insearchofhope Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 I have dated my girlfriend for seven years and when I moved across the country to pursue a second degree she cheated on me. She has a girlfriend who has always been a bad influence on her by getting her into “red flag” situations where her common sense and morals could be compromised. I sense something bad would happen when she informed me of where they were going and why one Friday night. When she called me from the beach house and I heard drunken male laughter in the background I become very concerned and asked respectfully “I don’t have a good feeling about this situation you’re in and would appreciate it if you and your friend could catch up some place more respectable.” She replied, the “cell phone battery is dying I have to go…bye” The day I called her to ask how the party was and her tone sounded a little “odd” so I asked, “is something wrong I should know about?” and she became very defensive. In fact, she started saying my questions were bullsh@t and that I had no right asking. But, I knew she was smoke screening because I’ve been with her for 7 years and know her like the back of my hand. So, I kept politely asking, “are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell me” and the tears finally started to fall. Apparently her and her flaky girl fiend took a sauna with a bunch of naked guys and to top that off she felt she wanted to discover how it would feel to make out with her girlfriend while feeling her up in the water. As I was being told this my heart slowly moved up into my throat. I’ve always treated her like a queen and she sobbed and sobbed about how she didn’t want to tell me because she knew she would lose me. She said she feels awful about it and I forgave her because there are certain parts of her I just love. But, I have always ended relationships with cheaters, three total, straight out cold. After telling her that we can get through this with time, communication, respect, and understanding we are still together. But, everything I just mentioned went in one ear and out the other. I am constantly haunted by what she did and often asked myself, “Why do I stay with her when she did that?” It would be like me getting a divorce we’ve been together so long. I know sometimes people can be blinded to good advice in a relationship so that is why I’m asking, “Am I nuts for staying with her?” and “What if we do get married and this happens again because if we were married, I’d be divorced right now!” Hence, that is why I waited to get married because I’ve always felt she wasn’t ready. Guess I was right. Advice? Comments? Please? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Hep Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I really know how you feel. I was with a guy 5 years. He said he would never do it again, and he did. I think this is a sign for you. You either need to move closer to her, so she has a companion or break up b/c she has already cheated. There are women out there that won't cheat on you. Just be glad you aren't married. Good Luck on whatever you decide. Did you ask her if she felt guilty while she was feeling up her friend?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author insearchofhope Posted March 1, 2005 Author Share Posted March 1, 2005 Yes, she said she felt guilty and I asked her "What were you looking for and what did you expect to gain from your actions?" Her reply was "I was curious as to how it would feel, kissing her, etc." I thought "Then what the heck are you doing with me?!" Moving closer to her is a very scary thought because if it happens again and we get married, I become a statistic. Plus, who knows if she’ll ever get “curious” again. On the other hand ending it is very painful because we have a close seven year history. I’m just shocked as hell and never saw it coming because she wasn’t raised that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Hep Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 It was hard to leave the guy I was with for 5 yrs. She didn't feel too bad while she was doing it did she?? Will you be able to get over it?? Will you be able to trust her?? How do you know this wasn't an orgy type deal?? (you said you heard guys in the back). You should be glad you aren't married, and take this from a sign. I will offer any advice.. I know you are in love but there is someone out there that won't cheat on you. Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Maybe I will be a bit controversial in this but she cheated on you with a GIRL. Maybe to you theres no difference but I know for some guys it would be. My boyfriend would not leave me if I wanted to try how it feels to be with a woman. If he was sure that I am heterosexual, he would see this only as me trying to acquire some experience. If I cheated on him with a guy, he would kick me out of the door quicker than I could blink. Maybe you feel like if she did it with a girl, most likely guy could come as a next "attempt". You shouldnt let her get away with what she did so easily but I dont consider this situation such a big deal for breaking up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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