The 11th Hour and D-Day is coming: Admissions of Fear

[TwoTowns]

All,

 

Questions

 

Should spouses stay in a relationship because of the kids?

***If my husband had not been abusive - YES I probably would have stayed in my marriage because of my kids, at least until they were out of the house.***

Do kids ever really heal?

***Everyone is different, every divorce is different. If your children are exposed to volatility, put in the middle, or otherwise traumatized (either during your marriage, as a result of your affair, or during a divorce), all of these things will have a lasting impact. You can heal, but life experiences shape you.***

Do all A's end up wanting to turn into full blown relationships?

***OF COURSE NOT.*** I personally could never take part in a casual affair, though.

What happens to those A's that turn into relationships then crash and burn?

***The same things that happen to marriages that crash and burn.***

Where do people go for help and how do they go back to their families?

***Seek therapy, counseling, advice from a pastor or a trusted friend. Realize that if you choose to leave your wife and children, the choice to go back may evaporate.***

What are the odds of an A actually surviving the long haul?

***I don't generally buy into 'odds.' So many variables play into whether a relationship that started as an affair will last.***

Am I wrong for not wanting to leave my w and kids for mow knowing that's what i want to do but my anxiety won't let me due to the impact on my kids?

***No. You're wrong for stringing your MOW along.***

[Owl]

you are not living my user name. The eye of the storm is the calm when things are swirling around you.

 

You are actively, not passively, setting up not one person but multiple people for massive amounts of pain.

 

You are running around playing god to these two women.

 

You think by just sitting back you are being the good guy. No you are not. If you were, you would at the minimum tell the OW that you are pulling back. That you are currently not ready to leave your BS and may never be ready. If the OW is as aggressive as you claim, she will carpet bomb your home life when she realizes that she left her home, husband and job for you. And you will deserve it. I just feel bad for your BS and kids. This is going to be ugly on many levels.

 

I disagree.

 

This is the most passive person I've seen in over 10 years of posting here on LS and other sites.

 

I've never, ever seen a more pathetic case of abject passiveness and uselessness....here or in real life.

 

OP couldn't get off the sofa to save himself if his house were on fire. He'd sit there and describe the flames in rich prose, lament over the heat from the fire, and shed tears over the loss of his beloved footstool...but not take a step towards a fire extinguisher if it were sitting next to him.

 

Instead, he'd sit there the entire time, posting on the internet great volumes about how hard it is to decide whether to save the goldfish or his favorite Oprah Winfrey book.

 

Yep...he's right where he wants to be...in the eye of a shytestorm of his own creation....begging for anyone around to take notice of him and feel sorry for his plight.

[2sunny]

I disagree.

 

This is the most passive person I've seen in over 10 years of posting here on LS and other sites.

 

I've never, ever seen a more pathetic case of abject passiveness and uselessness....here or in real life.

 

OP couldn't get off the sofa to save himself if his house were on fire. He'd sit there and describe the flames in rich prose, lament over the heat from the fire, and shed tears over the loss of his beloved footstool...but not take a step towards a fire extinguisher if it were sitting next to him.

 

Instead, he'd sit there the entire time, posting on the internet great volumes about how hard it is to decide whether to save the goldfish or his favorite Oprah Winfrey book.

 

Yep...he's right where he wants to be...in the eye of a shytestorm of his own creation....begging for anyone around to take notice of him and feel sorry for his plight.

 

 

In his mind he must believe that being so passive puts him in a position of not shouldering the blame.

 

Make no mistake about it = HE is completely to blame! For the tepid marriage to the inadequate affair.

 

Everything in his life must be lukewarm since he lives like a bystander to his own life.

 

A person with no passion, convictions and morals is just boring in my eyes.

[DKT3]

Actually, I think OP is living up to his own user name. On one hand he is totally happy having both women and part of him wants that dymanic to continue. On the other hand MOW is starting to put pressure on him to stand up and make a decision, of course she believes he will pick her. He won't and never will unless his wife finds out and thorw his azz out, thus the problem. Even if his wife threw him out he would simply change his focus and zero in on winning his wife back.

 

This isn't passive, its egomaniacal. I honestly don't believe he gives two sh its about either woman. If he did how could he be totally misleading and using them the way he is.

[beach]

Of course it's ego driven. Selfishly driven too.

 

Nothing about those qualities equates to love.

[eye of the storm]

Owl, I take my hat of to you. My vote for best post.

[conflictedlove]

Actually, I think OP is living up to his own user name. On one hand he is totally happy having both women and part of him wants that dymanic to continue. On the other hand MOW is starting to put pressure on him to stand up and make a decision, of course she believes he will pick her. He won't and never will unless his wife finds out and thorw his azz out, thus the problem. Even if his wife threw him out he would simply change his focus and zero in on winning his wife back.

 

This isn't passive, its egomaniacal. I honestly don't believe he gives two sh its about either woman. If he did how could he be totally misleading and using them the way he is.

 

Hi DKT3,

 

I take it you have not been victim of an A toxicity or are you a BS?

 

To quantify not being in love with my w and ap logistical and as you know, emotions are not made of rules.

 

Right now, my w has no idea so all is well with her. Give her some intimate time every so often and she's good. mow demands more because her marriage is on a landslide. Her h is good where he is at...she's just not and has tried to tell him but he's not going to change.

 

mow wants us to be together under the same household but she does still try to keep her H at bay by not telling him of our A. If she was that determined, she would. I think you are right from your earlier post...she would just slip back into complacency and eventually fall prey to another A.

[conflictedlove]

I've read this entire thread and Quick question:

 

What will you do if the MOW divorces her husband and shows up on your doorstep?

 

And before you ask, I'm neither an OW or a BS.

 

HI Lurker,

 

Strange name....lurking?

 

Thank you for your reply and sincere question.

 

Well, let me be clear to this question so everyone knows...mow does NOT have it in her to DIVORCE her H unless she has me as a safety net. I can see her drifting into complacency with her marriage and continuing to be male decision maker in her marriage.

 

So the chances of her showing up at my door are unlikely. She won't do it and that's because she won't leave him unless she's working at another company and can sustain herself financially. Once those 2 issues are out of the way, i suspect she will accept us being apart and actually like being alone. i understand most people don't like the idea of being alone but when you get the point in a relationship when one needs to have the time to heal and be solo, they often come off the rebound and anyone caught up in the rebound will end up disappointed.

 

That is why i pause of mow.

[DKT3]

Hi DKT3,

 

I take it you have not been victim of an A toxicity or are you a BS?

 

To quantify not being in love with my w and ap logistical and as you know, emotions are not made of rules.

 

Right now, my w has no idea so all is well with her. Give her some intimate time every so often and she's good. mow demands more because her marriage is on a landslide. Her h is good where he is at...she's just not and has tried to tell him but he's not going to change.

 

mow wants us to be together under the same household but she does still try to keep her H at bay by not telling him of our A. If she was that determined, she would. I think you are right from your earlier post...she would just slip back into complacency and eventually fall prey to another A.

 

I haven't been posting on your thread, but I've followed. Not too long ago you were convincing her not to confess the A. So it appears she is pretty determined.

 

It doesn't matter if I'm a BS, WS, or OM EVERYONE here is pretty much saying the same thing to you. If you are so troubled by your situation then change it.

 

The thing is, you don't want to, your really happy with the situation. Your focus here is really how you can get OW to back down some to allow you to maintain the status quo. Your MW doesn't see it that way, she is planning and looking forward to the spouses being out of the way. This A is really out of your control and she will likely force your hand soon. First by leaving her husband, secondly by throwing a bomb in your living room (telling your wife).

 

I say you don't care because your actions say you don't. This is your second affair so its hard to convince me you truly care for your wife. If you didn't you would allow her to make her own path. Your reason for not doing so? In your mind she is too dependant on you.

 

If you cared about the MOW you wouldn't allow her to blow up her marriage when you have absolutely no intent on matching her desire of being together in a legit relationship.

 

Say what you will, means nothing, your actions show who you are.

[Lurkeraspect]

HI Lurker,

 

Strange name....lurking?

 

Thank you for your reply and sincere question.

 

Well, let me be clear to this question so everyone knows...mow does NOT have it in her to DIVORCE her H unless she has me as a safety net. I can see her drifting into complacency with her marriage and continuing to be male decision maker in her marriage.

 

So the chances of her showing up at my door are unlikely. She won't do it and that's because she won't leave him unless she's working at another company and can sustain herself financially. Once those 2 issues are out of the way, i suspect she will accept us being apart and actually like being alone. i understand most people don't like the idea of being alone but when you get the point in a relationship when one needs to have the time to heal and be solo, they often come off the rebound and anyone caught up in the rebound will end up disappointed.

 

That is why i pause of mow.

 

Well, as suspected...you didn't answer my question. I asked what you'd do, if your MOW did show up divorced on your doorstep. Not why you believe she wouldn't. As I said, you talk in circles.

 

So again...what would you do?

[beach]

HI Lurker,

 

Strange name....lurking?

 

Thank you for your reply and sincere question.

 

Well, let me be clear to this question so everyone knows...mow does NOT have it in her to DIVORCE her H unless she has me as a safety net. I can see her drifting into complacency with her marriage and continuing to be male decision maker in her marriage.

 

So the chances of her showing up at my door are unlikely. She won't do it and that's because she won't leave him unless she's working at another company and can sustain herself financially. Once those 2 issues are out of the way, i suspect she will accept us being apart and actually like being alone. i understand most people don't like the idea of being alone but when you get the point in a relationship when one needs to have the time to heal and be solo, they often come off the rebound and anyone caught up in the rebound will end up disappointed.

 

That is why i pause of mow.

 

Your plan could take 5-10 years to achieve her supporting herself financially.

 

That's a long time of doing nothing. But you know how fast 2 years goes by.

 

 

I have to believe your wife just really must not give a hoot whether you're around or not. When you divorce she gets awarded significant spousal support and at least half of your assets and retirement.

 

More than that she gets the chance of a man who honors her when you exit.

 

She'd be better off divorced. There's no way you can convince me she'd be unable to recover. She would be hurt you totally betrayed her while she trusted you but that's on you.

 

In the long run she'd actually be way better off because she could potentially find a man that honors and respects her. Those are qualities you forfeited long ago.

 

Give her the opportunity to live a respectable life by not having you in it.

 

Believe me everyone can be replaced. You're not that important or she would have noticed you aren't really present with her and treating her right.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

I don't see this affair as a full blown relationship. What I see is a man who wants from his wife the close intimate relationship that he shares with his AP for a couple hours a week.

 

Its clear you don't want a relationship with the MOW, yet you don't have it in you to end it, kinda putting that carrot out for her to chase and playing a role in f--king up her life with no real plans on following through.

 

As far as her telling you she would have had an affair with someone, yeah she would have. You were simply the first guy that got there. Like some many WS's she was actively looking for an affair. Its hard to admit that, I'm sure it makes them feel worse about themselve to do so. So many make it seem like it was something out of there control. The thing is, after hearing this how could you even entertain the idea of a relationship with this woman? What happens when you two are in a relationship (which is very unlikely since you simply want more from your wife and aren't leaving) and she becomes unhappy? What in this situation is she learning that would keep her from repeating this, looking for an affair?

 

Back to your marriage, have you communicated to your wife that you would like more of an intimate relationship? The way you keep saying "she is a mother", "she is great with the kids" doesn't lead me to believe you treat her like a sexy WOMEN. She is far more then a mother. Maybe you should find a way to tap into that sexy side. Maybe start dating her again.

 

Lastly, you kinds come off as thinking your the savior of both women. Your not, and honestly both can and will be able to move on to happy lives without you.

 

Time to man up, grow a sack and make a decision already. Stringing these women along is cowardly.

 

I don't agree with this at all.

 

There is no possible way you can climb into the mind of every single Wayward Spouse?

 

We don't know her history, but we do know his. He has cheated before, maybe she hadn't?

 

Maybe she actually fell in love with him and wasn't looking for love? It just happened?

 

No, not all WWS are looking actively for affairs. Sometimes they are in relationships that are lonely, isolated, sexless regardless of repeated efforts and then someone who is at the workplace or mutual interest location becomes their friend. Then becomes their ear. Then reminds them them how much they are desperate for love, passion and affection. With many women they just want to feel special and adored. Some are starving at home with asexual men.

 

If she is planning to leave her husband for this man, she may truly love him.

 

Life long, monogomous relationships DO spring out if infidelity sometimes.

 

Sometimes you haven't found your right match and you do at the most terrible times.

 

 

This is not an excuse to treat her as flawed and lead her on. She is a human with real needs. His wife has needs too. They both deserve respect.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

you are not living my user name. The eye of the storm is the calm when things are swirling around you.

 

You are actively, not passively, setting up not one person but multiple people for massive amounts of pain.

 

You are running around playing god to these two women.

 

You think by just sitting back you are being the good guy. No you are not. If you were, you would at the minimum tell the OW that you are pulling back. That you are currently not ready to leave your BS and may never be ready. If the OW is as aggressive as you claim, she will carpet bomb your home life when she realizes that she left her home, husband and job for you. And you will deserve it. I just feel bad for your BS and kids. This is going to be ugly on many levels.

 

Yep, that's right.

 

Being someone who had only an emotional affair with someone for four months, I can tell too for certain, that it was only because he finally broke it off with me without making me destroy my life first, that I didn't end up on his doorstep. But, I have to admit that even still I have urges to expose everything. Mainly because he led me on. He told me he loved me. I was already introducing an open relationship to my husband because I felt so strange for liking someone outside of him and I didn't want to cheat for real. He let me do that. He let me cry over him for months. He claimed it was because he loved me too and didn't want to feel regret by breaking it off. But in the end he did. I still feel pain over it.

 

But, if he actually slept with me, had me leave my husband for real, I promise you I would be at his doorstep, yelling at the window. I would be announcing what he did all over the Internet.

 

If you want a window into the mind of a scorned woman, just take a peek into mine.

 

Us wayward spouses DO love and we can love fiercly.

 

 

I still cry for him every other day with no contact for months

[Owl]

I don't agree with this at all.

 

There is no possible way you can climb into the mind of every single Wayward Spouse?

 

We don't know her history, but we do know his. He has cheated before, maybe she hadn't?

 

Maybe she actually fell in love with him and wasn't looking for love? It just happened?

 

No, not all WWS are looking actively for affairs. Sometimes they are in relationships that are lonely, isolated, sexless regardless of repeated efforts and then someone who is at the workplace or mutual interest location becomes their friend. Then becomes their ear. Then reminds them them how much they are desperate for love, passion and affection. With many women they just want to feel special and adored. Some are starving at home with asexual men.

 

If she is planning to leave her husband for this man, she may truly love him.

 

Life long, monogomous relationships DO spring out if infidelity sometimes.

 

Sometimes you haven't found your right match and you do at the most terrible times.

 

 

This is not an excuse to treat her as flawed and lead her on. She is a human with real needs. His wife has needs too. They both deserve respect.

 

Your last line is one of the primary points everyone has been making, including DKT3. OP shows no respect...and through that lack of respect, no love...for anyone but himself.

 

From my perspective...it doesn't matter whether his MOW in this case loves him or not.

 

Because HE can't make a decision, nor take any kind of action.

 

He doesn't love either woman enough to do so. He loves having both too much to love either one enough to lose the other.

 

His actions DO show what kind of person he is.

[DKT3]

I don't agree with this at all.

 

There is no possible way you can climb into the mind of every single Wayward Spouse?

 

We don't know her history, but we do know his. He has cheated before, maybe she hadn't?

 

Maybe she actually fell in love with him and wasn't looking for love? It just happened?

 

No, not all WWS are looking actively for affairs. Sometimes they are in relationships that are lonely, isolated, sexless regardless of repeated efforts and then someone who is at the workplace or mutual interest location becomes their friend. Then becomes their ear. Then reminds them them how much they are desperate for love, passion and affection. With many women they just want to feel special and adored. Some are starving at home with asexual men.

 

If she is planning to leave her husband for this man, she may truly love him.

 

Life long, monogomous relationships DO spring out if infidelity sometimes.

 

Sometimes you haven't found your right match and you do at the most terrible times.

 

 

This is not an excuse to treat her as flawed and lead her on. She is a human with real needs. His wife has needs too. They both deserve respect.

 

Total BS. Say your married, you meet a guy you find attractive. You options are admit you find him attractive and move on or find a way to "get to know him better" under the pretense of friendship. In the process of being friends you feel yourself being attached. Your married and you know its wrong so your options are now to cut it off or continue down that path.

 

See there are many options before love becomes a factor. Affairs never ever just happen. WS's make them happen, period. It doesn't matter the state of your marriage, how bad your spouse is the WS went looking for the affair by making decisions along the way to stay engaged long before real feelings were involved. Even as feelings are involved your not a mindless robot programed to be unfaithful. Its your actions and decisions. WS's are not victims in infidelity no matter how they try to make it so. If your marriage sucks fix it or get out.

[conflictedlove]

Yep, that's right.

 

Being someone who had only an emotional affair with someone for four months, I can tell too for certain, that it was only because he finally broke it off with me without making me destroy my life first, that I didn't end up on his doorstep. But, I have to admit that even still I have urges to expose everything. Mainly because he led me on. He told me he loved me. I was already introducing an open relationship to my husband because I felt so strange for liking someone outside of him and I didn't want to cheat for real. He let me do that. He let me cry over him for months. He claimed it was because he loved me too and didn't want to feel regret by breaking it off. But in the end he did. I still feel pain over it.

 

But, if he actually slept with me, had me leave my husband for real, I promise you I would be at his doorstep, yelling at the window. I would be announcing what he did all over the Internet.

 

If you want a window into the mind of a scorned woman, just take a peek into mine.

 

Us wayward spouses DO love and we can love fiercly.

 

 

I still cry for him every other day with no contact for months

 

Hi CMOW,

 

Thank you so much for this post.

 

I read your words and it was like a sobering taste of reality. It shook me so much I had to come back and read it again after I took a step away to catch my breath.

 

What is so telling and you were kind enough to share, the emotional short term connection you had was as sincere as a open relationship. I admire you expressed these truths yet they do reveal something that the A fog had me totally desensitized to....for the first time i can see mow being so hurt that she would do anything stop the pain.

 

I don't believe she would show up at my place or talk to my w for one major reason...our kids..her kids and my kids...she has openly stated what she fears and has most stress about is when we have to impact our kids at the time if were to tell our spouses. It pains her so much it believe it keeps her at bay...for now.

 

I'm so sorry as you expressed the pain that you feel even now....I can't help but wonder 4 months is more than ample time to become emotionally invested...if your AP felt or feels the same now?

[conflictedlove]

I don't agree with this at all.

 

There is no possible way you can climb into the mind of every single Wayward Spouse?

 

We don't know her history, but we do know his. He has cheated before, maybe she hadn't?

 

Maybe she actually fell in love with him and wasn't looking for love? It just happened?

 

No, not all WWS are looking actively for affairs. Sometimes they are in relationships that are lonely, isolated, sexless regardless of repeated efforts and then someone who is at the workplace or mutual interest location becomes their friend. Then becomes their ear. Then reminds them them how much they are desperate for love, passion and affection. With many women they just want to feel special and adored. Some are starving at home with asexual men.

 

If she is planning to leave her husband for this man, she may truly love him.

 

Life long, monogomous relationships DO spring out if infidelity sometimes.

 

Sometimes you haven't found your right match and you do at the most terrible times.

 

 

This is not an excuse to treat her as flawed and lead her on. She is a human with real needs. His wife has needs too. They both deserve respect.

 

Hi CMOW,

 

This too was quite revealing with threads of truth that this is what happened. What you mentioned here i believe is a very accurate assessment of mow.

 

mow had stated she kissed another m at a previous job while married. when i asked her how that happened, she stated they worked together (as you stated) and she basked in the attention he gave her. Her relationship at home was as you said...her h very passive puppie dog and made little to no decisions so she carried and still carries the maternal burden while having to appease his one track mind sx drve.

 

When i saw her, i thought she was so lovely. we didn't talk even though i tried. circumstances happened where she had to talk to me and i was so taken back by her work efforts that i complimented her. that was the start of it. it snowballed from there.

 

Do i believe she was looking for an A? no, i don't. she was extremely guarded the time i tried to reach her. didn't talk much and was very monotone. When i look back at that, i can see why most would either walk away from her or just tell her up front what they wanted from her and let her decide if she would take the bait.

 

as you said, she does truly love me. i'm her first real LTR BF aside from being married so young....she only dated as young sub 18 girl so there was no real LTR's at the time. she met her h, settled and now here we are.

 

she wants to leave her h. if i was ready, it would be done. she would tell him, he would move, there would be a time we stood under cover and then come out. that's what we have talked about.

 

Thank you for this perspective. Unless most mow here are intent on having an A or on the prowl for having an A, im not so sure that this is always the case. Circumstances and the right type of personalities have to blend.

 

Now i find that as you mentioned, she is so attached to me that she really is a wreck if we are not talking for long via txt or phone and anytime we have a fallout, its very short lived. we are horrible at staying upset and it eats at her more than i.

[Owl]

So...two months of talk, 17 pages of dialogue later....what are you going to DO with all this wisdom and insight you've gained? :D

 

I'm guessing....post more prose?

[DKT3]

I don't agree with this at all.

 

There is no possible way you can climb into the mind of every single Wayward Spouse?

 

We don't know her history, but we do know his. He has cheated before, maybe she hadn't?

 

Oh yeah, it not climbing in her head, she told OP if it wasn't him it would have been someone else. Which is giving him issues because he thought they had something special. So yeah she was looking for a affair. Just like most WS. If not ALL.

 

A drunken ONS is one thing an affair is another something they made happen and continue to make happen everyday.

[conflictedlove]

So...two months of talk, 17 pages of dialogue later....what are you going to DO with all this wisdom and insight you've gained? :D

 

I'm guessing....post more prose?

 

Formulating my thoughts actually

 

Seeing mow in different light today. Since I haven't seen her face to face in 4 days, something changes....like the euphoria starts to wear off.

 

To be continued on this

[conflictedlove]

Oh yeah, it not climbing in her head, she told OP if it wasn't him it would have been someone else. Which is giving him issues because he thought they had something special. So yeah she was looking for a affair. Just like most WS. If not ALL.

 

A drunken ONS is one thing an affair is another something they made happen and continue to make happen everyday.

 

Hi DKT3

 

Actually mow said in the future if it wasn't me it would likely be someone else since she's not happy with her h. They have serious issues that lead me to believe that I'm not "the one" but feel like one of many that may have passed by.

 

Honestly, not seeing now for a few days...something is happening. I'm not sure what but I have far less tolerance for mow at the moment. I'll see her today but I really feel like being away has helped me feel less crowded and free to think.

[2sunny]

Here's your pattern... You come on here at night.

 

You could be in bed getting your fill of intimacy and sex with your wife. But you're not.

 

You're on your computer or phone writing about your OW instead of paying attention to your wife.

 

You don't pay attention to your wife and she doesn't pay attention to you.

 

You don't get much out of your marriage=that's you're own fault. If you need more from your wife then tell her exactly what you need - ask HER what would make her happy too. Then start giving more to your M and less or none to your OW.

[sagamore]

Conflicted.

 

Here's your problem: you are waiting to *feel* differently about OW or your W before you act. This is backwards. You must act first, and the feelings will follow.

 

Right now you have backed yourself into a corner where *someone* - in fact, at least two people (you and OW, or you and W) are going to get hurt. This is paralyzing you because you hate hurting people, least of all yourself. So you are staying in the status quo as an avoidance mechanism. But what you don't seem to grasp is that this - what you are doing now to OW and W - is also an action. You are actively hurting them every day you continue like this. And also hurting yourself (in case that's more persuasive to you).

 

Tomorrow, try taking a DIFFERENT action. Leave OW, with compassion and acknowledgment for what you did.

 

The feelings will follow. You must ACT first.

[Miss Clavel]

I think the man is wrong....dead wring.

But surmising that he doesn't love his kids or either woman is too far.

We dont know. It is a frustrating maddening situation and hopefully everyone is learning here. I hope he is opening his eyes to things now.

Theres not an easy way out now but theres his side...her side...and her side and the truth is somewhere in the middle.

The "easiest" way might be to come clean with everyone and the other thing is he may be so deeply flawed because the real person he doesn't love is himself and he hoped to find that in others. And now hes left with a mess.

I feel compassion and anger. But I do think at the very least he loves his kids.

My Dad left for AP and signed his parental rights a way. Men do it. He is not.

 

havent read the entire thread yet but it occurs to me that what he should do is end his affair and then join craig's list or some other sex website and find a woman that only wants sex without any strings attached.

[Owl]

Formulating my thoughts actually

 

Seeing mow in different light today. Since I haven't seen her face to face in 4 days, something changes....like the euphoria starts to wear off.

 

To be continued on this

 

Haven't you been doing that for the last 2 plus years?

 

In fact...thinking/talking about doing something is the ONLY thing you've done in all this time.

 

Stop thinking...start doing.

 

You've taken "analysis paralysis" to a whole new level of not getting anywhere.