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Wow, this is scary for me especially since it's about something so personal and I am so new at this, but here goes... Last year I became involved with a married man from work, I am married also, we both have children. Anyway, at first it was just a lot of fun and then it became more emotional for me. He always maintained that it was only physical, but in the last month he has been a bit more emotional. He goes from happy to sad regarding his marriage. I'm not happy myself about my marriage but I always tried to be positive and didn't talk too much about my problems unless it was really getting me down. Anyway, I seem to be the one who is an emotional wreck about him. I think of him even when we are not at work, I have given him many gifts and know that I am stupid for doing this, since he never has given me anything, Although he has always been very sweet and grateful about the gifts. I have been there for him more times than I can count and the one time I really needed him he was not there for me. I know he sounds like a big jerk. But he has a way of luring me, It almost feels addictive. Anyway, lately I have been feeling angry and resentful at him and want to stop all this. He asked me if I wanted to stop all this and I had said it was up to him and he said no he did not want to end it..We have not had sex in over a month, and we have only seen each other for lunch. But the last time we had lunch it felt so platonic that I didn't feel like all the attention I put on him is worth the effort. Yet, I felt flaterred by his attention. He tells me I am the smartest woman he knows and he has given me a nickname. He tells me he can't talk to his wife the way he can to me. But I can't go on like this because he will never love me. I decided today to not call him and guess what? He called me (I usually call and say good morning). Anyway, he wondered why I hadn't called. We spoke briefly and he said he would call me back-his m.o) he never does. I want to call him and yet I know I should be strong and let it go. I have to start somewhere. It feels uncomfortable to not call, I tell you it's like stopping an addiction and it feels horrible. His birthday is coming up and I have already committed to celebrating it with him (yet another gift) anyway, I know I am confused. Any advice or support out here?

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We have not had sex in over a month, and we have only seen each other for lunch. But the last time we had lunch it felt so platonic that I didn't feel like all the attention I put on him is worth the effort. Yet, I felt flaterred by his attention. He tells me I am the smartest woman he knows and he has given me a nickname. He tells me he can't talk to his wife the way he can to me. But I can't go on like this because he will never love me. I decided today to not call him and guess what? He called me (I usually call and say good morning). Anyway, he wondered why I hadn't called. We spoke briefly and he said he would call me back-his m.o) he never does. I want to call him and yet I know I should be strong and let it go. I have to start somewhere. It feels uncomfortable to not call, I tell you it's like stopping an addiction and it feels horrible. His birthday is coming up and I have already committed to celebrating it with him (yet another gift) anyway, I know I am confused. Any advice or support out here?

 

You have this to work with. You say you felt it was platonic..That is good! Keep trying to feel that way about him. Keep the distance and don't call him. IF he calls you keep it short, non personal and then put him out of your head.

 

Concentrate on your family. Your husband, and your kids. He isn't going to leave his wife for you and I highly doubt you're gonna leave your husband and kids for him.

 

I am not gonna bash you, but don't throw away your life, marriage and family for this guy. Think of your husband and his wife...DO they know what is going on? Just think what is going to happen when they find out...And soon enough they will. Read around in the infidelity sections about the betrayed spouses and all the pain they now have to work through because their wives/husbands cheated on them.

 

It won't be easy but do it for YOU. You don't need him. Figure out what is missing from your marriage, go to councilling and try to work it out...The pain is just not worth here, you have too much to lose.

 

Keep posting and remember you are strong and will get through this.

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I felt strong this morning, but now I feel like crap. Neither he nor my husband deserve me. I know this in my head, but my heart feels otherwise. I know who my husband is and what he is capable of becoming, However, he won't go to counseling and he said not to mention it again. I know this other guy was like an aspirin for a headache only now he is not the answer but more like the heartache. I know he doesn't even know how I feel and believe me he really doesn't want to know. I wish I could stop thinking of him, but all I could think about is him and if he will call me tomorrow morning or when we will get together next. It totally sucks being on the waiting end. Why do we get into these kinds of situations? This is the first time I have ever gone through something like this. I definitely care about my kids and I give more than 100% to my kids and would do anything for them. My husband and I have been married 8 years and I can honestly say it has been no bed of roses. I have done the majority of the trying and he has just gone along for the ride. I have talked, argued and begged for change and to no avail. A few weeks ago I told him it was time to divorce and he said okay, but said he still wanted to live with me and the kids. Since then he has been trying here and there, but still won't go to counseling.

 

In the meantime, I was mostly talking with the O/M and he made me feel better, he would make my laugh and tell me how I deserved better, although he didn't offer himself up. I do feel he understands me more than my husband and that he respects me a lot more too. We always support each other with our dreams and goals in life. In that respect he is a good friend. When we do have time to be together intimately, that's good too. I miss that. doesn't sound like someone who wants to get out of this relationship huh? I really wish he would end it, it's so hard for me to do. I know I have to. I feel a little better now.

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KissMyTiara

Are you in a position where you could leave your job to get away from MM?

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I actually sent in my resume to a company I use to work for prior to this place. I think it is best to change jobs. I know this will pretty much end it. In reading all the support everyone has helped me think of what I need and want. I can't say that I'll feel like that tomorrow but for now I want to stay postivie and strong!!!

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Tell your husband about your affair....THAT should be a wake up call letting him know how badly you need the counseling. Odds are, he doesn't see the marriage to be in the same shape that you do...he might think that there's no need for it. But, once he knows that you are so desperate that you've been looking somewhere else....

 

Good luck.

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Originally posted by Owl

Tell your husband about your affair....THAT should be a wake up call letting him know how badly you need the counseling. Odds are, he doesn't see the marriage to be in the same shape that you do...he might think that there's no need for it. But, once he knows that you are so desperate that you've been looking somewhere else....

 

Good luck.

 

I would never tell him about the affair. I would not even think of it--he is NOT the forgiving type and if I even had an inkling of interest in my marriage it is better for me to just keep my mouth shut and try to deal with this myself. Not even my closes sister knows and she is my twin. Beleive he would just kcik me out, take the kids an d divorce me. So telling him is NOT an option.

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I'm thinking about your other thread about your son - think your marital troubles might be influencing his behavior? Maybe he senses you are upset about your affair and he's also more emotional? My two cents..

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