Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 good point - i'm willing to wait within reason....waiting doesnt mean i can't do my own thing see what else is out there now (since we are broken up) - but hold him in my heart and love him and have small hope that we can be together again......i'm not say i should sit at home and wait.....and i'd be willing to wait within reason for love - if it means years of happiness with him down the line.....a year or so of pain for way more happiness longterm is worth it, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 do i still stick to the full no contact from my end???? i want to talk to him so badly and i think we are back on friendly terms... Link to post Share on other sites
SinceIvebeenlovingU Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 I would stay no contact...you know now that he misses you...take this situation into your hands and let him go...if he comes back...then it was going to happen...you can't friendship your way back into his heart...but hey what do I know..I've been NC for 45 days and have heard nothing...but I had a dream about her family last night and I miss her like anything...ah well...life is fickle...enjoy it while you have it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 i know you are right and i need to stay no contact but knowing that he misses me makes me want to talk to him!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TrueSmiles12 Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 wow. i would kill for my ex-bf to come and tell me that he misses me. congrats confusingdays! but i would DEF. stay strong and prove strong. let him keep coming to you, as previously stated. you were able to stay patient just for him to crack and break no contact with that, you can definitely stay patient and see where this kind of contact may be headed... as for myself, after no contact with him for about 2 weeks, he texted me this saturday night, "haaaaa." what does that even mean?!!! because i like to overanalyze, i thought about it over and over and over again. he cracked first, right? as weird as that contact was, he did it first. but what does it mean? he was obviously wasted, he sent it at 2am. he had gone away for the weekend to celebrate his friend's 21st and the last contact he had with me was that text that called me insane. i mean i was like relieved in a sense that he hadn't deleted me from his phone or his life, that something made him think about me to text me.. but what's up with the ha? should i just wait it out a little more?? i mean it's still so weird to see him everyday and pretend we don't know each other. you could tell it's weird. everyone around us (our mutual friends) can tell it's weird. and everything seems more and more like he's officially getting over me, that he doesn't even think about me anymore AT ALL. he recently stopped wearing a bracelet i had given him, as a friendship kinda bracelet - he was wearing it 2 weeks ago, but now, all of a sudden, he just stopped. and his aim profile for the longest time had up the infamous line from pulp fiction: "uncomfortable silences. why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bull**** in order to be comfortable? thats when u know u found somebody special. when u can just shut the f*k up for a minute and comfortably share silence." he also had that up in the summer after we had broken up... and now, that's no longer in his profile.. i mean, am i doing that good of a job showing him that i'm alright with him, that i'm strong in not contacting him anymore? but what if he has forgotten about me now?! do u think so? Link to post Share on other sites
sweet-oooh Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 COFUSINGDAYS, you just have to keep going as you are for the moment, he came to you, i know its hard but he dosnt know what he wants and so nobody can answer your questions, only him, when hes ready, but you are doing really well, and youre obviously getting some self respect back by not calling/texting him. keep it up, you sound a bit happier! TRUESMILES, ignore his insults, yes youre right, you are on his mind for him to text you, no i dont think you should contact him at all, just to make yourself feel like crap when he insults you. confusingdays sooo didnt wanna do no contact lol, but she persevered and it is slowly paying off, and i can tell that she is feeling so much better now. Just try to be patient, what will be will be, and good things come to those....... abd all that stuff! people have been saying that for years lol so must be some truth right?? Link to post Share on other sites
TrueSmiles12 Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 insults. ah-ha! u really think that's what the ha means? great. why do u think he's being this way? why so incredibly mean? insulting? i didn't do anything to him, we didn't have a falling out. he just doesn't know what he wants, so he ended it AGAIN. so why is he being mean to ME? and it seems as if he's forcing himself to not have feelings for me, forcing himself to ignore me, forcing himself to avoid contact... but do u think he's forgotten about me for good? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Originally posted by sweet-oooh We three have identical boyfriends! Hmmmm, this bears a scary similarity to ReluctantJuliette And I experienced most of the same thoughts and feelings as Confusingdays. Watch out though.... the story does not have to have a happy ending. Bear in mind Lucrezia's post about having someone fall out of love with you. No Contact may just ease the transition. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 i caved last night and talked to him online... it was all fine and friendly......the one thing that annoyed me is that he made some comment like he remembers when afriend of his broke up with her boyfriend and how they stayed close and talked after and he thought it was so nice cuz they both knew they had someone out there who knew them so well and who they could always count on.....and then he's like and i k now i have you out there... i got annoyed cause it made it seem like 1) im just this person to go to when he has a problem, but he doesntw ant to be wtih me 2) this same rule doesnt seem to apply in reverse since i can only go to him when he is in the mood to talk or talk about things he thinks are ok to talk about - like if i'm upset about anything with him or us i cant talk to him about it....yet he can tell me on sunday that he misses me..... i got really annoyed at him for his comment - and then he got annoyed back. he said he was trying to be nice. i was also annoyed cause the person in the example is this female friend of his that i'm not a big fan of and that gives him advice on us and i know he talks to her about our break-up and we had fighrts over their friendship during our relationship cuz he'd sometimes tell her stuff i didnt think he sohuld - in some cases i probably overreacted...point is i was annoyed he broght her up as the example. i then apologized for overreacing to his comment, but said i just dont like how it doesnt work in reverse. he then said he had to walk home from the library so he was signing off - i said, ok - if we each have someone out there, can you call me on way home to say hi - since we havent spoken on phone in over a week - he said, no i'm tired nad it is too cold. i said dont make an excuse just say you dont want to. he says, i do but i dont think it is a good idea. he's like i'im afraid this would happen if we started talking again...and then started saying how i use his niceness against him to always get more. he's like fine i wont tell u i miss u if this is what you are going to do and you are going to want to start talking more. i said i'm not using his niceness against him, but that it is just frustrating. i told him that he obviously takes me for granted cause he hasnt been there for me, but says he knows HE has someone out there to always go to and expects me to be there for him when he misses me. just spoke with him online again - making sure he wasnt still annoyed/angry from last night - but everything seems chatty and fine. i said sorry for asking him to call - it was dumb. ughhhhh............advice? help? Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Thats why - no contact. This si what they want..this is where i had the hardest time explaining to my ex... He cannot have me in his life..caring and calling and talking closely coz of our history. He can do that with sum new girl attracted to him. But with an ex, you cant eat the cake and have it too. it took me 3 months to explain that i could not be his friend. I could not be close to him. In that I had to be rude at times, I had to give in at times. It was very difficult balance to have. But then i realized...I dont want to be someones security blanket. I dont want to be someones backup. i need to let go of it completely or else he will never realize what he missed out on. Its hard..but dont get into that game. He broke the bond..and its over.. He misses u..but not enough for you to be his girl again...so Move on! Link to post Share on other sites
sweet-oooh Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Dont beat yourself up confusingdays. So u caved, hey it happens. But you see how much better it is now when you take it at his pace?? i know sometimes its just sooo unfair that we have to do it the way they want. Go back to what you doing before, let him initiate contact with you again, and if you feel like youre starting to get pissed off with the conversation, like you did last time, and its winding you up. dont snap, just make an excuse and sign out. The last thing you wanna do is argue right? I dont think hes being very fair here, cos you need your space too, you dont contact him for a couple of days, and all of a sudden he wants to piss you off!! He knows what pisses you off right?? Its not just about what he needs, you need space too. give yourself a break, even if that means blocking him for a couple of days x Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 1) im just this person to go to when he has a problem, but he doesntw ant to be wtih me 2) this same rule doesnt seem to apply in reverse since i can only go to him when he is in the mood to talk or talk about things he thinks are ok to talk about He is allowing you to be "friends" but you'll lose even that if you expect it to be an actual mutual friendship, much less a relationship. This is all he wants from you. If you try to do anything outside of this, or expect him to reciprocate in any way he'll back away from you until you start doing things his way again. If you continue to push it, he'll turn mean on you and will cut you off completely. He's only agreeing to keep talking to you in the event that you don't try to get back together. Nothing you do or say will change this. This arrangement works for him, he doesn't care if it works for you, and he will continue to allow you to keep talking to him as long as you let it keep going exactly the way it is. There is only one way you will see a change: solid, firm, 'no contact'. It might not be a change that you like though. Will you lose him? Thats up to him to decide once that 'no contact' starts. He may very well choose to be done with this once and for all. You'll have to let him know that you can't continue doing this and let him know that you need 'no contact' time. That means NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER. If you go the 'no contact' route, it will hurt but at least you will have a chance to put your heart back together again. You need time to get your heart back together and as long as you are allowing yourself to stay in this state of inertia you will continue to know nothing but heartbreak and pain with this one sided relationship. If you keep caving in with this 'no contact' all you will accomplish is that he will know that you aren't really serious about standing up for yourself and he will continue to do this to you for as long as you let him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 i would rather have him in my life on his terms than not at all... we've known each other fro almost 4 years and been together for 2. i've never been as close to anyone in my life as him. i dont want to shut him out completely and i dont want him to shut me out. but you are right that i should stop initiating contact wtih him. i need to act more like i dont care/want to tlak to him and only talk when he initiates....thing with that is that it is ALWAYS on his terms then. ughhhh. i'm just happy that in like a week he's going away overseas for vacation - then he'll be out of my mind more. it is such a delicate balance. maybe next time he contacts me i wont respond. also, this weekend i'm gong out of town - and he doesnt know this - so i'm sure he'l wonder where i am and i dont plan on telling him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 my friends are telling me just to stop talking to him. they say there is no point to be friends right now. but isnt caring about someone a lot reason enough to keep them in your life as a friend? i mean, i know that if anything was seriously wrong, he is first person i'd turn to and i know the same is true if something was seriously wrong in his life. i dont think a breakup necessarily changes the bond you have completely - the caring and friendship are still there - even if you force them to go away cause you are no longer together. i know he'll miss me more if i just disappear and stop talking. so even if i do that in a week or so he calls/ims, we get into same pattern of talking and the cycle just repeats. i dont know what to do at this point. my goal (other than him not hating me/shutting me out/etc) is to see him at least once by mid-june (most likely in june when he is done with classes and before he goes away for the summer). if this is my ultimate goal, what is the best course of action? he is probably studying abroad for the summer and i really want him to want to see me before he goes. in the past, wheenver we've fought or ANYTHING, when we see each other he always feel so badly for being mean and says how much he's missed me and even cries sometimes. right now it is march (almost mid-march) - so i just need to make it to june without him forgetting, moving on, etc.........i expect him to date others and hook up and be single, but if he doesnt seriously date anyone/have a new gf, i know i'll still want to see him in june (even if i'm dating someone) - - i iknow that even if i met soemone tomorrow - what we would have in a couple of months could not overpower a 2 year relationship. maybe it is bad to think like this, but i'm just being realistic that i know i'll want to see him in june. (there are probably only three conditions that would change this: 1) he has a serious girlfriend 2) he sleeps with someone else 3) he hooks-up with his close female friend (cause evn if it is was causal, it takes on deeper meaning since she is a close friend). those are three things that would piss me off to make me not want to see him in june. otherwise, i know i would. advice on how to handle the next couple of months to make him want to see me in june before he goes abroad for the summer? Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 why go by his terms? Live Life on your terms or you'll never be happy.. I was with my bf for 5 years..knowing him 6.5 years.. i was very sunmissive.. even now he thinks he cn **** around n get bck with me.. but one day i realized..ITS ABOUT ME...ITS NOT ABOUT HIM! ITS ABOUT ME! I AM ABOUT ME..I NEED TO BE FAIR TO MYSELF Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 so emotionsmessmeup are you not talkign to him? are you on speaking terms? when was lsat time you saw him? would u still get backtogether? has he said anything like he misses you or has he been rude (my ex has done both).. more on your situation..... Link to post Share on other sites
sweet-oooh Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 emotionsmessmeup, you give fantastic advice! confusingdays, nobody can tell you how to get through this til june, you know what you have to do. Just be careful not to get walked over, like i said, you need space and time to heal too, its not about him, YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 did u see what happened..i have a thread there.. did u see what happens.... i was called a phycho..i was threatened.. do u know why..coz some girl whom he probably met at a party gave him a phone call last night.. thats why..... heart break /broken relationships are like a mirror....better to leave them broken than to mend them..! I am moving on..in a couple of weeks..i will change my phone number! he has already blocked me..i have already blocked him... so. no question of iming... i will go to india..find a rich classy guy..and get married to him next year... hey if u cant marry for love..marry for the money! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 i'm going to try really hard to go back into NC and not talk unless he talks. we've been chatting onilne last two days though without any major bad things happening - but you are right that he cannot miss me if i'm just here talking to him. i just miss him so much. and i hate playing thse dumb games - cuase that is what they are: GAMES. i just wish we could cut through all the bull**** and just know exactly what the deal is. sometimes i think h'ell never want me back and other times i think it is just a matter of time and he'll change his mind. so frustrating. how is everyone else's situatoin going? you are right though - that is this about me, but it is also about him because last time i was so good about NC, he was the one that contacted me to say he missed me. so if he does this again, what do i do? i dont want to ignore him/be rude. i dont want to stoop to his level jsut cause he sometimes acts like an ass to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 there is nothing worse than the whole blocking game. so immature and dumb if you ask me, but we all resort to it when things are really bad. the thing is that in my case i know he misses me and still loves me - he's told me so. so what do i do with that? shut out someone who i know still cares about me even if right now he doesnt want to be with me. he always says the door is not shut on future. i know i shouldnt wait, but it isnt like he says we are over for good... isnt it worth holding someone in your heart/life if it there is a chance it could work...i'd say if i had to put odds it is 60/40 he'll decide he wants to give this another shot at some point in future..... Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 when i was following NC and my ex contacted em and said i miss u... i said..yes i miss u too....i spent 5 yrs with u its the least cud do..so..how does it matter? u dont get it do u..no contact is not a game.. no contact is a way for u to get him out of ur life so u can move on.. u can stay there try to msg him ..fight etc. etc... but no contact is better...it has less headaches..and once u are used to it..its easy.. its not a game to get ur ex back.. its a way for u to move on. its sumthing u do for urself. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet-oooh Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 yes, thats what i was saying too, no contact does get easier, very quickly and it makes us feel so much damn better! Ya know what confusingdays? You might even find that if he eventually does wanna come back in who knows, 6mths, 5yrs< you might just find that ya dont want him! you cant let him make choices about your future. And youre young! You need to experience different things too, the same as he does, go and have fun, what will be will be x Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 i hope you are right that if he comes back i may not want him, but deep down i think i will. we are both each other's first and only true love. i think that is always something special to both parties, esp when it is the same for both of you. it is so bad cause i keep hope stored in me and i just want to get rid of it. but i'm going to try to renew no contact for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 there will be a time when u have had enough Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 i guess there could be a tiem when i've had enough, but he seems to be done begin mean... and even when he is rude -he always apologizes and doesnst seem to really mean it - just gets frustrated and angry i think about his own internal confusion. i mean confusion should not be mistaken for him treating me poorly. it is possible for him to love me and need a break. Link to post Share on other sites
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