Ex broke up with me because he needs to work on himself

[melonnize]

Hi, I never thought I'd find myself posting on a forum like this, but here we go and I will try to keep this as brief as I can.

 

Me & my ex were together for 2 years with a lot of ups and a lot of downs. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I have only started implementing NC since yesterday.

He is 22 and I am 21. We are very young, I know.

In a nutshell, we both had flaws of our own which lead to a lot of underlying issues & problems and difficulty in communicating and working out these problems. Apart from that we loved each other intensely. Despite our youth, we often talked about marriage, kids etc.

He still loves me a lot, but he broke up with me because he realised he needs to work on his flaws (he wasn't very open emotionally etc) as these were also affecting his relationship with his mother as she often complains about the same things as I did (His father and brother are deceased and it's just him and his mum). He said he wasn't sure if he is ready to be in a serious relationship with anybody at this stage of his life because of these reasons.

I was devastated. I haven't begged or pleaded, but I have tried to convince him that we can work things out together and we didn't need to split up.

 

He says he sees a future with me and wants to take a relationship with me seriously and does not want to ruin it because of the way he is. He basically wants to do things properly because he is afraid that if we stay together, things might get worse (for a long time) before they get better and he's not sure if we will make it. I told him that breaking up will not solve our problems and he told me that the point of breaking up is to reflect, work on ourselves , think about what we actually want, so that if we reconcile we would be in a more mature & better position to approach these problems in a better way consequently leading to solved problems.

 

I was just so upset. I understand that he feels he isn't ready, and that if he stays with me in this state then he wouldn't make me as happy as he potentially could. But I don't know - I just wholeheartedly wanted us to stay together and work things out. I loved him so much I would have been patient throughout anything.

 

He says he still loves me deeply and begged me to at least stay friends with him because he didn't want to lose me completely. I said no because it wouldn't work I still love him & want to be more than friends. He begged some more, but I said no.

I honestly think he wanted me to be 'friends' with him so he can keep me around until he felt ready to continue our relationship. I repeatedly refused because I just can't torture myself that way. He eventually accepted but said that he loves me and will always be there for me and if I ever want to talk to him he will always be available.

 

I said okay, but honestly I feel that the best thing to do is go NC. He made it clear that once he figures himself out and if he still thinks I'm the right person for him then he will try to get me back, regardless of if I have moved on. But to be honest, I just want to close the chapter on him as much as it hurts.

 

If we were meant to be, I guess we will find our way back to eachother. I'm 100000% certain that there is no third party involved.

 

I'm so upset though, can anyone offer thoughts/advice? Did I make a bad decision by rejecting his offer of friendship? I figured the best chance I have of being a better person, moving on & possibly reconciling is through NC and no friendship.

Any thoughts appreciated.

[erklat]

He says he sees a future with me and wants to take a relationship with me seriously and does not want to ruin it because of the way he is. He basically wants to do things properly because he is afraid that if we stay together, things might get worse (for a long time) before they get better and he's not sure if we will make it. I told him that breaking up will not solve our problems and he told me that the point of breaking up is to reflect, work on ourselves , think about what we actually want, so that if we reconcile we would be in a more mature & better position to approach these problems in a better way consequently leading to solved problems..

 

 

He is letting you down gently not to appear like an *******. That is not the real reason.

He wants to date other women but in case he fails he wants to keep you on a backburner.

[messymichelle]

He seems to be trying to tell you that he wants to be by himself, whether it is to work on himself or to be with other girls only time will tell.

as for staying friends, it wont work, he is using this as a guilt free method to have u on the back burner, just incase he doesnt find any1 better he will have his "good friend",

if space is what he wants, then give it to him in bucket fulls, go nc and although its hard and you will crave to ring/text. dont. more than likely he will contact u with to try and maintain a link so he will always have a way back, dont break nc, easier said than done ,i know.

as for its meant to be he will reconcile, even if you have moved on ?, and if you need him etc.

for the nights that no doubt you havent slept or eaten , where is he ??, he sounds abit full of himself that he will call the shots to if and when he will have you back, why would you give someone else that power??,

this is a painful time for you, we have all been there, and im sorry that your going threw such a horrible confusing experience,

time heals, give the time some time

hugs

[Poppyolive]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I think you made a wise choice to go no contact .for you to heal, process and take good care. As for his reasons, only time will tell if he actually broke up to fix himself. If it is true then he will begin working on himself and will return. But I feel this was just an easy let down.

 

I too broke up with my boyfriend last year. 6 years together.we had reoccurring issues, mainly his drinking. He broke up with me, saying he needed to get healthy, still loves me, open to us, but needs to be stronger.he's not cut out for relationships, there will be no one else. He also said I'll just move out for a few months to get better. He cried, said he loved me, I declined a friendship, to which he said, I'm loosing my best friend. I went no contact, he kept contacting me, being nasty, angry and hurtful. Demanding this and that. A month later I heard through a friend he had posted a picture of him and a girl.. Saying I'm so grateful I get to spend the weekend with this lovely lady.soooooo he had no intention of getting better.it was easier to start fresh. I know it will bite his ass one day.

 

So advice to you, stay no contact, time will tell his motives. I would advise to go into immediate healing mode. Do this all for you.

[melonnize]

Been NC for almost a week now and I'm determined to stick to it. Honestly I miss him and I'm hurting really badly but i know NC is best for the long run.

 

My heart aches though...badly

 

today was his birthday and I have said nothing as i do not want to break NC. Did I make the right choice??

[hockeydan]

You absolutely made the right choice! Keep up with the NC! The days are like roller coasters and you will be up down and all around with your emotions. Just ride the coaster and you will eventually make it to the end. I am at 2 weeks NC and just over 2 months since we broke up and I am already seeing some improvement. I think about her everyday throughout the whole day still, but it no longer brings me to my knees in tears. I count that as a positive move forward. I was an emotional wreck up until about a week ago. Hang in there, we can all do this together!