DannyCA Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Long story short my ex broke up with me a year and a half ago. We were long distance. She texted me a couple days ago (which I haven't responded to) to ask if "we could please meet up" cause she is going to be in the area soon. I haven't seen her in a year and a half and have been NC for 8 months. If I'm going to be honest, more of me wants to see her than not but I'm not sure what to expect or what I even want. Not entirely sure what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 If you are asking us on here, I would advise not going. Just my general rule of thumb I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajen Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Long story short my ex broke up with me a year and a half ago. We were long distance. She texted me a couple days ago (which I haven't responded to) to ask if "we could please meet up" cause she is going to be in the area soon. I haven't seen her in a year and a half and have been NC for 8 months. If I'm going to be honest, more of me wants to see her than not but I'm not sure what to expect or what I even want. Not entirely sure what to do... I think you must be curious as to what she wants. I think have a hard think about where you are in your life at the moment once you do that it may be easier for you to make a decision. If you are still not sure maybe meet up with her but before you see her make some rules for yourself regarding your behaviour so that you behave in a way you would be happy with when you look back on this encounter and meet somewhere public so if feelings suddenly appear you don't end up in bed together. Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I would ask what her motivation is for meeting and if she is currently with someone? That should help clarify her intentions before having to put yourself in the potentially hurtful situation of meeting up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DannyCA Posted August 19, 2014 Author Share Posted August 19, 2014 If you are asking us on here, I would advise not going. Just my general rule of thumb I guess. Makes sense but like I said more of me wants to see her than not. But everything on LS pretty much says avoid your ex like a plague. Would it be so bad to meet up? I think you must be curious as to what she wants. I think have a hard think about where you are in your life at the moment once you do that it may be easier for you to make a decision. If you are still not sure maybe meet up with her but before you see her make some rules for yourself regarding your behaviour so that you behave in a way you would be happy with when you look back on this encounter and meet somewhere public so if feelings suddenly appear you don't end up in bed together. I am very curious to what she wants. I can't help but feel she just wants attention and to see if I'm still hooked but I can't read minds. Thank you for the advice. I would ask what her motivation is for meeting and if she is currently with someone? That should help clarify her intentions before having to put yourself in the potentially hurtful situation of meeting up with her. Wouldn't asking her those questions make me seem interested in pursuing a relationship with her right now? I can still see myself with her in the future, but I don't even want to think about being with her anytime soon Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 (edited) So out of the blue she texts you saying "can we please meet up? I'll be in the area soon." ???? Of course you're curious. Receiving that text after a year and a half and 8 months of NC...who wouldn't be curious? Well, I would respond this way: "Hey, I'm really not sure. When were you thinking?" She may give you a time preference or tell you whatever is a good time for you. Then you should say: "I'll see what I can do. Is everything alright?" Then you wait. Come back here and let us guide you from there, if you still need our help. I for one, think it depends on the ex and how bad the RS/BU was to determine whether or not you should "avoid them like the plague." I don't think you should ask her any other question than is she alright. If you come off as too hesitant/skeptical or whatever she might pull away, then not tell you whatever it is she wants to tell you and call off the meeting altogether. And given the fact that you want to see her and hear what she has to say this is your best chance at having that opportunity but all the while being the right amount of cautious too. Edited August 19, 2014 by me85 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DannyCA Posted August 19, 2014 Author Share Posted August 19, 2014 So out of the blue she texts you saying "can we please meet up? I'll be in the area soon." ???? Of course you're curious. Receiving that text after a year and a half and 8 months of NC...who wouldn't be curious? Well, I would respond this way: "Hey, I'm really not sure. When were you thinking?" She may give you a time preference or tell you whatever is a good time for you. Then you should say: "I'll see what I can do. Is everything alright?" Then you wait. Come back here and let us guide you from there, if you still need our help. I for one, think it depends on the ex and how bad the RS/BU was to determine whether or not you should "avoid them like the plague." I don't think you should ask her any other question than is she alright. If you come off as too hesitant/skeptical or whatever she might pull away and then not tell you whatever it is she wants to tell you. And given the fact that you want to see her and hear what she has to say this is your best chance at having that opportunity but all the while being the right amount of cautious too. That sounds like a pretty good idea. I'll give it another day or so to make up my mind on whether or not i'll do this though. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 That sounds like a pretty good idea. I'll give it another day or so to make up my mind on whether or not i'll do this though. Take your time to decide but keep in mind that if she texted you 2 days ago she may already be in town and may leave before you respond if you wait another day or so to respond. /= Unless she told you when she was coming and how long she'd be in town. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DannyCA Posted August 20, 2014 Author Share Posted August 20, 2014 Take your time to decide but keep in mind that if she texted you 2 days ago she may already be in town and may leave before you respond if you wait another day or so to respond. /= Unless she told you when she was coming and how long she'd be in town. She told me she'd be in town first week of september. Idk for how long though. Link to post Share on other sites
somegoodman Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 the text is from a couple days ago? I wouldn't bother responding, it will seem as if you were deliberating over that text the whole time. Anyways, if you do end up seeing her don't get all soft with her, just be curt and aloof and stay on your guard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DannyCA Posted August 20, 2014 Author Share Posted August 20, 2014 She just texted me about an hour ago. This is what she said (word for word): "PLEASE talk to me! I really want to work things out. This is ridiculous. It's been so long. Please forgive me. I'm visiting and I just want to talk it out." This is the third time in 8 months she has texted me and I still haven't responded. I have no idea what her intentions are but I can now see why begging for an ex back is so unattractive. I kind of feel bad for her that she's begging for me to talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 text her back with "what is the purpose of your proposed catch up?" and if she says anything about "Catching up on old times" or "making peace" or "saying hi" or whatever, just delete her. ONLY respond if she says in no uncertain terms that the purpose is to discuss how she made a mistake dumping you and how she wants you back. ANYTHING else is a waste of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 "PLEASE talk to me! I really want to work things out. This is ridiculous. It's been so long. Please forgive me. I'm visiting and I just want to talk it out." /QUOTE] Im sorry to tell you this but that part of her text message says it all - it is not about wanting you back or nothing, it is cos she is feeling guilty and wants you to ease her guilt by telling her you are okay and not mad at her. do that for her and you will never hear from her again. just as I expected, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Well do you want her back? If so then this would seem to be the proverbial silver platter. I wouldn't get your hopes up too much but might as well find out what she's got to say. Just say yeah OK you'll meet up for a coffee and hear her out. Link to post Share on other sites
Zeurich Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 If you like her then see her if not then tell her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Well do you want her back? If so then this would seem to be the proverbial silver platter. I wouldn't get your hopes up too much but might as well find out what she's got to say. Just say yeah OK you'll meet up for a coffee and hear her out. the problem with that line of thinking is that it can give the dumpee false hope and set them back substantially if they find out that all the dumper wanted to do was have a catch up, shoot the breez and reminisce about old times for 20 minutes before going on their merry way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DannyCA Posted August 20, 2014 Author Share Posted August 20, 2014 the problem with that line of thinking is that it can give the dumpee false hope and set them back substantially if they find out that all the dumper wanted to do was have a catch up, shoot the breez and reminisce about old times for 20 minutes before going on their merry way. So you're telling me to avoid her at all costs? Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 So you're telling me to avoid her at all costs? Ask her what the purpose of the meeting is. If she plays dumb tell her if she is feeling guilty she Should go to a church and you have no wish for that Bs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DannyCA Posted August 20, 2014 Author Share Posted August 20, 2014 Ask her what the purpose of the meeting is. If she plays dumb tell her if she is feeling guilty she Should go to a church and you have no wish for that Bs. Will asking her what her purpose is right out of the gate come off as too strong? Below is what me85 told me. I for one like his approach but can help but be a little skeptical. Well, I would respond this way: "Hey, I'm really not sure. When were you thinking?" She may give you a time preference or tell you whatever is a good time for you. Then you should say: "I'll see what I can do. Is everything alright?" I don't think you should ask her any other question than is she alright. If you come off as too hesitant/skeptical or whatever she might pull away, then not tell you whatever it is she wants to tell you and call off the meeting altogether. And given the fact that you want to see her and hear what she has to say this is your best chance at having that opportunity but all the while being the right amount of cautious too. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Don't see her. Don't go running the moment she calls you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Will asking her what her purpose is right out of the gate come off as too strong? Below is what me85 told me. I for one like his approach but can help but be a little skeptical. For someone who broke your heart, saying your intentions out loud should be the least of all concerns. You are not concerned about her emotions, are you ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DannyCA Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 (edited) For someone who broke your heart, saying your intentions out loud should be the least of all concerns. You are not concerned about her emotions, are you ? No not really. I texted her today "you need to stop contacting me, ive moved on". And she wrote back immediately "i have too, I just want to make sure were ok". Seriously, what is this girls deal? Why after all this time does she need to see me and make sure were ok? But contrary to what I just said I do want to see her. Would that be so bad? Edited August 21, 2014 by DannyCA Link to post Share on other sites
somegoodman Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Just don't respond. Girls hate to think there's someone out there that hates them. It's not about you at all. If you validate her by saying "yeah were ok" then she'll just move along and be satisfied. If you don't say anything then it will eat away at her. Up to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I could be wrong, but I don't necessarily think she wants to "work things out" as a couple. I think she just means to be on good terms. If you are okay with that, then it's up to you. If you have any feelings for her at all or want her back, I don't think I would meet up with her. Her message sounds like- "Please don't be mad at me forever. Let's end on good terms." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I could be wrong, but I don't necessarily think she wants to "work things out" as a couple. I think she just means to be on good terms. If you are okay with that, then it's up to you. If you have any feelings for her at all or want her back, I don't think I would meet up with her. Her message sounds like- "Please don't be mad at me forever. Let's end on good terms." I have had similar things from dumpers and it has always made me pissed because it brings up old painful memories and gives me false hope and when I learn that all they wanted to do was say hi and ease their conscience I get annoyed at them that they would be so disrespectful to my feelings simply to ease their conscience. a good dumper respects the dumpee by leaving them alone to heal. a bad dumper continually contacts the dumpee with breadcrumbs which sets back their healing. she is a bad dumper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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