Should I let her go because of my fears?

[Yami]

Hello everyone, I really need your help on this!

 

I met this girl online few months ago and we started talking a lot, we both have a lot in common and we are both crazy dog lovers, that lead us to our friendship. We talked every single day and after couple of months, she started hinting me that she likes me, we even joke around a lot saying " I love you". We even watch movies together. She told me she's not the type of girl to talk to people online and I'm the only one and she told me she talks to me more than she talks to her best friends over there. She also told me she's never had a boyfriend before because she's afraid of getting hurt. She's been really sweet to me till now...She remembers everything about me, she made a list of all the things I like and sent me those items which I never asked for. She has sent me my favorite chocolates. We act like a couple most of the time but I don't know why, she doesn't feel comfortable talking about feelings or anything emotional and because of this, I'm not comfortable being myself around her when it comes to talking about those things or should I try opening up more and being myself around her?

I confessed to her that I like her and she told me she likes me too.It took me nearly a month to tell her I like her even after knowing she likes me. We both like each other a lot, she even told me a couple of times she loves me but I've never talked about my feelings towards her.

The thing is I had a very bad experience with my previous relationship, she played and hurt me so much, I lost confidence in myself and started having anxiety attacks and now I have low self esteem. I've never told her any of this..I want to be able to be completely open with her and share everything but I'm afraid she'll think of me as weak, emotional or clingy. I really like her, she's one of the nicest person I know.

We both like each other..How do I take it to the next level? when do I ask her to be my gf? Or should I let her go? I'm afraid of getting hurt again, getting anxiety attacks again. For example, if she forgets to wish me good morning, I start feeling anxious.

 

One more thing, I've never really talked to her much till now..as in voice-chat. I've called her a couple of times and on her birthday to wish her. We mostly text, all the time. I'm not shy to video chat with her, I'm just not confident using my English with her since it's not my first language and I don't know what to talk to her if I'm on Skype with her.I wasn't like this before, I was very outgoing but from the past one year, I've had anxiety issues. I'm worried she might lose interest in me..

[justwhoiam]

Things in common and love for dogs led you to being friends

Let's start from that. She's your friend. A far-away friend, I gather. Right? How far apart are you?

 

She never had a boyfriend before because she's afraid of getting hurt

It's not that she never had a boyfriend before. She never had a boyfriend. Period. How old is she? I mean, if she's like 16, it's just natural. If she's like 32, then it's not natural at all.

 

She made a list of all the things you like and sent you those items which you never asked for

That's her love language. Do you speak her love language? You can pick the way you want to love her back, but if it matches her way at least now and then, it'll be a bliss for her. Look up the 5 love languages on google, and you'll learn more about it.

 

You both act like a couple most of the time

That's just an impression. The reality is most was left unsaid. She's not your girlfriend, though she'd probably like to be that.

 

She doesn't feel comfortable talking about feelings or anything emotional, why?

Opening up would make her vulnerable, and she feels she shouldn't do that. First, it already looks like she made a first step by letting you know she likes you. But nothing really happened, which means it didn't develop further from the plain friendship. So she's just in a limbo waiting for something to happen. Why should she make anything else apparent/obvious? She did what she could.

 

 

She being uncomfortable made being yourself difficult talking about your own feelings

"should I try opening up more and being myself around her?"

You should be yourself at all times. That said, don't jump to it all of a sudden.

 

It took you a month to tell her you like her after she told you she likes you

I would have perceived that as being hesitant. I wouldn't know why it took that long, maybe you were insecure about your own feelings, which to me is never a good thing. I guess I would doubt the truthfulness of such statement, thinking maybe he said that just because he knows I like him and doesn't want to miss a chance with me. Etc. etc.

 

She said 'I love you' a couple of times with no reaction from you

I guess you won't hear that anymore from her, unless you unblock your feelings, let yourself go and tell her 'I love you' too. She went that far and she maybe regretted saying that. Being so open with you made her fragile. But you shouldn't say that yet. Meet her in person before you let her know about that, if that's what you feel eventually.

 

So the only way to take it to the next level is meeting her ASAP. Then you could ask her to be your girlfriend.

 

If you decide you don't want a girlfriend anymore for fear of getting hurt again, then be on your own for the rest of your life. But I guess that's not very healthy. Otherwise, you'll have to deal with it. You can get hurt again. Love doesn't always have a happy ending. But it definitely helps you go through life, making it worthier living.

 

Regarding talking to her in English, let her be your teacher. Never be afraid of running out of things to tell her or to talk about. You can talk about daily news you read/heard of. You can talk about something that happened to you in the past or recently or the day before. You can ask anything about her just to know her better. You can talk about places you want to go to and things you want to try out. And you can start planning a visit and that will come with lots of talking leading up to the first meeting/date.

[todreaminblue]

you have to face your fears .....its the only way to deal with them,in love and in life....whatever you fear, face it head on, doesnt mean you have to tackle your fear and beat it senseless, but face it with a calm mind...you will be afraid but the more you have contact with your fear the more it fades away

 

 

 

to have fear is not a bad thing it keeps you vigilant and aware of what is important to you....but getting hurt si a possibility you have to face that regardless there are no guarantees......at the end of your life you wont regret any of your achievements or even any of your failures..... more than you will regret what you wish you had tried for because you just wont know what the outcome was....what could have been......

 

love si extremely special and it doesnt matter how afraid i am of getting hurt loving someone to me....is worth any rejection i might get or even getting hurt at the end of the relationship because i would rather try scared crapless than live with what if....i am awkward at the best of times when first starting a love relationship......but i am always first and foremost a soldier who knows what to fight for.....and that is i fight for my own happiness with love and what i can give and bring to another with happiness in love in spite of fear..i know my own capabilities.......and i have always gotten respect in relationships for that reason...regardless of being hurt or not when they end....i am respected...as being loving......for i feel i do that, i enrich a lovers life as he would enrich mine....but...there are no guarantees in love....you just have to face that...and accept it....and try your best....it may not work out or it just might work out adn be the best thing that ever happened to you....its better to know than to not know....deb

[Yami]

Things in common and love for dogs led you to being friends

Let's start from that. She's your friend. A far-away friend, I gather. Right? How far apart are you?

 

She never had a boyfriend before because she's afraid of getting hurt

It's not that she never had a boyfriend before. She never had a boyfriend. Period. How old is she? I mean, if she's like 16, it's just natural. If she's like 32, then it's not natural at all.

 

She made a list of all the things you like and sent you those items which you never asked for

That's her love language. Do you speak her love language? You can pick the way you want to love her back, but if it matches her way at least now and then, it'll be a bliss for her. Look up the 5 love languages on google, and you'll learn more about it.

 

You both act like a couple most of the time

That's just an impression. The reality is most was left unsaid. She's not your girlfriend, though she'd probably like to be that.

 

She doesn't feel comfortable talking about feelings or anything emotional, why?

Opening up would make her vulnerable, and she feels she shouldn't do that. First, it already looks like she made a first step by letting you know she likes you. But nothing really happened, which means it didn't develop further from the plain friendship. So she's just in a limbo waiting for something to happen. Why should she make anything else apparent/obvious? She did what she could.

 

 

She being uncomfortable made being yourself difficult talking about your own feelings

"should I try opening up more and being myself around her?"

You should be yourself at all times. That said, don't jump to it all of a sudden.

 

It took you a month to tell her you like her after she told you she likes you

I would have perceived that as being hesitant. I wouldn't know why it took that long, maybe you were insecure about your own feelings, which to me is never a good thing. I guess I would doubt the truthfulness of such statement, thinking maybe he said that just because he knows I like him and doesn't want to miss a chance with me. Etc. etc.

 

She said 'I love you' a couple of times with no reaction from you

I guess you won't hear that anymore from her, unless you unblock your feelings, let yourself go and tell her 'I love you' too. She went that far and she maybe regretted saying that. Being so open with you made her fragile. But you shouldn't say that yet. Meet her in person before you let her know about that, if that's what you feel eventually.

 

So the only way to take it to the next level is meeting her ASAP. Then you could ask her to be your girlfriend.

 

If you decide you don't want a girlfriend anymore for fear of getting hurt again, then be on your own for the rest of your life. But I guess that's not very healthy. Otherwise, you'll have to deal with it. You can get hurt again. Love doesn't always have a happy ending. But it definitely helps you go through life, making it worthier living.

 

Regarding talking to her in English, let her be your teacher. Never be afraid of running out of things to tell her or to talk about. You can talk about daily news you read/heard of. You can talk about something that happened to you in the past or recently or the day before. You can ask anything about her just to know her better. You can talk about places you want to go to and things you want to try out. And you can start planning a visit and that will come with lots of talking leading up to the first meeting/date.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it.

 

Yes, she lives in another part of the world and she's 23 years old and I'm 22.

She's really sweet, she's always interested about my day and one time, she wrote my name on her nail and showed it to me. She knows everything about my family and I know about her family too. She used to text me first all the time before but now, she talks to me when I text her first but If I ignore her for 2-3 days, she sends texts.

 

You're right, I was a bit insecure to tell her I like her, I was worried about our friendship.

We tease each other a lot and that's what I like about us and whenever she told me she loved me ( most of the times as a joke I think) and I've never truly expressed my feelings towards her other than saying " I like you more than a friend".

She often tells me things like " If you were here, I would take you to this restaurant, you would enjoy the food here " .

I can't meet her this year as I'm busy with my college. I want to be able to comfortably talk to her, be myself with her before I meet her. I want to take things slowly and not rush but I guess I'm being too slow? TO be honest, yes, I am afraid of getting hurt but I'm willing to take the risk.

[Yami]

you have to face your fears .....its the only way to deal with them,in love and in life....whatever you fear, face it head on, doesnt mean you have to tackle your fear and beat it senseless, but face it with a calm mind...you will be afraid but the more you have contact with your fear the more it fades away

 

 

 

to have fear is not a bad thing it keeps you vigilant and aware of what is important to you....but getting hurt si a possibility you have to face that regardless there are no guarantees......at the end of your life you wont regret any of your achievements or even any of your failures..... more than you will regret what you wish you had tried for because you just wont know what the outcome was....what could have been......

 

love si extremely special and it doesnt matter how afraid i am of getting hurt loving someone to me....is worth any rejection i might get or even getting hurt at the end of the relationship because i would rather try scared crapless than live with what if....i am awkward at the best of times when first starting a love relationship......but i am always first and foremost a soldier who knows what to fight for.....and that is i fight for my own happiness with love and what i can give and bring to another with happiness in love in spite of fear..i know my own capabilities.......and i have always gotten respect in relationships for that reason...regardless of being hurt or not when they end....i am respected...as being loving......for i feel i do that, i enrich a lovers life as he would enrich mine....but...there are no guarantees in love....you just have to face that...and accept it....and try your best....it may not work out or it just might work out adn be the best thing that ever happened to you....its better to know than to not know....deb

You're right, I really liked your message.

She's a girl but she doesn't really like talking about love? I'm not sure about that part. She even calls me a woman or sissy if I try to talk about it...again, I don't really know if she means it. She's more like a guy..or could it be trust? maybe she doesn't trust me yet to talk openly about her feelings?

Should I tell her how much she means to me and I'm looking forward to meeting her in future and that I have feelings for her? I don't wanna freak her out.