D-Day plus 6 weeks. Wife betrayal, long story... .

[james1989]

God guys I'm losing it. Things are different now then the last 7 weeks, the new trickle truth that her affair was double the length, 6 not 3 years has taken the fight out of me. 6 years is nearly my son's whole life and he is getting pretty big. 6 years is longer than we dated prior to marrying.

 

That said, I am losing it. I am sitting here misty eyed at the kids, and our home, and the old high school notes and the life we "have" (i know its a lie) and keep wondering... is there ANY hope? i know, i know, i know but i'm being honest i am feeling weak here. she is still begging, the NC looks solid through 2 months, etc. but she has been underplaying the truth to me and the therapist and the truth is a freaking nightmare. I WANT MY WIFE BACK but I can't ever have her back because she will always be the girl that cheated on me for 7 years and was giving blow jobs all over my house... I can't unknow that, ever! I'm torn and messed up and feel weak.

 

How is she begging??

[betrayedandhurting]

Letter after letter professing her love for me. Apologizing for her betrayal and behavior. Saying she wished it never happened. Saying she had weaknesses and is broken and wants to work on herself and fix it. Acknowledging any issues she felt in our marriage were never worth cheating, ever, and mostly created in her mind to justify her behavior. Begging to do anything, sell the house and move at great loss, sell the furniture whatever. Begging to keep us together as a family with the kids in one home with the promise that not only is her affair done but never again will she cheat, new boundaries, complete and total open book with no request or expectation of privacy, willing to allow me to talk and show anger as long as I need with no defensiveness on her part etc. She has efforted daily for the last 2 months to overachieve for the family and make time for us etc.

 

All that stopped for me and I cut her off from most talking and all affection when I learned she trickled truthed the fact her affair was six not three years. She continues to text, write letters, sit at my door talking through the door etc. just pleading for our family.

[james1989]

Are you leaning toward R or D??

[No Limit]

Sorry but, what is there to fix? You two have never really been married, only you OP. She's been cake-eating for 7 years, and only God knows how long before that.

 

She's just throwing with words, and is far from getting herself fixed. You can't play family when you aren't even capable of having an honest relationship, or deceiving someone for that long.

 

OP, just file already.

[james1989]

Letter after letter professing her love for me. Apologizing for her betrayal and behavior. Saying she wished it never happened. Saying she had weaknesses and is broken and wants to work on herself and fix it. Acknowledging any issues she felt in our marriage were never worth cheating, ever, and mostly created in her mind to justify her behavior. Begging to do anything, sell the house and move at great loss, sell the furniture whatever. Begging to keep us together as a family with the kids in one home with the promise that not only is her affair done but never again will she cheat, new boundaries, complete and total open book with no request or expectation of privacy, willing to allow me to talk and show anger as long as I need with no defensiveness on her part etc. She has efforted daily for the last 2 months to overachieve for the family and make time for us etc.

 

All that stopped for me and I cut her off from most talking and all affection when I learned she trickled truthed the fact her affair was six not three years. She continues to text, write letters, sit at my door talking through the door etc. just pleading for our family.

 

She had six years to stop it and she CHOSE not to

 

She was not that concerned about the family while she was cheating for 6 years

 

 

i Literally have no idea what to say to you OP I understand you being torn about D or R, not only have you been punished with the fact your wife has cheated on you for half your marriage but if you divorce you will also be punished with not seeing your kids everyday.

Edited August 25, 2014 by james1989

[betrayedandhurting]

Look it's really different now. This trickle truth of the staggering length of this lie has taken the wind out of my sails and hope left too. I've done the immediate steps of protecting finances and paternity testing and std testing. I went from a reconciliation posture of talking, dating and sleeping with my wife while keeping divorce an option but now I have a we are divorcing stance basically stopped talking other than talk about the initial stages of how to end our marriage and have stopped all other friendly interactions with her.

 

I'm freaking miserable. It is what it is. I keep wishing to wake up from this nightmare, maybe I'll have the strength to do something tomorow because I'm treading water reading LS and getting nowhere.

[james1989]

Look it's really different now. This trickle truth of the staggering length of this lie has taken the wind out of my sails and hope left too. I've done the immediate steps of protecting finances and paternity testing and std testing. I went from a reconciliation posture of talking, dating and sleeping with my wife while keeping divorce an option but now I have a we are divorcing stance basically stopped talking other than talk about the initial stages of how to end our marriage and have stopped all other friendly interactions with her.

 

I'm freaking miserable. It is what it is. I keep wishing to wake up from this nightmare, maybe I'll have the strength to do something tomorow because I'm treading water reading LS and getting nowhere.

 

How has she reacted to that???

 

Also after she had the first affair did you react the same way as you did with this one. I.E more dates, more sex etc.

 

and OP i suggest you get some IC you have been dealt a hammer blow over the last few months you need to take care of yourself.

Edited August 25, 2014 by james1989

[betrayedandhurting]

She's horrified. She listens with fear and tears in her eyes and I calmly discuss the steps we need to follow and then begs for more time to see what happens etc. while begging forgiveness.

 

Look NONE of this makes sense. I've always said her behavior after getting caught has been literally a perfect case study in how to act as a remorseful cheater MINUS her trickle truth which to her was because she was afraid the full truth would cause me to leave and sadly I think she is right! This woman lead a perfect front in our marriage I had NO idea. cheating... NO WAY. cheating for 6 years... NO FREAKING WAY. I was so blind.

[DKT3]

Look it's really different now. This trickle truth of the staggering length of this lie has taken the wind out of my sails and hope left too. I've done the immediate steps of protecting finances and paternity testing and std testing. I went from a reconciliation posture of talking, dating and sleeping with my wife while keeping divorce an option but now I have a we are divorcing stance basically stopped talking other than talk about the initial stages of how to end our marriage and have stopped all other friendly interactions with her.

 

I'm freaking miserable. It is what it is. I keep wishing to wake up from this nightmare, maybe I'll have the strength to do something tomorow because I'm treading water reading LS and getting nowhere.

Divorce is not to punish her, but to free you.

 

I was one that was telling you there is more to her story. Yet there is still more. You will never know it all, but you know enough.

 

Divorce doesn't mean the end of the two of you, it only means the end of the marriage and sends a clear message that you will not stand for this.

 

I don't think anyone is pounding their chest saying I told you so, its just that we've been where you are and knew the first story isn't the full story. Trying to open your eyes.

 

Going through the divorce and the following months will tell you a lot about your wife and show you who she really is. Maybe in that you can find the woman you fell in love with. But make no mistake divorce is a must. Maybe its what she needs to shake her to the core if nothing more then forging a relationship were the two of you can effectively co-parent.

[betrayedandhurting]

I get what your saying but twice in there you almost hint at hope in weird way. First off you say divorce will show her you "won't stand for this." Well I guess so but divorce is a nuclear option that ends the relationship... If so I don't really have anything to prove to her or lessons to teach... it's just done.

 

Then you say "divorce is a must" but maybe you'll find the woman you fell in love with? Are you saying a DTK3 like situation... Divorce your wife and then if you think she's changed remarry?

 

Look I understand it's almost certain this ends in divorce but god I wish there was a way I could know she changed but I can't and I doubt she could.

[jellybean89]

OP,

 

You have done remarkably well under the circumstances.

 

Please don't feel as if you need to defend your actions and thoughts. You are human. You have had your entire life implode. Just because others can do things with less emotion or are more cold hearted, do not let that change who YOU are. YOU are a remarkable man who loves his wife, in spite of what she has done. You don't want to have a split home for your kids, you don't want to date anyone, you don't want to wake up day after day to the nightmare that has become your life.

 

Each day, try to find a positive to get you through the day. Whether it is a good day/night for flying, a good report/grade from the kids and their school work, or even going an hour without feeling like puking your guts out....take each day as it comes.

 

Follow your gut. Do what YOU need to do, not what anyone else says you should be doing.

[Raven3321]

Been there dude. Praying for you. Like DKT3, I think divorce is the only option here.....but keep your eyes open. Your heart now is broken in a thousand pieces but it can change. There are people on this board who swore up and down pre-affair what their deal breaker was only to have a change of heart later.

 

 

In your situation divorce is a no brainer. But keep your options open. After the dust settles, like DKT3, date other women. If you find someone worthy of your love and trust, great. If however, after dating you find your STBX is still the cream of the crop, if she has been working on herself, if she is still pining for you, etc., then maybe just maybe........

 

 

You never know.

[james1989]

Yeah i agree with jellybean you need to make a decision that is right for you it is easy for people from the outside looking in like myself to say kick her to curb.

 

But i wont face the consequences you will face i wont face financial hits or not seeing my kids everyday.

 

Make the decision what is best for you and what is best for your family.

[DKT3]

I get what your saying but twice in there you almost hint at hope in weird way. First off you say divorce will show her you "won't stand for this." Well I guess so but divorce is a nuclear option that ends the relationship... If so I don't really have anything to prove to her or lessons to teach... it's just done.

 

Then you say "divorce is a must" but maybe you'll find the woman you fell in love with? Are you saying a DTK3 like situation... Divorce your wife and then if you think she's changed remarry?

 

Look I understand it's almost certain this ends in divorce but god I wish there was a way I could know she changed but I can't and I doubt she could.

 

She won't change if she doesn't have to. You allowed her to gaslight you after the first affair, one that I betting she is still not being honest about. Took her back and nothing changed.

 

What I'm saying is divorce will show you if your wife loves you or loves the idea of marriage, or fears the shame of divorce. If you are what she wants then divorce won't change that. If she was only interested in marriage and what social status that gives her then you will know that too.

 

No divorce doesn't mean the end. Roughly 20% of divorced couples restart or remain in a relationship. 6% of those remarry. Of that 72% stay together. Chicago Tribune 2012 I believe.

 

Don't put the cart in front of the horse, first the true woman wearing your ring has to appear, she may be someone you have no interest in.

[bubbaganoosh]

I get what your saying but twice in there you almost hint at hope in weird way. First off you say divorce will show her you "won't stand for this." Well I guess so but divorce is a nuclear option that ends the relationship... If so I don't really have anything to prove to her or lessons to teach... it's just done.

 

Then you say "divorce is a must" but maybe you'll find the woman you fell in love with? Are you saying a DTK3 like situation... Divorce your wife and then if you think she's changed remarry?

 

Look I understand it's almost certain this ends in divorce but god I wish there was a way I could know she changed but I can't and I doubt she could.

 

OK. It's reality time so listen up. You see the tears she sheds, and the begging to keep the marriage and the "I love you's" and all that stuff.

 

Go lay down in you new "UNSOILED BED" and look up at the ceiling fan and just remember that the OM was looking at the fan.

 

Then get up and go into the bathroom and take a leak. While your staring at the toilet just remember that after the OM screwed the daylights out of your wife in your bedroom with your ceiling fan keeping his bare ass nice and cool while he's humping away, he took a piss in your toilet after banging her.

 

Go sit in your kitchen and grab a sandwich. Chances are the plate you grab is the same one she made him a sandwich and served him.

 

Go sit on your couch. He sat on that couch and while she's in the other room, he farted on it.

 

All in all, it comes down to this. You need a starting point. You start by telling her that her tears her begging and the love she says for you is flat out bull $h!t and she knows it too and the only way you can start healing is telling her that she has X amount of days to find new digs because she has tainted your home from one end to the other and in order to get the stench out of the house is for her to leave.

 

Then get a lawyer. Don't think about getting one, just find a lawyer that can handle this mess and have her served and be done with it. BE DONE WITH IT!

 

The longer she hangs around, the harder it will be to unload her. She's not the woman you married and she's not the woman who she made herself out to be. She' a liar, a cheat, a master deceiver, and in order for you to heal and get on with your life is to stop putting off what needs to be done. Things are not going to get better with her. The only thing that will happen is all this will take a heavy toll on you. It already has and it's time you unload her bag of dirty laundry from your neck and give it back to her. Not tomorrow but right now.

Edited August 26, 2014 by bubbaganoosh

[aliveagain]

She's horrified. She listens with fear and tears in her eyes and I calmly discuss the steps we need to follow and then begs for more time to see what happens etc. while begging forgiveness.

 

Look NONE of this makes sense. I've always said her behavior after getting caught has been literally a perfect case study in how to act as a remorseful cheater MINUS her trickle truth which to her was because she was afraid the full truth would cause me to leave and sadly I think she is right! This woman lead a perfect front in our marriage I had NO idea. cheating... NO WAY. cheating for 6 years... NO FREAKING WAY. I was so blind.

 

I know many Asian families in my area. Asian women who divorce are often treated as shop soiled and failures. She is expected to stay married for the sake of the families reputation. Her inability to hold onto her man is seen as a weakness and she could be scorned by more traditional family members and relatives. Please do not take my comment as any type of attack but just information that may give you another reason for her begging. Family reputation is huge in the Asian community even if she is considered a modern. Bringing shame to her family could make her an outcast. Just another thought to consider. Her family will need to be told.

[betrayedandhurting]

I know many Asian families in my area. Asian women who divorce are often treated as shop soiled and failures. She is expected to stay married for the sake of the families reputation. Her inability to hold onto her man is seen as a weakness and she could be scorned by more traditional family members and relatives. Please do not take my comment as any type of attack but just information that may give you another reason for her begging. Family reputation is huge in the Asian community even if she is considered a modern. Bringing shame to her family could make her an outcast. Just another thought to consider. Her family will need to be told.

 

Her father died recently and young after a short battle with cancer. I cared for him in my home 24/7 for 5 months until he passed as she continued the affair. (Ok she said during those months it was mainly in hiatus as she was focused on her father but admits she didn't "cut it off" just said to the OM she needed to care for Dad and would come back.) Her mother I informed and she is telling her daughter what shame she has brought etc. while asking me to save the marriage although she says she would understand if I divorced her. I haven't told her only brother who might be disappointed but I'm not sure if he would be an influence at all on her, he avoids conflict. He might even try to convince her that somehow the behavior was terrible but that means it is somehow my fault.

 

Ps: your right her extended family is mainly in California and are huge gossip mongers... They will talk about this for GENERATIONS.

Edited August 26, 2014 by betrayedandhurting

[aliveagain]

Her father died recently and young after a short battle with cancer. I cared for him in my home 24/7 for 5 months until he passed as she continued the affair. (Ok she said during those months it was mainly in hiatus as she was focused on her father but admits she didn't "cut it off" just said to the OM she needed to care for Dad and would come back.) Her mother I informed and she is telling her daughter what shame she has brought etc. while asking me to save the marriage although she says she would understand if I divorced her. I haven't told her only brother who might be disappointed but I'm not sure if he would be an influence at all on her, he avoids conflict. He might even try to convince her that somehow the behavior was terrible but that means it is somehow my fault.

 

Ps: your right her extended family is mainly in California and are huge gossip mongers... They will talk about this for GENERATIONS.

 

My Asian friends also have family in California, they spend fortunes on honoring the parents of the bride and groom before a wedding, there is a protocol that has to be followed. My friend built a hospital in his home country to honor his deceased mother, he supplies all the medicine, doctors and nurse's, everything is free. It is a hospital for women and children only. Honor is very important in his family yet he and his family are very modern. They may even be related to your wife as strange as that may sound.

 

Friend, none of this your fault, she is a very broken woman. Keep moving forward, listen to your lawyer, step back from the line of fire and see how things play out. My ex went bareback too, they all do and lie about it.

[Buckeye2]

Your problem is that your wife is two extremely different people occupying the same body. You can’t reconcile that fact.

 

 

It’s like the movie “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” The plot involves a health inspector who discovers that humans are being replaced by duplicate aliens who appear to be perfect copies of the persons replaced, but devoid of any human emotion.

 

 

You see the woman you love. She appears and acts the same as you look at her across the kitchen table. But then you're reminded what she did on the kitchen table.

 

 

When she begs you feel guilty about your inability to rug sweep. On the surface rug sweeping would fix the immediate problems but you would ultimately go crazy.

 

You can take your time but at the end of the day you have to get a divorce to protect your sanity. Ironically I think divorce will benefit your future relationship. I know I would trigger less if she were my ex-wife. There would be less reason to rehash over and over what she did because she paid a price.

 

It would be like a sergeant being busted to corporal. As you look at his two stripes there is less reason to tell him how he screwed up. He obviously knows.

 

MC and IC are good but make your way towards divorce. MC could be relationship counseling.

 

Your kids and employer need a rational stable adult most of all. Divorce will allow that to happen. There is also a practical reason. Divorce is the ultimate post-nup.

 

Once divorced you can come up with any arrangement you two want. You can have a traditional divorce, continue to live together or anything in between.

 

 

Basically what's driving you crazy is that you could fix everything for everyone by just eating it. You feel guilty for not doing it but it’s just too much. You have to power to jump on a grenade but your wife is the one who pulled the pin.

Edited August 26, 2014 by Buckeye2

[jm2013]

Watch out for her family. I found out the hard way. I know this probably differs from situation to situation but my in-laws did a complete 180 after my wife's affair and stabbed in deep in the back. I think for some parents it's not their kid's fault that they had an affair, it must all be your fault to what pushed her there. Some I guess try and justify it and try to make you out to be some animal that didn't make their daughter happy.

 

If you're planning to divorce you need to make sure your stuff is in order. When your wife finds out there's no hope and she tried to exhaust all efforts she's going to turn angry. This will be the side of her you've probably never seen before. I'm not sure what it is about WS' but when they figure out they can no longer manipulate or control the situation their reactors melt down. And it's ironic that if and when you do date other women how upset your wife will be. It's odd how people so close to you can betray like that then see their love with another person and let extreme jealousy ensue. Though my wife now would say "if you did x" then it was my fault for causing those feelings. But I totally disagree with her.

 

I know it's going to be extremely hard right now. And you're going to cycle everything over and over and over again and again. I can't stress how important it is right now to take care of yourself and your kids. There will probably be a lot of arguing and what not when that reactor starts melting down. I'd just try and limit it and control it as much as you can. These next steps you make will allow you to spectate what your wife will do if she knows you're filing. I don't know if I'm reading between the lines here but something is telling me you're still trying to find hope in your wife even after you've unearthed what you think to be the gist of it all. And to think there's that much more you're missing. Once I got over the physical part I moved into the emotional part. If there was an emotional component your wife isn't telling you that will be another gut punch. It's hard to hear your wife was in love with another man while she was married to you. Good luck. I don't know if you're religious at all but I found comfort in attending my local church. After I got done with the booze I went there and got great help.

[2sunny]

My heart is heavy for you.

 

But I'm still stuck on that dang nagging question/theory...

 

How can you expect that she miraculously grows a conscience and miraculously becomes a persons who's honest?

 

I just don't think it's possible given her history of being perfectly capable of presenting herself so perfectly while cheating on you at such a high level and volume.

 

And in your home, too! That just wreaks of disrespect and not honoring you, the kids and possibly even her Dad may have known. I don't believe for a minute that she didn't continue while her Dad was there.

 

She's lied about everything! A seasoned liar like that doesn't just stop the lies overnight. Especially when she's had very little consequences.

 

She's totally disrespected you. She didn't honor you or the marriage or the family. She brought him in the house while your kids were even there!

 

It's utterly dispicable!!!

 

If I thought she could change I would say so - but I don't think she can in this case. Integrity = you either have it or you don't and she doesn't.

 

 

I think her tears represent sadness for getting caught and possibly losing her lifestyle.

 

If she was capable of feeling badly about how she was treating you she wouldn't have done it for nearly 8 years without feeling bad about it all that time. And crying AFTER getting caught is not a person who's remorseful.

 

I do think she has some severe deficiencies mainly because she wasn't thinking at all how it would hurt you or your kids while she made a conscious effort to have those affairs. Heck, she didn't learn the first time - she just started it up again at the first opportunity.

 

How you can describe her as beautiful is beyond me. She's very ugly on the inside - and for me, that affects the beauty on the outside.

 

 

What happened at your counseling appt today?

 

 

Test her and test her big! Demand she work now. If/when you divorce you want her working! That way you pay her less. It also puts her back in her temptation situations. Have her work a lot - that way you can see how much she intends to change. It's also a consequence of a wife who's cheated - she can earn her own money and spend it on necessities. No more fun money from you! She will either be tempted again or she won't. See if she has any self control at all. She's going to have to prove it!

Edited August 26, 2014 by 2sunny

[bathtub-row]

Maybe this has already been said but I think the biggest problem you're dealing with is that you and your wife got married so young and met so young. She probably has had no other experience with men and probably regrets that part of her life.

 

It sounds like you have given her a beautiful life but it's easy for her to take it for granted because that's basically all she's known. I understand why you're so hurt but, if I were you, I'd try to look at this from the perspective that she has only ever been with you and never had any other outside experiences. I'm not justifying her behavior but I think I can actually see how all this came about.

 

It's very possible that she has never taken up any hobby or anything else that has made her feel fulfilled, either. Dr. John Gray talks about the special circumstances of rich women, etc. It's a real problem and she probably feels very unfulfilled in many ways. I'm not sure if this helps or not but it seems sad to throw this marriage away. I'm usually the first to tell people to walk away from the messed up relationships they're in but I don't really think the two of you have really bad dynamics.

 

Still, I do understand that her betrayal is going to be very hard, if not impossible, to get past. I honestly think you should try, though. If both of you want your marriage to remain intact, I think it can be done.

[fellini]

Maybe this has already been said but I think the biggest problem you're dealing with is that you and your wife got married so young and met so young. She probably has had no other experience with men and probably regrets that part of her life.

 

It sounds like you have given her a beautiful life but it's easy for her to take it for granted because that's basically all she's known. I understand why you're so hurt but, if I were you, I'd try to look at this from the perspective that she has only ever been with you and never had any other outside experiences. I'm not justifying her behavior but I think I can actually see how all this came about.

 

It's very possible that she has never taken up any hobby or anything else that has made her feel fulfilled, either. Dr. John Gray talks about the special circumstances of rich women, etc. It's a real problem and she probably feels very unfulfilled in many ways. I'm not sure if this helps or not but it seems sad to throw this marriage away. I'm usually the first to tell people to walk away from the messed up relationships they're in but I don't really think the two of you have really bad dynamics.

 

Still, I do understand that her betrayal is going to be very hard, if not impossible, to get past. I honestly think you should try, though. If both of you want your marriage to remain intact, I think it can be done.

 

I agree with the conclusion, but i think the OP has it very clear in his mind that he needs a hard separation, a divorce, to heal himself. For me it was some physical separation before we could get back together, but i felt she needed it more than I.

 

OP there are among the community, those of us who do not see the glory in calling your wife a slut, in claiming to know precisely what is going on in her head. NONE of us here knows what she feels or even if she feels anything for you.

 

The only thing we think we know is that she began to clean up her act, thus began to unravel the bigger truth of the deception, and you are both going to pay the price for that.

 

Now some here say "its not possible she grew a conscious after she was caught". I.e. your wife is still a lying slut, even though she has exposed the lies that have brought upon her divorce.

There are at least 3 options to this view:

 

1. Its true, she is a POS lying slut, and is not wife material. I dont doubt some of these exist

2. These BS'S didnt give their WS'S a chance, and continue to come in here with this belief and that all WS's are the same.

3. All the literature and the personal stories of those in LS are equally true. A WS typically needs a DDAY to turn around her life and get past the affairs. It is possible to do.

 

NONE of us her has a clue which of these are you WS. Many of us only have a clue about our own WS. Some kicked them out so quickly and clearly didnt give a rats azz if their WS was or wasnt honestly doing an about face. Dealbreaker is a dealbreaker.

 

WS'S in LS will read this thread for what it speaks: you give the whole truth you end up in divorce.

 

This is not your fault OP, it is the reality.

 

Everything that she did with her AP falls on her. Divorce falls on you, and thats all there is to say about it. Maybe its a good move, maybe down the line you will think you were too hasty. None of us here can tell you which road to peace you will end up on.

 

I personally would have chosen a structured separation before divorce. Others dump their BS in the gutter, inform the united nations, and post on cheaters.com to get their peace. And then there is everything in between.

 

I dont think divorce is so bad that in the future there is no return. There is always an option to reconcile at any later date. Years even. Those people are here too.

 

And it has zero to do with the details of the past. It has only to do with our capacities to move forward and choose the life, and love for ourselves. It has nothing to do with the kind of gutter talk here that is surely used to trigger you talking about you wife's blowing her AP in the bedroom. You can choose to become that man if you want and continue to allow these images to haunt and eat at your soul. Always its your choice, just as she made hers.

 

No one here can faithfully tell you if your wife was serious about turning around the situation.

 

I am currently reading Paolo Coehlo's just published novel Adultery. It is helping me understand what is going on in the mind of a woman who has everything, who loves her husband and her children, who loves being a successful mother and journalist, and who chooses to cheat. Im finding it helpful in areas my WS could not.

 

Good luck with your choices. You will find happiness in any of them, rest assured.

Edited August 26, 2014 by fellini

[Buckeye2]

And in your home, too! That just wreaks of disrespect and not honoring you, the kids and possibly even her Dad may have known. I don't believe for a minute that she didn't continue while her Dad was there.

 

She was the perfect little girl that grew up to be the perfect wife and mother. The affair was her one secret sin where she could be the bad girl.

 

 

She worked her ass off being a super star and very much cares what people think of her. Especially those people. There is no way in the world she would let them know.

 

 

She wanted it to be her secret to the point that I don't think she would have an affair with anyone but a married man. He would be just as motivated as her to keep their secret. The more stable his marriage and the more kids he had the better.

 

 

I agree that she would be morally quite capable of continuing the affair while her dad was living with them. The house was not available during that time but the OM’s places still were. The affair probably did slow down simply because she was too busy.

[betrayedandhurting]

She was the perfect little girl that grew up to be the perfect wife and mother. The affair was her one secret sin where she could be the bad girl.

 

 

She worked her ass off being a super star and very much cares what people think of her. Especially those people. There is no way in the world she would let them know.

 

 

She wanted it to be her secret to the point that I don't think she would have an affair with anyone but a married man. He would be just as motivated as her to keep their secret. The more stable his marriage and the more kids he had the better.

 

 

I agree that she would be morally quite capable of continuing the affair while her dad was living with them. The house was not available during that time but the OM’s places still were. The affair probably did slow down simply because she was too busy.

 

It's all possible. For example she never told ANYONE, not a single friend, that she was having an affair. (And I believe her). This secret she carried by herself the entire time.

 

She couldn't use the home during the 5 months my in-laws lived here as he passed from cancer and I do believe the affair slowed or stopped during that time but not because of any desire to actually stop the affair but the realities of the need to focus on her father.