Inheritance and my adopted sister.

[It'sallnewtome]

Ok well this one is going to be hard..

I do need advice..honest advice.

 

Ok so I am a 39 year old single mum of 3

Separated 2 years ago.

 

I have 2 sisters.

One is a half sister.. She is older than me.

She was adopted out at birth as my mum was 16 when she was born.

 

We found my sister again when she was 15 and she lived with is for 2 years.. Fell out with my mum and we didn't see her again for a long time.

 

During that time, my mum passed away.

 

I found my sister again in my 20s.

We are very close I do love her so much.

 

She harbours a lot of anger to my mum and to my grandmother.. About being adopted.

 

My grandma took over the role of parenting me and my little sister but never had a relationship with my older..

We tried to encourage it but gran was stubborn and so was my older sister.

 

 

So sadly my gran passed away. She left an inheritance to me and my little sister.

 

Nothing to my older sister.

So little sister and I have big sister $15k each.

 

 

Big sister stopped

Speaking to me all together.

 

 

It finally came out that she wants to take me to court as she feels the money should have been split 3 ways.

 

I don't know what to do.. I mean big sister has a mum.. No kids..

This money is for my kids..

I don't have any parents or grandparents now..

 

 

Am I being selfish?

[Hope Shimmers]

Ok well this one is going to be hard..

I do need advice..honest advice.

 

Ok so I am a 39 year old single mum of 3

Separated 2 years ago.

 

I have 2 sisters.

One is a half sister.. She is older than me.

She was adopted out at birth as my mum was 16 when she was born.

 

We found my sister again when she was 15 and she lived with is for 2 years.. Fell out with my mum and we didn't see her again for a long time.

 

During that time, my mum passed away.

 

I found my sister again in my 20s.

We are very close I do love her so much.

 

She harbours a lot of anger to my mum and to my grandmother.. About being adopted.

 

My grandma took over the role of parenting me and my little sister but never had a relationship with my older..

We tried to encourage it but gran was stubborn and so was my older sister.

 

 

So sadly my gran passed away. She left an inheritance to me and my little sister.

 

Nothing to my older sister.

So little sister and I have big sister $15k each.

 

 

Big sister stopped

Speaking to me all together.

 

 

It finally came out that she wants to take me to court as she feels the money should have been split 3 ways.

 

I don't know what to do.. I mean big sister has a mum.. No kids..

This money is for my kids..

I don't have any parents or grandparents now..

 

 

Am I being selfish?

 

I understand why your sister feels resentment but if she was legally adopted by another family then she has no rights to any money left by the birth parents.

[It'sallnewtome]

I understand why your sister feels resentment but if she was legally adopted by another family then she has no rights to any money left by the birth parents.

 

Yes I totally feel her resentment and totally understand her pain.

 

She said the money would make her feel validated.. I get that..

[Ronni_W]

Am I being selfish?

NO! The opposite. You and your younger sister were very generous.

 

It's not for you to validate your older sister's pain that was the result of circumstances that were, and still are and always will be, completely out of your control.

 

Unfortunately, your older sister may let the actions of others affect -- and infect -- any relationship that you may have been able to have with her in the future.

As kind and compassionate as you are, it'll need your serious assessment and loving discernment to come to any conclusions as to what will be in your and your children's best interest going forward. She has shown one set of her true colours...it may not be wise to ignore that.

 

I'm sorry that your and your younger sister's gesture was not received in the spirit in which it was given, intended.

[UpwardForward]

I agree with others. $15,000 ea was more than generous.

 

Also it appears she is very manipulative to say the 3 way split would make her feel 'validated'.

 

If she pursues, hopefully you will not have to spend much in attorney fees. Wait and see if she can retain an attorney, so you will know how serious she is, and how you should respond.

[It'sallnewtome]

Thanks guys.

She is annoyed as she said she should have got more.

 

My feeling was that money won't ever validate her. It doesn't work like that.

 

She also rents a room off me at $100 a week but doesn't pay now as I got money.

It's hard as I didn't want to live off my inheritance but save it for my kids.

 

She will get an inheritance off her adopted mother one day.

 

I guess I just think she needs to see the glass half full. She doesn't work and never has.

She Is one of those people that has always wanted a way out... That didn't require working.

 

I was abandoned by my dad when my mum was pregnant... I don't want his money so I struggle to understand.

 

 

Last night she told me that she just keeps saying in her head..

 

My sisters karma is not my drama..

 

Which I would get if we have her nothing.

 

I only have $100k and that's to pay for my kids education .

I was my grans sole carer for 11 years .. So I know my gran would have wanted me to be ok..

 

 

Rambling but wow it helps.

[pink_sugar]

I understand why your sister feels resentment but if she was legally adopted by another family then she has no rights to any money left by the birth parents.

 

This. And even if she did try and take you to court, not only is she not legally entitled to anything, but even in ordinary circumstances...say someone's mom died and the stepparent got everything, unless the Will mentioned that the son gets half or etc, the son will get nothing. People can chose to leave money to whomever they want and unless your half sister was in the Will, she cannot get anything from you.

[Ronni_W]

Last night she told me that she just keeps saying in her head...

My sisters karma is not my drama.

That's too funny...because she's not even aware that that's what YOU ought be saying in YOUR head about her!

 

It's not your problem if she will or will not be inheriting money from her adoptive mother.

It IS your problem if you allow her to dictate/control when, how, on whom you spend your own money. Tell her she needs to pay her rent as you both agreed to, or find new accommodations; that you are NOT her fairy godmother; that she is an adult who is responsible for every aspect of her own life.

 

You don't want to spend your children's education fund...their future...on someone else, so just don't do it and don't let yourself be guilted, manipulated, railroaded into it, either. Be strong like Super Woman...if only for your own children.

 

Yes, you can