28 and Never Dated...

[jawswashington]

I'm really insecure about the fact that I'm 28 and have never been on a date let alone have a girlfriend. I was just really shy around girls in high school and undergraduate. It didn't help that my parents were extremely overprotective so I was pretty sheltered. My undergrad years were horrible socially since I commuted. As a result, I was pretty socially awkward.

 

Things got a lot better after I went to graduate school far away and had a good group of friends. I became much more socially aware and well-adjusted. I started working out as well as on myself and I'm at the point where I feel like I'm ready to start dating now. I'm a pretty confident person now and have a stable job However, the fact that I've never dated up until this age is something that really bothers me and makes me extremely insecure. Are girls going to look down on my lack of experience? I've gone through great pains to hide my inexperience. I've even thought about dating girls younger than me who have little experience just so we can go through it together. I feel like it's a vicious cycle because the older I get, the more embarrassing it is to lack dating experience and so I stay away from it even more to hide my inexperience from girls. What can I do? Am I overreacting? Would girls be understanding?

 

Lastly, since my group of friends is small, I hardly meet new people let alone girls. I feel like it's just really hard to meet new people after college. I don't want to resort to online dating yet so where is a good place to meet girls?

Edited August 17, 2014 by jawswashington

[OwMyEyeball]

As someone who didn't start dating until 32 for much the same reasons as yourself, but had a blast while it lasted (got into an 8 month relationship after a couple months of OLD), let me tell you what you should NOT do:

 

Worry about it. That's right, don't worry about it. But how? How can you suppress a fear? You don't. But you stop feeding it with thoughts.

 

You are trying to your absolute hardest to find a way around your predicament without having to deal with feelings of rejection.

 

If you have managed to find a place of stability and comfort in your general life (job, friends, hobbies, health, purpose) then the fear of rejection will continue to cause far greater pain than even the most brutal series of putdowns.

 

You have no choice. Don't expect rejection, but accept it. It's never a rejection of you.

 

Sitting around trying to think your way out of your fears will only allow them to hold you back from meeting a very basic human need.

 

With your hobbies and interests in mind you could take a look at:

 

Meetup.com

Joining a club

Paying a visit to your local community or recreation center

Joining a co-ed amateur sports team

 

The intention has to be doing something for yourself. Not to meet women. You have to do something you enjoy and can share with others.

 

And don't knock online dating. That can really help you get your foot in the door and start with very light coffee dates.

 

The fewer expectations you have going in, the greater the reward.

 

Good luck!

[Supernatural]

As someone who didn't start dating until 32 for much the same reasons as yourself, but had a blast while it lasted (got into an 8 month relationship after a couple months of OLD), let me tell you what you should NOT do:

 

Worry about it. That's right, don't worry about it. But how? How can you suppress a fear? You don't. But you stop feeding it with thoughts.

 

You are trying to your absolute hardest to find a way around your predicament without having to deal with feelings of rejection.

 

If you have managed to find a place of stability and comfort in your general life (job, friends, hobbies, health, purpose) then the fear of rejection will continue to cause far greater pain than even the most brutal series of putdowns.

 

You have no choice. Don't expect rejection, but accept it. It's never a rejection of you.

 

Sitting around trying to think your way out of your fears will only allow them to hold you back from meeting a very basic human need.

 

With your hobbies and interests in mind you could take a look at:

 

Meetup.com

Joining a club

Paying a visit to your local community or recreation center

Joining a co-ed amateur sports team

 

The intention has to be doing something for yourself. Not to meet women. You have to do something you enjoy and can share with others.

 

And don't knock online dating. That can really help you get your foot in the door and start with very light coffee dates.

 

The fewer expectations you have going in, the greater the reward.

 

Good luck!

 

That's some solid advice. I'm sure everyone could take a slice of that cake.

[Dork Vader]

Onemy gave the best advice. Your goal can't be to get woman. It simply needs to be to meet them and have fun.

 

You don't want to come off as "friend" but you also don't want to come off as trying. It's really sort of something in the middle. It's difficult to explain and it's something you have to learn by trial and error.

 

As one suggested your best bet is going to be getting more involved in your community. Join clubs, sports, churches.. What ever interests you.. You'll then meet woman that have similar interests.

 

 

Don't stress about inexperience.. I'm very experienced in dating yet still single. I'd almost bet money you get married before me..

[d0nnivain]

At 28, you are far too old to date girls. The person who gave you advice to date teenagers -- 18/19/20 year olds was off base, imo. Date women over 21 who you can at least get into a bar in the US.

 

If your group of friends is small do something to enlarge it. Join a meetup group. Take or teach a class. Volunteer somewhere doing something you enjoy. Play on a co-ed sports team. Consider something like the Elks, the Moose, the Lions or the Kiwanis those are all civic groups with social events. Get involved in an industry based organization. Join the Chamber of Commerce. Election season is upon us; work for a political campaign.

 

As your circle expands so will your opportunities to meet people.

 

When you encounter a woman you like, take the plunge & invite her for coffee.

[kart180]

I am also in the same boat. although i live a lie by saying I had at least one GF in high school, which is kind of true.

 

I really want that dream life but now being single is ok for now.

28 tomorrow.

I know meetup.com and clubs are good way to meet women but I dont drink and no meetup groups are near me

[bastus]

<p>i also have same experience, i am really passive with girls on my younger days , but finaly have first gf at 30, after being friends with her for 6 years, lol. Well the relation isnt working and only survived for few months. but after that i can be more natural when approaching girls, probably because the experience from my first-short relationships.so i think the most hardest part is how to start it.. well if you ask me the best place to meet women , i think it will be in wedding parties , good luck </p>

Edited August 18, 2014 by bastus

[MGX]

Stick to younger girls. 18/19/20 year olds. The older ones are more jaded and will eat you up and spit you out.

 

Young girls play games and search for Prince Charming. You're too old for that crap.

 

Stick to people your own age, until you get more experience to deal with an age gap.

[Standard-Fare]

As you start putting yourself out there to date, there's no need to dwell on your lack of experience. If the topic comes up, you can just say you've never had a serious relationship, and leave it at that.

 

And I don't think you should be so quick to dismiss online dating. It's a natural option for lots of people who (like you) don't find themselves meeting many new people through their social scene.