so stressed and don't know

[pink_sugar]

So since my husband and I share transportation, my mom has been doing me a favor and picking me up from work during my training week until I go telecommute. In exchange, I cover all transportation costs. To my mom, it isn't enough. I usually have to cook dinner and do more work at home, but my mom demands I go on hikes with her after work during the week since she gives me rides. I told her weekends are fine, but I just don't have time during the week as I am running around tired. She said I owe it to her to do it during the week. I don't mind exercising with her, but not when I'm wiped out an exhausted after a 8-10 hour workday plus coming home and cooking dinner. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired during the weekdays, but she's making me feel guilty if I say I'm too wiped out. Is covering transportation costs not sufficient? I wouldn't mind so much if it was an at home exercise, but I really am too wiped out to go anywhere to hike at the end of the day. Also, there isn't a reliable public transportation around here, otherwise I'd much rather take advantage of that than to rely on my mom.

Edited August 21, 2014 by pink_sugar

[bathtub-row]

It seems that your mom is holding you hostage and taking advantage of the situation. In truth, she's being very insensitive to your needs. I would just tell her no and don't leave it open for discussion. If she keeps bringing it up, just say, "I thought we already discussed this." I can't stand when people try to coerce someone to do something out of guilt. My son's dad does this to him all the time. The only thing he accomplishes by doing that is distancing his son from him. It's truly a pathetic and insecure parent who does this to their child.

 

As a side note, your husband could cook every now and then, or the two of you could go out to eat a couple of times per week. You both work so there's no reason the obligation to cook dinner consistently falls on you. Regardless of what you do in that situation, you don't have to exercise with your mom. Most people are tired after work and just want to get home and chill out.

Edited August 21, 2014 by bathtub-row

[I am Bud]

Dear pink_sugar

 

Sounds like your mum is lonely for some company. Do you know anybody in the neighbourhood who is similar to her age and who could go on these hikes with her? Can you convince her to call some friends and start a Walking club? Would it be possible for you to get her a little dog to keep her company and to go walkies with? It might be the case that she just needs somebody to exercise with and this someone may not have to be you.

 

All the best - Bud.

[pink_sugar]

Thanks for the input guys. I don't mind exercising with her on days that my schedule allows some extra time. But it really does seem like she is the one calling all the shots...such as what day and what time, regardless of whether or not it works for me. She just expects me to go because my stepdad won't go with her. So she makes me feel like since he refuses to go, that I have no choice in the matter. She just pulls the, "I've done this and that for you." She isn't the one who has been working all day. She hasn't worked in over 10 years, but yet she compares staying at home to going to work and punching a time clock. She says she's "tired" too when she has all day to sleep as she usually does while I'm working. When I get annoyed about being bothered at night and not given any privacy, she thinks I cannot "handle" working two jobs (which is about 40 hours a week still). I can handle it just fine if she were respectful and not constantly bother me at night with random things. I do pay rent, so I do expect some consideration. I'm not getting a free ride here. Thankfully, if all is well with this new job, my husband and I should be getting our own place within the next two months. I am so sick of this.

 

She also pulls the, "Your dad wouldn't allow this or he wouldn't allow that". They've been divorced for many years, so there really is no sense bringing him into the picture when I'm an adult. I don't see what he has to do with it.

 

I am Bud, my mom doesn't like dogs and she has no interest in making friends with any of the neighbors since they can be questionable. I told her that maybe we can walk around the neighborhood, but I am just not up to going anywhere during the week. My husband also works late at night, so he isn't around when I come home for dinner. She caused me all sorts of grief for hours last night just over this and then has the nerve to start patronizing me and saying how she always wins every argument. Seriously? How old are we? 10?

Edited August 21, 2014 by pink_sugar