Never married, no kids and in my late 40's

[dumbass2]

I had fun in my 20's. A few one year type relationships and a handful of sexual partners. Got into my career in late 20's and only did a little dating as I moved around a bit and focused on my career. Marriage was something I thought I would do in my 20's, but once into my 30's it became less of a thought. I blink my eyes and i'm 40. Time flew by. I didn't really worry about relationships or marriage any more. Maybe I just started to accept that it was how it was going to be.

 

Once into my 40's I figured I would start my own business. That took a lot of time and effort, so again I didn't really try too hard to get into a relationship for fear, I guess, that it would take away from my work. I dated some, then as the business grew and solidified I really started to take a look at my life and really felt a loss. A loss of being able to share my life with someone and have someone there to support me emotionally and myself support her. I really wanted to find someone to care for. I felt I have so much to give. I had to help give a lot of support to my mom during my 30's and 40's as she was divorced and she didn't drive. My brother and sister were not much help. I'm the youngest and had the financial means as well as they were in marriages and had their own issues and kids to deal with.

 

Fast forward to a woman I met back in Nov last year in her 40's and divorced after being married young and had a long marriage that ended because he cheated numerous times. She went right into another relationship that ended about a month or so before she met me (I found out the timing after our break up) and ours lasted only about 6 months. that was the longest relationship I had been in in over 12 years. I never had been in a relationship over a year.

 

We took off fast and ran into issues at the 3 month point and then things just gradually got more drama filled til the end in April. It was tough for me. I wanted a commitment and she didn't as it turns out. I told her about my past and lack of relationship experience as our past experiences were discussed at about the 2 week mark. It seemed like she was constantly testing me instead of talking about any issues she had. She expected me to know or read her mind. I don't have a lot of experience reading the adult female mind.

 

I am at the point right now where I doubt myself. I blame myself for it not working. I keep saying that if I met her at another time after being in a relationship recently myself, that things may have worked. I know that someone in their late 40's shouldn't probably be learning about relationships, but that is where I was. I really want to be in a committed relationship now. I don't have any type of phobia about it. I want to be in a one on one relationship and if marriage comes from it, great, if not, i'm ok with that as long as I am in a relationship and I can care and give to the other person and that person cares about me.

 

I had an issue in this last relationship with expressing my feelings and emotions. I told her that. I had to work on it. I recognized my short comings. She had a few as well with her past. I learned so much from my time with her and feel that I am much better prepared for my next relationship, I just wish I could have met her again because she had so many qualities that i desire. I wish I could show her how I have grown after reflecting on our relationship and now being able to see the things I need to do. They weren't thing that would change the core of me and who i am, but changes to habits more than anything. I think people can change and make themselves better.

 

I still have doubts about being able to find another woman like the one i just was with because of my age and the stigma that goes along with being never married past 40.

 

Can anyone give me some good insight on why I now doubt myself so much and can you see why I would? I almost feel like this was my one and only chance and that my past has really just ruined any chance of finding a meaningful relationship now.

[FitChick]

Plenty of women want a man without baggage, especially if he is reasonably successful. There are plenty of women who have led similar lives. I am one of them. Men don't seem to be bothered. In fact, quite the contrary. Less drama in dating. Avoid anyone divorced less than two years or who has kids younger than teens.

Edited August 17, 2014 by FitChick

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am like yourself, just a female. So there are women like that around.

 

It's never too late to fall in love as cliche as that sounds.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm late 30s and single with no kids. I want to get married and have a family, but only with a man I truly love and who truly loves me. I see my ideal match as late 30s to 40s, also single with no kids, who wants marriage and a family. It's taken me a while to figure out what I want and need in a relationship, mostly due to the fallout from a difficult childhood.

 

Nothing in your post would scare me off from dating you. The only thing that raises slight concern is your somewhat negative, fearful feelings about your chances of finding love. I believe that we manifest whatever we continue to focus on. So I suggest that you start focusing on all the wonderful possibilities for you in love, rather than the perceived obstacles. The fact is that the only obstacles are in your mind.