The 11th Hour and D-Day is coming: Admissions of Fear

[2sunny]

He's been warned about losing everything long before his affair became physical.

 

He intentionally just blew with the wind on it. Makes it "appear" that he's not at fault.

 

But he is at fault. Can't blame anyone else for the way he participates.

 

So now he may lose his wife, house, job and possibly the OW.

 

All because he wouldn't make a decision and stick to that.

 

Making no decision is more risky than taking a firm stand and doing something about it.

 

You need professional help understanding boundaries and what that should entail as an adult.

 

If I was working with both of you it would be irritating knowing what you're up. You risk both getting fired and then spouses would really know what's happening.

[conflictedlove]

She will be reporting to you and you picked her? This is something recent? I don't understand. Why would you do that?

 

If you want my opinion, OW sounds very immature and selfish. Being in your 30's and a parent isn't that young. It's not like being 17, you know? I was 32 when I had my son. Ok, I could never have enough fun but I realized that having a kid meant sacrifices. There's nothing wrong with someone going out a couple of times a week but I think the spouse should go, too. Otherwise, things will feel slanted.

 

The truth is, you just need to end this relationship with her but you don't want to because you're choosing to be passive about it. I hope you're starting to see how this is backfiring on you. You should make some changes at work, if that's possible, and I strongly recommend ending this relationship. Otherwise, you're going to end up with nothing left.

 

Hi BathTub,

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

You are respectful and correct. I am in hot water and I SHOULD NOT have chosen to have her come over to the dept. My mistake...big time.

 

As far as her immaturity, i do see signs of it coming out. I can honestly say that I have been so fortunate to have people here on LS that have opened up and shared their comments and learnings. I have taken them all in and there's not one piece I don't reflect on.

 

I know as much as I don't want to, I have to let mow go. Things are getting very ugly with her and her H. He already believes their M is ending and she's indifferent to him. Her hopes are on me and both of us. I'm her first real LTR BF besides her H since she married so young. Its like the first time she's been really in love. I can see it in her eyes, voice and things she talks about.

 

I think about how when I was younger and was on the receiving end of being cut off of an LTR. I remember trying as hard as I could but i knew deep down my GF's (yes I've had a few) were gone emotionally. I think that's where MOW's H is. He knows she's checked out. I feel bad about it but I know its not just me. She was going to do it but just needed a KISA or someone to rescue her. I was the one that didn't see or know the A would evolve into an LTR.

 

If I can help mow find another place workwise, I'll be happy for her yet heartbroken, but i know its for the best. I spent time last week taking my youngest daughter to a dance class for her first time. She kept looking back at me, waiting for confirmation she was doing good. That moment sealed it for me...as I thought about what i wasn't there? Would she have the chance to go? If she did, there would be no opportunity for me to give her the thumbs up like I have now.

 

mow and spent time in a private intimate setting recently. it was great like it always is...however this time....i felt like i was NOT ready to leave my W whereas before I was. Mow told me she was not ready to do it a year ago but is ready now. You and LS have brought me to my knees. I can't stay undecided...its stressing me out everyday i go to sleep.

 

Now its a matter of helping mow get another business to work for. Her M is over but if she ends up someplace else work wise and we call it off for a period of time, she may end up staying with her h as she would rather settle and not being alone.

 

I will know more soon....sooner than i want to.

[conflictedlove]

He's been warned about losing everything long before his affair became physical.

.

 

Hi Sunny,

 

Yes, I never did realize or did anyone here ever state that the A would grow into a full time LTR and then demand vacating my current situation. When I think back, it was never even brought up.

 

Lets be honest..everyone fears getting caught. I get that and its part of the thrill of the chase. On the other hand, going on 2 yrs does say a lot. I was ok with moving forward until you and others here on LS keep waiving the caution flags....they got to me. I woke up out of of fog and now I want to make it right by helping mow get a new place to work so no one is hurt long term.

[conflictedlove]

OP I don't understand how you see yourself as rescuing anyone because you can't save yourself from your drowning prose or your muddled thinking. .

 

Hi Peaks,

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Yes, I beg to differ....I am capable of doing the KISA and very comfortable with it as well. My problem is....being honest here...i've done it more than I like to admit and its rarely turns out favorable...ever! That's why I can honestly say, now that the A fog is lifting, I know that I can't be a KISA save the damsel in distress. Why? they either go back or they use the KISA as a rebound and end up somewhere else.

[conflictedlove]

I don’t think your heart breaks or that you’re in any pain at all.

 

Hi Blue,

 

Actually, as much as I don't want to admit it, i wish you were right!

 

I wish it didn't bother me. I wish i could sleep at night..get a full nights sleep instead of waking up at 2am 3am and so on.....then stressing at work and being tense all day long...thinking about how someone at the office might find out.....it feels horrible!

 

As I mentioned, last week's event taking my daughter to a dance class did it for me. That was it. That event, in conjunction with what you and others have kindly supported and even chastised me about,,,have taken root...and now i'm no longer in bliss...sleeping the night away....those days are gone.

[Owl]

As previoiusly noted. You focus on how 'horrible you feel'...zero focus on actually doing or changing anything.

 

You don't want help...you want people to say things to make you feel better.

 

Q.E.D.

[2sunny]

Let's be honest?

 

You're saying that to us and then lying to us?

 

 

 

Honesty isn't part of who you are. That's your number one issue and one that you have the ability to work on.

 

Two year ago tons of posters warned you about EVERY little aspect of getting into an affair and cautioned you not to do it.

 

You can't tell us here that you weren't warned. Go back and look at your other usernames and read again. The evidence is there.

 

Be a man and make a decision and learn to evolve into an honest human being that quits harming women and children.

 

I say that with my deepest sincerity for you to grow.

 

No relationship would be much better than the lies you've created.

 

Please seek professional help. Now you lie to yourself and believe those too - that's concerning!

[peaksandvalleys]

Hi Peaks,

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Yes, I beg to differ....I am capable of doing the KISA and very comfortable with it as well. My problem is....being honest here...i've done it more than I like to admit and its rarely turns out favorable...ever! That's why I can honestly say, now that the A fog is lifting, I know that I can't be a KISA save the damsel in distress. Why? they either go back or they use the KISA as a rebound and end up somewhere else.

 

You sir are no knight in shining armor. If that is how you view yourself there is nothing will change the situation. Your thought process is messed up and you have no problem with messing up others in the process. There is no damsel. There are just two women who are in distress because of the mess you have placed in their lives. There is nothing noble about your actions. Just manipulation and disrespect.

[conflictedlove]

 

I say that with my deepest sincerity for you to grow.

 

 

Hi Sunny

 

Thank you for your post.

 

I realize that it's hard to imagine how anyone could get caught up in an A and have it evolve into an LTR. Most people assume they can control it, like I did, or end up getting caught.

 

I never thought in my wildest dreams I would fall in love with mow and allow her to do the same with me. Granted, mow has an addictive personality, so its not like i'm special or the one. It's just she has an addictive personality and obsesses over being with me all the time. its nice to have someone who longs for that but i also realize this would change if we were together under the same roof.

 

when i think back about how your ex h had an A. Do you think it was only him or do you feel you had a part to play as well like maybe he felt neglected? I ask since that is partly why my a started.

[conflictedlove]

You sir are no knight in shining armor. If that is how you view yourself there is nothing will change the situation. Your thought process is messed up and you have no problem with messing up others in the process. There is no damsel. There are just two women who are in distress because of the mess you have placed in their lives. There is nothing noble about your actions. Just manipulation and disrespect.

 

Peaks,

 

Thank you and I know its hard to hear but believe me, my w doesn't know and mow's h doesn't know....yet. mow is itching to tell her h its over due to her being exhausted of him. truth is, its because of me. you know how horrible i feel? yes, compared to me, he's not much of an emotional supporter but i feel bad for him because like mow said to me....if she had never met me, she would have not known what it was like to be with someone who was supportive and cared....and would have settled for complacency.

 

Do you know what that would be like? I do. I look at my w and i think if i may have settled. she's a wonderful lady but often times is not very good at owning her mistakes. i end up owning them all and that's not good for either of us.

 

mow is a damsel in distress and i have fallen for that time and time again. not this time though...that won't work on me this time. there's no way the KISA gets the princess who is in distress. Has never worked for me and not sure if it works period.

[conflictedlove]

It's so easy to say all this and make a plan to be together, but each of you more than likely can't look your spouses in the eye and come clean. Let THEM decide what they want.

 

Hi Whichway,

 

I have some insight for you.....to the contrary..mow WANTS to tell her H the truth! meaning its over....the part of the truth so he stops trying to reconcile. He knows something is changed and he can't get her to be the compliance puppy dog she was. She no longer wants to be with him

 

I am trying to keep her from telling her h as that will mean i'll hvae to tell my w. days like today i would love to tell her asta....but mow is not the answer..i know this.....i don't want to find an out just because my w and don't see eye to eyet

[beach]

Moo.

 

Moo.

 

Moo.

 

That may help you.

[Arieswoman]

conflictedlove,

you said,

 

with mow, i figured i could back out at any time. i had the power and ability. i kept waiting and enjoying the moments assuming i could cancel my subscription. Little did i know that the moments would start to cement and cloud our hearts. Next thing you know, its going too fast and there's no way to jump off.

 

and that's just how my exH thought. He couldn't/wouldn't choose between us, so he sat on the fence getting splinters in his @r$e. Then d-day came and the ensuing train wreck cost him his marriage, his home, his pets and most importantly me. (Fortunately we had no children)

 

Others have suggested you make a choice - NOW.

 

I will put it more bluntly - you need to $h!£, or get off the pot.

[peaksandvalleys]

Peaks,

 

Thank you and I know its hard to hear but believe me, my w doesn't know and mow's h doesn't know....yet. mow is itching to tell her h its over due to her being exhausted of him. truth is, its because of me. you know how horrible i feel? yes, compared to me, he's not much of an emotional supporter but i feel bad for him because like mow said to me....if she had never met me, she would have not known what it was like to be with someone who was supportive and cared....and would have settled for complacency.

 

Do you know what that would be like? I do. I look at my w and i think if i may have settled. she's a wonderful lady but often times is not very good at owning her mistakes. i end up owning them all and that's not good for either of us.

 

mow is a damsel in distress and i have fallen for that time and time again. not this time though...that won't work on me this time. there's no way the KISA gets the princess who is in distress. Has never worked for me and not sure if it works period.

 

 

I don't know what it would be like. But I have been in business long enough to know BS when I see it. I base my life in reality not stories about knights and damsels. Most people live and operate in the real world. Sadly, I do not think everyone does. Good luck with your story of woe and perceived gallantry.

[Owl]

Conflicted...one last time.

 

What are you going to DO, today, to resolve your situation?

[justmebev1]

Hi Anika - It's been awhile since I have been here. Sorry I missed your post for so long. I didn't mean that an OW MM love is different. I meant there is a difference between being in love, and loving someone. I also believe that you can remain in love with someone for a long time. Also, if it's honest in love. Now, that it's been awhile since I posted that, I have found out that obviously his in love with me was bull**** because in my opinion if you are truly in love with someone you are with that person, no excuses!

[conflictedlove]

Update to this falling A

 

LS Friends

 

I spent some time with mow in a private setting, very intimate as we usually try to set aside at least 1 to 2x per week.

 

It was different though.....something is changing and we both know it.

 

After we went through our customary physical intimacy and as we lay together in the stillness of the night, I asked mow a very serious question. The answer led her down a path that we both felt took us by surprise yet we both know we will have to deal with it. It's a question most if not all AP's won't ask because they are afraid to find out the answer.

 

My question to mow was along the lines of "if we didn't happen, would you stay with your H or would you have sustain it just because you wanted to have someone vs being solo?"....mow paused and expressed that she was not happy..then tripping over her feet she blurted "i'm not happy so that's how we started, so it would have eventually been someone else".....the moment she spoke those words.....i died a death that I cannot come back from. I realized and have to accept that, just like many other AP's have to cope with...it's not us that makes it our A's special...it was going to be us or someone else involved with our AP.....we are just a number.....just a mere number.

 

mow tried to backpeddle but the truth is what it is.....there's no way out.....if we didn't have our A with each other...it would have been someone else.....thus washing away our unique, special relationship and now calling it what it is.....a pacifier.

 

I must admit...i am crushed. I don't think I can recover. I now have and must make plans to end my A by helping mow get another job at a different company and I will just end it. Mow swears and takes an oath that she loves me and can't live w/o me......well......i wanted to believe that....until i because just a number.....a mere random choice......just one of many.....

 

As i write this...tears stream down my face......for i know that the last 2 years have been wonderful....she gave me hope....love....joy and happiness.....now i'm left with the truth.....that its not us....as much as mow and i want it to be...we are just timing....and that's all.

[couchcushion]

 

My question to mow was along the lines of "if we didn't happen, would you stay with your H or would you have sustain it just because you wanted to have someone vs being solo?"....mow paused and expressed that she was not happy..then tripping over her feet she blurted "i'm not happy so that's how we started, so it would have eventually been someone else".....the moment she spoke those words.....i died a death that I cannot come back from. I realized and have to accept that, just like many other AP's have to cope with...it's not us that makes it our A's special...it was going to be us or someone else involved with our AP.....we are just a number.....just a mere number.

 

 

Not to rain on your epiphany...but take this outside the context of an affair.

 

Think of two single people falling in love. If those people hadn't met they each would have found someone else.

 

I don't think the fact that each party to a relationship would be with someone else if timing/circumstances were different means that the relationship is not special.

 

Just speaking realistically here.

 

And I'm worried when you say things like "something is different, and we both know it". Because I'm not sure that she knows it. She sounds very invested in you, and I think you will destroy her. A new job does not magically make heart break disappear.

[bathtub-row]

I wish it didn't bother me. I wish i could sleep at night..get a full nights sleep instead of waking up at 2am 3am and so on.....then stressing at work and being tense all day long...thinking about how someone at the office might find out.....it feels horrible!

 

Have you ever considered finding a new job for yourself?

[conflictedlove]

Not to rain on your epiphany...but take this outside the context of an affair.

 

Think of two single people falling in love. If those people hadn't met they each would have found someone else.

 

I don't think the fact that each party to a relationship would be with someone else if timing/circumstances were different means that the relationship is not special.

 

Just speaking realistically here.

 

And I'm worried when you say things like "something is different, and we both know it". Because I'm not sure that she knows it. She sounds very invested in you, and I think you will destroy her. A new job does not magically make heart break disappear.

 

Hi Couch

 

Thank you for your reply and sincere words

 

Your wake up call kind of pulled me out my depressing cloud. You are correct that every relationship starts out new. Just hearing the truth that if it wasn't me it was going go be someone else...well it just puts thinks into perspective. Like a shot of reality. Just hearing someone acknowledge the truth about being one option of others is just sobering but you put things into perspective

 

As far as mow moving to a new job, well we discussed thus and I really do believe she would submerge herself back into her h and marriage. It's really a bad relationship when one spouse becomes a parent to the much older spouse. It's one step up from a child raising adult but that's the path she chose for insecurity reasons of her own and her h. We are both emotionally invested. At her age and being married so young, in her 2nd real bf if not her first. As a woman, just imagine how wonderful that relationship was!

 

Well she's living it. This is not my first rodeo and I see things differently now thanks to you and others here who are genuine on LS. My vision is clearer. My heart jaded. I was lost in the moment but these posts shook me out of my euphoria. I feel like a non choice. As if my first gf was never built to last because that was a learning relationship on what to do and not do. I'm moved long past that and have sadly chased relationship in others only to find it's gone and I'm better for it now.

 

I need to reflect on your words and digest what you've just shared. It's loaded with some heart felt truths

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Update to this falling A

 

LS Friends

 

I spent some time with mow in a private setting, very intimate as we usually try to set aside at least 1 to 2x per week.

 

It was different though.....something is changing and we both know it.

 

After we went through our customary physical intimacy and as we lay together in the stillness of the night, I asked mow a very serious question. The answer led her down a path that we both felt took us by surprise yet we both know we will have to deal with it. It's a question most if not all AP's won't ask because they are afraid to find out the answer.

 

My question to mow was along the lines of "if we didn't happen, would you stay with your H or would you have sustain it just because you wanted to have someone vs being solo?"....mow paused and expressed that she was not happy..then tripping over her feet she blurted "i'm not happy so that's how we started, so it would have eventually been someone else".....the moment she spoke those words.....i died a death that I cannot come back from. I realized and have to accept that, just like many other AP's have to cope with...it's not us that makes it our A's special...it was going to be us or someone else involved with our AP.....we are just a number.....just a mere number.

 

mow tried to backpeddle but the truth is what it is.....there's no way out.....if we didn't have our A with each other...it would have been someone else.....thus washing away our unique, special relationship and now calling it what it is.....a pacifier.

 

I must admit...i am crushed. I don't think I can recover. I now have and must make plans to end my A by helping mow get another job at a different company and I will just end it. Mow swears and takes an oath that she loves me and can't live w/o me......well......i wanted to believe that....until i because just a number.....a mere random choice......just one of many.....

 

As i write this...tears stream down my face......for i know that the last 2 years have been wonderful....she gave me hope....love....joy and happiness.....now i'm left with the truth.....that its not us....as much as mow and i want it to be...we are just timing....and that's all.

 

Did you really "die a death [you] cannot come back from" because your MOW's existence doesn't revolve around you? That makes no sense. Every relationship is a number, a random choice, one of many. No one is destined to be with anyone.

 

I think you're fabricating this great pain to justify breaking up with her, whether you're aware of it or not. Please prove me wrong.

[bathtub-row]

I must admit...i am crushed. I don't think I can recover. I now have and must make plans to end my A by helping mow get another job at a different company and I will just end it. Mow swears and takes an oath that she loves me and can't live w/o me......well......i wanted to believe that....until i because just a number.....a mere random choice......just one of many.....

 

As i write this...tears stream down my face......for i know that the last 2 years have been wonderful....she gave me hope....love....joy and happiness.....now i'm left with the truth.....that its not us....as much as mow and i want it to be...we are just timing....and that's all.

 

My friend, I gotta say that you are just simply a mess. And I don't mean that in the sense that you're in an affair and all that. What I mean is that you really are extremely passive and, in case you hadn't noticed, I would take a stab and say that this is not your best trait.

 

First of all, you baited the OW with this question, and I think you took it completely the wrong way. Unlike children, I think we, as adults, all know that there is more than one "right" person out there for us. So, in the context of what she said, I think you're taking it the wrong way. But I also think you're doing that because you're going to try to pin this break-up on her and base it on that reason. What she was probably saying is that if she hadn't found one special person, she would've found another. Big f-ing deal.

 

Now, the reason this whole scenario reeks is because of a couple of things. First of all, you met with her, had sex and intimacy again when you've already said that your daughter's reaction 'sealed it' for you. So, it's already sealed and you're still leading the OW on. Have you really thought about what you're doing and the cruelty involved here? As long as you're her emotional supporter, as long as you're still sleeping with her, etc, you're sending the wrong message. I can't imagine the cruelty of someone who gave me all the right signals for all the wrong reasons. This is nothing short of cowardice. And I really don't want to hear you respond to me saying how right you think I am. Your actions say everything and that's the thing that needs to change. As in your significant relationships, agreeing with me means nothing because you do not back up words with actions. Now, it's not important to me whether you agree with me or not, nor does it matter to me what you do. My point is, saying 'yeah you're right' and then turning around and doing the exact opposite makes you untrustworthy. This is how you're treating the significant people in your life.

 

The other part of this that's disturbing is your reaction to your interpretation of her words. You're heartbroken? She offered you hope? Now you're left with the truth? Really? You're about to dump this woman! Do you not see how odd that appears to your "viewing audience"? [written tongue-in-cheek] How do you think the OW would feel if she stumbled on this thread and read the cold way in which you view her and, often, your feelings about her, your decisions, etc, all while you're schmoozing her? She would fall over in a dead faint.

 

And no wonder she tried to backpeddle because she knew you took it the wrong way. Now you get to make her feel responsible for this break-up [that may or may not happen in this century] because of some little thing she said. For God's sake. If I were with a guy like this, I'd want to shoot my brains out. I'm not trying to be mean but many others on this site have said the same thing -- your perspective is not on target. Far from it. It's time you put the brakes on and take a long, hard look at what you're doing. From my perspective, you're starting to look like an emotional terrorist, in a sense, and doing it all while appearing to be benevolent. This simply does not work.

Edited October 12, 2014 by bathtub-row

[couchcushion]

 

And no wonder she tried to backpeddle because she knew you took it the wrong way. Now you get to make her feel responsible for this break-up [that may or may not happen in this century] because of some little thing she said.

 

This bears repeating. OP, please don't make her feel responsible because of this one honest and realistic statement that she made.

 

My anxiety levels are up just thinking about what this woman is going to go through.

[conflictedlove]

My friend, I gotta say that you are just simply a mess. And I don't mean that in the sense that you're in an affair and all that. What I mean is that you really are extremely passive and, in case you hadn't noticed, I would take a stab and say that this is not your best trait.

 

First of all, you baited the OW with this question, and I think you took it completely the wrong way. Unlike children, I think we, as adults, all know that there is more than one "right" person out there for us. So, in the context of what she said, I think you're taking it the wrong way. But I also think you're doing that because you're going to try to pin this break-up on her and base it on that reason. What she was probably saying is that if she hadn't found one special person, she would've found another. Big f-ing deal.

 

Now, the reason this whole scenario reeks is because of a couple of things. First of all, you met with her, had sex and intimacy again when you've already said that your daughter's reaction 'sealed it' for you. So, it's already sealed and you're still leading the OW on. Have you really thought about what you're doing and the cruelty involved here? As long as you're her emotional supporter, as long as you're still sleeping with her, etc, you're sending the wrong message. I can't imagine the cruelty of someone who gave me all the right signals for all the wrong reasons. This is nothing short of cowardice. And I really don't want to hear you respond to me saying how right you think I am. Your actions say everything and that's the thing that needs to change. As in your significant relationships, agreeing with me means nothing because you do not back up words with actions. Now, it's not important to me whether you agree with me or not, nor does it matter to me what you do. My point is, saying 'yeah you're right' and then turning around and doing the exact opposite makes you untrustworthy. This is how you're treating the significant people in your life.

 

The other part of this that's disturbing is your reaction to your interpretation of her words. You're heartbroken? She offered you hope? Now you're left with the truth? Really? You're about to dump this woman! Do you not see how odd that appears to your "viewing audience"? [written tongue-in-cheek] How do you think the OW would feel if she stumbled on this thread and read the cold way in which you view her and, often, your feelings about her, your decisions, etc, all while you're schmoozing her? She would fall over in a dead faint.

 

And no wonder she tried to backpeddle because she knew you took it the wrong way. Now you get to make her feel responsible for this break-up [that may or may not happen in this century] because of some little thing she said. For God's sake. If I were with a guy like this, I'd want to shoot my brains out. I'm not trying to be mean but many others on this site have said the same thing -- your perspective is not on target. Far from it. It's time you put the brakes on and take a long, hard look at what you're doing. From my perspective, you're starting to look like an emotional terrorist, in a sense, and doing it all while appearing to be benevolent. This simply does not work.

 

Hi Bathtub,

 

You sure know how to cut to the heart of the matter.

 

I'm torn. Yes, I can say it because I love mow, sincerely. I don't want to lose her and if i'm really honest with myself after reading your thoughts, i don't think i could handle losing her. She represents so much of what i always wished i could get from someone. My w, she is sincere as well but in a different way. she's a wonderful mother to my kids but my relationship with her is like two countries away from each other. She offers so much in caring for my kids that I love that about her. She also is tethered to her family and for 20 years its been that way. I can't be first and i have accepted that. she knows this but its partially my fault.

 

my relationship with my is partially my fault. its a reflection of what i have not done to make it whole. I also don't can't pretend to own it all and try to carry it. When i think about my w and i sitting across the table with no kids, its like a convo that would have no depth. it hasn't in such a long long time.

 

as far as mow...she's 15+ years young than me. shes in her early 30's. Do the math. Also add that i've dated and been in LTR's many times and its been a learning path that i partially regret. mow doesn't feel she needed to go through those things and i agree with her although i would like to know i'm for sure what she wants and needs.

 

See, this is where the A when south....it turned from a gap filling relationship to a full blown one. I never imagined, although i could see mow wanting more and more of us, that we would actually be future faking and now really talking about it. When i read your comments, i try to justify being with mow and being part of my kids lives. Could I do it? yes but with limitations. How are the odds stacked up against mow and I? the age gap, her lack of past LTR's may only fuel her restless heart later on with us and i end up like her h? AP's who go into LTR's i suspect face so many obstacles like ex spouses, kids, stresses of life, etc and most importantly can they trust again?

 

in the end, i see how mow and my age gap plays a huge role in our expectations at this moment. i don't know..maybe i'm wrong but isn't that alone a deal breaker for a LTR?

[conflictedlove]

This bears repeating. OP, please don't make her feel responsible because of this one honest and realistic statement that she made.

 

My anxiety levels are up just thinking about what this woman is going to go through.

 

Couch,

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

No, see, your very words PREVENT me from not making her feel responsible. I won't do that. When you said you can feel your anxiety levels increase, my first response is NOT To let that happen. I won't let that happen. I won't turn this on her. I can promise you that. I don't even know if I can turn on her.

 

As odd as this may come across...i wouldn't hurt her. I would rather her come to a conclusion on her own. Even then, after reading the feedback here, i don't want hurt her nor can i. i know living in two worlds in not safe or ideal..but i don't hurt anyone if i do, right?