current no contact, but i want him back....

[Stringfellow]

You dont listen well, you have been told by many to let this man go and move on, yet you want to keep yourself in misery. You can be in this situation for along time, or you can say I deserve to be treated better with more respect, the choice is now yours. Yes you love him, yes you miss him, but do you deserve to be treated like he is treating you????

[xymox]

[color=#ff00ff]

You should see my post. I am going through something similar. My ex needs space from me too. At first I was just like you, I kept calling or texting and it was making things worse. I couldn't see it at the time but now I do. He would either not answer the phone or just be mean to me. I finally went 6 days of no contact and he was the one who ended up texting me to see if i'm doing ok because the last time I had talked to him I was really depressed. I let him know I am doing alot better and I tried keeping things casual. We're still not together but I still have hope. I am doing no contact now again and I really am leaving it up to him to contact me if he wants to. You really need to do the same thing. I know how hard it is trust me, I still have times where I miss him so bad and I see things that remind me of him or times we had. What really stops me though is the fact that I know it will push him away because he wants space so if you contstantly talk to him you are not giving him what he wants.

[/color]

[IfiKnewThen]

Hi confusingdays:

Have been away awhile. How are you doing? Sadly, I am thinking he might be trying to let you down gently, by saying he's only having fun, and will more than likely want you in the "future." HOWEVER, i am a believer in thinking that sometimes we don't know what we have till we see the grass isn't greener on the other side all the time. and since that is the case, for a lot of us, he may just need to see that other girls out there may not be for him as much as you are. he could turn around and say..he wants you again. one never knows. act confident like of course he should pick you. i do feel if you act confident and stay away from him and only accept contact from him (don't initiate it) then maybe it might turn around and he might want you and only you again. no one knows. but be patient and live life as best as you can in the meantime, and please don't ever be the one to call or contact him . OK? let him call you. hopefully maybe that can turn it around in time. but by not chasing him and building up your confidence. i know he shot it down with recent rejection but you can build it up again, independant of him. also, i have to tell you that i was downright obsessive in thought when it came to missing the one i love. i recently got away and it helped me a lot to get my mind on something else for awhile. our brains need a vacation, from the trauma of losing someone who we held dear to our hearts for so long. but it does the heart good when the mind takes a break for a bit. please try it. not the answer, but surely a reprieve from suffering so much. remember try not to call him AT ALL. let him seek you out.

[DeaconFrost]

Geez, you are totally living in a world of denial aren't you? You keep ignoring what the majority of people are telling you and you keep hurting yourself because of it. Wake Up! It's over...it's time to move on. Stop burining yourself. Otherwise your going to turn out like a bitter a** woman who blames men for all her problems. Do you really want that? Stop making excuses. This relationship is over and stale. He's not coming back...why should he? He's playing with other girls and there is probably a lot that he is not telling you. He's moved on. Now its your turn

[confusingdays12345]

without going into details.....everything is ruined.....we were on ok terms, but finally we reached breaking point and now he wont talkt o me.....yesterday he was so mean, doesnt want to deal with me, hates me so much, wants nothing to do with me, etc....

 

short version of story: we decide to see each other next month, i book flight/hotel, i find out he had sex with someone else, he denies and says it was "hardly sex" - and explains why this was the case - he also admits he has crush on one of his female friends....i lose it and say how did you let me book ticket and not tell me all this...i get BEYOND upset. he cant believe how i'm upest i am and doesnt think he did anything worng.....

 

so, trip is off...i'm miserable and now he wants NOTHING to do wtih me cause he said i flipped out.....and he thought i was fine with how things were (namely, him doing what he wants with people and stringing me along in his life).

 

so, i got revenge cause i was pissed and messaged the girl he had been fooling around with telling her that he was also fooling around with other people (which he wsa, but she didnt know)...she thanked me, but he was pissed. i also told his best friend's ex that this best friend was cheating on her (she had asked me so many times in past few months and i lied to be loyal to my ex and his best friend)

 

so, he told me i crossed line, hates me, would never be with me again and never wants to have anything to do with me...

 

i emailed an apology that was really sincere - saying i'm sorry but i was sooo angry. he wrote back that he forgives me and that we should not talk for a long time.

 

ughhhh...is this fixable? i had been sooooe xcited to see him and now our trip is off and he has blocked me online and WILL not talk to me. i'm seriously convinced this did it and he despises me nwo...

 

help

[DeaconFrost]

What in God's name is ther left to help with? Re-read your post. You just spelled it all out to us. Of course it is not fixable. It wasn't in the first place. We all told you what was going to happen. And now it really has happened. I really do WISH I could have prevented you from dealing with this, but reality is sometimes the wake-up call that we all need. F**k this idiot...

 

I'm sorry, but I relinquish all of my assitance. I could read this guy 800 miles away. I knew it was coming. I'm soooo sorry you had to deal with this, but next time listen to what people have to say. I wish you the best and I feel bad for you, but what did you really expect? At least now you know. Good luck to you....I can't bring myself to offer anymore advice other than this last piece...

 

God directs us in the direction we are meant to be. This was not the relationship you were meant to be in. Stricken him from memory and begin life as a new you. You now have an excuse to be better off without him...Take care.

[iwishiknewthen]

hi

 

all of the advise you got was good. BUT i REALLYYYYYYYYYYY understand how it is to love someone so much and want to fix it. its ok not to give up hope from the start because sometimes there reallys "IS" hope. we dont know till we try. i think you did try BUT you kept getting off track because like you once said emotions trump logic. but that was why it was sooooo soooo important to keep a cool head, NOT contact him, and live while you wait. if you did that maybe it still would have back fired, but i personally think you would had had a better chance. my feeling always has been that he didnt NOT want you, its just that he DID want time out to live while he was young. he has always felt like the selfish type to me though. honestly, his reactions to to you deeply reminded me of how someone MUCH older than he is, acted towards me. and even though he was young (your guy), he also had these sort of selfish traits. the only way to deal with someone like that was to raise your standards and say ok while you need time out, i will be moving on. if i am here i am here if not not. goodbye. and that would have shown strength and interest in him but more interest in your own well being. anyway, i have seriously been where you are now. my guy also got mean and remains mean. i never spoke to anyone he knew but he still thinks i crossed lines he didn't want me to cross. but you see, when they are not that interested in us anymore, anything can set them off. and sometimes they even look for things to set them off so they dont feel as guilty about our grieving our the loss of them.

you did all you can do now. you wrote an apology. that was good. dont kiss a.....s now. dont go overboard. it makes them more sadistic towards you. you said your piece, you apologized. now i beg of you to listen to this...............................................................DONT call him DONT email him. dont do anything. disappear for a long time. chances are only then will he seek you out again. the person i went thru this with was in shock when my contact stopped for months and months. he called and sought me out. however i will have to tell you he was already with a new person and got engaged by then. but he called me all choked up and said gave me a small fraction of closure that one fine day. i felt bless by GOd for any human compassion he gave me. honestly today is is still a pric... its like he got a kick out of hurting me. after i got that call from him, i had my guard down again and i ended up calling him and breaking down and crying and he knew he hadnt lost e completely and was a jerk again. love hurts bad when its one way. i am so angry with him today. i dont call him...nothing. all i keep thinking to myself is why couldn't he at least had a once of compassion and been a friend. i would have actually gotten over him i believe so much quicker that way. i would have felt all wasn't in vein, that love prevailed as friends or at least friendly prevailed and i could be at peace with that. i dont think he wanted me to have peace. he was selfish..........selfish..............selfish. maybe someday, this type of person will grow up and and make compassion the greater good someday. but they might be old men by then..................

get out with friends, pray, build your self esteem back up and forgive yourself even if he wont. i hate when people casually say "move on". its not that simple ..and it hurts to hear. but i said take it one day at a time. and just let the days build and build till you distance yourself from the attachment to him and the pain the loss of your life as you knew it together. THAT is all you can do. one day, one step, next day, one step again. BUT DONT DONT DONT CALL EMAIL ETC. AND only talk to friends you CAN trust. dont let an untrustworthy person go back to him and say...you are grieving. dont give him that. he doesn't deserve your most personal grief. he is NOT worth knowing that. good luck. you CAN do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[confusingdays12345]

i know i just feel like i messed up so badly...like there was hope and now i ruined it...or is there always hope? he did email saying he forgave me and to feel better and that i shoudnt contact him til at least end of summer....

 

but he was also brutally mean before that....although he says he still caresa bout me as a person whatever that means...all hope gone? he said he'll never be with me again after all this.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by confusingdays12345

i know i just feel like i messed up so badly...like there was hope and now i ruined it...or is there always hope? he did email saying he forgave me and to feel better and that i shoudnt contact him til at least end of summer....

 

but he was also brutally mean before that....although he says he still caresa bout me as a person whatever that means...all hope gone? he said he'll never be with me again after all this.

 

Actually, you're way into stalker territory already. It sounds like he's trying to be really kind - telling you to feel better and still being willing to talk again after the summer.

 

You did mess up, sorry. Quite badly. All this hanging around and obsession has ensured that he will never come back. To prevent a repeat...

 

... stop contacting him & see a therapist instead!

[ltomlinson81]

You are not getting anywhere by contacting him over and over again! You are pushing him away even more and are making NO progress yourself. Go back and re-read all of your posts. Would you want you around!?!? You need to STOP contacting this guy and get some help. Talk to a counselor. But just stop contacting him! You can get through this, but you HAVE to let him go!!

[IfiKnewThen]

i want to make a bet with you. IFFFFFFF IF he said he forgave you and IF he is now being somewhat nice...then IF you leave it at that and DONT DONT DONT contact him even if that means (and it MUST mean for the entire summer) ...

if you dont call him , talk to him, look at him ...

in his mind this will show him you really do love and respect him from the place that you will do this. (for him, in his mind)

but mostly it will help you and show him

that you love and respect yourself. because you can not subject yourself to anymore. and since you couldnt be the friend he needed (one sided) ****but still thats what HE needed, then you must let him go and let him know you will and can do that. screw it just do it for you and the benefits may be that he notices THAT you were capable of doing something for you, and can respect what is for now.

 

that is very attractive.....

 

so please i know, i know (trust me how much i know) how hard it is to do stay away now, BUT, once you get into the flow of NO contact it brings a little bit more strength.

 

 

and i will bet he will contact you - IF you can prove that you are strong enough. he may also wonder how you have changed (even though i know he is the culprit too hehe) and he probably WILL be curious and want to talk to you to see how you've changed. (even if its in 3 months from now) ..the summer's end ..etc. seriously, i wish i did these things, i am asking you to be strong enough to do. i was impatient and pushed away and i told you , you have to cooperate , even when its unfair sometimes till he will listen to you. he doesnt want to listen now. like you i got all too emotional and its no wonder. after all your heart is broken, you are in shock, you feel betrayed because in the beginning you were trying to understand him and work with him. and it wasnt good enough and you didnt like doing it his self-serving way either. he didnt want a 2-way frienship. I "get" that. so its no wonder why you are not perfect. you have to be effected by all of that. but the catch 22 is you cant show it. you just cant sometimes, not in the beginning not when hes so strong and willing to move on. he getting or gotten over you and i know that really really sux BIGTIME. but to show strength now in the worst of times, is how you can shine brightly. its all you might have left. try to see the no contact as a way of shining..and maybe he will feel the warmth of that shining from the distance. but all he feels is the cold reality that he cant give you what you need and wants what he wants, and you wont allow it. that makes him uncomfortable and he wants to flee. and cant be reasoned into staying. he needed to see action/different behavior on your part, not words to draw him in again. he needs to see a strong person. and i dont care about what he needs . i care about what you need, in the situation. you need hope for tomorrow, to stop feeling pain, to get strong, to be able to move on if you have to ...(things like that) maybe you need him now or his friendhip , i kno but he wont give that to you and sadly you are walking a tightrope. so the best thats left now is ...................no contact all summer long. pray to a higher power in the meantime, and have faith. i am still hurting so much with the loss of my ex it scares me. i cant stand each day. i keep fighting it. i regret things i have done too so i am trying to forewarn you as best as i know how. you need to do something so out of character for you....something that makes him say........hmmmmmm thats not like her. i wonder whats up. i will tell you ..that something to do is.....NOT contacting him again. stay away because it turns on you everytime you contact him. i was supportive of trying to be his friend while you went out and tried to get over him and THEN if he came back to you great. but you were like me in that i couldnt be supportive to him and i felt it was all one sided. BUT i think if i tried harder and was more supportive maybe that would have turned him around. what does support mean...not taking abuse but honoring his wishes even though it was killing me inside. do i think this is right? no i dont. but do i think this is how you have to get them back when they are NOT listening. yes i do. its the first step anyway. that or no contact from the strat. but all you can do and must do now is... stay away. confused i dont want to see you hurt anymore.

 

the ONLY other thing i can offer you or say to you is try to read these books and maybe their suggestions are better or will give you insight. gee i hope i am staring you the right way. i dont pretend to know anything much...just that your feelings for him are kinda at his mercy now in that he wont allow for anything more. he wont give you an inch. all you can do besides what the rest say his (which is move on now...which is good) is to get him to calm down and want to have something to do with you. if yopu keep at him even if youre nice about it. he will run further now..he doesnt trust it. let him trust this much. you wont contact him. that in and of itself will give him trust, of some sort. if you do that, maybe someday you will be able to be heard and cared about for real, and he will be open to listen. he may not. but if you establish distance ...so he can trust you are strong at least, he might talk and listen once more in the FUTURE. but until that time if there is that time, you must and can only do what he asks or he will forever run away.. dont contact him.

some interesting reading and perspectives....

the books:

 

How to Get Your Lover Back-by Blase Harris

(strategies for starting over and making it better thean it was before).

 

my opinion- good tips, great even. if youre in the beginning stages of trying to get him back. this takes superwoman/man to do. you must be strong or forget it. this might work or be practical but only with persistance and strength. and it must be done in the beginning i think . if it could possibly work. and you are kinda past this stage since he doesnt want to go back with you now ...but its worth reading only because the author really has a way of putting in words what people who love someone feel like when they lose someone and sometimes it good to know someone can understand and put into words so well, that feeling. the author really spoke to me thru his words and i felt like he understood how i could want someone back so badly. he lost someone now she is his wife. but he does tend to make it all seem so possible and its the exception not the rule.

 

Youre Not That Into Him Either

(raise your standards reach the love you deserve)

 

my opinion ---ok this book was veryyy interesting. (i still love my ex but this book put SOME things into perspective for me BIGTIME too showing me he wasnt so perfect)

 

i dont know quite how to describe this book...

it talks about how lots of woman end up falling in love with a guy they never really wanted to begin with. ...and how that kind of syndrome developes. its a funny take on the book..."he's just not that into you" (another good book). but this book takes it one step further (its not written by the same author). it explains how sometimes we can be almost reeled into caring for someone below our "normal" standards and get stuck into it and the love we come to develope so deeply.

 

confused i know youre in pain. maybe therapy is the last resort to get thru it. i may take the route myself. BUT try looking at different perspectives so that you will come to understand just how you ended up at this place you are at now BUT NEVERRRRRRRR beat yourself up for it. also, if you do do that, try to think of his bad points to balance out youre thinking. but eventually you have to deal with the good and bad and just not care anymore if he doesnt want you back. (i am trying to do this now..its so hard) i am sure he was really no angel all the time. and try to keep remembering he is young. thank goodness you guys didnt marry and come to have children and divorce. there is hope. there is hope that you didnt get that involved with him. what if he wanted to check out other woman after you guys got married, etc. thank goodness no more than this was invested. ok time to work on my own psyche'. good luck confused.

[Stringfellow]

You are so correct about Confused, she muffed it up, not she will pay the price. Maybe if she had left him alone he would have come back in a year or so and maybe he would have said that he could have never found better than her had with Confused.

 

Tell me something, I would like you to go back and read my post and tell me what you think about the gal I had dated, what do you think of her. I would appreciate it.

 

 

String

[loneyBird]

hey... i am going through the same exact thing you are right now.

its really hard...i know.

if you want to talk my aol sn is CleverBird whats yours?

[confusingdays12345]

haven't been on in a while....to update briefly:

 

boyfriend (of about 3 years) broke up with me in feb.

he saw others, i was devastated.

he wouldnt talk to me for a while.

then contact again.

in june we saw each other.

he went away for summer, but we spoke all the time.

all summer, he said he loved talking to me and maybe one day we would work, but he still wanted to be single (he is two years younger than me - 22 and i'm 24). says he still wanted freedom to experience things.

we plan trip to see each other upon his return in august.

in early august i meet the FIRST guy i actually like - start dating.

ex flips out/realizes he wants me back/cries/shows up at my apartment/flowers/etc...

i say -i cant trust waht he means and continue dating guy - who is leaving in two months, so i know it wont be serious, but i also knew i needed to do something for my self - even though i loved ex still.

sept - my ex goes back to school and i'm still thinking about things. he starts sleeping with same girl he was seeing on and off since we broke up - not in relationship with her, but he had been seeing her on and off, still talking to me and dating others since we broke up.

ex and i see each other in october (at the time i dont know he is still seeing other girl) - we talk about getting back together....

we both then are honest with each other about everything adn say we want to work things out.

i tell him he really needs to be sure - and he needs to cut off all contact with other girl (who lives in his biulding)

he assures me she is meaningless, never was in "relationship" with her, etc.

we try (long distance) to work things out...everythign seems good, obviously effort...but we are trying...and we are trying to be in same place next year since we are both applying to graduate programs/jobs in same cities.

i was suppose to see him two weekends ago. he cancels night before at MIDNIGHT. says he cant do this. says it doesnt feel the same. says he wants to BE WITH the other girl - who all along he'd never be in relationship with and who he wrote me essays and letters about saying i was the love of his life and she was just fun to hang out with, etc...

 

i was crushed and devastated. i had just started moving on in summer, met someone else, etc...and he sucked me back in, opened my heart and old wounds and then did this....i asked him a million times if he was sure before we started things again - he assured me she was meaningless and put a lot of guilt on me for being with someone else i liked saying it was hard to trust me cause i liked another guy whereas the girl he dated he had no feelings for (or so he said).

 

i was extremely betrayed, hurt and angry. he told me he wanted relationship with this other girl he had mocked for months to me. i got really mad and revengeful - and copied excerpts of letters and essays he had written to me over last two months saying how he loved me, wanted to marry me, spend his life with me, cant lose me, etc...and how she was meaningless and just for fun and magnitudes below what we had together. i know that was not right of me, but the fact that he made such statements begging for me back and then i give him second chance and he slams me seemed just as rude.

 

anyway, now he is in a realtionship with her. i still love him and do not belive he loves her. i believe he likes her a lot and she is there and i'm long distance and he is scared of commitment with me cause we've known each other four years and next year if we were back in same place it owuld be serious step of living together. him and her can have fun for five months - then he leaves city she is in...plus, she REALLY likes him and it is "easy" relationship - she is younger than him and told him she was "falling in love with him" - he told me this back in oct and said he did not nearly feel any emotions for her.

 

so, he will not speak to me. he will not answer the phone. nothing. what pisses me off most is all of aug and sept when i was dating someone new and ex was crying, upset, lonely, etc - i was always there for him as a friend. never shut him out. never did this to him.

 

what do i do? he's only person i've ever been in love with...we've talked about marriage, etc....i thought i really had him back.....he seemed so sure....he showed up at 7 am at my apartment (flew long distance) to cry and ask for forgiveness...i thought about things for a month and a half and finally decided to give him second chance....now he slams me.

 

help...

 

is there any chance??? does he really like her?? how can he if he refused to be with her all this time and was still tellilng me he loved me?? all summer we spoke every night while he was abroad and he NEVEr once told her that he loved her. they werent ever in relationship. just casual dating, sleeping together, while he was "single" broken up with me. i was only person he'd ever slept with when we broke up - and part of reason he wanted to be single was to experience that with others...

 

ughh..what do i do? advice?

[monkeybars]

that you read over every post you made on this thread, then go back and read them again, and read the adivce...then, I suggest that you follow that advice.

 

Move on, get over him...you're destroying yourself over some guy...who really doesnt seem to have a loyal bone in his body.

 

DO NOT CALL, DO NOT THINK ABOUT, DO NOT EMAIL, DO NOT IM.

 

MOVE ON!

[Love is Blind]

I have read your entire thread. I have looked at the things you wrote, back in Feb, through March and into April. You sounded like a stalker, and I am sure if I was your ex, I would never have wished to speak to you again for a long, long time.

 

Do not fall into the same mistakes as last time. You will only prolong your hurt. End it on YOUR terms. When I say that I mean make a pledge to yourself that you will NEVER, under no circumstances take him back. You have regained control, it has ended on YOUR terms.

 

What has happened to you, with you guys getting back together is terrible. But the ONLY way you will be over this guys is to MOVE ON, and do not talk to him, perhaps never, but wait at least one year. It sounds like he is too confused, he does not know what the hell he wants. You do not want to drag yourself through that again.

 

You will survive, everyone does get over it. Trust me!

[IfiKnewThen]

hi confused...

 

was wondering what happened to you. i really understand your shock and rage. its horrifying to trust someone again and get burnt like that. it's like a double emotional assault. i too gave into someone once when they were crying and all and i thought, they would never leave me as a friend or cut me off, after i took them back, but guess what? they did. some people really are heartless. they are all about themselves. you are getting good solid advise on here. dont talk to this person again for good or for at least a year. if they call you vent your feelings and tell them you feel betrayed and you arent wasting anymore time on them as a friend or anything and then hang up!! do all you can to remove yourself from this poisonous person and the attachment you have to them. BREAK the ATTACHMENT FIRST. that needs to be dealth with. to break the attachment know the good in them, know the bad in them, know that they are not for you and you will find someone much better. but you need to leave yourself open for a healthy relationship to be. and transfer your thoughts and energy to something/someone else. that means, dont obsess with this idiot anymore. dont check up on him, etc. you need to get strong. when you think of him think "he is a BABY" . he is NOT for me. healing from a broken heart or spirit its like healing from being physically sick. first you need rest, then love and support from others people. get back into yourself. stay away from what makes you ill. treating yourself kindly, having faith that insensitive people will eventually get their karma back. what goes around does sometimes come around. but whether or not it will, doesnt even matter. what matters is he doesnt have to beat you down or beat your spirit down. love is blind and monkey are right. you CAN end it on your terms now. even if he doesnt speak to you. you can hold your head up high and say..goodbye forever to him and dont be his friend again when he needs one. hang up or delete his emails. NO MORE CONTACT. and remember you will be smarter next time around and will meet someone more suited for you someday. time, patience, faith... you are so much better than this. no matter how much fun you guys once had. he is NOT the guy for you. there are better choices out there. he didnt win. he lost you. try to remember that and believe it.

[livinlifetofullest]

I'm in the same situation as many of you and it feels so good to have some commiseration on this.

 

My ex dumped me completely out of the blue at the end of January. Before that, he seemed more eager to be with me than any man I've ever been involved with. He made sure I met his family, made a special effort to meet mine, told me the most lovely things, etc., etc....you get the picture.

 

He dumped me one night with no warning - he never mentioned he was having any problems, and overall I got the standard, "It's not you, it's me" speech, and he said I deserved someone better and more grown up than him (we're both 28 but he still lives at home) and that if he doesn't screw it up now he'll screw it up a year from now...things like that. Well, needless to say, I was completely devestated and I barely left my apartment for a week.

 

Through all this, he kept contacting me. He called me 2 or 3 times the day after we broke up and every day after that. I missed him so much that I let him do it, even though our conversations were miserable. I had to see him a few times during those first 2 weeks too, to return his stuff...I wanted to make sure he knew that I wasn't going to hang on to his things or be weird in any way.

 

Two weeks after was when we hit a snag. I went out to karaoke because a good friend of mine was moving away and really wanted me to come. Well, my ex was there too. We had a few uncomfortable moments and one short blow-up, but mostly we didn't talk. Then at the end of the night we were saying goodbye and it got really emotional, and he asked me if he could come home with me. I of course, caved and said yes, and though it was a weird night, I thought it was a beautiful one as well. Though I know now it was a big mistake.

 

The next day we agreed to meet and talk about everything. He was saying he loved me, but he was confused and not sure he was "in love" with me...really the usual schpiel, I think. The thing was that he had his arm around me the whole time and was physically very tender and loving. When I went to leave him after that talk, I told him that I wanted to try again, but maybe start out slower and get to know each other all over again; however, I wasn't interested in FWB, and that I knew he was confused and to give me a call when he had some thoughts on the subject.

 

I had planned not to call him at all, and 2 days later he started calling me...every day. This was on Tuesday and on Thursday, I saw him in the show he was in at the time, and then he asked me out for a drink after. We had a wonderful evening that turned into a wonderful morning. To me, it seemed like he had thought about what I said, thought about what I wanted, and come back. Yet there was a nagging feeling that something was wrong. This continued in this way for another week or so. Still, he was always making the first contact, and the invitations. A week later we had another lovely night together.

 

Last weekend I decided that if we were on our way to getting back together, that I just wanted to talk to him and clarify that he was feeling the same way. Well, guess what! He wasn't. When I asked him, he told me that he still just wanted to be single. Then I asked him if it was up to him, would he continue what we're doing now or just have NC, and he said it was up to me. Then he said (and this was the most hurtful of all) that he broke up with me b/c he didn't see a future with us, and didn't see one when we were dating and he was acting incredibly devoted to me either. Heartbreaking.

 

We ended up having plans with people that night, and at the end of the evening I was so heartbroken that I told him everything about how this was making me feel. He was obviously effected and held me when I had told him this. Then he asked me if I wanted to come home with him. I know I shouldn't have but I did anyway. The whole night was horrible...I was crying and he was holding me. Sometimes he was telling me, "I'm an a****le, and you deserve someone better than me," and other times he was telling me I was an angel and things like that. VERY confusing. The next morning we were like 2 walking corpses. We got on the train in the morning and there was someone else we knew on it so we had to make small talk. During that time he put his arm around me and then he KISSED ME GOODBYE on the lips (and he's not the sort to do that to friends) as he left.

 

That was this Sunday morning, and I was so upset and confused. Confused because he was sending me mixed messages and upset because he seemed to have disregarded the notion that I didn't want a FWB and I felt a little bit taken advantage of, especially after he kissed me on the train.

 

On Monday night he called me again, like there was absolutely nothing different. Weird, right? So it was then that I told him that I didn't think we should talk anymore. He understood, and the conversation was very short. After it was over I felt somewhat relieved, but now I just feel desolate. I've even tried going out and having dates, but all I want at the end of the day is my ex.

 

Anyway, I'm on day 4 of NC and I haven't broken it yet. Your stories have given me some added strength I need to get through the weekend in one piece.

 

Do you think he'll come back to me? I hope so.

 

Fleta, your story is almost exactly the same as mine. We broke up, yet he still initiates contact. And because we work together and share the same circles of friends, we have to see each other often. And yet, he still stays sweet, and invites me to come over. There, he's very tender and sweet. But the next day, it's as if nothing happened. Same old story, just a different man.

 

You know what's going to happen next time you sleep over. Do you think you deserve it? Start NC and clearing out your head. This guy is confused and he doesn't know what he wants. Don't be mixed up in his confusion. Otherwise, you'll find yourself in a FWB position, and girl, you deserve more than that!

 

Stay tough. If he wants u bad enough, he'll want you with the commitment, because he knows that's what's good for you.