What did I do? He is jealous and insecure.

[oneinamillion]

My exbf and I have been together for 18 months. It's been great up until the last couple months. I really do enjoy his company. He’s cool and fun. I really care for him and see a happy future together. His name is Kevin. We work down the street from each other. We don't live together. Kevin has a tendency to be jealous and get insecure in our relationship.

 

For a year, I have been hanging out at a local bar/club by work with my friend and colleague Sara cause it’s awesome. Love the food, drinks and atmosphere. Sara and I are a lot alike. She is someone my age. It’s our ritual to go there every Wed, Thurs, Friday for lunch and sometimes Friday nights. We are friends with all the staff and owner. I’ve become friends with the bartender named Tyler. He’s married and has 2 older boys. I find out he and his wife like to rock climbing like I do. He seems so cool down to earth, and fun. Tyler and I started texting and would talk about climbing. We’ve even gone out climbing once with his wife. I don’t text Tyler’s wife. I talk to Tyler about all sorts of things, even personal things. We’ve become close. I even call him “cutie”, “sweetie”. But I don’t with my other male friends. I call Kevin “babe”, or “baby".

 

I sometimes go for coffee and lunch with Kevin, but he seems not be around for lunch so I don’t bother asking him anymore. So I hang with my friend Sara and go to Ivy as much as we can. A couple times I went to Ivy with Sara during the day and stayed all night drinking. Tyler and Ted (a wait staff) were there and we hung out with them, they also joined us one time for drinks at another bar until after midnight. I didn’t invite Kevin because I knew he couldn’t make it and I just wanted time with my friends alone.

 

Generally, after work or Ivy, I just rush home from work and usually don’t say goodbye to Kevin or anything. I may or may not see him later, but we’ll maybe text. I text Sara and Tyler, and my other friends though. When Kevin shows up at my house I’m really happy to see him. We have fun together too. He is warm and affectionate, he’s my biggest fan. Other times, I’m so tired after work, that I just fall asleep. One time I stood Tyler up and didn’t go to his house cause I fell asleep. I played it off like it was nothing and that I just fell asleep, but he was upset. So he asked we confirm plans from now on, so I do.

 

I don’t feel I can tell Kevin little things cause I’m afraid he’ll tell others so I keep inconsequential stuff to myself (e.g. called in sick or took a vacation day, where I’m having lunch). And am usually ambiguous about what I do or where I am, just cause I like my privacy.

 

I sometimes go out with my other female friends and plan to meet kevin later at a certain time but sometimes I make Kevin wait an hour for me while I have a drink with my friend. Kevin has asked that I be considerate tell him an more realistic time. But I feel like he is just jealous that I spent time with my friends instead of him. I think he’s trying to control me.

 

After one of my late nights at Ivy, Kevin explodes and accuses me of cheating on him with Tyler. I reassure him and tell him I’m not and offer to show him my texts with Tyler. When Kevin said he’d like that, I change my mind telling him its none of his business. Kevin tells me he feels uncared for, disrespected, not valued by me. He tells me he needs me to be considerate, respectful, open, and to include him in my friendship with Tyler, not all the time, but sometimes. I am afraid of giving in to Kevin’s requests just to ease his jealousy and insecurity. Where would his demands end? I think he needs to deal with his issues and not expect me to appease him and make him feel secure. Right?? I did nothing wrong and have not cheated.

 

I have confided only in Tyler about my issues with Kevin. I told Tyler that Kevin has accused me of being with him. Tyler now thinks Kevin doesn’t like him and jokes around sarcastically saying Kevin is his best buddy. I find it funny.

 

I erase the texts with Tyler because I don’t want Kevin to find them and think something is up or get jealous.

 

I am so upset Kevin accused me of Tyler that I get him back by accusing him. I admit I was rude. I didn’t apologize even when Kevin told me it hurt him because I feel justified. I want to teach him a lesson to realize he is wrong. Right??

 

I notice he’s not as talkative or available for me.

 

I’ve been spending more time with him because Sara is now gone. But I miss her and Tyler and Ivy terribly. I even tell Tyler this in a text, and confirm future climbing plans i made with them. Tyler says he has to ask his wife and asks if his best buddy will be there. I say no and laugh.

 

But I do care about Kevin and tell him indirectly. I play a love song for him. Tell him I am falling more and more for him each day. I am trying to find things to do to show him I care. I fixed his jeans that had holes in them, and I helped him pick and plant his flower garden. I don’t tell him I love him, although I know he loves me. I’m just not quite there yet, but I know I could be very happy with him. It takes a while for me to love.

 

Then one day, Kevin checks my phone without my knowledge and sees my recent texts with Tyler. He sees I call him sweetie and laugh at Tyler calling him his best buddy. kevin is clearly devastated and tries to end things with me because he thinks something more is going on with Tyler than there really is. I try to reassure him that nothing is going on and that’s just how we talk. He asks if that’s how I talk to all my guy friends. I said no. And he asks if Tyler’s wife knows how you talk. I said, sure. Probably. But I really don’t know. I told him I don't know if I can deal with his jealousy, especially because NOTHING is going on with Tyler.

 

Was I wrong? What did I do to contribute to our end? Did I make him insecure or was he just irrationally jealous?

Edited August 20, 2014 by oneinamillion

[damien201]

This Ivy club sounds awesome.

[Zahara]

I don't think you have the maturity to be in a relationship. I think your behavior is manipulative and shady. To be in a relationship, there has to be transparency, but most of all, you have to consider the feelings of your partner and establish respectful boundaries. There was no reason for you to keep Tyler a secret. You could have even invited Kevin along for your activities or to Ivy. You even consider texting your friends and Tyler first and do so but not Kevin. You could have even mentioned Tyler from the get go and made an attempt for everyone to meet.

 

And why are you calling another woman's husband "sweetie" and "cutie"? That isn't right. Do you think Tyler's wife would like that? Why do you use those pet names for Tyler and not for your other male friends?

 

I have to wonder if you intentionally behave the way you do with your boyfriend because YOU are insecure. You try to make him jealous by not responding, arriving late, picking your friends over him, etc. That leaves him dependent on you. Then when he starts feeling insecure and clings, it empowers you and you blame it on him. The thing is YOU are part of the problem.

 

"But I do care about Kevin and tell him indirectly. I play a love song for him. Tell him I am falling more and more for him each day. I am trying to find things to do to show him I care. I fixed his jeans that had holes in them, and I helped him pick and plant his flower garden. I don’t tell him I love him, although I know he loves me. I’m just not quite there yet, but I know I could be very happy with him. It takes a while for me to love."

 

That isn't love. Love is about respect, compromise, loyalty, honesty -- deep values. Your love is superficial. Fixed his jeans? Play him songs? You like having him on the backburner while you prance around in bars, with your friends, with the bartender, having a secret life outside of your ex -- then at the end of the day, you have a soft cushion to go home to. So while you take your time to love Kevin, you're going to do whatever you like? Yes?

 

I mean what kind of person gossips about their boyfriend, makes the boyfriend the butt of jokes and has no problem partaking in the laughs about him? That's not love.

Edited August 20, 2014 by Zahara

[twosadthings]

You were and are wrong. You shared details of your relationship and made your boyfriend a standing joke between you and someone he doesn't care for. If you can't respect your guy you don't deserve him.

 

Twosadthings

[Keenly]

Its very inappropriate for you to be texting a married man.

[GemmaUK]

One time I stood Tyler up and didn’t go to his house cause I fell asleep. I played it off like it was nothing and that I just fell asleep, but he was upset. So he asked we confirm plans from now on, so I do.

 

You meant to say 'Kevin' there didn't you?

 

I'm independent and I don't like to have to 'check in' with every single thing I do...but..you milked it with all you did.

 

You're not being respectful to your(now ex) man.

Respect on both sides is crucial to a relationship.

 

I get the feeling you were bored with Kevin..though it was all nice..you were still bored.

 

He isn't/wasn't being controlling. I dated someone who was..and this is waaay different! I would have expected hassle if I was doing all that you have been..and I would have deserved it!

I don't blame him for blowing up..except I would just have walked away.

He asked to be a 'bit' included. You didn't even give him that.

 

Have you ever heard of an 'emotional affair'?

This is one where no sex is involved.

[Zeurich]

But I feel like he is just jealous that I spent time with my friends instead of him. I think he’s trying to control me.

are you freaking nuts? Honestly if he is a man with back born he should dump you in the first place. seriously your type of woman or girls are really dangerous to have around.

I did nothing wrong and have not cheated.

what are you doing then calling married men "cutie", " sweetie" and texting married men and hang around with them when you have a boy friend. what does is call if it is not cheating.

 

Please don't play with people feelings. If you don't know the value of true relationship or the worth of being loved, being cared by some one, who care for you set them free and be crazy on your own all alone.

First observe your own insecurity work that out before you point Kevin for jealous.And don't be surprised if he will be pissed at the end.

[Space Ritual]

 

I have confided only in Tyler about my issues with Kevin. I told Tyler that Kevin has accused me of being with him. Tyler now thinks Kevin doesn’t like him and jokes around sarcastically saying Kevin is his best buddy. I find it funny.

 

I erase the texts with Tyler because I don’t want Kevin to find them and think something is up or get jealous.

 

I am so upset Kevin accused me of Tyler that I get him back by accusing him. I admit I was rude. I didn’t apologize even when Kevin told me it hurt him because I feel justified. I want to teach him a lesson to realize he is wrong. Right??

 

 

LOL are you kidding me? How old are you. 12?

 

 

If I was Kevin I'd find the nearest curb and dump you off at it as soon as possible. You are playing games. So how does Tyler's wife like you texting him and sharing your relationship thoughts with him?

[Space Ritual]

He asks if that’s how I talk to all my guy friends. I said no. And he asks if Tyler’s wife knows how you talk. I said, sure. Probably. But I really don’t know. I told him I don't know if I can deal with his jealousy, especially because NOTHING is going on with Tyler.

 

 

 

Oh I got my answer...expect this little emotional affair you have going to blow up in your face when his wife figures it out.

[smackie9]

I agree with everyone you have stepped out of bounds. Your gushing texts with each other is inappropriate. If you haven't heard, you are having what is called an emotional affair. Even tho sex is not involved IT IS STILL CHEATING. You two are acting like as if you were in the early stages of dating. You are way off base thinking this is OK. You are flirting with a married man for f uck sakes, your BF has every right to be jealous. If Tyler's wife ever saw those texts, you bet she will be right down there grabbing you by the hair and pull you to the floor to pound your face in. You better watch yourself Missy.

[preraph]

Actually, Kevin doesn't sound that jealous or insecure. It would be hard to ignore that you've been with him 18 months but spend more time with friends and Tyler than you do him, plus you show them more common courtesy.

 

Your biggest problem here is you are thoughtless and inconsiderate. You are stomping all over Kevin and you would have done on Tyler except he didn't let you.

 

I'm not saying you should never go out with friends, but number one, if you want to maintain a commitment with Kevin, then you need to give him the courtesy of looking at your phone regularly since you're the one exhibiting suspicious behavior, you need to always show up on time and always let him know where you are and what you're doing. It sounds like if you would just do those bare essentials of courtesy, Kevin would be fine.

 

I imagine Tyler's wife will make sure Tyler dispenses of you in due time, so get ready for that.

[pteromom]

I think you were in the wrong on this one.

 

Kevin's requests to be a part of your friendship with Tyler were very reasonable. He wasn't telling you to quit talking to Tyler or to abandon your friends for him. THAT would have been controlling.

 

But Kevin was just trying to be more integrated into your life and know that you were interested in only him, which is perfectly reasonable for 18 months (!!) of dating.

 

I am actually kind of shocked that after 18 months, your life is still so compartmentalized, where your boyfriend was completely separate from the rest of your social life.

[pteromom]

I even call him “cutie”, “sweetie”.

 

Mistake #1: This is disrespectful to Tyler's wife, as well as to your relationship.

 

But I don’t with my other male friends. I call Kevin “babe”, or “baby".

 

I sometimes go for coffee and lunch with Kevin, but he seems not be around for lunch so I don’t bother asking him anymore.

 

I didn’t invite Kevin because I knew he couldn’t make it and I just wanted time with my friends alone.

 

Generally, after work or Ivy, I just rush home from work and usually don’t say goodbye to Kevin or anything.

 

I may or may not see him later, but we’ll maybe text.

 

 

Mistake #2: You don't seem to prioritize time with him or make any real effort to integrate him into your life.

 

I don’t feel I can tell Kevin little things cause I’m afraid he’ll tell others so I keep inconsequential stuff to myself (e.g. called in sick or took a vacation day, where I’m having lunch). And am usually ambiguous about what I do or where I am, just cause I like my privacy.

Mistake #3: You never let Kevin into your life. It isn't like you have to be open about every tiny detail of your day, but you kept him at arm's length. After 18 months, you should be comfortable telling him anything.

 

sometimes I make Kevin wait an hour for me while I have a drink with my friend.

Mistake #4: This is just rude. I am surprised it took him as long as it did to break it off with you. Making your bf wait an hour is inconsiderate.

 

Kevin explodes and accuses me of cheating on him with Tyler. I reassure him and tell him I’m not and offer to show him my texts with Tyler. When Kevin said he’d like that, I change my mind telling him its none of his business. Kevin tells me he feels uncared for, disrespected, not valued by me. He tells me he needs me to be considerate, respectful, open, and to include him in my friendship with Tyler, not all the time, but sometimes.

Mistake #5: Not working with him to help your relationship grow. His requests were very reasonable. And though I am all for being able to maintain privacy in a relationship, would it have hurt you to reassure him? If nothing is going on, then you would have lost nothing by doing so.

 

I have confided only in Tyler about my issues with Kevin. I told Tyler that Kevin has accused me of being with him. Tyler now thinks Kevin doesn’t like him and jokes around sarcastically saying Kevin is his best buddy. I find it funny.

Mistake # 6: Put yourself in Kevin's shoes. Imagine that he had a girl friend who did this to you, and see how it feels.

 

I am so upset Kevin accused me of Tyler that I get him back by accusing him. I admit I was rude. I didn’t apologize even when Kevin told me it hurt him because I feel justified. I want to teach him a lesson to realize he is wrong. Right??

Mistake # 7: Wrong. "Teaching someone a lesson" tells me that you aren't mature enough for a long-term relationship. It's not you vs. him. It's working TOGETHER to solve issues and grow. And it doesn't matter if he was right or wrong... FEELINGS are never wrong. And if you love someone, you want to help them through their negative feelings, not punish them.

 

Was I wrong? What did I do to contribute to our end? Did I make him insecure or was he just irrationally jealous?

I don't know him, so I can't say whether he is irrationally jealous or not. But nothing you've outlined here sounds irrational on his part.

 

You need to figure out why you are so stand-offish. Why you are afraid to be vulnerable and let someone into your heart. Why it is so important for you to keep your wall up.

[Try]

A couple times I went to Ivy with Sara during the day and stayed all night drinking. Tyler and Ted (a wait staff) were there and we hung out with them, they also joined us one time for drinks at another bar until after midnight. I didn’t invite Kevin because I knew he couldn’t make it and I just wanted time with my friends alone.

You are doing many things that a person in a committed relationship should not be doing but this one just jumped out at me. You and your girlfriend went drinking with 2 guys (Tyler and Ted) until after midnight to a different bar than the one Tyler works at, so that it is more like a date and gives both of you privacy from the prying eyes of people that know you, and you do not invite your boyfriend Kevin partially because you "just wanted time with" your friend and 2 guys "alone" without Kevin. The fact that this statement seems normal to you is why you are not committed relationship material.

 

There are so many red flags in your post, that if your boyfriend had posted here instead of you, everyone would have told him to dump you and not look back. Not only is your boyfriend not jealous and insecure, many would be telling him that he was too weak with you in not establishing boundaries with other men a long time ago.

[brokenangel1]

you gotta be kidding me you call this so call bartender sweetie and cutie but yet you don't call Kevin that? you stand kevin up and laugh when your emotional affair partner makes jokes of him? You obviously do not like Kevin at all you playing with his feelings and there is something called karma what goes around comes around it might not hit you straight away but in future or maybe even with Tyler you will get hurt just like you hurt Kevin believe it or not.

[brokenangel1]

also I forgot to add, you playing with Kevin's feelings like its a PlayStation game, you shouldn't play with another people's feelings, but as I said Karma whether you believe in such a thing, you will hurt like you hurt your ex bf Kevin, and you still got a nerve to say his very jealous, well let me ask you a question, how would you feel if Kevin went to a club/bar met a drop dead gorgeous beauty bartender or maybe even a stripper and kept in contact and he started calling her sweetie and cutie and she made jokes about you and he laughed it off how would you feel? normal?

[marcjb]

OP, as someone else mentioned, you are manipulative and are projecting blame onto Kevin to try and justify your own actions. He is not insecure. He has every right to be upset about what you're doing. From what I can see, you expect him to just tolerate whatever you do, otherwise he is "insecure".

 

Actual insecurity is only when someone is 100% responsible for their own feelings, e.g... they are unhappy about their looks, weight, ect.. Projection is when you are the one creating the scenario and expect others to tolerate whatever you do. It doesn't sound like you're ready for a relationship if you don't want the responsibility of one. Stay single if you want to continue to act single.

Edited August 20, 2014 by marcjb

[Hope Shimmers]

Yes, I totally agree with what everyone else said. Your (ex)-boyfriend is much more mature than you, and you treated him terribly while engaging in an emotional affair with a married man.

 

Hopefully the names of all these people are not real. If so, a bit of advice for you - next time you post, you should change the names and leave out the name of the bar, which is very identifiable. Just saying.

[oneinamillion]

Thank you everyone. I appreciate your brutal honesty.

 

I do spend almost all the nights we're both free with Kevin. He'll come over and we'll watch a show, make dinner, or just hang out. He'll always sleepover.

 

I care about him and love the way he loves me. I try and think of all the things I can do make him feel I care. I show my care differently than he does. I show it by doing something for people to make their life easier. I help Kevin find something he's looking for and offer to fix anything. We cuddle and I perform how he likes it in bed. Always ensure his comfort and pleasure. I give him some emotional support if he's down about work. But I am more of the "buck it up" mentality. I think about him sometimes in my future, and make plans with him (we talked about moving in together in year), but when he is insecure, I begin to doubt if he's right for me. And I don't see a future.

 

When I get upset with Kevin for any reason, I often just bottle it up and deal with it on my own. But I find if he does soemthing I don't like, I'll do it back, or I'll withdraw and become quiet, withhold my emotions/affection. I think because I'm afraid of getting hurt, of conflict and of giving to much of myself up. I was hurt terribly in the past with 2 exbfs, and I was physically abused as a child.

 

I'm also very busy with work and trying to keep my home up. I get exhausted. And find I don't have the energy when Kevin is around.

 

Yah, I find Tyler and Ivy fun, maybe because there's no obligation or responsibilities of a relationship. idk.

 

 

I guess I have some growing up to do to be able to have a mature and healthy relationship.

 

But I think I first really need to think about whether I want to be with Kevin or not.

 

(yes, all names are fakes)

[Natsu21]

Thank you everyone. I appreciate your brutal honesty.

 

 

Yah, I find Tyler and Ivy fun, maybe because there's no obligation or responsibilities of a relationship. idk.

 

 

I guess I have some growing up to do to be able to have a mature and healthy relationship.

 

But I think I first really need to think about whether I want to be with Kevin or not.

 

(yes, all names are fakes)

 

OP, you sound young. I take it you're in your early 20s?

 

Look, what am I about to tell you is logic, not emotion, because you're a bit emotional right now.

 

The reason you didn't want Kevin around your friends is because you got attached to them, especially the married man known as Tyler. And you know that he wouldn't be okay with it. How would you feel if Kevin had a female friend he hung out with more than you? And you calling him "cutie" or "sweetie" come on, it means you're attracted to him.

 

And read what you posted...you said that a relationship was a responsibility and you wanted to escape from it.

 

^Proof that you view it as work and not fun. YOU'RE BORED with Kevin. It happens after a certain time in relationships, it's perfectly natural. But...

 

How you're handling it is incredibly immature. You're becoming quickly attached to another man, a married man. You shouldn't even be texting him. And clearly, you're doing it behind his wife's back. That's another thing.

 

You are betraying your friend, HIS WIFE. Frankly, the fact that you have to question whether or not to get Kevin back is proof...

 

You're not attracted to him. He's better off without you. You're not a bad person. You're insecure and selfish.

[Zeurich]

you gotta be kidding me you call this so call bartender sweetie and cutie but yet you don't call Kevin that? you stand kevin up and laugh when your emotional affair partner makes jokes of him? You obviously do not like Kevin at all you playing with his feelings and there is something called karma what goes around comes around it might not hit you straight away but in future or maybe even with Tyler you will get hurt just like you hurt Kevin believe it or not.

I like what you said... honestly. I believe in Karma honestly!

[ktya]

I talk to Tyler about all sorts of things, even personal things. We’ve become close. I even call him “cutie”, “sweetie”. But I don’t with my other male friends. I call Kevin “babe”, or “baby".

 

This is where you are going outside of the boundaries like a drunken woman trying to put lipstick on and smearing it all over her face.

 

You now have to stop going to this bar, stop talking to Tyler the bartender, apologize to your boyfriend and let him know while nothing happened you are doing this to save your relationship with Kevin so he has nothing to fear.

 

Tyler may be married, but he is crossing boundaries too by accepting texts from a patron where you are calling him pet names like "cutie". He'd probably get the 9th degree from his wife if she saw those texts so cutting the cord is probably for the better especially since he has 2 kids.

Edited August 21, 2014 by ktya
bad tag

[todreaminblue]

Thank you everyone. I appreciate your brutal honesty.

 

I do spend almost all the nights we're both free with Kevin. He'll come over and we'll watch a show, make dinner, or just hang out. He'll always sleepover.

 

I care about him and love the way he loves me. I try and think of all the things I can do make him feel I care. I show my care differently than he does. I show it by doing something for people to make their life easier. I help Kevin find something he's looking for and offer to fix anything. We cuddle and I perform how he likes it in bed. Always ensure his comfort and pleasure. I give him some emotional support if he's down about work. But I am more of the "buck it up" mentality. I think about him sometimes in my future, and make plans with him (we talked about moving in together in year), but when he is insecure, I begin to doubt if he's right for me. And I don't see a future.

 

When I get upset with Kevin for any reason, I often just bottle it up and deal with it on my own. But I find if he does soemthing I don't like, I'll do it back, or I'll withdraw and become quiet, withhold my emotions/affection. I think because I'm afraid of getting hurt, of conflict and of giving to much of myself up. I was hurt terribly in the past with 2 exbfs, and I was physically abused as a child.

 

I'm also very busy with work and trying to keep my home up. I get exhausted. And find I don't have the energy when Kevin is around.

 

Yah, I find Tyler and Ivy fun, maybe because there's no obligation or responsibilities of a relationship. idk.

 

 

I guess I have some growing up to do to be able to have a mature and healthy relationship.

 

But I think I first really need to think about whether I want to be with Kevin or not.

 

(yes, all names are fakes)

 

 

i really got quite confused reading your opening post.....

 

 

i think you should read pteromoms posts and every other poster who has posted...you dont love "kevin" if you did you would have put him as a priority and not others...i think you like the idea of kevin being there for you to fall back on ...i can understand why kevin is upset with you he has every right to be.....i do think you are inappropriate in texting a married man and telling him about your intimate life.....i think you should have been talking to kevin in the first place he was your bf ......deb

[Zeurich]

When I get upset with Kevin for any reason, I often just bottle it up and deal with it on my own.

that build up hidden anger and that is not healthy for your self and also not for the people around you. If you are upset you need to let him know why you are upset and how you feel about what he did. Not that you go to married guys and tell what he did.

 

But I find if he does soemthing I don't like, I'll do it back, or I'll withdraw and become quiet withhold my emotions/affection.

, Do you think that is the right thing to do? So if Tyler or other guy hurt you for some reason would you attach their total family life with some shell bomb as doing it back to them? Girlie you need serious counseling honestly.

 

I think because I'm afraid of getting hurt, of conflict and of giving to much of myself up

. I was hurt terribly in the past with 2 exbfs, and I was physically abused as a child. Before you start a relationship go for counseling other wise you hurt lot other people due to your own insecurity . To have ex BFs how old are you?

 

I'm also very busy with work and trying to keep my home up. I get exhausted. And find I don't have the energy when Kevin is around.

But you have all the energy to go and hang with those Sweetie and cutie right? Does not that mean you just play a game with Kevin's feelings?

 

 

Yah, I find Tyler and Ivy fun, maybe because there's no obligation or responsibilities of a relationship. idk.

But why don't you find their wives nice or no contacts with them? Let me tell you you like the married men. Better you set Kevin free I think he deserve a good woman secure who got good inner beauty than you. Take distance with married guys you are ruining your own self dignity.

 

but when he is insecure, I begin to doubt if he's right for me. And I don't see a future.

You still did not get it do you? It is not his damn Insecurity it is you who is insecure who is afraid of getting hurt and you are selfish too

Go to a counselor or a therapist get some help. Even if you want Kevin or not you need counseling. Other wise next person also suffers due to your behavior.

[Zeurich]

i really got quite confused reading your opening post.....

 

 

i think you should read pteromoms posts and every other poster who has posted...you dont love "kevin" if you did you would have put him as a priority and not others...i think you like the idea of kevin being there for you to fall back on ...i can understand why kevin is upset with you he has every right to be.....i do think you are inappropriate in texting a married man and telling him about your intimate life.....i think you should have been talking to kevin in the first place he was your bf ......deb

Agree with ya but how do you feel? Bit better I hope!