weren't perfect, your PERCEPTION thought it was perfect. The reality is it wasn't perfect because someone was living the lies but forgot to tell you what was real.

 

Handing her all YOUR power is so risky. One woman is not your whole life = and basing your accomplishments on whether or not she's a part of your life/marriage is handing her way too much power.

 

 

When you look at things, she will still be a parent to your kids. So will you. You have a stable job. You can have custody of your kids often since you fly only a few days each week. For now focus on the good you have in your life and try to minimize the parts that suck.

 

Having her move now is beneficial. Like a thorn that festers it's best to remove the thorn at least so the sore can settle down a bit. She leaves - not you. Send her with $100 and tell her she can figure out how to make things work for herself.

 

There's consequences for bad behavior and she's had few. Time to get firm on that boundary and stick with it. Take no crap from her but try to keep a cool head.

 

Get a plan together that looks out for your best interest and your kids best interest. And I mean now...not later.

 

Keep posting, many here have insight and will support you and help you so that you can think clearly.

 

Do things to be kind to yourself. You deserve that.

[betrayedandhurting]

I saw vague phone and Facebook messages between him and her that predates when she said the affair began 3-2.5 years ago. They weren't proof of anything more than a friendship but she has always been surprisingly vague of when this all started. I hit her hard that I had more info and she better come clean. She probed to see how far back my phone records went then started spilling more truth... I told her I deserved to know it all so...

 

1. Still claims first affair was only one kiss but admits it went on a year (vs my belief of 2-3 months) till I caught her and they admitted their attraction to each other on their secret calls. This means she started cheating when our daughter was 1 and we were building our dream home... a high point I felt in our lives.

 

2. The "big" affair she still claims had 2.5 years of PA but now admits the EA began 3-3.5 years prior! Total of SIX years, starting just 6 months after the birth of our son. Claims phone calls only for 3-3.5 years, not phone sex but clear statements of how hot they were for each other and emotional support for their lives. Of course the idea he was saying this to her for 3+ years without a PA and he worked face to face with her strains all believability. This likely of course means the PA started way longer than 2.5 years ago.

 

3. Full confession that all the pleading about no sex in the bed, no oral etc. was a lie to protect me from the truth... what they did is what we have done, all of it, all the time.

 

4. She slipped and admitted the first occasion he tried something physical was the night he came over to see our basement renovation. Night? What night? Now claiming "one" time he came over when kids were asleep and she kicked him out before doing anything because it went to far with them there.

 

5. Admits to lying about all this to me and our MC and IC to try to "save" the marriage from the horrors she carried on.

 

Basically my wife has been involved in affairs for 7-8 years out of the last 9. The problem and distance I felt in our marriage was never the "kids" it was the affairs that existed nearly all the time since their birth I now realize. She claims of that time the only PA was the last 2.5 years but that stretches all believability. She claims she did all this because she felt emotionally and physically distant from me due to the "stresses" in her life (which she also admits were overblown in her mind) and these men made her feel wanted and good about herself. She says the latest affair is over AND I BELIEVE IT IS BECAUSE THE MAN USED HER FOR A PIECE OF A- AND IS NOW TRYING TO SAVE HIS OWN MARRIAGE. She continues to beg and plead and grovel for a chance. I spent a great night out at a run, concert, and hotel with my wife this week. Id convinced myself I could fix this, that it was all a midlife crisis and stress that I didn't address in the marriage. Now I know the truth, my wife has cheated HALF our 14 year marriage and even in the "good" times.

 

I'm sure she thinks she IS cured and won't do this again but I don't see how someone guilt free cheats on their spouse for 7 years and ever is cured of anything. I just don't have the fight anymore.

 

Please don't tell me "I told you so." Don't tell me "divorce her now" "hide the money" etc. I get it now. I just need some good feels and then I'm going to have a mod shutdown this thread in a few days and I'll start another when I get the next phase going. I wanted to fix this so bad, but how do you come back from this?

[2sunny]

I can't see any reason why posters would say that to you now. You need support and there's plenty of posters who will.

 

What may help is to read through your thread again to pick up some tips that could help you. There's many things you can be doing at this juncture. Many suggestions were made to you but discounted due to your rush to reconcile. Re read it again to find tips that should be helpful.

 

It's terrible the lies she's handed you all those years.get your kids tested for paternity because she still could have more lies she's covering up. And unprotected sex leads to diseases - have you been tested?

 

And what is your plan moving forward? It's beneficial to have a plan and take action to carry out your plan.

 

Get into action so you feel you are starting to take charge of your life/your future... Whatever that may be.

 

She thinks she's CURED? Ummmm, no, definitely not cured! Sometimes it takes decades to prove that a cheater might be cured. She's delusional and wants minimal repercussions for her behavior. Not cured, no way, no how! Nice try on her part - but it actually shows she doesn't have a clue what kind of work it takes to get past the cheating! First up it takes getting to the truth - and she didn't even offer her truth - not to you and not to the counselor!

 

So how could she consider herself cured when she's STILL participating with all the lies = it CAN'T happen that way!

Edited August 24, 2014 by 2sunny

[aliveagain]

They always tell you they wanted to spare you the pain of knowing the truth, the truth is they wanted to to save their own a$$. They rarely tell you all the truth on DD, it's always worse than they confess to and only confess to what you know. She is one hell of a damaged woman, soiling your marital bed shows how much she disrespects you, sorry but that is the truth. Your children were most likely home during some of these sessions. You need to send her to her family while you try and think clearly, get her out of your bedroom in the meantime. You need to protect your children, your finances and yourself. You need to talk to a lawyer first thing Monday morning, separate your banking immediately and make sure she can't clean out your savings, it happened to me.

 

I agree with 2sunny, test your children for paternity, that too happened to me. She is just horrible, your marriage has been an absolute sham and you deserve to be with someone that makes you feel safe, I just don't see how she can ever make you feel safe again. My heart goes out to you and your children. How many of your friends knew about her secret life? They have to go. Her willingness to throw O/M under the bus shows you how calculating she is. Most wayward's are too attached to their affair partners to behave the way your wife did on discovery day, she was very indifferent and too willing to give you just enough of the truth to be believable, she sure laid on the trickle truth. Expose all other men, there has to be a consequence for her actions, the other betrayed spouses deserve to know the truth.

 

I am so sorry that you had to learn that the rabbit hole is much deeper than she led you to believe. You and your children will survive this, I don't hold as much hope for your marriage. She lies to you way to easily. Yes, she is a serial cheater and possibly a sex addict, she may be able to change but you would be taking a huge risk sticking it out with her, just my opinion.

Edited August 24, 2014 by aliveagain

[james1989]

I saw vague phone and Facebook messages between him and her that predates when she said the affair began 3-2.5 years ago. They weren't proof of anything more than a friendship but she has always been surprisingly vague of when this all started. I hit her hard that I had more info and she better come clean. She probed to see how far back my phone records went then started spilling more truth... I told her I deserved to know it all so...

 

1. Still claims first affair was only one kiss but admits it went on a year (vs my belief of 2-3 months) till I caught her and they admitted their attraction to each other on their secret calls. This means she started cheating when our daughter was 1 and we were building our dream home... a high point I felt in our lives.

 

2. The "big" affair she still claims had 2.5 years of PA but now admits the EA began 3-3.5 years prior! Total of SIX years, starting just 6 months after the birth of our son. Claims phone calls only for 3-3.5 years, not phone sex but clear statements of how hot they were for each other and emotional support for their lives. Of course the idea he was saying this to her for 3+ years without a PA and he worked face to face with her strains all believability. This likely of course means the PA started way longer than 2.5 years ago.

 

3. Full confession that all the pleading about no sex in the bed, no oral etc. was a lie to protect me from the truth... what they did is what we have done, all of it, all the time.

 

4. She slipped and admitted the first occasion he tried something physical was the night he came over to see our basement renovation. Night? What night? Now claiming "one" time he came over when kids were asleep and she kicked him out before doing anything because it went to far with them there.

 

5. Admits to lying about all this to me and our MC and IC to try to "save" the marriage from the horrors she carried on.

 

Basically my wife has been involved in affairs for 7-8 years out of the last 9. The problem and distance I felt in our marriage was never the "kids" it was the affairs that existed nearly all the time since their birth I now realize. She claims of that time the only PA was the last 2.5 years but that stretches all believability. She claims she did all this because she felt emotionally and physically distant from me due to the "stresses" in her life (which she also admits were overblown in her mind) and these men made her feel wanted and good about herself. She says the latest affair is over AND I BELIEVE IT IS BECAUSE THE MAN USED HER FOR A PIECE OF A- AND IS NOW TRYING TO SAVE HIS OWN MARRIAGE. She continues to beg and plead and grovel for a chance. I spent a great night out at a run, concert, and hotel with my wife this week. Id convinced myself I could fix this, that it was all a midlife crisis and stress that I didn't address in the marriage. Now I know the truth, my wife has cheated HALF our 14 year marriage and even in the "good" times.

 

I'm sure she thinks she IS cured and won't do this again but I don't see how someone guilt free cheats on their spouse for 7 years and ever is cured of anything. I just don't have the fight anymore.

 

Please don't tell me "I told you so." Don't tell me "divorce her now" "hide the money" etc. I get it now. I just need some good feels and then I'm going to have a mod shutdown this thread in a few days and I'll start another when I get the next phase going. I wanted to fix this so bad, but how do you come back from this?

 

Sh*t man sorry you are going through this i hope you make the best decision for you.

 

Also i would look into selling the house it will always be a trigger while you still live there

Edited August 24, 2014 by james1989

[A.Moscote]

Let off your anger and pain, don't dwell in it too much, and try to be acceptance of the wrong things she has done. Treat her well if she is treating you well at this moment, and keep on maintaining and providing the best for the family. The approach and style you start now will set the tone for your whole journey ahead. Be calm and composed, don't be bitter or compulsive.

 

At the same time, gently keep on probing and questioning for the truth. Use every approach possible to get it e.g. counseling, written timeline, discussion or even emailing each other. Trickle truth is bad, but at least now you know that (1)she will reveal more when pushed/trapped, and (2)there bound to be much more info.

 

I wanted to fix this so bad, but how do you come back from this?

I hope by now you have realized there is no easy way to fix this. It will takes years of efforts. She need to choose to do so from a free standing point, and IMO the best path is to just separate/proceed with the divorce, and see how she conduct herself from there.

 

Be patient and careful betrayedandhurting, protect your kids, and yourself first in any case. Good luck.

[italianjob]

The problem and distance I felt in our marriage was never the "kids" it was the affairs that existed nearly all the time since their birth I now realize. She claims of that time the only PA was the last 2.5 years but that stretches all believability. She claims she did all this because she felt emotionally and physically distant from me due to the "stresses" in her life (which she also admits were overblown in her mind) and these men made her feel wanted and good about herself. She says the latest affair is over AND I BELIEVE IT IS BECAUSE THE MAN USED HER FOR A PIECE OF A- AND IS NOW TRYING TO SAVE HIS OWN MARRIAGE. She continues to beg and plead and grovel for a chance. I spent a great night out at a run, concert, and hotel with my wife this week. Id convinced myself I could fix this, that it was all a midlife crisis and stress that I didn't address in the marriage. Now I know the truth, my wife has cheated HALF our 14 year marriage and even in the "good" times.

 

I'm sure she thinks she IS cured and won't do this again but I don't see how someone guilt free cheats on their spouse for 7 years and ever is cured of anything. I just don't have the fight anymore.

 

Please don't tell me "I told you so." Don't tell me "divorce her now" "hide the money" etc. I get it now. I just need some good feels and then I'm going to have a mod shutdown this thread in a few days and I'll start another when I get the next phase going. I wanted to fix this so bad, but how do you come back from this?

 

I think you realize by now that the more you will dig the more you will discover. It's quite clear that the first affair was a PA also, and the second one has been physical for far longer than she admits.

It's also quite clear that she'll only admit to what you already know, or if you get really close to find out the truth by yourself.

 

She's a serial cheater and she's been cheating for most of your marriage. Is there a way to fix it? Frankly I don't think so... Someone was telling you to sell the house because it would be a huge trigger, but the problem is that your WIFE is gonna be the biggest trigger of all.

You can try to adapt and live with it, if you want, but I don't think you can successfully rebuild anything with these circumstances and with someone so prone to cheating like her.

If it was me I would just end the marriage and try move on. It will be hard but R would be harder and with a low chance of real success IMO.

[fellini]

As i have mentioned. I thought i had all the facts but 8 months later i got more details.

 

It is completely normal for a WS who thinks their marriage is about to end to try to continue to cover up the mess, to minimize the impact emotionally on the BS. You do not have to accept just one interpretation of the truth: she probably has been trying to save the marriage AND trying to save her azz. But only you know if when push comes to shove, she is willing to vomit up the details versus continue to protect what little is left of her dignity.

 

So in this situation i inderstood that if I took a snapshot at any moment with my WS what i was looking at was a WS who did not want to end her marriage but simply could not get the seemingly contradictory concept that the truth was going to save us, not divide us.

 

You make this decision, not the LS community.

 

Once this phase has passed. Once you are no longer in recovery mode from the impact, the process of reconciliation is more graspable.

 

However, if its the details themselves of the new information that have you running out the door, then ask youself if you can give yourself another couple of days to digest it all and then move consciously and confidently towards separation, if not, divorce.

 

Good luck.

Edited August 24, 2014 by fellini

[Stellar Wench]

It was a wise choice to keep digging. I am sorry for what you discovered, but it's better to discover it now than later.

I just need some good feels

 

What to do you mean by this? Do you want us to make you feel better about your situation? This has been a problem all along. You've been fed a crap sandwich, and keep asking us how to make it filet mignon. Think about that for a bit.

 

I returned here to comment on a poster who said you were too attracted to your hot wife to see things clearly. I see it more as a bruised male ego trying to reclaim his territory. I understand the need, but the fix is short-term when the territory, meaning your wife, is deeply flawed. Same applies here. Now isn't the time to be looking for feel goods or band-aids to your ego. Now is the time for you to keep digging for information, while taking steps to protect yourself financially, and to also help your kids through the fallout. See a lawyer. Get to the bank. Call the credit card companies. Ditch the MC and find a good IC therapist. Doing all this will help you feel far better about the situation than we can help by soothing your ego.

[James-London]

really sorry to see all the pain you are in. each time there is new information it is like two new knives in the chest: one knife for the hurt that it happened and another because she lied about it upfront. With my ex, I was simply amazed at her capacity to lie with such sincerity. I think she even convinced herself of her own lies. I do still think she cheated more times on me, but I understand that I'll never know. It is extremely hard to get to a point of not caring, but it is possible.

 

I think one poster advised you to read through all the posts on this thread from the start. That's probably a good idea. Think through what is useful and what is not... I would say that there are lots of practical things you should be doing now or in the near future anyway. Things like sorting the finances, legals, paternity tests for the kids, how (or if) to present this to your family/friends etc. I will not repeat this all here as I think you have heard this from other people already.

 

In terms of can you *ever* trust your wife again and will it *always* be irretrievable. Well, I just don't know. I read some posters and they are just telling you how awful she is and almost rubbing your nose in it. Almost like they are feeding off your pain.

 

It is so hard to know what to feel because they are such a poisonous cocktail of different feelings. There is the immediate pain of the anger, disrespect, humiliation and jealousy of what happened. And then there is the deeper pain of grieving for a loss, much like a family bereavement. Its the loss of not being able to trust or count on someone you trusted completely, and not knowing how this could ever be restored... I suppose there is also a third aspect of the complete confusion and disappointment of what all those intimate times meant over the years if she was not faithful to you at the same time.

 

I don't know if that is helpful to you, but I think of my pain in those 3 categories. I think each category of pain needs a different understanding and a different solution.

 

Right now, you are in panic mode over losing your wife. I think it is really important to try detach yourself from her emotionally. I do not say that you should throw her out or immediately leave... I just say that it would be a good idea not to be emotionally dependent upon her. Obviously, this is hard given your history together, but you should try to do this. But it is much better to *want* to be with someone than to *need* to be with someone.

 

So can you fix things with your W? I don't know. I doubt you do either. However, I can say that you need to be in a place where you are not trying to be with her because you are scared of not being with her. Much of who your thought your W was was not true. Understanding that will help you not be dependent upon her. However, just because you no longer need her, does not mean you necessarily don't rebuild something...

 

The other thing is that there is likely to be plenty more information locked away in your W's head. I think this information could help you out.... In my situation, she lied for 5 or 6 months after D day and then I was sitting in a bar with her and I said I still did not believe her. She said it was the truth and then I told her to call the OM and confirm it with him while I was sitting next to her. This was when she finally confirmed that she had sex with him the night before D day.

 

If you want to use my strategy, you are more than welcome to it. However, know that you can only do this technique if she is unprepared for it. If you want to monitor her phone/email etc., then you can do that too. If you do the latter, you should make sure she does not know you are doing it.... I guess it depends on how important the truth is for you. For me, it was really important. Unfortunately, I think that finding evidence that forces the WS to admit things is probably the only way. You cannot rely on them to just feel sorry for you and admit things. And if you make them feel that it is all over and they have nothing to lose by being honest, they will still just be dishonest!! In other words, they will lie unless they have no other choice.

 

Anyway - it is likely she has more information that can help you to understand why this happened. In my case, my ex simply fancied another guy, she did not really value me as a boyfriend and she was very insecure. All her tears were real. She did love me and she did want to be with me. But this is because I made her feel safe and secure, it was not because she felt compatible with me or really psychologically or romantically turned on... It sounds like that is the case here with your W too. Or maybe that is wrong, I don't know. But either way, it is worthwhile finding out.... Perhaps if she felt she had nothing to lose by telling you truth and if she knew it would help you, then she would talk more openly about what she really felt. And that could give you better access to why this happened....

 

Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble. I suggest you spend some time re-reading all the posts here and then deciding what is useful/what is not.

 

James.

[james1989]

If You do want to reconcile tell her one of your conditions is for an open marriage but just on your end.:D;)

[James-London]

james1989 - why on earth would OP want that? And what would that even achieve?

[bigman1]

Sorry for you. As you consider what to do, perhaps you might change your vocabulary. There is no "fixing things" as so much probably never was to begin with. Also, you will have to move forward with your decisions knowing that you cannot trust a word coming out of her mouth, nor believe a tear she sheds. Any truth you get from her is pure luck or due to pressure and not proof that she "get's it", "has seen the light" or anything that might give you hope.

 

Your heart will lie to you, your fear will whisper in your ear, and insecurity will always lead you back to her. If you choose to stay, and that is your choice no matter how ridiculous it seems to me, you must be rational and careful, and fearful in choosing that twisted treacherous path. If you leave, you must be resolute to separate, determined to detach, and resolved to stay that course till you are no longer married. After that, get unmarried in your mind, live a little and decide what to do then. Good luck because its gonna be hard.

[thummper]

I saw vague phone and Facebook messages between him and her that predates when she said the affair began 3-2.5 years ago. They weren't proof of anything more than a friendship but she has always been surprisingly vague of when this all started. I hit her hard that I had more info and she better come clean. She probed to see how far back my phone records went then started spilling more truth... I told her I deserved to know it all so...

 

1. Still claims first affair was only one kiss but admits it went on a year (vs my belief of 2-3 months) till I caught her and they admitted their attraction to each other on their secret calls. This means she started cheating when our daughter was 1 and we were building our dream home... a high point I felt in our lives.

 

2. The "big" affair she still claims had 2.5 years of PA but now admits the EA began 3-3.5 years prior! Total of SIX years, starting just 6 months after the birth of our son. Claims phone calls only for 3-3.5 years, not phone sex but clear statements of how hot they were for each other and emotional support for their lives. Of course the idea he was saying this to her for 3+ years without a PA and he worked face to face with her strains all believability. This likely of course means the PA started way longer than 2.5 years ago.

 

3. Full confession that all the pleading about no sex in the bed, no oral etc. was a lie to protect me from the truth... what they did is what we have done, all of it, all the time.

 

4. She slipped and admitted the first occasion he tried something physical was the night he came over to see our basement renovation. Night? What night? Now claiming "one" time he came over when kids were asleep and she kicked him out before doing anything because it went to far with them there.

 

5. Admits to lying about all this to me and our MC and IC to try to "save" the marriage from the horrors she carried on.

 

Basically my wife has been involved in affairs for 7-8 years out of the last 9. The problem and distance I felt in our marriage was never the "kids" it was the affairs that existed nearly all the time since their birth I now realize. She claims of that time the only PA was the last 2.5 years but that stretches all believability. She claims she did all this because she felt emotionally and physically distant from me due to the "stresses" in her life (which she also admits were overblown in her mind) and these men made her feel wanted and good about herself. She says the latest affair is over AND I BELIEVE IT IS BECAUSE THE MAN USED HER FOR A PIECE OF A- AND IS NOW TRYING TO SAVE HIS OWN MARRIAGE. She continues to beg and plead and grovel for a chance. I spent a great night out at a run, concert, and hotel with my wife this week. Id convinced myself I could fix this, that it was all a midlife crisis and stress that I didn't address in the marriage. Now I know the truth, my wife has cheated HALF our 14 year marriage and even in the "good" times.

 

I'm sure she thinks she IS cured and won't do this again but I don't see how someone guilt free cheats on their spouse for 7 years and ever is cured of anything. I just don't have the fight anymore.

 

Please don't tell me "I told you so." Don't tell me "divorce her now" "hide the money" etc. I get it now. I just need some good feels and then I'm going to have a mod shutdown this thread in a few days and I'll start another when I get the next phase going. I wanted to fix this so bad, but how do you come back from this?

 

"And these MEN?!!!" You mean there was more than just the one guy? Damn!

[james1989]

james1989 - why on earth would OP want that? And what would that even achieve?

 

i was kidding just so he could say it to see her reaction obviously i highly doubt he would be the type of guy to do it.

[james1989]

I highly doubt she will ever be remorseful why should she be???

 

She has never faced any real consequences for her affairs the latest one which was the worst one she could probably justify because based on your posts it seems to have improved your marriage ie. more dates, better sex etc.

 

The only way she will ever feel any real regret and any real remorse is if she loses you and seeing her kids everyday.

[SycamoreCircle]

I know you're in a terrible place. I am so sorry. Just know that from this point forward every effort you make will be towards something healthy, honest, true and better for everyone involved(including her!). You have proven in the past that you are an exceptionally strong man. And there's no doubt in my mind that you will come through this even stronger. The slack you are having to pick up from your wife's poor life choices will make your children stronger, better in the long run.