Fiance cheated a year ago and has been lying

[Spectre]

Wait, wait, wait... all these people are jumping on this bandwagon of "oh dear lord, sweet Jesus, she CHEATED... so glad you found out NOW"

 

You were on a BREAK.. you weren't engaged based on your time line. You said you've been engaged for 9 months but you split a year and a half ago for 3 months.

 

Sure, she didn't tell you about it. She didn't HAVE to... you weren't together. Did you not understand when she said she wanted a break to know whether or not you were the right one that this meant she would date other and possibly **gasp** have sex with others?

 

Yeah, she should have told you, but really? She didn't have to. During that 3 months, you could have done what you wanted to as well... and whose to say that you didn't?

 

Make your decision about whether you want to marry her or not based on how your relationship is with her NOW... not what she did when the two of you were split up. It's actually probably a good thing that she did what she did and figured out that she STILL wanted to be with you... so go with it.

 

Sorry, but this entire post is nonsense. Did you even read the opening post? This girl more or less dumped him so she could go bang some other dudes, then came back to him and..allowed him to think that she had not had sex with anyone but him.

 

So I'm sorry, you look ridiculous trying to pull this "they were on a break" stuff. Yeah, they were on a break and it was not cheating, but make no mistake: this guys gf is a piece of trash who left him to go screw around and then came back when she found out being a wh*re wasn't all it's cracked up to be..and then she lied to him about it..and you are acting like he has no right to be upset? He has EVERY RIGHT.

 

So my advice to the OP: dump this chick, she is bad news. You don't want to end up marrying this skank. This girl is one of those people who thinks that riding a bunch of different dudes equates to "living life" or something. You don't date trash like that, allow her to be some other guys problem. The bottom line is if she loved you she wouldn't of left you to go bang some dudes. I don't care if you guys are young and in college, she is still an adult so there is no excuse for her behavior. She doesn't get to go put you to the side for a bit and go let a bunch of guys nail her and then come back to you acting like nothing happened, sorry. Kick her to the curb with the rest of the garbage and move on, find a girl who actually respects herself.

Edited August 26, 2014 by Spectre

[Dork Vader]

Anthony you need to go see a therapist.

 

 

Do NOT marry her right now. You need to delay the wedding. You need to sort this out before you get married to her and you need to understand what you are getting yourself into.

 

 

Your trust for this woman is NEVER ever going to be the same. It can be rebuilt but it's going to have this scar on it for the rest of your relationship.

 

 

Some have said she was single. While you two might not have been a couple. She did agree to keep things physically exclusive until it was agreed upon that the relationship was done or going to move forward. In my personal opinion she completely threw that promise under the buss.

 

 

I will give her credit for coming clean. But why did she? If one of those other guys was causing conflict in your relationship. Then she likely did it because she was concerned you'd find out.

 

 

You really need the help of a therapist. I only recommend it because you are 1. inexperienced with relationships, 2. so heavily invested in this woman. You need a third party that has no bias, your best interest in mind, and a real understanding of relationships.

[BeholdtheMan]

I'm not Co dependant on her. I'm not considering staying because I think I need her or because I don't want to be alone. I'm doing it because I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm not the most talented write r so it may have come off as so, but it's not so.

 

You keep telling yourself that

 

Deep down, you know what you should do. She's made a mockery of your sincerity and trust by lying to you. She even let you get down on your knees to propose to her while concealing the fact that she'd been riding some other bloke's rod.

 

Consider this...you love her. That's nice, but does she love you? Her behaviour indicates that she doesn't love you. She wouldn't betray and deceive the love of her life. She's had her fun with other dudes. Now she's settling for you. Do you really want to be the backup plan?

 

Find someone more worthy of your affection. Right now, you're like a hurt puppy, unable to think straight. Your mind is clouded by neediness.

[Spectre]

That is pretty much the problem: You might love this girl, but she doesn't love you. You know how I know? Do you know how I, a person who has never even met this woman before, can sit here and say with 100% certainty that she does not love you?

 

I will reveal to you my secret: this chick left you to go f*ck a bunch of other guys and then came back to you, and then lied about it. I could see maybe if you dumped her and she got with some guys and stuff, I could see that, but..she left you..and she more or less did it with the specific desire to go ride some other dudes. She had her fun, came back to you, and made you into a sap, told you she loved you, and all that. All the while thinking to herself "tee hee I get to have my cake and eat it too!".

 

If you stay with her you have no self respect. Do not marry this woman. In fact, FLEE from her. Just be super glad you found this out before you made the biggest mistake of your life and married this skanky chick. Trust me..you might love her, but she doesn't love you. I'm sure she is a nice person..she's just not nice enough to not bang other dudes..which, well, is probably a red flag in a relationship heading towards marriage.

 

The worst case scenario is you marry her and she continues to behave this way. The best case is you marry her and she never does anything like this again..but you have to forever live with the shadow over your head that is the fact that at one point in your relationship she had to take a timeout to f*ck other dudes..which says volumes about her feelings towards you and her overall level of respect for you. Why live with a dark cloud over your head for the rest of your life?

Edited August 27, 2014 by Spectre

[Spectre]

Oh and I was ready to say this wasn't cheating, but I re-read the topic more closely and..they had an agreement during the break that nothing physical happen. So yeah, she cheated. Dump this chick and find a girl who likes what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

[ktya]

My ex fiancee cheated on me a year before we got engaged. I figured if we could make it through that we could make it through anything (it was an 8 month emotional affair that got physical towards the end).

 

A year into our engagement she started doing it again. When I caught her she just up and left me.

 

Someone who is going to cheat on you is not marriage material unless it happened long, long ago when you first started dating and the boundaries of the relationship were fuzzy and alcohol was involved.

 

This sounds more premeditated.

 

Save yourself the money on the divorce lawyers. Ditch her. And see if you can get the ring back.