5 years together with my GF, broke up and now she wants to get back together - Idk..

[blazerrr]

Hi all,

 

I've been together with my girlfriend for approx 5 years. We have had some on/off periods. It wasn't the best relationship, but we both loved eachother.

 

At the beginning of summer she told me she needs a break since I'm lately acting needy/clingy - which is true. I constantly wanted to know who she is chatting with, meeting with etc. I wasn't home much since I'm running a large business and this takes a lot of time.

 

She also told me that I'm not too romantic towards her - no kissing, hugging etc. She didn't felt intimate anymore.

 

Well, at first I panicked, but then I realized that this would only push her more far away. Before I accepted the "break" I asked her whether or not she has seeing someone. She told me YES.

 

Month went past. We were in Light Contact - mostly blaming eachother for this relationship fail.

 

30 days went past and she wanted to meet me. I was OK with that. We had a small talk and she said that she slept with another guy. I was shocked. I guess it was a rebound. When I asked her WHY - then she said that this ANOTHER guy was much more showing love towards her than me and so she decided to start with him.

 

But she quickly dumped her since she felt that I'm her soulmate and blabla.

 

I told her about my feelings that I'm not trusting her at the moment and I'm angry towards her because she **** another guy while we were on a "break". Then I told her that I need some "space and time" to figure out whether I want to continue this relationship or not.

 

I've been in NC for 3 days, but yesterday she sent me a REALLY <email> (probably 1000+ word) about how GOOD I WAS, HOW MUCH SHE LOVES ME, HOW MUCH SHE WANTS to get back together and etc.

 

I'm not sure whether or not I should contact her. I'm definitely not ready to jump in a relationship with her, but I miss her much.

 

Should I just be polite and say "Thanks for this letter. I really appreciated that, but at the current time I still need to get myself back together and become a better person. Maybe one day I'm ready to be with you again"

 

or..

 

I just completely ignore this letter.

 

THe thing is, I'm doing my best to become better. I've been hitting gym, getting my business higher, getting my apperance better etc. I want to continue doing that and I feel if I get back together with her I will lose motivation again.

 

Tough decision. Any help would be much appreciated !

 

TOO LONG/DIDN'T READ:

 

Was together with my gf for 5 years. She wanted break and slept with another guy. Now she wants me back, but I don't want relationship currently. I want to fix myself and heal. At the sametime I still love her and want to be together. Brain says NO, heart says YES. Sick situation. She sent <email> about how good I am and how she wants to get back together. Should I IGNORE or answer that I need some space and time to figure out?

[todreaminblue]

i dont understand how you can be clingy and needy and not be affectionate like hugging and kissing....that doesnt make sense to me...i think that the clingy needy thing was an excuse to test the waters somewhere else.....with that other guy and she found out the water wasn't so fine over there.....i really do feel she needs to be honest and transparent about the reason why she left in the first place and if she is the relationship has a chance i guess.....

 

 

but not if she isnt telling the truth because that same thing, if it is that same thing,of meeting someone else and wanting to try him out can possibly happen again and that isnt fair...get her to come clean......and on your time not hers.....dont invest so much in her and your trust needs to be earned not just given freely.....she stuffed it up not you..... invest in what you want to do, the plans you have made since the break up are important to you now...........and work on the relationship slowly like your head says to ...so follow your heart but let your head have a say, dont be blinded to your own goals and needs,.....she wanted you less clingy and needy supposedly...so do you for a while......but get her to open up on the real reason she broke up with you so you can work on that.....deb

[Zeurich]

Should I just be polite and say "Thanks for this letter. I really appreciated that, but at the current time I still need to get myself back together and become a better person. Maybe one day I'm ready to be with you again"

 

I would not promise anything at this moment. Better while you saying thank you , open up a chance for her to tell you what was the real reason for the break and why she thinks she wants you back. use your head and do things.

[Priv]

I think todreaminblue is spot on. Clingy but not affectionate?!? It also seems your 'demanding' to know who she was talking too, meeting etc. was your gut instinct telling you she is seeing someone else. This guy... That isn't needy, that is standing up for yourself.

 

 

I'll echo Zeurich and dreaminblue advice. Demand the full truth. And by the sound of it who you were/are/and becoming you deserve much much better than this crap.

Edited August 21, 2014 by Priv

[blazerrr]

Thanks for your advice.

 

I did reply to her email that I need some time and space and told her to not talk to me for a while. Which I would appreciate.

 

She then replied shortly like, "Why we should wait?" , "I don't think you really want me" etc bs.

 

I didn't reply.

 

And now i'm in full nc