"Giving up" too easily with a woman

[irc333]

I sometimes hear women, when talking about dating in general, they feel that they wait for a man to call a FEW times before deciding to return his call.

 

Why? Because his mulitple calls is an indicator that he thinks highly enough of her and "cares" enough that she'll see him as date worthy.

 

I never heard of a disturbing crock in my life, but it's a reality with SOME women.

 

I have a male friend that only does the one shot deal where he calls a woman, leaves a voicemail and that's it. Occasionally he'll do it twice, but if she doesn't return his call..he moves on.

 

Then she'd run into him at a Meetup and wonder "How come you didn't call?" and he'd be like "I did call, I even left a voicemail" then she said, "But you gave up so easily!"

 

As if she expected him to call her multiple times...you know...like a stalker.

 

Which brings up another topic where men have to struggle with staying in touch with a woman without being seemingly stalkerish. Some men "give up" easily for this reason and not to be accused of such things.

 

Can anyone concur that some women see this as a validation a man is dateworthy if he calls multiple times?

[anne1707]

You have surpassed yourself this time Ric.

 

So now women are damned for wanting more than one phone call (for wanting validation) and damned for not wanting more than one phone call (for not wanting a stalker)

[irc333]

You know what's interesting, I"m being judged on "woman bashing" when I only want a question answered. I am saying this DOES happen with SOME women. Quit being so defensive. Unless you're being facetious, right? lol

 

 

 

You have surpassed yourself this time Ric.

 

So now women are damned for wanting more than one phone call (for wanting validation) and damned for not wanting more than one phone call (for not wanting a stalker)

[anne1707]

But both actions you have criticised. Hence my post.

 

Not feeling at all defensive, just amused.

[irc333]

But both actions you have criticised. Hence my post.

 

Not feeling at all defensive, just amused.

 

You do make a point, but its true that are "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations when it comes to dating.

[anne1707]

You do make a point, but its true that are "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations when it comes to dating.

 

I agree.

 

But for now I would love to see you post on the positives of dating and the positives of women. Maybe a shift in attitude will lead to a shift in success in finding a girlfriend.

[Zeurich]

Please come on you still talk about that Royal Highness who ignore you all the time? Come on friend there are woman in the world,, or perhaps is she is the only one in your area? Get over with it I don't think your energy worth even to write about her. Any way Good luck. If I was called I always answered. If I am not comfortable I wont provide my phone number in the first place

Edited August 20, 2014 by Zeurich

[irc333]

I agree.

 

But for now I would love to see you post on the positives of dating and the positives of women. Maybe a shift in attitude will lead to a shift in success in finding a girlfriend.

 

I do have positives, I have posted some, but not many....but these are relationship and dating forums where a good percentage talk bout their dating issues some of which are not so positive. So it's par for the course and thus the reason this message board even exists. LOL

[irc333]

Please come on you still talk about that Royal Highness who ignore you all the time? Come on friend there are woman in the world,, or perhaps is she is the only one in your area? Get over with it I don't think your energy worth even to write about her. Any way Good luck. If I was called I always answered. If I am not comfortable I wont provide my phone number in the first place

 

Thank you Zeurich for the well wishes.

[preraph]

I've never met a woman who did that just to be doing it. I've known quite a few women who were too busy living life to return calls right away, though, or even check their messages.

[Keenly]

I haven't seen the specific example of which you are speaking, but I have seen some actions where one person will ignore another person and then get upset when the ignored person stops trying. It makes no sense whatsoever, but I've seen it.

[Amy_D]

I sometimes hear women, when talking about dating in general, they feel that they wait for a man to call a FEW times before deciding to return his call.

 

Why? Because his mulitple calls is an indicator that he thinks highly enough of her and "cares" enough that she'll see him as date worthy.

 

I never heard of a disturbing crock in my life, but it's a reality with SOME women.

 

I have a male friend that only does the one shot deal where he calls a woman, leaves a voicemail and that's it. Occasionally he'll do it twice, but if she doesn't return his call..he moves on.

 

Then she'd run into him at a Meetup and wonder "How come you didn't call?" and he'd be like "I did call, I even left a voicemail" then she said, "But you gave up so easily!"

 

As if she expected him to call her multiple times...you know...like a stalker.

 

Which brings up another topic where men have to struggle with staying in touch with a woman without being seemingly stalkerish. Some men "give up" easily for this reason and not to be accused of such things.

 

Can anyone concur that some women see this as a validation a man is dateworthy if he calls multiple times?

 

I like your posts IRC because they bring up valid points. I posted my POV on another thread about this issue and my post got pulled. So you may never get to read this but here it goes.

 

Men want women to play "hard to get." It's somehow wired into their brain that if a women is too easy then they're not worth dating because they seem desperate. So when a woman gets a call from a man she has to do this balancing act game which she really rather not play but needs to do so. So maybe she'll wait a couple of hours to return a call or wait for him to call again. In the meantime, she's calling her girlfriends and talking endlessly about how the guy called and asking them when she should call back.

 

In other words: DATING SUCKS THE BIG ONE

[GemmaUK]

I never do this.

 

If I don't respond to a call then it's because I am not interested and have said so already.

 

I do know of a few older ladies in their sixties who think this way though.

 

From what I know it's much older women who have this kind of mindset.

[Amy_D]

I never do this.

 

If I don't respond to a call then it's because I am not interested and have said so already.

 

I do know of a few older ladies in their sixties who think this way though.

 

From what I know it's much older women who have this kind of mindset.

 

Yep. My mom, who is in her 60's, taught me these rules and they work.

[MidwestUSA]

I have to say, in my fifty two years, I've not heard of this.

 

 

Perhaps I hang around with people who are too straightforward.

[Kid_Charlemange]

Which brings up another topic where men have to struggle with staying in touch with a woman without being seemingly stalkerish. Some men "give up" easily for this reason and not to be accused of such things.

 

I'm curious to hear the responses from the ladies, because it seems like whichever route I take, it's the wrong one:

 

"You gave up too easy, I thought you weren't interested."

 

"I wanted to go out with you, but you bombarded me with calls and texts and it freaked me out."

 

No wonder I've given up!

[Priv]

I think your friend is a wise man.

[Imajerk17]

I keep saying you write the same threads over and over again, but I think this thread is an actual word-for-word repeat!

 

Anyway irc333, you get way too worked up by the habits of random women. Your complaining as you do is unattractive.

 

Especially since the solution is so simple. If she really made a strong impression of you just call her again if you don't hear back from her. Up to maybe 2 or 3 voicemails. If she is an otherwise nice woman who is "playing games" or got sidetracked you'll win; if she just isn't interested she might be annoyed but you weren't going to be dating her anyway. She'll live and so will you. Problem solved.

[insert_name]

One woman's 'hard to get' is another woman's 'harassment'. Sadly for men you often won't know which it is until you reach the point of no return.

 

Personally, if its not straight forward then I'm not interested. Call a 3rd time after striking out the 1st & 2nd? I'd rather stay single love, thanks!

[irc333]

Sorry, Im A Jerk, I think I'm actually "peaking" somewhere, where MAY be this repetitiveness will eventually stop.

 

I keep saying you write the same threads over and over again, but I think this thread is an actual word-for-word repeat!

 

Anyway irc333, you get way too worked up by the habits of random women. Your complaining as you do is unattractive.

 

Especially since the solution is so simple. If she really made a strong impression of you just call her again if you don't hear back from her. Up to maybe 2 or 3 voicemails. If she is an otherwise nice woman who is "playing games" or got sidetracked you'll win; if she just isn't interested she might be annoyed but you weren't going to be dating her anyway. She'll live and so will you. Problem solved.

[guest569]

"Treat them mean, keep them keen" wow I've never heard men use that tactic.....

 

Oh wait, check the dating section "can playing hard to get be taken too far " written by......a man!

Edited August 20, 2014 by smiley1

[MidwestUSA]

Sorry, Im A Jerk, I think I'm actually "peaking" somewhere, where MAY be this repetitiveness will eventually stop.

 

Now you've completely lost me. Peaking at what?

[preraph]

In deference to the fact that I'm from an older generation and that today there's a constant changing atmosphere out there for those dealing with texting and OLD, I will say that it's possible a few people are playing games and the reason being because everyone is looking for the golden key that will get them the right match through social media. In the process, someone without much experience might twist the conventional wisdom of not seeming desperate to mean to be rude and do it regularly. I mean, everyone is floating these various "methods" to use in OLD because OLD isn't working very well for most people, grasping for the answer, and in the process, I'm sure lots of mistakes are being made.

 

If you run across a person who seems to playing games like this, it comes from inexperience and believing everything you hear, so chances are they're 14. So that is why no one should be wasting time continuing to pursue them. If a 30-year-old doesn't return texts, it's because they don't want to talk to you.

 

So as I've said before, when someone doesn't return texts, the only thing to do is stop trying to contact them.

[bastus]

<p>imo, some men tend to feel that hard earned women are sexier, i mean, the challenge, even me personally is not into that..i guess it' all depend on mood nor environment..</p>

[guest569]

<p>imo, some men tend to feel that hard earned women are sexier, i mean, the challenge, even me personally is not into that..i guess it' all depend on mood nor environment..</p>

 

I have heard that a lot on here, for advice to women uncertain whether to call or not. "Men like the chase, leave it to him" etc.