clynn Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 Do guys really do this? I guess girls do too, but it is just not something I've really ever engaged in or been bothered about. I am bringing this up because of some shocking information I was delivered this weekend. I dated a fellow for a while, Hal. We have known each other for over 15 years, ever since we were 13 yrs old. We've dated a few times (as adults, he was WAY too much for me as I was a goody two shoes girl), it hasn't worked out even though the attraction is there and we enjoy each other's company. To me he is too much of a playboy and I just figure he is far off the mark in being ready for a relationship (and I question if he ever would be - he may not be the type). PLUS, he has dated another woman off and on. So I figure he should sort that out. (who I hear puts up with his behavior, he flits about, you know? (or so I believe he does anyhow). He always tells me he isn't really into her, that she isn't the one for him. But, in his rather pathetic way, he can't grow up, can't commit. Doesn't know what to do, blah blah. At a friend's party this weekend he was being his usual charming self with me (she wasn't around..he usually doesn't bring her to places where I'll be...when he has he spends what I believe is an almost uncomfortable amount of attention on me anyhow). A girl who doesn't know us too well or our history, said, Oh He Likes you....why don't you go for him? I laughed. I just said, oh he's just being nice, he has a girlfriend. Another girl, who knows both of us (for years) and who's bf is a friend of his (also for years)....said, "Oh no, he doesn't have a girlfriend...what he has is a Fallback Girl..." No, no. The only person I ever hear about getting to him is "You". I responded that I found this information very perplexing and quite surprising. Well, I guess I clearly don't understand anything. She said, Yes well, Hal is just not ready to grow up yet. Really it is up to you if you wanted to be with him. To which I don't becaue I think he is too much of a playboy for me. It was very surprising. And equally as surprising that he would bother to continue going out with his "fallback girl" if he isn't really sincere about his interest in her. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 It's just an alternative to FWB. Many people do it. It's easier and usually safer to sleep with one person while you're single than to worry about picking up someone for a one night stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clynn Posted February 28, 2005 Author Share Posted February 28, 2005 I wonder. I was surprised because we did spend a bit of time together while we were dating, and there was A LOT of very intimate talking, about personal histories and family histories (his being very abusive, I knew this -- but not in that detail -- as I knew him back when he was growing up in that house). Soooo, here i think that if he keeps going back to the same girl it must be because he is developing intimacy (emotional) with her and really trying to work on being committed to someone. The hostess of the party was really mad at him because she was trying to set me up to meet a couple of other guys. He though pays all this attention and makes it seem like we're a couple, kinda, sorta. But we're definitely not! Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessindallas Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I suspect he knows how immature he is, and that eventually, he thinks, you are who he really is interested in. Right now he is sowing his oats and enjoying himself, but he is keeping you well within his sights. By making it look like you two are together, he manages to discourage other guys from getting interested in you. I think the fact that he tells other people that you are who he is really interested in speaks volumes. (I would watch my back around his fallback girl, by the way.) He's also making an effort to keep you in a romantic role in his life, rather than letting it even hint of 'just' friendship. It really sounds to me like he is trying to make sure you're still around when he is finished playing 'playboy'. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by clynn Do guys really do this? I guess girls do too, but it is just not something I've really ever engaged in or been bothered about. I responded that I found this information very perplexing and quite surprising. Well, I guess I clearly don't understand anything. She said, Yes well, Hal is just not ready to grow up yet. Really it is up to you if you wanted to be with him. To which I don't becaue I think he is too much of a playboy for me. It was very surprising. And equally as surprising that he would bother to continue going out with his "fallback girl" if he isn't really sincere about his interest in her. Yes, guys will do this. A lot of guys will 'date down' until they are ready to marry. My cousin has been with his girlfriend for two years and doesn't plan on marrying her because she isn't the type he'd marry. Makes you wonder why he is wasting his time..likely because he isn't ready to settle down and therefore is willing to date someone who won't be too much of a hassle for him. The poor girl. Also a lot of guys will date a "fall back girl" because they are afraid that anyone better is unattainable or they won't feel as secure with someone who is more on their level. It's unfortunate that people just settle when there is so much more out there. About him being a playboy, do you think he'll ever grow out of that stage? I always wonder if playboys will always be playboys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clynn Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 Yah, I dont' really know. I wonder all sorts of things about him Yeah, once a playboy, always one? He does seem to have somewhat more perspective on his behavior, or is more comfortable being forthright with it than he has in the past...? He admits to me that he gets into a circle of getting close then retreating. He does this not only with girls but also with friends. (He has managed to maintain a job at the same company though for many years - he works with my close friend's husband at a family company). And he will also reference his childhood. I know for certain it was really, really nasty and he suffered abuse and neglect from his dad. He does seem to be taking efforts to recognize some of his problems and at least recognizing them. Maybe at some point he'll move from being inwardly focused to taking responsiblity. Or not. Although he insists he wants marriage and children...... I suggested to him when I saw him last that perhaps settling down really isn't for him? He simply doesn't know! Ah, well. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Clynn, are you interested in him? Sometimes I think that people don't want to settle only because they haven't found the right one to settle with, so they figure what's the point until that person comes along. I have felt like that at times. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by clynn Do guys really do this? I guess girls do too, but it is just not something I've really ever engaged in or been bothered about. I am bringing this up because of some shocking information I was delivered this weekend. I dated a fellow for a while, Hal. We have known each other for over 15 years, ever since we were 13 yrs old. We've dated a few times (as adults, he was WAY too much for me as I was a goody two shoes girl), it hasn't worked out even though the attraction is there and we enjoy each other's company. To me he is too much of a playboy and I just figure he is far off the mark in being ready for a relationship (and I question if he ever would be - he may not be the type). PLUS, he has dated another woman off and on. So I figure he should sort that out. (who I hear puts up with his behavior, he flits about, you know? (or so I believe he does anyhow). He always tells me he isn't really into her, that she isn't the one for him. But, in his rather pathetic way, he can't grow up, can't commit. Doesn't know what to do, blah blah. At a friend's party this weekend he was being his usual charming self with me (she wasn't around..he usually doesn't bring her to places where I'll be...when he has he spends what I believe is an almost uncomfortable amount of attention on me anyhow). A girl who doesn't know us too well or our history, said, Oh He Likes you....why don't you go for him? I laughed. I just said, oh he's just being nice, he has a girlfriend. Another girl, who knows both of us (for years) and who's bf is a friend of his (also for years)....said, "Oh no, he doesn't have a girlfriend...what he has is a Fallback Girl..." No, no. The only person I ever hear about getting to him is "You". I responded that I found this information very perplexing and quite surprising. Well, I guess I clearly don't understand anything. She said, Yes well, Hal is just not ready to grow up yet. Really it is up to you if you wanted to be with him. To which I don't becaue I think he is too much of a playboy for me. It was very surprising. And equally as surprising that he would bother to continue going out with his "fallback girl" if he isn't really sincere about his interest in her. wow now's he got his friends believiing his games...he's using everyone as pawns get rid of him stalker stalker stalker get rid of him the guy is full of s*** you are falling for all of this...he's already got you thinking its possible because of what he said...he placed the idea in your head...it didn't occur to you independantly then he comes from an abusive family background....hellooooo!!!!! he's a total manipulator he learned it at daddy's knee get rid of him don't buy into his cheap talk and believe me it is all talk and that is all it is where are his actions??? you said in another post he was throwing down insults...he's trying to tear down yoru self esteem and self worth so that you will be easier for him to bag get rid of him Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 are you aware that there are people out there that try to steal the happiness of others that they are jealous and envious of other people's happiness and good life and they come in and try to ruin it because they somehow think that since they had a bad life no one else should have one either you mentioned you were a goody two shoes in school and he was a bad boy helllooooo goody two shoes and bad boy have nothing in common im assuming this club is christian that you both are in be not unequally yoked you deserve a good guy not some jerk Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 your enemy is like a lion who prowls around seeking to devour your soul and that is what this guy is stalker stalker stalker think about it!!!! think of how much he has infiltrated into your social life...your dad no less he has not asked your permission to do this he has invaded your territory drive him the hell out Link to post Share on other sites
Author clynn Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 hi honeywheat. To make this clear for you: This guy is the same as the "'Strange Guy? Confused Me? Or just a jerk? Or fun and what the heck?' NOT the same guy as "Potential Awkwardness" Potential Awkwardness adn I belong to a club together, a performing arts organization, not a christian club. The other guy and I run in the same social circle of mutual friends we've known for many years. Thank you kindly for your comments! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by clynn Soooo, here i think that if he keeps going back to the same girl it must be because he is developing intimacy (emotional) with her and really trying to work on being committed to someone. Nope. He could be just using her for free low maintenance sex with no strings attached. Link to post Share on other sites
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