beach Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Now you're off path and digging yourself a bigger hole. Stop digging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conflictedlove Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 High road? Honey, you haven't been anywhere near the high road for several years. You are way off path. HI Beach, Thank you and yes, at times i have been i will admit. i'm not perfect at all and will be the first to raise my hand. As for wanting what's in the best interest of mow, regardless of what it would cost me....even costing me my LTR with her....if that's not putting her wants and needs before my own, i'm not sure what is? giving her the time to work on a new company search and us talking about what that would be like for her. she's excited and wants to start off fresh and on her own career w/o depending on her h. She also will be going through her sessions with h and who knows, what if it does turn around....am i going to not allow it? I could, i know i could stop it but should i? is that in the best interest of me or her? Also, as redheaded mistress mentioend....AP's do work out..she has...and they are doing well...considering. There's no way 2 AP's with kids and spouses come out of this clean. ever. i know that. i was always afraid of that. now that i know, at least the consequences would not be a shock..yes they will hurt so much but still....we would get through it. do you really feel that AP's who go from the infant A stage to the LTR stage have no chance? i know the odds are stacked up against us, even more than others because of the age factor, the kids factor and trust factor. its an ocean only few have made it across...with a raft and paddle. the reality is the oceans of love and storms of life have claimed many fallen AP's....those who have gone before us probably had been more prepared, more disciplined and more ready to make the journey and ended up consumed by the titanic waves of life as AP's in an LTR. Only the bottom sea of love know the how many fallen AP's have been consumed...more than any wants to admit. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Quote: Originally Posted by DKT3 Again, what happens if HR finds out about your affair? DKT3, it goes beyond that though. what it goes to is how do we plan a LTR under the current situation? We have to meet each other on the other side of the mountain.....both taking different paths yet having an ability to communicate during the journey to the other side...we both will encounter different obstacles and move at a different pace, through the journey..with a hope to see each other when we make it to the other side. You know starting off..there's a chance that one of us, or both, may not make it. YOu go in knowing this...its frightening...very much so...but you have to do it if you have any chance of an LTR. Since you're a BS, its harder to understand but i implore you to step back and explore the how's and whys. Your W was caught up in the A fog....did you ever thing for a minute that dr helen fisher's studies on lovers and their incredible feats to be with each other goes beyond just a "stop" notice? If you at least consider this, you will discover the gravitation pull, once its locked in, is almost impossible to avoid. And see - you did it again. Lots of words without ever answering a simple question. And have you seen a counselor yet? You've been urged for most of these two years to seek help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 HI Beach, Thank you and yes, at times i have been i will admit. i'm not perfect at all and will be the first to raise my hand. As for wanting what's in the best interest of mow, regardless of what it would cost me....even costing me my LTR with her....if that's not putting her wants and needs before my own, i'm not sure what is? giving her the time to work on a new company search and us talking about what that would be like for her. she's excited and wants to start off fresh and on her own career w/o depending on her h. She also will be going through her sessions with h and who knows, what if it does turn around....am i going to not allow it? I could, i know i could stop it but should i? is that in the best interest of me or her? Also, as redheaded mistress mentioend....AP's do work out..she has...and they are doing well...considering. There's no way 2 AP's with kids and spouses come out of this clean. ever. i know that. i was always afraid of that. now that i know, at least the consequences would not be a shock..yes they will hurt so much but still....we would get through it. do you really feel that AP's who go from the infant A stage to the LTR stage have no chance? i know the odds are stacked up against us, even more than others because of the age factor, the kids factor and trust factor. its an ocean only few have made it across...with a raft and paddle. the reality is the oceans of love and storms of life have claimed many fallen AP's....those who have gone before us probably had been more prepared, more disciplined and more ready to make the journey and ended up consumed by the titanic waves of life as AP's in an LTR. Only the bottom sea of love know the how many fallen AP's have been consumed...more than any wants to admit. I'm old and I don't know anyone who was married and having an affair that got to the other side with a clear conscience. I don't think your affair and untrustworthy nature is your biggest problem. I think you aren't realistic. I don't think you are mature. I don't think you have an idea of what authentic emotional bonds look like. I do think you have an extreme case of disconnect. You seem to have real issues with intimacy, calling children offspring and consistently not capable of spelling out the word SEX. When you have sex you describe the woman as a receptacle with which you make deposits. This is not normal! You need SERIOUS EMOTIONAL help!!! Please get a professional to help you. You're mindset is better off all on your own. Leave both women and help yourself to become a better human being. It should take a few years of intensive therapy. You need to also work on taking action! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author conflictedlove Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 rethink your plan. Start getting real and honest with BOTH women because you are about to lose both of them. Hi Sunny thank you for your post. Yes, i am rethinking everything you and others have shared. I only want what's best for everyone..and if we are both honest, this may end up having mow work for a new company, filing that void she has. she has told me before that irregardless of us, there's no way she's going to stay with her h. she's only there because of the kids. i hate to admit it, but sometimes i think that way too. im feeling low just saying that..but sometimes it crosses my mind..but i know its not true. it can't be. as for the A, we have to admit...with most A's collapsing at 3-6 months, there's no way i could have seen it grow from an infant A to a massive LTR. how often does that even happen? and how often are they even possible to go the distance. its like a mirage with all the delicacies we could want..but the more we chase it the more it alludes us....until we have strayed from the path, not having a trace to return back to where we were and finding the truth of the mirage is dark, lonely and filled with grief, sadness and despair. Sunny, i know you are happier now...do you plan to marry and if so, how do you ensure it won't happen again? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I make sure it won't happen again by dating men who have earned my trust. Men who have dignity, honor and compassion for others. Men who are givers by being kind and loving to all. Men who are proud of their integrity and have a firm idea of their moral compass. You should research some of those qualities. They could open your eyes. You might get more capable of thinking of others instead of thing so much about yourself and how you always feel. It never matters how I feel. I choose to do what's right. I go to bed at night and sleep well knowing I did the right thing throughout my day. When you start living life based on a code of ethics you might sleep better and like yourself more based on better behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Since you won't answer my question, let's assume if HR found out you would be fired. So how do you handle that? You manipulate her into looking for another job. Man I hope this woman wakes up before you ruin her entire life. Oh and save it, no need to respond with more of your inutile posts. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 No one can help you here because you refuse to help yourself by making a decision now (not later) and by changing the way YOU participate (not OTHERS). Believe me while I was married I had many opportunities to cheat as most do. Never did I think I would do that. I would have been forfeiting my honor, integrity and value system. You have forfeited yours. You can change that by never communicating with the OW again. And you are capable of that NOW, not later. Doing the right thing is always difficult. Doing the wrong thing is easy and cowardly. Become a MAN you can be proud of. And yes, you need professional help and guidance. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 There is a way for all this drivel to end here on LS. How about not responding to the OP's posts under his various usernames. He has been posting the same waffle for years now and has just made the situation worse at each turn (assuming it is all for real). Stop wasting time here when others would genuinely appreciate the help of the many great posters on this thread. Let's leave him to wallow in his self-love on how own. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author conflictedlove Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 (edited) Doing the right thing is always difficult. Doing the wrong thing is easy and cowardly. Hi Sunny Thank you for your post. I'm trying as you can see to make things right. By helping mow start a new career, putting her needs first and letting her go through coins kring with her h, isn't it apparent that her needs come first? That's not easy to do but I know I need to do it, and I am doing just that. You never did say it you remarried? I ask because I can't help but wonder if you ever regained trust again? I aslo respect that you were a BS and at least I know you look at things differently, the hurt and pain is different from a BS to an AP Edited October 21, 2014 by conflictedlove Add text Link to post Share on other sites
Author conflictedlove Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 Since you won't answer my question, let's assume if HR found out you would be fired. So how do you handle that? You manipulate her into looking for another job. DK I know it's hard to acknowledge being a BS. It feels like shame and sometimes a victim. For some it is, for others not so much. See, if we can't learn from our past we are doomed to repeat it. Understand the incredible current an A has on people and you will respect it more. Merely dismissing your wife's a as flippant is avoiding the real scientific evidence as dr Helen fisher pointed out. It's beyond a light switch. It's force is so strong it has taken down many men greater than you and I. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conflictedlove Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 he has just made the situation worse at each turn. Hi Anne, Thank you for your post Things have spiraled so deep that no one could have seen it come to this. There's a great sea of countless AP's that have taking the chance of making to the other side. Some refuse to even try while others merely become critics. Yet, when it comes down to brass tax, dr Helen fisher's scientific study on lovers and their brain chemical reactions can't be dismissed. Love defies the odds. I know as BS here are carrying the pain and sorry from from a's they have been pulled in, there's no doubt that not respecting the gravitational pull of an A is real and stronger than any one person can sustain. I know that I have to surrender myself to letting mow get counseling with her h. That's the only way i can prove my love is genuine. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 DK I know it's hard to acknowledge being a BS. It feels like shame and sometimes a victim. For some it is, for others not so much. See, if we can't learn from our past we are doomed to repeat it. Understand the incredible current an A has on people and you will respect it more. Merely dismissing your wife's a as flippant is avoiding the real scientific evidence as dr Helen fisher pointed out. It's beyond a light switch. It's force is so strong it has taken down many men greater than you and I. Oh boy. You just called the wrong person 'flippant'. As Anne1707 posted below, let's just end this drivel by not replying to the nonsense anymore. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author conflictedlove Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 Oh boy. You just called the wrong person flippant . Hi Hope He's a BS and he's still hurting. No she wasn't but as long as people don't take into account the scientific data behind dr Helen fishers love addiction data, we will just assume people can turn off their emotions at the drop of a hat. Redheadmistress for example is genuine and lives the AP to LTR dream. She's been honest here and gives the pros and cons. I don't Think anyone wants to believe it happen but it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conflictedlove Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 I'm old and I don't know anyone who was married and having an affair that got to the other side with a clear conscience. You need to also work on taking action! Hi Beach Thank you for your post. You're sincere and it comes across as so. The fact is that getting engulfed in an A is hard enough to fight through the forceful current, add when an A crosses into the LTR portion and things get mad more trepid and ominous. The adventure turns into a pathway to finality with no possible way to turn back. Behind me is nothing more a cold, dark empty ocean and all I have is just an oar and raft, following whatever moonlight I can until dawn. The problem is dawn won't come until the A goes into next stage of LTR or expires. I don't want either but I know the A is like a dark ocean floor with countless others who have gone before me and never returned. Just mere floating empty rafts with no one to guide them....evidence the sea of life consumed those that have gone before me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conflictedlove Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 there is a difference between being in love, and loving someone. I also believe that you can remain in love with someone for a long time. Also, if it's honest in love. I agree and most importantly, loving two people is not unheard of. I don't believe AP's who rarely to the LTR route ever plan it. They find that special person and their world is turned upside down forever. Can we really put love on a box and say when we can love and when we can't? Are we really that closed in our hearts? Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Never has a self-proclaimed "family decision" maker been so lost on the vacant, lonely sea of despair...with Loves forceful waves...thrashing his kayak...back and forth across the heartless sea foam. Endlessly awaiting the arrival of his hearts destination....wherever that may lie. Damn...I made myself cry. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Never has a self-proclaimed "family decision" maker been so lost on the vacant, lonely sea of despair...with Loves forceful waves...thrashing his kayak...back and forth across the heartless sea foam. Endlessly awaiting the arrival of his hearts destination....wherever that may lie. Damn...I made myself cry. Don't forget about the trepid and ominous forceful current. And the pathway to finality with no turning back... and a cold, dark, empty ocean where OP just has as oar and raft, following the moonlight in the darkness. OMG. And here I was hoping for something better than runaway trains and sinking ships. Maybe even a plane crash, just for variety. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hi OP, please consider getting rid of the the Big Book of Romantic Metaphors you keep referring to. And if I have to read 'infant A' again I may throw my coffee at my laptop, and I can't afford to get fired. Actually forget it. I won't bother with this thread again. Too much time and effort spent on someone who isn't prepared to take any action. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Saba Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 And here I was hoping for something better than runaway trains and sinking ships. Maybe even a plane crash, just for variety. I'm pretty sure that Dr Helen Fisher's scientific study revealed that love conquers all - including plane crashes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovebug66 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Ladies, ladies...but he is only on this tumultuous sea of love out the goodness of his own heart. He is taking on the rolling waves for the good of both women involved. He is so selfless Never mind that giant hole in his kayak, who could ever imagine that a hole in it might cause it to sink?! I never would have thought! I eagerly await the chapter when all the hot air he is blowing to keep his kayak afloat fails and he finds he was not in the sea of love, but in the sewer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hi Truncated, I understand and yes, please just step back and think about how, as it was mentioned earlier on this thread, how detrimental it is when two people are married for the wrong reasons....the impact on the kids and we all assume the kids will feel it..which they will but which is worse? seeing two people less than happy or seeing two people being cordial and ultimately being happy? i dont' like the idea of D trust me. i think about my kids...a lot on this. I feel like it would be abandoning them but that's not true as someone pointed out here. it would be more easier on them. i die a thousand deaths hearing that...but im afraid it might be true. if that's the case, are mow and i better off together or not? i assume you must be a BS since you have a more rigid view on A's and the entire gravitational pull it has had on the masses. No, i'm not a BS. I'm simply someone who has little tolerance for people treating others badly and making excuses for doing so. Btw, all this talk about the love in affairs being somehting peole can't fight against. That's poppycock. Do yu really think that the peope who are comming down on yo have never been in love before, don't know what it feels like? They do, yet they still don't agree with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 In my line of work we always review if we are being harmful to self and/or harmful to others with the way we participate. You are harmful to both women and yourself. The remedy would be opposite action by the person causing the harm - that would be you. Contrary action would be honesty and not being with any woman. But you won't seem to do any new behavior to get a new result. Expect more of the same since you keep digging that hole bigger. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 There is a way for all this drivel to end here on LS. How about not responding to the OP's posts under his various usernames. He has been posting the same waffle for years now and has just made the situation worse at each turn (assuming it is all for real). Stop wasting time here when others would genuinely appreciate the help of the many great posters on this thread. Let's leave him to wallow in his self-love on how own. Yup. Owl...out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Yup. Owl...out! Me too! I think I've stated suggestions to encourage the OP to change with no effort on his part to take action. He can just use this thread as his diary; which I believe is his intent anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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