2 years later and I'm still depressed.

[Msmartin]

My name is Tanessa, I am a 23 year old women, I will try and explain my story as quickly as possible but it's kinda a big one.

 

My husband and I met when we were in elementary school, grade 5. We went to boys and girls summer day time camp together through the summers so we were never apart. In grade 6 my mom and dad divorced and it sucked, I had to move which sucked even more. When I started middle school I walked into the school and the first person I saw, was Freddie (my husband) I was so happy! So all through middle school we were together we dated, and were basically inseparable.

 

In middle school my mom remarried and the man was super abusive, Freddie was the only one who would come save me. Would protect me and stand up for me and try and keep me away from the abuse. High school came around and we lived together. Then we got pregnant when I was 16, he was 17. When our son was 9 days old he got into a fight defending a 12 year old girl who "was raped" by an older fellow. The older fellow died from the fight, and Freddie went to jail. He was in there for 4 years. All of his friends and family abandoned him they wanted nothing to do with him. I was all he had. I would drive 4 hours to go see him for half an hour every weekend. I sent him money for clothes, food, etc.

 

I wrote him every day. He talked about killing himself we got through it together. I was his rock, and even tho he was where he was he was mine too. My dad got sick while Freddie was a few months away from being released. It was terminal. Freddie was able to get a day pass to come see my dad in the hospital before he died. He asked my dad if he could marry me. And if he could do it before my dad died. My dad was sick 4 months. We got married in jail. My father died the next day. When he and my father talked he a be my dad his word he would be there he would make it work he would fight no matter how hard it could get.

 

So my dad gave his blessing. Freddie got out of jail the following may, I would go drive 8 hours every weekend just so I could go stay in a hotel while he was in the halfway house so we could see eachother through the days. October he moved our family to Victoria, and got me under a year lease. Leaving all my other family and friends and support behind. On our one year wedding anniversary, we found out we were pregnant with twins. A few weeks later I found out his girlfriend was also pregnant. He had been in a relationship since aug. We never even lived together yet because he wasn't out of the halfway house till December and moved right in with her.

 

He never fought for our marriage. AND yes maybe he sounds like a total idiot but I know him more than anyone else I know the things he's been through I know he does things because he's scared of being hurt. And he's scared the people he loves will die so he cuts them out. He has a lot of traumatic history in his life. But it's been two years they're in baby number two, and I have tried to find love elsewhere I have been single I have dated I have done everything i can. And I'm miserable. I love him. I will always love him and it's so hard to cope with this anymore. The idea of going through with the divorce makes me actually ill.

 

He has been my life, and now we aren't even allowed to be friends. It feels like someone ripped off my arm or something yeah life will go on but now I have to learn how to deal with handling it in a more difficult way. I don't know I just I'm scared I'll never love anyone like that again. I'm scared we will never be friends again. I'm scared to feel this way forever. I just don't know what to do to cope. I'm heartbroken and I miss him so much every day.

Edited August 17, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Reels]

"son was 9 days old" and he got into fight, how?

 

I think you have spent a lot of time with this guy, and finally there was no outcome. Clearly you are not in situation to have another relation, you need some break. Find out what makes you feel better, recover some of your past hobbies, you may won't fully recover but you will be better than what you are now.