Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 he is 21.....he might not know if i'm the one for him....although throughout the relationship he tought i ws....early on in our relationship , i went through simliar thing relating to being in committed relationsihp with him...i was older and wasnt sure of whether or not i wanted to be in serious long dist relationship with him, etc....point is - people get confused for different reasons. i know plenty of people who breka up only to become engaged/married later onn...not saying this will happen, but the point is that obviously in those cases the person had to end things and risk losing the love of their life to make sure it was everything they thought it was...see what i'm saying? iknow people who havev broken up for really long periods of time (with NC, talking, on and off) and some get back togehter and some don't....but in the cases where they do, obviosuly somebody had doubts for some reason adn the break helped clear it up - even if painful. i wish i just knew there was no chance of this working - cuase i still foster hope that there is..if i meet someone else wonderufl tomorrow, so be it....but i cant just shut of fmy love for him (that also doesnt mean i'd take him back in a second) - i'd def need some time to ake sure he was sure.... i think he's going to need a lot of space and time if he is going to realize he wants me for real. i dont think he'll find anyone he loves more or who loves him as much as i do or who sharese what we did (that isnt possible cause we were each other's first real loves, etc)...i'm sure he'll date others and he's alreayd kissed others, but i'm not that conceredn about that....it is just a matter of how long til i give up all hope of this ever working again Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 also it is really weird that you posted "which man lets the love of his life get away" - because earlier today when we were messaging, i caved and told him he's the love of my life....not that this is anythign new as we've said this to each othe rbefore when we were together...but i know i shoudl thave said it....i was like, i know you'll realize that thinking i was the love of your life was true after you go through what you need to.....i told him that if he meets someone else he loves more, so bet it. and if he doesnt and realizes he loves me as much as he thought he did and i'm still in love with him and not in lvoew tih anyone else, love will prevail in the end.... Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by confusingdays12345 also it is really weird that you posted "which man lets the love of his life get away" - because earlier today when we were messaging, i caved and told him he's the love of my life....not that this is anythign new as we've said this to each othe rbefore when we were together...but i know i shoudl thave said it....i was like, i know you'll realize that thinking i was the love of your life was true after you go through what you need to.....i told him that if he meets someone else he loves more, so bet it. and if he doesnt and realizes he loves me as much as he thought he did and i'm still in love with him and not in lvoew tih anyone else, love will prevail in the end.... sighs. i couldnt agree more..... Link to post Share on other sites
DeaconFrost Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Jeez...you are one devoted woman! You stick to your guns and you just don't give up. Well, in that case go get'em if that's what you want. I've tried my best to relay from a male outsider's perspective and I really hope it all works. But please don't bank on it. Nice people don't deserve to be let down. Just keep yourself protected and take care of you sista! He may be the love of your life, but you should be the even greater love of your life I'm shocked your cool with him messing with other chicks too. Like I said...your obviously a passionate and loyal person. I don't like the situation and never will, but its not my call. I still don't see how if he is soo into you how he can just walk away. But, you have a very valid point with the whole getting confused and unsure thing. But, also be aware that if you do get back with him that no matter how much you forgive him and vice versa (if there is anything) that there will always be a crack in your relationship from this incident. You will always have this negative point that will exist in your relationship. You will always have this scar with you. I know this much. Just consider that fully before you make your decision if it ever comes to that point. And yes...a real quality man does know exactlly how to treat his woman and vice versa (there are a lot of snakes out there too!) Well, you know how I feel and you know that I think it is better to start fresh and do it the right way rather than get back into a relationship with stress cracks, but that's just me. Best of luck...let me know if he is in need of an ass whoppin' too. I get bored out here sometimes Take care Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 be a woman and learn to let go when its time to let go. honest truth..he will never realize or admit you are the love of his life! and a woman doesnt take of the man.. a man takes care of the woman... thats how it has always been...always will be..they enjoy doing that... its just a man....how much more miserable could you get over someone else is upto u.. Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 ok- i just read through this and i have a lot of things to say... some are good and some are bad but its advice nonetheless.... Even though you guys are in ur 20's, this appears to be like a highschool romance. Both of you guys dont know what you want so i think the best thing to do is leave him alone, take time off for yourself and get back into the dating scene once again. Your cutting ur life short by always wondering what he's doing, where he's at and who he's with. I highly doubt he's wondering all that about you all the time. He wants his freedom, give him that!!! Let him play around, he'll realize that its you he wants, but in order for him to do that leave him alone! *Absense makes the heart grow fonder* I live by these words and it does work. You gotta go out with your girls, go to bars, clubs whatever- just have fun so ur mind is not on him girl! You never know, you can be swept off your feet by some other guy and never seen it coming! This does happen, but you have to give it a chance. Life's too short to be worrying about petty things like this in relationships. You got to accept it for what it is and move on. I would write him a BRIEF email/letter. Explain to him that he has the key to your heart and stuff like that but mention that YOU think its best that you guys take a break for the time being. This means VERY LITTLE contact. Dont call him about how is day was, dont email, text NOTHING. This will show him that you have better things to do and this is like playing hard to get in a way. OVER TIME, he will wonder what youve been up to so he will call. Dont answer it the first few times. Eventually get back to him telling him you've been really busy with friends, etc. This will make him wonder what you've been doing. When he asks be brief but without the details. This will have him longing for you. It will not happen right away as soon as you guys take a break but it will if you let it. Please- u gotta do this. Also mention in the LAST email/letter that you really hope in the future whether it be a couple months to a year that you guys end up together. Tell him you need time to sort things out in ur life and get back on track. He will realize your not obbsessed over him (B/c it does appear to me that you are) and will wonder what your up to. This is the thrill of the chase. Have him coming after you for a change! dont go after this guy. If he realizes one day that your ''the one'' he will let you know and come back to you. There is no time frame. If it happens it happens, if it doesnt then it doesnt. Learn and accept it and let go. Your missing out on so much with this emotional drama you have with this relationship. Theres so much out there. Its not the end of the world. you will realize this once you let go....you have to let it happen. theres no point of going back n forth all the time. just take a break, date around, and if its meant to be you will be back together in the future. If it wasnt, then you will be sorry you put in soo much time n effort into this relationship for nothing. i hope this helps but be strong you cant do it.... I did. Link to post Share on other sites
DeaconFrost Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup and a woman doesnt take of the man.. a man takes care of the woman... thats how it has always been...always will be..they enjoy doing that... its just a man....how much more miserable could you get over someone else is upto u.. Well, you sound like you gotta a lot of agnst in you. That is ridiculous to say that a woman doesn't take care of a man. Of course she does...and must. The same reason a man must take care of his woman. You mutually provide for each other. Of course I enjoy taking care of my woman...but you seriously got it wrong if you think it is what I live for. If my partner is not pulling her weight then I'm sure as hell going to say something. That's silly to think that a relationship is skewed like that. I understand your trying to give confusingdays some wisdom (which is valuable), but going about it in the femi-nazi way is not helpful. I am 120% concerned with my girl's feelings and I will go to great lengths, often sacrificing my own feelings, to make her happy. But, if she can't at least return the favor then its time to move on. And if you choose to maintain that stance, then good luck finding a guy who is cool with being your doormat Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 each of you all make good points.....last night i was upset about things and i've been sick with a bad cold, so i resolved that i should just not contact him anymore.....i went to sleep and at one in the morning my phone rings and it is him seeing how im feeling. why is he doing this? he knew i was in bed already, casue my away message said i was....i dont even remember waht we said cause i was half asleep . this morning i oculdnt even remember if he called or not, but i checked my cell and he did -so it wasnt a dream. i think he also said something like his room has so many reminders of me (cause he is home with family for the weekend). why does he still call like this? iknow i should not have picked up but i was half asleep and wondering why he was calling at that hour.. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by confusingdays12345 why does he still call like this? Because he can. You've given him no reason not to. As long as you ignore your own needs, and continue to fulfill his needs he'll no doubt continue to call until he completely loses interest, or finds a new girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 you only list pessimistic outcomes...what if he calls cause he misses me? what if with time he realizes it is me he wants? not saying this will happen, but it seems that is also a potential outcome... he is drivng me crazy Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 we're only listing these outcomes b/c their more than likely going to happen. he knows he can have you whenever he wants b/c your making it that easy. do you have to pick up every time he calls? lets see if you can not pick up the next 5 times he calls. $100 says u cant! anyways.... its all mind over matter. just tell him straight up to lay off with the calling while you get your mind straightend out. take a few weeks off to think is this really worth it? we're all posting to help you but your not listening or helping yourself.. why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 why? because i love him so much....emotions sometimes trump logic. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 emotions sometimes trump logic. They generally do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 on the one hand, i want to be able to shut him out so badly (but for the wrong reasons...to make him miss me/want me back) - on the other hand, the more we keep talking, i still get to hear him say that he loves me, misses me, etc....and know that he is thikning baout me..... i understand he wants space and time because he's young and wants to expiernce being single. he isnt intentionally trying to hurt me, but he is trying to be honest aobut what he is going through.... by shutting him otu completely, i risk pissing him off and thinking i'm no longer there and that gives him greater incentive to move on to new relationship, no? right now, i'm his relationshp and where his loyalties are...i'm still the phone call he'd make if something were wrong or if he needes someone to turn to....i dont want to lose that..he's my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 confusing, you remind me of myself so much in this aspect. try not to yo yo. or second guess yourself. all you are doing is TRYING. geez this guy IS so young. holding him down or ignoring every call to you isnt going to give you the answers you need to find out. there is no "just add water" remedy. the best you can do IF you want to know you did ALL you could is to just NOT call him, sometimes DONT answer his calls. but keep contact once in a while and live your life in the meantime. ending contact is not nessarily the answer, i dont think. (by ignoring all his calls) he will just get ticked off. i have done that. you can do it over a short period of time but too long just makes them give up on you too. you have lots of friends here. no matter the advise we all support you and want to see you happy. is he selfish? probably a little. but he could be actively seeing you and playing you too and be really selfish. thank goodness hes up front with that much. is he the good guy here ? doubtfully. is he all that bad? doubtful too. can you be friends ? hopefully. just dont knock yourself out trying. give as much as you can to the commitment of not seeking him out and talk to him once in a while when he calls to keep the contact up in that aspect but always, always keep busy and make yourself feel as good as possible and have fun. go to a movie..anything to get your mind time out. helps you cope and before you know it. youre not living a lie anymore you stop needing and missing him so much. it becomes more tolerable. good luck. you seem like such a good decent person. it he doesnt "get that" someday. his loss. love is "risky busness" right deacon? who is it that who always quotes sometimes you just have to say what the **(^&&? i think its deacon lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 I just did it...I told hiim he is tormenting me with his back and forth, hot and cold....telling me he loves me and misses me, but doesnt want to be with me and being with other girls for fun.... i was like, why did you call me last night at 1 am? he said to see how you were feeling..sorry if you read too much into it. i say i wont be here and be his crutch while he tries to experience other things/girls. so that he can drop me when he meets someone better. he says, dont say all this and call me. i say i wont. i told him not to call me unless he wants to see me or talk about getting back together. i told him that he needs to get out of my life right now and leave me alone. i told him that i love him but i cant deal with him anymore. he said ok. and that was that. i feel like this is it. i know i should feel good that i did this, but i feel worse. i feel like now he's going to just go and do whatever he wants because he feels like we are totally out of each other's lives. before at least he still called and said he loved me...now he wont do that anymore.... i dont even know if i'll be able to stick to this...help. what do i do? was this right of me to say? he told me he loves me, but isnt in love with me right now. that he doesnt want to be in a relationship -wants to be single, etc....but that if someone came along and he though it worthwhile to be in a relationship, he might be. i told hi all he does is lie to mea nd torment me to string me along in case he doesnt meet anyone better and i'm sick of it. i'm so scared i'm going to lose him forever and i dont want to.. Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 confusing, i do hate that youre going thru this. its torturous one way or the other. i went thru the same exact thing in a situation and i folded and said the same things to him. unfortunately he just stayed away from me further and acted like why are you feeling all like this? what did i do to you? ug. i couldn't believe how totally clueless he was. that's why i say be up front tell him youre going to only TRY to be your friend. say, you may not be able to. especially if its going to be all one sided. tell him "you have to cut me slack if i have bad days here". but the person i am taking about was just so into this own thing and his purpose. i was so afraid to say anything to him in fear i might say the wrong thing. it got to the point where i didn't pick up the phone only because i got sick of saying the wrong things and didnt want to mess up further. he thought I then cut it off completely. (and that didnt help too much either) then he would still call once in a while and then when he was semi nice/warm and i would explode from the build up of the unfairness of it all. and pondering all the time so then i looked like the bad guy. it was a nightmare!!!!!! and blow it. i used to feel like "why did this have to change?". we were pretty good together b4 this. but apparently he wanted more. wasn't happy or didn't think i was. but i was happy prior. but i don't think i showed him b4 , not enuff. anyway i lost him. i couldn't be strong, enuff and maybe i would have lost him anyway. that's why i am asking you to be strong. when we tell them off we are in this awful losing battle. they run more. you cant kiss their butts either. but if you're nice one minute and then act different the next call, they think YOU are the one betraying them. its a catch 22 and it stinks. so the only 2 things you can probably do (unless someone else here knows another) is to either get rid of him altogether, or wait it out but try hard to be consistent and let him know up front, there will be times you wont be all happy with him. because this IS confusing to you. i think if i did do things differently (because i didn't tell him that up front) and i was nice but kept busy and ignored his advances but was still basically supportive i would have been with him today. dont know this for sure. but when i folded...it went down hill. maybe because he was so far removed from me it was going downhill no matter what. so i think its actually good to see the person in person again too if that's possible. but if you cant be strong or deal with the possible future consequences of seeing him in person and it not working out maybe, then DONT see him in person. sometimes when a person makes up their minds there is no influencing change. period. i thought if he saw me in person, he would have maybe understood what he was putting me thru. who knows. anyone's guess. maybe i am wrong. all i know is that i didn't try hard enough to wait it out and i lost him. he's engaged now. maybe God was trying to protect me from him who knows. but looking back i sometimes wish i ended the geographical distance between us and got with him. then again if he wasn't that into me after all those years, i could have tried to please him 1,000 times over and to no avail. i hope i am not making this even more confusing for you. i should post here . i am still in healing stages myself . i am glad i tired as much as i tried though or i would be in even worse shape today. thank goodness you're still young and that is on your side. i keep thinking this guy was the best but in truth maybe i wasn't so bad afterall and he wasn't so great. i am still pining but learning to live with the way i handled it because i cant go back in time and maybe i could have stood on my head and would be in the same place today. but its good to know you tried 100% in something. its good to know you did all you could do within reason. but dont get sick trying. if that happens move on 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 i'm seriously so upset over here. i dont know what to do. i felt so terrible for shutting him out that i called to apolgoize and say that it isnt that i dont want to talk at all, but i can't deal with his hot and cold emotions wher ei feel like he is using me. i got a postcard from when he was away. so i thanked him online for postcard. and we chatted and i said i'm sorry for flipping out but that i feel like he's been really unfair and i've tried so hard to be understanding and be his friend, but that he's been taking advantage of me. i said i'm fine being friends with him, but he hasnt treated me like a freidn - saying he misses me and loves me and giving me mixed messages. so he agreed and said we need space. and i dont think he hates me cause he hasnt said anything against me or anything like that. i did make a mistake though and ask him if he'd tell me if he were invovled in a serious relationship...he said he doesnt know..what would be the point. i said i just think i'd rather know than not know....he said he'll think about it if the time comes. i know deep down he loves me, as he's said over and over since we broke up that he does....but i dont get how he can turn his emotions on and off so easily - like nothing bothers him.... we;ve said we were done talking to each other so many times already, but i think this time is for real for some reason....i dont know why...i just do.... i cannot contact him anymore. this has been going on for two months since we broke up so i need to try something new. but the idea of being totally done talking to him is really scary......and upsetting...he's my best friend...and i know even though he says he's fine with it, he's sai dthat before and still has ended up contacting me after some time passes..... any thoughts?? Link to post Share on other sites
DeaconFrost Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Why would you apologize for telling him how he makes you feel? That's not flipping out....that's called honest communication. Even when your pissed and hurt your still kissing his ass. And honestly, what does it matter anymore if "deep down inside" he still loves you? This theorized love is tucked away and not coming to the surface FOR A REASON! Your not going to convince him that this love exists or that it should come to the surface. The details don't matter anymore. It doesn't matter anymore why he is doing this, why he sends you mixed signals (in your mind...we tend to overemphasize and slant information when we are searching for an answer or connection) or simply why things are the way they are. Its out of your control and that's just the way it is. The decision is made. Now you HAVE to live with it. Honestly, you gotta stop holding on to this relationship. Accept that it is over and move on. The only reason that this misery is continuing and has lasted as long as it has is because YOU allow it to continue. The minute that you realize that you gotta take care of you and that he is not going to be in your life anymore is the day you make the first step towards progress, the first step towards happiness, and the first step towards finding someone else who will turly want to be with you. Forget this shmuck, understand what's done is done, and start healing as oppossed to opening the wound even more. I know it is a hell of a lot easier said than done, but start that journey today! The moment you finish reading this post, get your butt in gear and never look back. Whether you realize it now or not, today is a good day. Its the end of all the pain and the beginning of a new life. Be thankful you are ending it now as oppossed to 10 years from now. No one wants to fight over who gets to keep the furniture and what days you get to see the kids. Sorry to be so stern, but you gotta hear the grim reality. Now take a deep breath, relax, and take a look around yourself. Oh! And one more thing......................smile Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Tonia2 Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Great post Deacon, couldn't agree with you more. Link to post Share on other sites
snoop_dawg22 Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 I refuse to post any more advice for confusingdays... why? B/C she is so in love with this guy that I think it will take her hurting herself for her to realize. You need to stand your ground and be strong. And when you do... don't call him back and say sorry. God. That's why he said if you say this then don't call me. And why would you want to know if he's in a relationship or not? Will that help you move on.... really? I think that you are wasting time and messing up your healing process. And that's all I have to say! Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 AMEN DEACON & SNOOP!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 i've been NC since sunday night (brief chat online) - it is soooo hard.....so i just keep waiting? what if he messages me online or calls? then what? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 i would continue NC on your end. IF he calls you, i would be VERY BRIEF, CASUAL. DONT talk about you guys (the 2 of you). sound sincere and say, I am so sorry i have to run now (stop him in the middle of what he as to say) and say "call back another time, i have someone at my door" or "I am on another line, or was just about to jump in the shower" WHATEVER. you can say .."take care". "good to hear from you" afterwards and then HANG up FAST!!!!!!!!!! make it sound like youre busy, happy, preoccupied , with no thought of him. THEN really go out or get busy. REALLY throw yourself into anything that will get your mind off him (anything within reason ) i personally think even if the jerk isnt interested in you, he will see you are doing your own things and not so interested in him either. it MAY turn the tides. BUT you cant make it get ugly and let him detect your anger or concern. you need to seem completely disconcerned. almost disconnected. it takes being extra strong. faking it till you make it, if you cant go cold turkey. i hate games but sometimes, you have to find another avenue when you are dealing with people who dont get "the big picture" and think that just because they are all happy with the new separation, you should be all happy too or all preoocupied with just their feelings. but since you are temporarily at the mercy of feelings that still linger for him, and you cant go cold turkey because you want to leave a door open just incase he wants to come back someday (i know that feeling ..been there done that) then, the next best thing is to get busy and be indifferent/mentally and innocently distant when he calls, or emails. make emails short, uneventful, unemotional and left with self respect. and DONT WORRY HOW HE WILL REACT. time to be MUCH stronger than him. even more stubborn. stay cool, dont show him he bothers you. and say look, i am just living my life. talk to you again sometime. lol and DONT call. i hate that you are going thru this pain. i identify all to well and wish i had done it this way to begin with. the first thing i should have done was 100 %consistant dont let him make me break emtionally. 2 -- this move. 3. then break the friendship off with HIM..if that all didnt work. instead, i got mad, i got emotional, i cried, i wrote emails i tried to talk. i was all over the freaking place with my feeling because he didnt explain anything to me and kept things a mystery until he was set up and over me. he was a cold uncaring person when it came to MY feeling. it was all about him and how he wanted to end it. take control of YOU. and God willing if and when he matures maybe he will come back and you will want him. and if not God willing you will find someone who will appreciate you even as a real friend who makes friendhip a 2 way street and is not all paranoid fearing they think you want more than friendship. you seem (like myself) like you were really willing to try to be there for him as a friend, dispite the fact that you yearned for more. you put him first. same here. you didnt want to throw it all away. just in case and even if NOT you hoped you wouldnt lose your best friend. but his own paranoia makes it impossible for him to give in some. he thinks oh no i cant let her get in my space and get to close she might marry me ahhhhhhhhh. paranoid. these kinds of people are rediculous. they are so afraid to try to really be friends on any level. except one way. its all about time for me to see what i want regarless of how i can still love and support someone who was always a dear friend to me too. some of us can be real firends. even if just a civil freaking hi and goodbye. but the paranoid guy doesnt get it. some girls feel this way too if a guy hopes to at least be some kind of a civil friend. but its all about me me me me me me me. LOL sheesh i am so fed up with that attitude. anyway good luck again. how happy is the blameless vestals lot the world forgetting by the world forgot eternal sunshine of the spotless mind each pray'r accepted and each wish resign'd. ~alexander pope~ nice how easily they can forget-- sure must be great to have a spotless mind. no memory to feel with-no heart to remind you. iwishiknewthen what a cold/self serving/sneaky untrustworthy person you truly were and still are........... but i remember the good too. because i dont have eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusingdays12345 Posted April 18, 2005 Author Share Posted April 18, 2005 haven't posted in a while cause things were basically status quo....we are still talking...quite a bit...spoke a lot this past week on the phone (initiated by both of us). the turn of events is that we are seeing each other in a few weeks......we both miss each other ad want to see each other....i know we arent getting back together -but i also know we still love each other. he has been 100% honest with me about everything (i know he's hooked up with some girls - none of whom he is dating or likes) - more just going out to have fun, etc....he is younger than me (21) and feels like he never had chance to do any of this cause he's been with me over past two years......so while i feel like i'm sitting here putting up with this crap - i also know he does love me and is really confused and isnt ready for the level of relationship it was getting to...he has one more year of school.....so, in a few weeks, we are going to see each other for the weekend....he seems really excited and he's been really sweet the past week.... i want him back so badly though...........he knows how much i love him.....the interesting thing is that the dynamic of our relationship in the beginning was the complete reverse of what it is now.....he was so in love with me for soooo long before i'd commit to the relationship cause i said in the beginning iw asnt sure i wanted serious reslationship with him cause of age and distance and i remember how confused i felt....and he kept saying he lovd me and waited it out and saw me when i wanted to see him....and eventually my confusion went away and i wanted him (when i realized he wasnt going to wait and wait and wait.....). so, now i sit here not knowing what to do.....i want to see him soooo badly. i also want him to miss me....but i know he always doubts himself when he is with me and he cries when i leave and misses me so much when i leave.....so i feel like seeing him works to bring back everythign for him..... so, i know it is dumb of me to see him, but i also know i want to more than anythign and dont think ill change mind....but i do want some advice on how to act because if i'm going to be fully honest when i see him - it will be me saying how in love with him i am still, etc, etc...wanting this to work in future even if he needs time to be single and play the field, etc......and that deep down i'll be waiting, but i'll also have to try to move on, date others, etc.....or, i can act like i'm just there for a fun weekend and leave out all the emotional stuff... help!!!! i'm not going for another three weeks, but the advice will also apply to the next couple off weeks when we talk.......i had been keeping my cool for a while, but tonight on phone he was being so sweet and i just lost it and started crying....saying i'm sorry but i couldnt hold it in - i just miss him so much and love him more than anything. he says he lvoes me too - but it clearly isnt upsetting him like it is me....cause he is "happy with the choice he's made" and this is what he wants right now. he's never been able to go out in college and do the whole meet random girls thing, etc - cause he's always had me....he says he likes the fun of it - but doesnt want a relationship - just wants to have his fun... help... Link to post Share on other sites
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